I just found out I'm a pedophile. It's weird how these things develop. If you're seven, and want to see another seven year-old in...that way, then you're cute. As you grow older, they call it a middle school romance. Then, suddenly...you're a pedophile.

I didn't find it out all at once. It's not like I woke up one morning, and suddenly said to myself, "I want to fuck a ten year-old!" It was somewhat gradual. I began to suddenly take note of the younger girls without much of a rack. I began to eye the long, slim, lithe legs of middle and even elementary schoolers. Their cute faces also began to look oh-so-sexy. Their bodies sang to me, a siren call that threatened to dash me on the rocks.

I've only really just admitted that I'm a pedophile. I shouldn't speak of it as a disease, since it isn't, but that's what a lot of people treat it as. You tell people, they act as if you have AIDS; they stay away, and start to define you based just upon the fact that you're a pedo. I haven't ever seen it happen, but it's implied, when the sex offender moves into your street, when the child molester is caught and shown on television, when you hear that yet another child porn ring was broken up.

But honestly. This new development was going to cause several problems for me.

The big problem was that I was only sixteen.

The bigger problem was that little girls lived all up and down my street.

The biggest problem was that I was going to go babysit/tutor one. Tonight.

Yes. I was the go to tutor/babysitter for my street. All the parents came to me for their needs. And why not? My parents were well known in the general society; being real estate dealers, they had probably sold houses to everyone here!

I was a good student, good grades, and physically active. I was nice and polite to parents, and I had no serious enemies at school. But more than that, children loved me. I don't exactly know why. They never ran from my hugs, and never cried when they saw my face. Despite the fact that I never offered leniency during my sessions (okay, maybe a little), the children begged to have me back. When I was there, their grades improved, they went to bed on time, and woke up happy. It was weird.

But it made me happy. I could deal with children (which I loved, now in more ways than one), I got paid, and I hoped this would look good on my college application.

I told myself I'd deal with my urges as they came, much as one would deal with drugs or heroin. A little lolicon here, a little there, maybe a fap while my imagination did the work. As I thought of these, I began to believe I could actually pull through. I'd live my life a pedophile, and no one would ever know!

I stood in the kitchen, checking the schedule for tonight. Only one, but it was a girl. This might cause problems. Hmm...Joyce Yang. I turned to my computer, and pulled up my typed files on the children I babysitted (yes, I was a bit of an organization freak). Scrolling down to the "Y" section, I read my notes.

"Asian girl, intelligent. good grades.

Has problem with some algebra, sometimes too lazy to show work on problems.

Likes to watch T.V at night, likes hot chocolate.

Tends to be very open and happy at home. Parents say she's shy during class."

Not half bad so far. Then my eyes fell on the last one.

"Likes to run around in 'jammies' a lot. Very cuddleable."

Well shit. I checked the time. 6:00, I needed to be there by 6:20 so her parent could go to work. Without any time to prepare, would I even make it through the night? And, even worse to consider, what would happen if I didn't?

My stuff was good and packed as I headed over to Joyce's house. They lived about a block down, so maybe a five minute walk. My laptop, AP books, and binders in my backpack were light in comparison to the mental luggage I carried. My mind roiled with the possibilities. I hadn't been with Joyce in a while; her parents didn't tend to use a babysitter often, so I didn't know what she might be like. "Very cuddleable?" What could that mean? Would it be enough to...drive me off the edge? I truly, truly hoped not.

I rang the doorbell as I got to the door. I heard some movement inside, then an Asian woman answered. She looked reasonably young, with all her hair still black, but age and weariness showed in her eyes. She had the politeness to smile and invite me in, though. We discussed Joyce, who was apparently upstairs in her room.

"She's already eaten dinner, so there should be no need to feed her. If you want anything, you can have anything in the fridge."

"Thanks, but I already ate too." A lie, but I'd done it enough times.

"Okay. She still hasn't done her math homework, and needs help on graphing and two variable equations. You can help?"

I nodded. "Yeah, by the time I leave, she should be fine with them."

"Okay. Her bed time is at 9:00. Make sure she is actually in bed and asleep, or almost there. I've had several cases where she's crept out to watch T.V."

"Will do. Anything else?"

"Hmm...could you possibly do this more often. My husband has left on business, and he will be gone for a few months. I work the night shift at the hospital, and we don't feel safe if Joyce is home alone. I know you're busy, but you're also one of the most known. Do you have time open on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? About the same time."

I pursed my lips and thought. Hmm...they seemed to be fine. Although I was one of the better known sitters on the street, my business had begin to drop off. Well, more aptly, I had called it off, as APs grew closer. But now they were over, but my business hadn't picked up. In fact, besides Joyce, I only had two other jobs going, and they were a few hours in the afternoon things. I nodded.

"I can probably take those. I'll charge my usual rate, though." This meant ten dollars an hour, a reasonable price for the tutoring thrown in. I just never found my efforts worth any more than that, that's all.

"Great." she responded. "Thank you, Ryan. I have to go now."

I shut and locked the door after her, and watched her car drive away. Great. Now I was stuck in an empty house, with nothing between me and a prepubescent girl but a flight of stairs. Closing my eyes and steeling my will, I began to walk up the stairs.

My footsteps felt light, but my heart was heavy. It was somehow indubitable that I would be attracted this girl; the only question was, would I be able to fight my impulses?

Her door was closed, but I heard soft and complicated piano music from inside. I nearly groaned. Smart and talented. Double whammy, and my great weakness. I knocked on the door lightly, but the music didn't stop. "Come in!" a singing voice, barely layered with an accent, called. I sent up a prayer, set my jaw, and opened the door.

I first didn't notice the girl. I looked around the room for her. The walls were mint green, and the room was nice, airy, and clean. A single, sleek, dark wood desk resided right under a shuttered window, and the closet was open to show clean and organized clothing. A chest of drawers was neatly shut in one corner, and a bookshelf stood imposingly at the foot of the bed. A boombox played light, instrumental music from the table, before a delicate hand reached over and shut it off. The girl, of course, was on the last place I looked, but also the most obvious. The bed. She was a pretty specimen, the perfection of Asian beauty. Oh. This might be difficult. I could already feel the fantasies coming on.

She was already in her nightclothes (jammies was the perfect word here); a pink plaid shirt and pants. The shirt was just a smidgen too big, and some of the area right before her undeveloped chest was revealed. Joyce wore her hair in a ponytail, squashed underneath her head as she laid down, reading. She was reading a book, "Flyte," from the Septimus Heap series. It looked beat up and well used. She glanced at me, then put her book down. "Hi Ryan." she said, her voice neutral to me.

"Hi Joyce." So far so good. No erection, not the slightest bit of cuddle. "I heard you have trouble with your homework?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Is that what we're going to start with? Homework? Can't you let me read for a bit?"

I raised my eyebrows. "C'mon. The homework won't be too bad. Have you learned the trick for point-slope form for graphing equations?"

Her face perked up, and a smile crept to her lips. "There's a trick? You're kidding me."

I smiled. Looks like this would be a normal tutoring/sitting session after all. Not a single thing triggered my pedo meter. "Nuh-uh." I answered, shaking my head. "Get out of bed and I'll show you."

The study session whizzed by. Joyce was a very, very intelligent girl, and she caught on real fast. Her only problem was the way she rushed too fast through problems, and never seemed to check. I rolled my eyes as she skipped five steps and came up with answers too big.

Her homework was done soon enough, and I pulled out a few practice problems, which she finished perfectly and quickly. It was only 7:20, so I wondered for what to do.

"Well, I guess now you can go back to reading, Joyce." I said, a bit nervous. This was what I was afraid of. All alone in a room with an eleven year old girl, and...

I did the thing any good American would do. I pulled out a computer, and started mucking around on the Internet. If that didn't stop me from something I regretted, then I don't know what would. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her pick up her book and began to read. Looks like it'd be a quiet night...

A tap on the shoulder, followed up by a little rubbing. I looked down. Joyce had pushed extremely close to me, up to my shoulder, and was wrapping her hands around my arm. Ah. So this was what I meant by "extremely cuddleable". I tried not to swallow too hard. "Yes?"

She bit her lower lip adorably. "I've already read all the books in the shelf, and I'm kinda bored...can I go watch a bit of television?"

I scrutinized her for a second. "No, your mother said you couldn't. Sorry." I shrugged. Inside, though, the warm feeling I associated with sexual arousal...it began to come up....

Joyce pouted. "C'mon, please? If she comes back, I'll just turn it off real fast. And I'll almost mute it, too. You used to be more fun, Ryan!"

Damn right I did. But that was before I found out...

I sighed. "Okay, I'm not going to let you watch T.V...." her face fell, and she stared sullenly at me. "..but, I guess, since you've been so smart, we can watch a bit of YouTube. How does that sound? You better ace your test tomorrow, though!"

She lit up with a smile, and threw her arms around me, almost making me drop my computer. "Yay! That sounds great!"

We laid back on her bed. "Your mom said you have to brush your teeth too!" I warned.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

As I pulled up YouTube, as we found stuff to watch, I was acutely aware of how close she was to me, of her warm, soft, fragrant weight on my arm. From this angle, I could almost see down her too-big shirt, almost see the little nipples... I checked the time. 7:40. It was going to be a long night.

It was a fine night. The cool air was balmy, and flowed in from the window, which I can only surmise was open under the shutters. We began by watching some YouTube videos, pranks, dance videos, and songs. She soon got restless, though, and wanted to watch a movie. The first few, reasonably recent releases that no one had pirated onto YouTube yet (damn government), included Despicable Me and Up, which she had seen on T.V but wanted to watch again.

We finally settled on the "Muppets: Christmas Carol" even though it was the farthest from Christmas as it could ever be. Still, it was a funny classic, and Joyce wriggled with delight as I found all the parts on YouTube and strung them together so we could watch them all at once. As the movie started, she hopped out of bed and turned off the lights, before cuddling right up to me again. The colors illuminated our faces as we watched as Michael Caine evilly stalked the streets to a chorus of singing puppets. I could nearly feel Joyce's bubbliness threatening to overwhelm me...

Despite the fact that we were watching a movie, Joyce never seemed to be at rest. She always wanted to push closer, moving my hands to different places on her body. She took out the hairband holding her ponytail together, and the flowery-smelling black strands fell loose over my chest. At one point, my hand was grasping her cute little butt, pushing it close, and she gave me a look before squirming even closer to me.

My resolve weakened. Fantasies danced through my head as I ignored the suffering of poor Kermit the Frog. I imagined she somehow "accidentally" slipped off her shirt, revealing that deliciously flat chest, those pert nipples...her pants vanished in my mind, leaving a pair of adorable cotton panties between me and her innocence...

An erection grew, hidden only by my uncomfortable but intelligent maneuvering. She somehow seemed to sense this, acting more and more cuddly as time went on. My face was so close to the top of her head, my hand could easily worm it's way into her panties, to cup her delicious little buttocks...

Maybe just a small grope, I decided. I'd "accidentally" move my hands too far down as they stroked her back. I would kiss the top of her head "absentmindedly" too. My fantasies were obviously too much, but I needed...some satisfaction. Having her, her smell, her cute little body so close, was driving me to the edge, and I needed release. The logical side of my mind fought hard for me, trying to keep me out of trouble, but I wanted this little Asian girl so badly....

"Hey, Ryan, can you pause the movie for a second?"

"Huh?" I responded dumbly. My mind had been roiling so hard about the girl, I forgot she was...a girl.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Her face was adorable. "Can you let me go please?" She patted my hand on her back.

"Oh...oh right." I reluctantly freed her from my grasp and paused the movie. She left the room, and I heard the bathroom door close. I set the laptop aside, closed my eyes, and took several deep breaths. She was gone. The immediate threat was gone. I laid my head back, relaxing for a moment, feeling my cock go wonderfully flaccid.

My neck snapped back up. I stared at her closet. The door was open, and, in the hamper...clothing. Not much, it was Tuesday, and they must have done laundry during the weekend. But two sets of miniature, Joyce sized clothing...and panties. I saw two delicious looking, perfectly innocent pairs of cotton panties, a pink pair and a striped yellow pair. She wouldn't miss...she wouldn't miss just one. Would she?

My logical side fought back hard. Of COURSE she'd miss them, they're her underwear? And how would I smuggle them out? If anyone searched my backpack, how'd I explain THAT to them? Besides, what would I do that was so AMAZING with a pair of Joyce's panties? Was it worth all that?

I heard the toilet paper roll being drawn from the bathroom nearby, as the splattering sound of Joyce's peeing stopped. It was now, or never. Which would I pick?

It was done. I gave up. I couldn't resist. Carefully listening for the sound of the bathroom door opening, I crept slyly toward the closet, paranoid that someone was watching me, waiting to call the police. Never mind the lights were off. Never mind the shutters were closed. I was about to get very, very, fucked.

I didn't. She seemed to be still wiping herself, so I carefully picked her pink panties out of the hamper, trying to make it seem as innocent as possible. As soon as they were in my hands, however, I turned into the sexual predator. With trembling fingers, I lifted them to my nose, still not believing I had done it. A single whiff brought me the luscious musk of the young and innocent, and I breathed in deeply, taking the perfume as deeply as possible. I wanted to rub the little, clean-looking things all over my face, my body, and then, my....

The door opened, and I froze. I heard Joyce's steps as she hummed a song from the movie we had been watching. Panicking, I nearly ran to my backpack, hastily unzipped it, shoved the panties deep, and rezipped it. I jumped on the bed, trying to calm my beating heart, trying to act absolutely normal as I heard her scrubbing her hands, still humming,

She entered her room with a little hop-skip. I was sure, so sure she'd take one look at her hamper, look at me with horror, and scream "PEDOPHILE." I was sure I'd be arrested as soon as I left the house, as soon as they found the panties missing. I was sure that she'd hate me, that'd she'd...

None of it happened. Joyce's hair bounced with her as she skipped to the bed, and laid next to me again. This time, she went under the covers, while I was still on top. Still, my hand was welcomed upon her shoulder, then her back, as we started up the movie again. I felt her head, so light, yet so heavy, upon my chest, felt her adorable little breathing. I had to push my erection to the side yet again. I felt the urge to kiss her again, to treat her as a full woman, not the cute little girl she was

I remembered what I had just done, and was afraid. Was I a real pedophile now? I thought, as I pressed Joyce's body closer. She didn't protest. Would I grow up, finally lose control, molest some poor, innocent girl, and get sent to jail? I looked down to Joyce beside me, and shuddered as I felt the sexual urges straining to break free. The computer's images played on her shining eyes as she paid me no heed, not knowing she could be seconds away from losing her virginity on this dark, humid night.

The time showed 8:42, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The movie was coming to an end, and it was almost time for me to not have to deal with this anymore. I could go home, relieve myself with Joyce's panties, and be the normal high school kid again.

Ah. Joyce's panties. They would undoubtedly keep me occupied, at least for a few days. But the heavenly scent would eventually wear off, faster if I kept on using them over and over, as I planned. What would I do then? Would I be worse off than before, a sexual offender who needed little girl panties as a drug? An evil demon who would never be satisfied, except while shattering innocence?

I had Joyce's panties now. But at what price?

The movie ended at 8:58, and Joyce was nearly sleeping by then. I nudged her awake, and she sleepily dragged herself off to the bathroom to brush her teeth as I cleaned up. My laptop was shut and set in my backpack, and I was acutely aware of Joyce's crumpled panties at the bottom, hidden...well enough.

Joyce came back in, rubbing her eyes, at 9:04. "Looks like it's past your bedtime!" I said, grinning.

"Oh....shut it." she said weakly, yawning. She got into bed, and, against my better instinct, I tucked her in, pushing the sheets closer to her chin then she got. Her eyes cracked open and she smiled at me. "Thanks."

I nodded. I did one last cursory check, then picked up my bag, ready to leave. I opened the door slowly, acutely aware, it seemed, of the added weight Joyce's panties added to my backpack. I hadn't even stepped out when Joyce called for me again. I went to her.

"Yes?" I said. Oh god, I hadn't even realized how weak I was. My cock was rock hard, and I was breathing a bit fast. I just wanted to go home, damnit, and masturbate into Joyce's delicious panties, maybe fantasize a bit. Why did some higher power taunt me like this? Was I fated to get in trouble?

"Mm...good night kiss?" Joyce muttered sleepily. She was a bit...delirious with sleep. I held back for a few moments, debating. Should I do it? Would it hurt? What would happen?

"Kiss!" Joyce insisted, a bit more strongly this time. I braced myself. Would this, a simple kiss, push me over the edge?

I puckered my lips and brushed them lightly against her forehead, the perfect epitome of a goodnight kiss. I closed my eyes and waited for the fall to come.

It didn't. I felt...nothing. Well, nothing is an understatement. A stirring in my loins, a bit of primal lust for this cute, young, now sleeping girl. But, as I knelt there, awkwardly, for a few more minutes, I felt I could...I could control my urges, for now. She was asleep, in front of me, and yet....I didn't feel the need to strip her, as I would in so many of my fantasies. Joyce's prone body lay in front of me, helpless, but...I could stand it. I didn't rip off her clothes, roaring with lust. I didn't rape her in her sleep.

Instead, I walked away. With my backpack on my back, with her panties inside (let's never forget that!), I left the house. I felt...I don't know what I felt. The advantage was there. I could have taken it, and satisfied myself, and left her crying on the bed. But I didn't. I left the house without looking back once at the window in the corner that was her room, without even once touching her inappropriately. And, I'm sorry to say, I was proud.

Back at home, I was tired. Struggling with myself, along with all the stress, hit me like a rock. I barely dragged myself up to my room, kissed my parents good night, brushed my teeth, and changed my clothes before collapsing into bed. Suddenly, something invigorated me. I stared at my backpack, left innocently in the corner of the room. Joyce's panties. They were still in there.

I sat up in bed, in my dark room, suddenly wide awake. My heart beat fast, and my shirt felt plastered to my chest as I relived the first moment I had grabbed the pair of innocent looking underwear. My cock threatened to burst from my boxers as I remembered her beautifully fragrant smell, the female musk that had so entranced me...

I got out of bed as if walking in a dream. My feet brought me to the backpack, and I carefully, slowly unzipped it, as if I was handling a bomb. I plunged my hand into it, felt around a bit, and hit them. Slowly, I drew my treasure out.

Yes, they were a bit crumpled. Yes, they had been in my backpack. Yes, this was probably illegal on so many levels. But I could not help but wonder which god had blessed me as I raised the cloth to my nose and sniffed, delicately. Yes. Her smell was still there, drifting around the gusset the most, a perfume to end all perfumes. I cautiously stuck my tongue out and touched it to the panties. I don't know what I tasted, but it was delicious.

And suddenly, I lost it. I fell onto my front, supporting myself with one elbow, hand pressing the panties to my face. Joyce was under me, doggystyle, like a bitch in heat, and she moaned hard. I forced my cock into her, fucking her, over and over and over again, penetrating that soft, delicious cunt. I could almost feel her soft skin below me, her black hair pressing against my face. I could almost hear her egging me on.

"C'mon, Ryan...harder, you know I like it like that."

My mind drew me an amazing fantasy, but, like all fantasies, it came to an end. On a single upwards pump, I spurted, all over the carpet and my legs. I collapsed, one hand still clutching the precious panties. Speedily and carefully, I got up, and, using a tissue (no. The panties would not be soiled by my cum), I wiped as much of the semen up as possible.

My legs were trembling as I got back into bed, my boxers pulled up, the underwear still clutched in my hand. I held it to my body as I slept, the smell of girl musk, tainted just barely with the smell of bathroom (which by no means detracted from it) floating up to taunt my nostrils. But although I was amazingly satisfied, although that had been the best masturbation session I had ever had, I couldn't help but realize that I was truly falling, falling...

I was becoming a real pedophile.

The morning brought with it harsh sunlight and recognition. As I woke up, the implications of what I had done last night hit me solidly. Frightened, terrified by myself, I threw the treasured underwear halfway across the room.

What had I done? Why had I done it? Had it really seemed so justified to me last night? Those questions echoed through my head as I picked up the underwear, carefully stashed it in my underwear drawer. I could not stop the questions from torturing me as I took a shower, ate my breakfast, and brushed my teeth. I sad goodbye to case-frazzled mother (she's a lawyer, they tend to act like that at home), and began to walk to my high school.

The walk cleared my head somewhat. Somehow, being a pedophile doesn't matter as much as you walk the clean, white, slightly wet sidewalks on a foggy morning. I was even distracted from Joyce as I passed by Lilly's house. My childhood friend wasn't there right now, since she had a 7 A.M class, but her room would still have her drawings plastered all over the walls...the bookmark I gave her would still be sitting in the coffee mug crammed full of pens and pencils...her panties would be lying askew randomly through out the...

Damnit! Were girls' underwear all I could think of? Was I truly becoming a pervert? I entered the school grounds, and nodded politely at all the greetings, but my mind was elsewhere. What else about Lilly did I love? Her personality for one. Shy and reserved but extremely easily humored, quick to smile. The way she liked to have her hair hang over her face at times, thinking it made her mysterious, while it just made her adorable. Hell, I had a crush on her.

In our school she could be considered one of the nerds. Not a bad thing, though; the nerds were actually popular in many ways, the least being they usually were extremely helpful with homework and classwork. Everybody wanted a nerd on their team when playing trivia in Ms. Hoffman's class.

But my..."liking" went deeper than that. I had a crush. Imagine that, me, a star swimmer (season was over, though), reasonably good AP student, had a crush on a quiet, shy, nerd. If we ever went out, the gossip clique would have a fiesta.

"What must she be doing to sleep with that stud?"

"I don't even want to think about it."

I rolled my eyes as I imagined the possible conversation. After exchanging books at my locker, I headed to my first class, Chemistry AP. Again, the AP test was over, so it was more of a study hall then anything else. Lilly wasn't in this class with me sadly, but next class, Math Analysis Honors.... Joyce was the farthest from my mind that day.

Chemistry whizzed by, as I played cards with friends, talked, and generally did absolutely nothing productive. One of my closer friends, Daniel Lee, noticed the cloud around my face, but I distracted him before he could dig too deeply. He shrugged and went back to his book.

Math Analysis was bothersome. We were doing some really pissy stuff right now, and I couldn't wrap my mind around the thousands of steps it took to get the number 2. The teacher was no help either, forgetful and old as she was. Unlike most math teachers I had, this one wasn't even close to being rigidly in order. I saw Lilly in the way far corner, sketching something, her notes already neatly cleaned up and done. She looked up and met my eyes, and I averted them awkwardly, pretending to look at the time.

I walked slightly behind her for a few minutes, since we had the next class, Spanish AP, together as well. Daniel followed me, reading and walking, but not talking, for which I was grateful for. As we parted ways at the hallway, though, I saw him look up, connect me with Lilly, and nod. "Go for it." he said before disappearing into the crowd.

Unfortunately, Spanish was not the time to "Go for it." We watched Nacho Libre, and, although the majority of us had seen the movie several hundred times, the hawkish Spanish teacher made sure there was no speaking as we watched the poor fat man get beaten to a pulp over and over and over again. I'm surprised she didn't hear the scratching of Lilly's pencil on a scratchpad, see Lilly's intense concentration as she nibbled the eraser. I'm surprised she didn't notice Lilly's brown hair obscuring her beautiful hazel eyes, didn't notice the woman's body below the heavy sweatshirt and knee-length jeans. I sure did.

Spanish ended too soon for me. Lilly was such a beautiful girl to me. Just watching her made me happy, watching how she blew the hair away from her nose, watched her face scrunch up in focus as she erased imaginary problems from her art. How could a girl like that draw anything wrong?

We parted ways before next class. She walked alone, but with the dreamy, almost slow, almost floating step of an artist. She didn't have anyone to talk to, as I did, but she didn't look like she needed it. Still, as Jackson and me parted ways, I watched Lilly disappear into the crowd, her brown hair swaying behind her.

Daniel was already in my History class when I got there, a solid looking novel opened on his leg, while he argued with our old and wiry teacher. Mr. Kinister was an old man, but very passionate and knowledgeable about history. In fact, as far as I knew, Daniel was the only one who approached him with no respect, constantly trying to match wits. Inversely, Daniel was also Mr. Kinister's favorite student, and seemed to never do work and get As.

The bell rang and we filed into our seats. Mr. Kinister pulled out a movie, "Saving Private Ryan," and popped it in. Half the class left to go hang out outside, while the other half pulled out gaming devices or books. Mr. Kinister just waved them away, reminding them to be quiet, before he continued his whispered argument with Daniel. Daniel saw me leaving, however, and pushed away, grabbing his book and heading to the door with me. Mr. Kinister eyed us both, pointed at Daniel, and said, "It's not over!"

We entered the bright sunlight, Daniel squinting his Asian eyes even closer. "So, what were you arguing about?" I prompted.

"First world and third world stuff. Nothing big." He rolled his eyes and looked to the sky. "But that's not important. What about Lilly?"

I tried to act nonchalant. This wasn't just stuff you...blurted out. And although Daniel was quiet, we were less than ten feet away from some track kids.

"What about her?" I asked as I stood up, even though we had been sitting for less than five minutes. "Let's go to Moore." I said, naming a teacher known for her very...loose classes. Hell, we learned nothing in that class.

Daniel got the cue and followed me. We wandered aimlessly through the hallways, heading in the general direction of Moore's class. "So? What happened?"

I shrugged. "Nothing. What'd you expect to happen?"

He sighed. "I know you. I knew that was going to happen. Why can't you just go for her? Ask her out just a little? She lives so close to you, and it's not like she's above your caliber..."

I panicked a bit. "Not so loud! And...I don't know. It's really more of a crush. It's not like I know her well enough..."

"Ask her out first, then get to know her better. Seriously, why haven't you done it yet?"

That was pretty much the rest of the conversation, all the way until we got to Ms. Moore's class, played a bit of trivia, and headed to lunch. The rest of the day wasn't really memorable, unless you counted me staring at Lilly during English and wondering what she'd look like in a dress. A prom dress. A sexy prom dress. A sexy, scanty prom dress.

God, I was a pervert.

Back at home, homework was finished in a flash. I sat around, watching a bit of television until 5:20. Then, the phone rang. I checked the number....Anonymous. To answer, or not to answer? "Hello?"

"Did you do it?"

I shook my head, then, remembering Daniel couldn't see it... "No, of course not. God, why can't you let it happen, or something? Jeez man, you're like an Indian mother."

I could almost hear his grin. "Damn, man. You've had ten years to let it happen. Time for a bit of...intervention." An Asian voice in the background.

"Ugh, your intervention is one thing I don't need." I answered jokingly. "Anyways-"

"Gah, Asian parents!" The phone hung up.

I rolled my eyes as I pressed the "off" button. Damn it. Asian...parents. A memory was triggered...

It was Wednesday! I had another session with Joyce!

I groaned as I stared at the clock. 5:31. I could easily have a bite to eat and make it in time, but that wasn't what I was afraid of.... Joyce danced in my mind, clad in nothing but her pink panties, naughtily wiggling her butt at me. My cock grew hard as my mind's hand reached for her body, her tiny, little, fragile body.... How could I make it through the night if images like these assaulted me?

I really had no choice, though. I could feign sickness, or business, but, all in all, I had to head back to that place of temptation. Well, I guess I didn't need the money, but it gave me something to do, and besides.... I wanted to see her again.

I ate my heated up store-bought frozen pizza soberly, almost miserably, as I contemplated the night. My mind split in two. One side feared for me, feared that I wouldn't survive the night no matter how hard I tried, that I'd wake up in a jail cell or, worse, on the run. The other side took my fantasies with Joyce, and made them much more vivid. Joyce moaning with pleasure and pain as I took her from behind, Joyce's muffled screaming as I forced myself down her throat. My cock grew easily as I imagined her slim, Asian body defiled.

I walked gloomily over to her house, my backpack heavy on my back. Even though I hated myself, hated these uncontrollable urges, yet, even in my darkness, wondering if I could get another pair of Joyce's panties. I remembered seeing the pair she wore yesterday stick out of her little jammies...an adorable Hello Kitty design. Imagining them, picturing them, I wanted them so badly. So very badly.

I nodded politely to Joyce's mother as I passed her by, but she rushed out without a backwards glance. Probably in a hurry. I checked my cell phone. I wasn't late, but sometimes...

"C'mon upstairs!" Joyce's voice beckoned me. I did so gladly, but also cautiously. If I ran into her in anything but her chaste-looking jammies...I don't think I would be able to...

Luckily, she was wearing the adorable pink plaid things again. She had been sitting at her desk, writing something, which I could now see was math homework, but as she heard my footsteps, she turned around in her swivel chair and smiled at me.

"Hey Ryan!"

"Hi Joyce!" I answered just as boisterously, although a bit fake.

"I finished my math homework! Can we watch a movie again? I wanna watch Nightmare Before Christmas!"

I chuckled as she tackled me around the waist in a little-girl hug. Very cuddleable. With dawning horror, I realized I was getting an erection. I pushed her away, trying to be not awkward.

"We'll see." I answered. "Your mom didn't hire me to show you old movies! Let me see your homework!" I snatched it off the desk, and sat on her bed, beginning to check it.

She stuck her tongue out at me. "Fine, but when you're done, we're watching another movie!" I grunted, not trusting my mouth to answer. Down below, my cock gave another twitch.

She had gotten them all right, amazingly enough. Surprised, I had to check again, then check her work, to make sure she didn't cheat. After going through a fifth time, I finally looked up to see her smug adorable smile. Smothering the urge to kiss her, I heard her talk. "See? Told you I got it. TOLD YOU SO!"

I rolled my eyes. "That may be so, but only I get to choose whether we watch another movie tonight..."

She hopped forward and threw her arms around my waist. Her brown eyes glowed. "Please? Can we, please?" I thought about it a bit, but eventually shook my head. "I can't, Joyce. Yesterday was special, but...not today."

She pushed me back, her eyes wide. "Why? C'mon, I'm a good girl, I have good grades! Can we, pleeeeease?" Those doe eyes showed that she had done this argument many times before.

But not on a hardened babysitter. And I was hardening in other ways, too. I shook my head again.

"No, we can't. I'll play cards, or a board game with you, but we can't watch a movie." I stared her in the eyes, daring her to challenge.

Her nose twitched a bit, but she eventually looked down, accepting my superiority. "I guess....lemme go downstairs and get cards..."

I was alone in her room, with her underwear again. Luckily, self control and all the noise she made downstairs kept me from grabbing another pair. Still, I stared wistfully at her hamper, wondering how nice it would be to have not one, but TWO panties to hug at night. I shook the perverted thoughts out of my mind as she barged in again, with a pack of playing cards.

Joyce tried to look professional, pulling off a pharaoh's shuffle twice, before dropping the cards all over the floor. "I didn't know we were playing 52 card pick up!" I joked as I picked them up.

She giggled. "We aren't. What do you want to play?"

I picked up the last few cards. "I don't know. What do you know how to play?"

"Umm...Scum, and Bullshit, and Go Fish, and Solitaire..."

I stopped her. "What was that second one?"

She looked at me innocently. "Bullshit."

I glared at her. "Joyce, you are not to say such offensive language when I am here, you understand?"

She pouted. "Why not?"

"I'll tell your mother." That shut her up really fast, and she acted sullen for all of two seconds. Suddenly, it was if a lightbulb went off in her head. "Teach me how to play poker!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Poker? That's no game for you to learn."

"I want to! I want to!" Her eyes were bright with excitement, and her jaw was set with determination.

I was about to protest, but....aww hell, what could it hurt? I nodded. "Okay, I'll teach you how to play. What will we bet with?"

And then, I was attacked by my strongest pedophile fantasy yet. Strip poker. Joyce smiling coyly as she slipped out of her cute jammies into her cuter birthday suit, Joyce naughtily waving her little but in the air. "But I have nothing else to bet!" she would say cutely, sticking her lower lip out.

I came to earth as Joyce finished her sentence. "...decide later. Teach me now, though!"

I closed my eyes and focused, then opened them again. "Okay, okay." I began to teach her the basics, the hands, of Texas Hold Em, while willing my defiant cock to behave.

We played a few practice games, and soon, Joyce began to understand the importance of betting. We tried with her dolls first, but they were bulky and awkward, and it was hard to set prices on them. She had a bunch of beads, but they were annoyingly small, and also hard to set prices on.

"So, what should we bet?" I asked, after we had tried using cards. They worked well, and it was easy to set a price, but...it was extremely easy to cheat because all her cards were of the same brand. I only found this out when she accidentally used the suicide king twice in a row.

"I dunno..." She liked poker, seemed very...impassioned toward it. She was always a good sport, laughing and rocking back and forth even when she lost. Her strategy was poor, but her heart was in the right place. God, if she was only older...

"Umm...what's free, and easy to come by, and easy to transfer, that we can put value on?" I shrugged. "I guess that's a long list, but...."

Joyce thought about it for a bit, cocking her head. "How about....kisses?"

That was a terrible idea. "That's a great idea!" I really wanted those kisses. "How are we going to do it?"

Joyce giggled. "I thought you'd like it..." For some reason, I felt an undercurrent of sexuality. My pedophile tendencies were surfacing. Why now? All I wanted was a kiss....or a few.

I nodded. "Okay. If I win, you kiss me, if you win, I kiss you?"

Joyce smiled. "Sounds good!"

I dealt the cards, and flipped over the first three. No matter what happened here, I'd be a winner...

Kisses. Kisses everywhere. I no longer cared whether I won or lost. I lost, I won. I won, I won. When I lost, I got to kiss that sexy, adorable cheek, and sate my desires, if only a little bit. When I won, she kissed me, and pumped me higher. I could only pray she didn't see how aroused I was, although even I could smell my musk.

But Joyce just sat down eagerly for game after game, and we played into the night. No matter what happened, she never seemed to tire of me drawing the five cards, of glancing at her two, and, with an attempt at a straight face, tell me her decision. I believe the maximum we ever hit was five of her kisses against ten of mine, and she won, although by that time I was too heady with her girly perfume to do anything but smile and take give her the kisses.

I could almost imagine she was enjoying it as much as I did, except she ended it before I did. It was 8:57, and I pretended not to notice the clock in hopes we could go a bit later. She noticed me pretending not to notice, and, with a smile, she placed her cards down. Ace high. I grinned and placed mine down. Three sevens. "Pay up." I said, tapping my cheek.

"Oh you!" she groaned, as she smacked me three times on the cheek. Wiping her lips, hiding her grin, she stood up. "I think it's past my bedtime, oh GOOD babysitter." With a hop and a skip, she left the room. I heard the water running as she filled a cup.

Sighing, I stared around the room. I hadn't even started my math homework, so entranced was I by Joyce. I walked around the room, under the pretense of straightening things and cleaning my stuff up, but, in reality, I was trying to memorize her. Some irrational part of my pedophile brain spoke to me. How was I supposed to get close to her without knowing her quirks? I only saw her three times a week! Hell, the nerd boy in class probably had a better chance than I did!

I tried to fight down the jealousy, but I still attempted to take note of her quirks. She liked having water bottles by her bed, probably to drink as she woke up thirsty. Her blankets were made very neatly, and both the top and the bottom were folded over. Charms, necklaces, and bracelets hung from her bedpost, most handmade, a few bought. All were adorably small. In her hamper, her shirts were on the bottom, her pants next, her panties last. Cute.

Mmm...panties. My urges bubbled up like fizz in soda, irresistibly pushing me towards the cute, little, delicious smelling girl underwear. I wanted them. I needed them. Another pair, and another. I would not stop until all of it, until all of her belonged to me...

With great effort I fought my urges down. No, damnit, I would not lose this time. In fact, I would probably regret taking the other pair earlier...but how to return them?

I didn't have to think on that topic much longer as Joyce hopped and skipped into the room, all freshened up. She smelled beautiful as she came up to me and kissed me on the cheek, an unexpected gesture of affection.

"THAT one was for free," she said, winking at me. "Tonight was fun." she remarked, getting into bed. "We should do it more often...it was better than a movie!"

I couldn't say anything as I tucked her little body in, trying not to pay too close attention as her night clothes hiked up a bit, revealing a flat and tan stomach. She giggled at me as I wrapped the sheets tightly around her. "Cat got your tongue?"

I nodded and smiled and turned off the lights, watching her wriggle on her belly to sleep in a more comfortable position. I silently closed the door, went down the stairs, and left the house. The walk back home was one of contemplation. What did she mean by that kiss? Did it mean she...liked me? Maybe in a little girl crush sort of way? Or was it just a frivolous, random gesture?

Either ways, it would be something I treasured. The other kisses had made me swoon, just a bit, as they merged all together. But that last one...it was special. I would keep that one in my memory til the end of time. Some rational part of my brain accused me of being absolutely illogical, told me that there would be more, better kisses, but I shut it down. For now, I was walking on happiness.

My mom still wasn't home yet, which was fine by me. Truthfully, she hadn't been home for me, as in really home, for a long time. I survived on take out food and whatever I could make myself. Hell, the only thing she really did was buy things for me; once I could make the money and drive places, I would be pretty self sufficient.

I set my backpack aside and trudged to my room. I kept replaying the kiss, over and over and over again, in my head. So beautiful, so cute, so sexy... Without even knowing it, I gravitated to the drawers which I had hidden Joyce's pink panties in. Their scent would be fading now, disappearing...but perhaps a hint of musk would remain, a tiny whiff that would be my piece of her for all eternity...

I wrenched my body and my thoughts away from the danger. Why? Why did I gravitate toward little girls so? My body felt liked dead weight in my bed, so tired, so full...my cock stood straight up as I imagined what things I could do to little girls, to my friend's sisters, to Joyce...as I fell asleep, Lilly's image came, unbidden, to my head.

The next morning was absurdly normal. I felt like a traitor as I acted normally, while my pedophile side lurked right below the surface. I felt a bit of pride, though, that I hadn't masturbated yesterday night, even with Joyce's panties so close.

At school, I met up with Daniel and we began to walk to class, talking about normal things. He usually gravitated around grades, but today, he actually seemed to have something else to talk about. So I asked.

"What's up?"

"I asked Lilly out..."

"WHAT?!"

I stood there, unable to take another step, another breath. Okay, there was no secret boy handbook that dictated asking another man's crush out was "illegal", but I certainly felt betrayed. Daniel had been my best friend since...he had just been there. Always. He could read me better than he read books, and that said something. So...why?

"Why?" I managed to choke out.

It was a few more minutes before I noticed the grin creeping on his face. "I asked her out....for YOU! Well, it isn't exactly a date, but it'll do..."

I grabbed him and shook him, not caring who was watching. "What? When? Tell me!!!"

He laughed and stopped me. "Calm down. I didn't break the news of your crush...yet, although that should be obvious enough. I told her you needed help with Math Analysis, and she's good at it, so she agreed to come over to your house with me. Here, I got her phone number..."

He handed me a scrap of paper. This would join Joyce's panties with my most treasured items...

"Right. So here's the deal. We're supposed to be a threesome, right?" Daniel rolled his eyes at my smile when he said "threesome."

"Anyways, I'm going to cancel at the last moment, and it'll be just you and her...on a Friday night..." He made googly eyes.

Oh shit. Friday night? "Umm...there's a problem, Daniel. I have a babysitting thing on Friday night, I can't make it..."

He slapped me, lightly. It was a little thing we did.

"Damnit, Ryan. You're not stupid. Bring her to the thing, show her how good you are with kids. Who knows...one day..." He grinned and skipped off, humming the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" song loud enough so I could hear it. I rolled my eyes and followed him.

Well, what do you know. Tomorrow night would be the time of my life...

The day, night, followed by day, went by fast. Despite Daniel's best efforts, I still stayed away from Lilly until Friday afternoon, when they managed to corner me by my locker. I attempted to hold a cold, detached manner.

"Hey Ryan!" Daniel called, grinning like a lunatic. Sometimes, I don't know about...

"Hey." I braced myself for Lilly....and yet, I still lost my breath when I saw her. This close...she was wearing a shapeless woolen sweatshirt, despite the heat. As always her figure was hidden, but at this range...I could barely see her breasts poking the fabric. Today, she had decided to wear short jeans, and her long, brown legs caught and held my attention...

"...help with, Ryan?" Her melodic voice snapped me back to the present.

I caught myself with no grace whatsoever. "Uhh...derivatives, and tangent lines...and area under a graph. You know, the stuff we're learning..." I sincerely hoped I didn't sound stupid.

Lilly looked at Daniel with confusion. "You're good at this, Mr. Asian. Why don't you help him yourself? Why me?" I felt jealously as a teasing note entered her voice.

Daniel grinned insolently. "Because...I have a date tonight!"

Lilly's eyes grew wide. She grabbed Daniel and shook him. "A date? A DATE? With who?! TELL ME!"

He began to laugh. "with...with the Internet! See ya both!" Still laughing, he broke free of Lilly's grasp and ran toward the school exit. Well, jogged is more like it.

Lilly rolled her eyes and turned to face me, "Seriously...that kid..."

And suddenly, we were awkwardly and painfully alone. Our eyes met, and we looked like two fish.

"I...I guess I'd better be going, huh?" She said. She picked up her backpack and sketchbook and hurried away, leaving me gaping alone. "See you tonight!" she called.

Oh. So it was still on. Great.

I paced the hallway in front of the door. It was 6:04, and I had told her around six. I still needed to go to Joyce's, after all. My backpack was packed and ready to go, and I had eaten enough to last me through the night. My house's lights were all off as I planned to do everything at Joyce's house... oh, what if she decided not to come? What if she decided I wasn't worth it? What if she thought it would be...

*DING-DONG* I rushed to the door, and, without even checking, unlocked it and threw it open. It could have been a knife murderer.

It wasn't. Lilly stood there, glasses slightly askew, smiling at me shyly (she always seemed shy). Her bag was thrown over her shoulder, and I could see her sketchbook, textbooks, and laptop sticking out. "Can I come in, or will you just stare at me?"

"Uh-uh-ummm..." I stuttered. Damn, why was I acting like a fool? "Well, the thing is, we can't stay in my house tonight...I have...there's...."

Lilly immediately grew wary. It was cute.

"What? I thought Daniel said your house? We're not going to a crazy party or something...right?" Her tone was guarded, and she looked at me like I hadn't lived next to her for years.

My vehement denial seemed to put her at rest. "No, no, no! I just have...a babysitting thing tonight. Daniel totally forgot about it when he asked you, so...yeah. I could decide not to go, but...you know. Can you just come with me? Keep me a bit of company?"

Lilly's eyes glittered. "O...okay. Sure. Yeah. Lead the way, then."

Our walk over there was filled with delicious small talk. We discussed school, people at school, complained about volunteer hours, homework...It was nice, finally, to be able to act like friends again.

We reached Joyce's house, and I knocked on the door. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pang of apprehension. What would Joyce do? What would one crush do when meeting with the other crush?

Visions of destruction filled my head.

I heard the familiar (two days, and they were already familiar!) footsteps coming down the stairs, the click of the lock, the creaking of the door opening. Joyce stood there, again, already in her pajamas. She smiled at me. "Hi Ryan!"

The smile quickly slid off of her face as she saw Lilly. "Who...who's this?" she demanded, turning to me with an accusatory glare. Well, that wasn't so bad. I was sort of expecting a nuclear holocaust. Lilly just stood there, looking shy, confused, and innocent. And beautiful. Can't forget beautiful.

I tried to act normal. "Joyce, this is my friend Lilly. She'll be with me tonight, because I need help with my math. That's okay, right?"

Joyce simply sniffed, turned on her heel, and walked back in. Well, strutted is more like it. I shared a confused glance with Lilly, then we followed her in, locking the door behind us.

"Is she always like this?" Joyce asked. It was an innocent question, but I bristled.

I tried to hide it. "No. Well, this is only my third day, but she's usually a lot happier and stuff. Don't know what's gotten into her."

Lilly shrugged, and we walked to the room in silence.

Joyce was sullenly sitting in the only chair when we entered. She had her nose buried in a Brandon Mull book, and I could see she was trying hard not to look at me or Lilly. I shrugged at Lilly. "I guess we'll be on the floor then."

She smiled. It was stunning. "Okay..." Lilly sat down, Indian style, as she always did, and took out the heavy math book. "Wanna get started?"

"Gimme a minute." I turned to Joyce. She swiveled her chair away from me. I tried not to roll my eyes. "Joyce, you need help with your math? Do you need something to do?" I ventured, moving closer to my backpack.

"No." Her denial was curt and annoyed.

I turned to Lilly. "Well, let's get started then."

Lilly nodded and opened the book. "What sections are you hav-"

"Not in my room!" Joyce shouted shrilly. "I'm reading!" Her voice took on the hurt, angry tone of a brat. I could guess reasonably well what had hurt her.

I looked at Lilly. "Go downstairs...I think we can study at the dinner table. Give me a few minutes, okay?"

Lilly nodded, took her bag, stuck the book under her arm, and left. I tried not to stare too hard at her thin ass. It was cute.

I looked back at Joyce, who had swiveled her chair back and was glaring at me through suspicious eyes.

"What's wrong, Joyce?"

Her voice was filled with betrayal. "Nothing. You go downstairs with Lilly" the emphasis was unmistakable. "I'll call you if I need any help, okay? Now get out."

With that, she dismissed me, turning her chair around one last time.

I trudged down the steps to Lilly, away from Joyce. I was thinking, not of math, but of implications. Would this be every time I saw Joyce, even if I didn't have Lilly? Would she hide her bubbles, her happiness? Would I ever....would she ever kiss me again?

My face tingled as I walked downstairs and faced Lilly. I felt like a bit of a traitor, sitting next to my crush while thinking about little girls.

"So...uhh...can you help me with...uhh...derivatives?" Wow. Tongue-tied.

"Sure," she said with a smile. "You should, uhh, sit down, uhhh, next to me, uhh?" She patted the hard, wooden chair next to her. I noted that she was sitting in one of the same.

It took me a moment to notice her mocking. "Oh, very funny," I said, faking grumpiness, "hurt my hard old butt." It was an inside joke. She was a cheeky little monkey, I was a grumpy old man. Of course, we were a bit old, but...

Lilly grinned and put a finger on her cheek, and old and familiar gesture, and isuddenly we were children again. We cracked open the math book, but we didn't really do anything. I kept on grumbling under my breath about the "new math" and she kept on smiling. It was beautiful and distracting.

Not so distracting that I didn't notice the small shadow walk halfway down the stairs, shrouded in darkness. Not so distracting that I didn't see it pause there, then walk back up, "jammy" bottoms swishing almost silently. But it didn't matter for now. For now, I was in heaven.

We were reminiscing about good times. Way back when we didn't care about clothing, when we didn't care about grades, when we didn't care about social standing. Embarrassing moments were drawn up and recollected, and laughs were shared. It didn't feel like I was in a strange person's house anymore. With Lilly, I felt safe, happy, satisfied.

I fervently hoped she felt the same. She was no longer shy, but instead, absolutely open. She laughed a lot, a great, hearty sound, and I loved her. Still, every time she met my eyes, I felt my face burn, my heart betray me. For I saw not just her, but also Joyce. I thought about Joyce even as I talked to Lilly, laughed with Lilly. "Hey Ryan. I need help with math." My mind didn't register that for a few seconds. I held Lilly's gaze for a foolishly long time before I tore away. It hurt. Just a bit.

"Oh, okay, Joyce." I braced myself, and looked at her, expecting her to be in her chaste, plaid, pink pajamas, her hair hanging loose.

I was not ready.

Joyce was radiant, gorgeous, and drop dead sexy, especially for a girl her age. She had taken what looked to be one of her mom's nightgowns, and put it on. This, in itself, would have been fine, but it appeared that Joyce chose the kinky, pale white, almost see-through dress. Okay, it dragged down at her feet, so I didn't get any view of bare leg. But the dress was a fragile thing, wispy and airy, no sleeves, and Joyce's panties were easily detectable. In fact, I could almost see the dark shadows that were her nipples, in her chest area...if only I looked a little harder....

Lilly's half gasp of surprise rescued me. If I hadn't been snapped out of my trance....I don't know what would have happened. As it was, I threw my hands out in front of me haphazardly, trying to stop Joyce from coming any closer.

"Uhhh.....ummm...." came out of my mouth unintelligibly. Lilly was in a similar state of surprise, eyes wide, hands at mouth.

Joyce had eyes only for me. "So...Ryan. Math? I have some homework problems I need help with..." Her tongue traced her lips delicately. I had a feeling math was probably the last thing on her mind.

"Lilly!" I said, a bit too loudly.

She didn't notice Joyce's slight sullenness as she turned to me. "Yeah, RYAN?" Extra emphasis on my name. I smiled, and she smiled back.

"You wanna help me help Joyce with her math? We can all go upstairs." Saved myself. Hopefully.

Joyce nodded thoughtfully, modestly and cutely averting her eyes from Joyce's scanty dress. "Oh....yeah. Yeah sure. Yeah let's go."

I smiled at Joyce, who was now looking looking petulantly at Lilly.

"Okay, Joyce. Let's go. Lilly's better at math than me anyways." I loved how she blushed at that. "And we have..." I checked my phone, "about half an hour before your bedtime. Let's make it count?"

Joyce spun around quickly, trotted to the stairs, and began to climb them unnecessarily loudly. I shrugged at Lilly, and we followed.

I would have lost the battle had it not been for Lilly. Even with Joyce as sullen and unhelpful as she was ("What do you need help with?" "This."), her body called to me. I imagined her youthful little puss letting out a beautiful scent, I imagined her tiny nipples growing hard as rock. I imagined her mouth wrapped around mine, her body wrapped around mine....

Lilly saved me. Every time I looked at her, I was torn apart. How could I go on loving her, with my pedophile side lurking right below the surface? Still, she was a great help, making the whole time awkward, and thus, impossible for me to do anything I might regret. She was the rock that kept me anchored. Each time I stared at her perfect face, at her brown eyes...

It was over all too early. Despite the conflict I had going on inside me, I rather enjoyed being in the company of the two females I loved so much. Lilly and I cleaned up while Joyce furiously took out her frustration on the toothbrush. I barely had enough time to grab my things as Joyce strutted into her room, jumped into bed, pulled out the covers, and ordered us to "LEAVE."

The walk back home still carried with it some of the magic that had taken place in Joyce's house, though. We made bad jokes at each other, grinning and laughing like 5-year olds. Of course, we grew more serious as we realized what fools we looked like, but our happiness was not diminished. Well, until.... "You know, I think Joyce has a crush on you."

Not having anything to spit out, I settled with choking on my spit. "W-w-what?"

Lilly giggled. "You're cute when you're confused." Her eyes widened. "uhh....forget I said that. Anyways, I think Joyce has a little girl crush on you. It's CUTE!"

I would certainly NOT forget that. She thought I was cute. Well, when I was confused... "She..she does? How can you tell?"

My house came into view, a large, looming, black, uninviting shape. "Well, you saw how she acted when I was with you today. Don't tell me she's always like that; she looks like a nice enough girl."

"Yeah....I guess. How would I deal with this?" I really needed to know this. If Joyce actually had a crush on me while I had a crush on her....things would end very badly.

Lilly shrugged. "I don't know. I guess you could just act normal, you know, be gentle and push her off if she goes too far, like tonight. I won't ALWAYS be there to help you, you know." Lilly's eyes twinkled playfully. I smiled weakly. "I wish....Umm, I mean, yeah. Okay, thanks. My house right here. Want me to walk you back?"

Both our faces glowed red in the darkness. "No...no thanks, Ryan. I'm, umm...I can do it...myself. Thanks, though."

Nevertheless, I watched her as she walked back, alone, shoes slapping against the sidewalk. I sighed sadly as she turned the corner, and disappeared from my sight.

Mom still wasn't home the next morning. Typical of her, to leave be gone for several days, even on weekends. I rolled myself out of bed, made breakfast, washed the dishes, took a shower, brushed my teeth, etc. Just a normal day.

Alone. At home. Usually, on Saturdays, I had things going on, if only to fill the void. But today...nothing. I'd stay at home, listlessly flipping through SAT books, praying my friends might be on Facebook, maybe playing a few lousy internet games. In other words, a boring, normal day.

I was saved, or damned, you may say, by a phone call. Interesting how those things work. A single phone call. It rang at around 10 in the morning, and I was trying to memorize dissociation rules. With a weary sigh no one could hear, I glanced at the caller ID. Unknown? Should I....?

Damnit. I was bored to death. I would give all my money just to tell a telemarketer to fuck off. "Hello"

"Hello, this is Mrs. Yang. Joyce's mom? You remember Joyce, right?"

I wouldn't forget her in hell. "Yes. Why, what's wrong?" Suddenly, my blood ran cold. What...oh god. The implications smashed down on me. It was all I could do to stay sitting straight up; I wanted to fall.

"Oh, nothing's wrong. It's just....I'll be out the whole day, probably. Usually, on days like these, I send Joyce to a friends house, but....today, she wants to stay at home. I was wondering if you could come over and take care of her? I'll pay your normal rate. I haven't paid you yet this week, either, so I should..."

Hopefully my relief wasn't too audible. "Oh. Oh yeah, sure. And thank you, Mrs. Yang."

I heard her laugh. "Oh, don't thank me! I'm taking up your whole Saturday!"

I grinned. "When should I be there?"

"Can you come as soon as possible?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be there in half an hour or less."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

It took me eighteen minutes, exactly, to pack up my stuff (including a lunch of some leftover Subway I found in the back of the fridge. Thanks Mom!), and rush over to Joyce's house. Her mother's car was conspicuously missing, and, for a second, I wondered if I had dreamed it all.

I rang the doorbell. As with last night, the same pattering footsteps, the same click of the door being unlocked. The time of day couldn't have been more different, and yet, the same "on the spot" feeling loomed. Somehow, I was going to be screwed.

The obvious hit me as soon as Joyce opened the door. Of course, fate would have wrought such a twist on my life. I tried not to goggle at Joyce, but it was hard. She wore a pure white dress, that barely went down to her knees. It looked old fashioned and frilly, but also quite comfortable, with cute little shoulder puffs. She smiled at me, the same old adorable smile, and beckoned with her finger.

"C'mon in, Ryan!"

It was almost like she forgot about last night. I sure as hell wasn't about to remind her. "Okay."

She led me to the dinner table. The TV was blaring Saturday morning cartoons, and dirty dishes floated in the sink, although the table was clean. Some books were stacked on the table.

I was about to comment on the television, when she shut it off with a disapproving glare at Dora the Explorer. I thought it had been a bit young, even for her. She looked at me and batted her eyelashes cutely. I felt walls crumbling. "So....what do you want to do, Ryan?"

I kept my calm. I think. "Well...do you need anymore help on your homework? Or anything else? If not, I think we're good...you have a day free. You mom didn't give me any instructions, so..." I winked at her.

Joyce giggled and winked back. Adorable. "Well...oh, right, my mom left you some money. Here, come with me..." She grabbed my hand, and I had no choice but to follow as she dragged me upstairs.

Her room was clean and radiantly pink as always. Very organized, and, somehow, I just noticed Joyce's smiling pictures from the past. One especially caught my attention. Joyce, in a pink tutu and leotard, smiling a gap toothed smile. One leg was raised high above her head, and that precious area between her legs...

"Here you go, Ryan."

I reached for the offered stack of bills, but then, she snapped it back. I tensed, and prepared myself for a screaming banshee of a little girl.

Nothing of the sort. Instead, she smiled sweetly. A bit too sweetly, I noticed a bit too late. "How about we play poker for it?"

I shook my head vigorously. "No." I said, putting the proverbial foot down. "That's going too far. I'm not sure what's gotten into you, Joyce, but..." I shrugged, hoping she'd imagine something for me.

Apparently, my proverbial foot wasn't big enough. Joyce simply made her smile sweeter. "Hmmm....well, can we play poker at least? Please, Ryan? I'll give you all the money afterwards, okay?"

I rolled my eyes, and nodded. "Okay, okay. Go get the cards. Are we doing kisses again?"

Joyce set the cards money aside, and pulled out a deck of cards. Wow. She had them ready. That could not bode well.

"How about we play for clothes? Strip poker?"

"Gah....what?" I was pretty sure I'd heard wrong. My mind had finally decided to split into two different sides, an insane pedophile one, and a normal, good boy one, and the pedophile was winning. I tried not too act TOO schizophrenic. "Umm...repeat that?"

"You heard what I said." The cheeky grin was irresistible.

"Let's pretend I didn't. Say that one more time?"

She rolled her eyes cutely. "I said STRIP. POKER." The words came out almost a shout, and I looked around, afraid of prying ears.

I finally gathered up enough courage to speak. Joyce was still smiling, laughing at me inside, I'd bet. "What? Why? Where'd you learn of this?" I had to act the purposeful and high-moraled babysitter, even if all I really wanted to do is see Joyce naked. Her smooth, tanned thighs, her cute little belly button, and then, positioned perfectly between those...

"Oh come off it, Ryan. I see it." Saw what?

She was pointing at my crotch. Oh, that. Basketball shorts didn't exactly hide an erection. So...what should I do now? "Yes, Joyce. I have an erection. What about it?" Hopefully, the bluntness would put her off a bit, give me time to recoup. At heart, though, I knew the battle was lost.

"Yep. And now, I want to see it. And I think I know what you're getting it from....I HAVE internet, you know." She rolled her eyes and sat on the bed. I noticed she seemed to purposefully spread her legs. If I were to sit down on the floor, and look up at a specific angle....

I shook my head clear of those thoughts, but they had done their damage. My erection was now unmissable. "So? You're, uh...not supposed to be....interested in those things." I said lamely. I had never hit one of these barriers before, not in my two years of babysitting, and I was walking on air now.

Joyce stared at me intensely, for a few seconds. Then, she began to shuffle the cards.

"Well I am. Specifically, in YOURS." She would not meet my eyes as she sat down and dealt the cards. She peeked at hers, then glared at me expectantly. "Well? Check yours. Whoever loses takes off a piece of clothing. Okay?"

I sat down.

She grinned and gestured at my cards. "Well? What're you waiting for, Ryan? Pick em up!"

I frowned at her heavily, which served no purpose, and checked the cards. Let's see....ooh. She dealt me double kings, quite an amazing two cards, and there were two fives on the field, so I was two doubles. I raised my eyebrow as Joyce smiled at me. "So? What?"

I shrugged. "Keep on going." She winked at me and flipped over another card. A queen of clubs. "You wanna fold yet?" she asked me, tapping her cards. "I think you should...."

And I was reminded what was at stake. It was almost a dream, the two of us here, playing on a Saturday morning, light shining brightly through the window. It was probably that, and the fact that I WAS a pedophile, that encouraged me to keep on going. Even my sane side agreed with my delusional one. She wouldn't ACTUALLY take off her clothes. That would be ridiculous!

The game ended. I had two pair, she had ace high. Her mouth drew into a cute pout, but her eyes glimmered with amusement and happiness. "Oh, darnit. Looks like you win, Ryan." Joyce stood up and spun, her dress swishing around her. She turned to me and pulled up the front of her dress, revealing frilly, white matching panties. I admit, I drooled, totally losing my sane side in the torrent of images in my head.

"So..." Joyce said, "I'm only wearing two things. Oops." She giggled and tapped a finger to her lips. "Which one do you want off first?"

The Voice of Reason struck back with a vengeance. DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO ANY OF IT! YOU'LL BE IN DEEP SHIT IF YOU DO! My other side, fueled by lust, fought back as I eyed Joyce like the sexual predator I was. I licked my lips as the two sides fought, but, deep down, I knew which one was going to win.

And it wasn't going to be good.

I sighed. The dream-like feeling of the situation, not to mention my unmatched lust, led me to a choice. "Ummm...." I still tried to act the good babysitter, and be hesitant and caring, and trying to stop the inevitable march to sexuality. I failed horribly. We both knew it was an act. "How about...your dress, first?"

Joyce grinned at me happily. "Great choice!" Then, with a deliberateness that could only have come from the internet and strip-dancing videos, Joyce slowly and surely took the hem of her dress. Biting her lip at me, as if unsure of herself (her eyes gleamed mischievously), she slowly pulled the hem up, and up, and up and... Her bellybutton first captured my eyes as they roamed over her beautifully slim legs and flat stomach. If I looked closely, very closely, I could see the barest outlines of an immature vagina against frilly white panties. But right above it, sitting innocently there, her bellybutton. I do not know why it entranced me so, but I found it extremely arousing.

The smell hit me soon enough. As I watched the painstakingly slow march of Joyce's dress to her head, I smelled it. It was like the watery smells I had been using to satisfy my urges each night, except...better. Stronger. More musky. I was smelling Joyce's pussy, and I was loving every minute of it.

Finally, the dress flew over her head and onto the bed in one swift mood. Joyce bared her chest to me, arms wide, as if for a hug. And oh god, did I want to hug her. Preferably with both of us naked. Preferably on her bed.

I shook my head clear of those thoughts, but they had already done their damage. It was like Joyce could read my mind. I examined and memorized every centimeter of her pure, tanned body, especially engraving in my mind her hard, brown nipples, rising barely above the swell of her nonexistent breasts.

I could see her noticing as she dealt out the cards for another hand. I kept on staring at her as she glanced at her cards and smiled a sincere smile. She almost had to slap me to get me to react. I almost wish she had. "Ryan! Snap out of it!" Her voice was so close to laughing...

"C'mon Ryan, look at your cards!"

Okay, I wasn't at the top of my poker game the next round. We'd come up with a sort of rule. If one of us won, we'd be able to choose what the other person took off. If we folded, we'd get to choose. Not that it mattered either way for Joyce; all she had on were some EXTREMELY arousing panties.

But I failed a terrible bluff the next game. I couldn't even meet her eyes; my stare followed gravity and was set straight at the joining of her legs. Were her panties wet? Was that the barest hint of two little lips I saw? It was extremely obvious what I was looking at, but I noticed Joyce didn't close her legs. In fact, it almost seemed she opened her Indian style sitting wider...but no. Trick of the light.

I lost the next few games to terribly bad hands. The game almost seemed to be rigged. Full house against a pair? Two pair versus four of a kind? Joyce's smile grew wider as I was forced to strip down to my boxers. I tried to make my erection less obvious, but Joyce noticed. Her eyes widened a little bit at the ridge as I sat down. "What're you looking at?" I asked gruffly.

The next few rounds I folded, and thank god for that. The game was definitely rigged. Lucky for me, I wore socks, so those came off next. We had a heated argument about whether socks counted as one or two pieces of clothing, but Joyce yielded. It probably helped that I was staring at her chest like a starving man. Who DOESN'T love sexily flat chests?

Finally, it was down to the last game. We both sat there in our underwear, me in my boxers, her in her delicious panties. I had a seven of clubs and a king of clubs. The first two cards were two clubs and a heart...a spade...a diamond...and a club! Yes!

Despite the triumphant look on my face as I got a flush, Joyce didn't fold. Probably because she had nothing else to give. However, she didn't look the least unhappy as she put down her cards. Double aces. Hah.

I smiled at her and opened my arms. "Ah-ha! I win." I gave her a goofy smile to show that I was joking. About the gloating anyways.

Joyce smiled. "Yep. You win. And guess what you win?"

The smile slid off of my face. Oh shit. "Umm...Joyce, you don't have to....do that. It's good. We can stop here." I began to gather up my clothes hopefully.

Joyce didn't budge. "Nope!" Her hands went to her panties, the thumbs hooking onto the waistband.

And I could only watch hopelessly as the underwear began to slowly....march...downwards.

She stopped right above her crack. No, seriously. I could almost see the very tip that began the crevice that led to heaven. I almost jumped on her and raped her right there. My cock's head nearly stuck out of my boxers, I was so aroused.

Luckily, some thread of angelic chastity held me sane. I simply looked into her eyes, no longer the strong babysitter anymore, simply begging her for more.

I saw Joyce's unsurety vanish. So that's what it was! I guess I wasn't the only one feeling awkward. But she looked supremely confident of herself as the panties slid lower, lower, lower....

I watched as they bunched around her ankles. Swallowing hard, my eyes traced their way up her nude legs...up....up.....up. And there it was. So innocent, so small. I was breathing as if I had run a marathon, my heart, a hammer in my chest. My eyes locked onto their target with extreme precision, and I engraved every last bit of it into my memory.

So innocent. Just a tiny crevice, nearly hidden from sight, even at the angle I was viewing it at. A small thing, yet one that was driving me of the edge, again, and again, and again. As I watched it, a small bead of some heavenly juice formed, and dropped onto the carpet, leaving an invisible stain.

And the paralysis was gone. I was a beast, my pedophile side had won. Not even bothering to take off my boxers, I lunged forward, grabbing Joyce by the legs. She barely said a thing as I wrenched her legs further apart, merely whispering a tiny bit of protest as I brought my nose close to her aroused vagina. I took a sniff. Pure heaven, a perfume nothing else could match.

Suddenly, it was in my mouth. I was eating her out, my first girl, and yet, a girl no older than ten. My mouth easily encompassed the sweet little thing, and I ate and drank, sucked and licked like no one had ever before. "Hey, Ryan.....what...what are you...!" Her voice suddenly dropped into moans of pure pleasure, as my tongue danced along her innocence.

As she began to thrust into my mouth, enjoying it as much as I did now, my Voice of Reason made one last cameo appearance. But before it could say anything, I took it, locked it in a box, and threw the box into the sea of lust.

And I threw away the key.

"Guuh....Ryan...stop it..." Her voice carried no conviction. After all, why should it? She had wrought this upon herself...and me. I was purely animal pedophile now; nothing would stop me from taking Joyce's innocence clean away.

But just in case, I peeled my face and my wet lips away from Joyce's now leaking pussy. "You want me to stop? I can stop." Both absolute lies.

She looked nervous. "I don't know...it's wrong...but it feels good...."

"Well, if it feels good..." Yeah, nothing would stop me. I shoved my face into her crack and began to lick again.

"Ooooh....ooooh....Ryan...that feels....what.....don't stop..." Joyce was looking down at me with absolute lust, and it only drove me to greater heights. Or lows, depending.

My cock felt like it was about to poke through my pants as I nuzzled my face deeper into Joyce's moistness. I felt her yielding the best she could, but even my tongue could barely fit inside her. Still, Joyce provided her best support, pushing my head into her crack and clamping me between her legs.

I felt it before I saw it. She didn't know what it was, which made it all the more awesome. Joyce's legs began to tremble slightly.

"Ryan...what are you...what are you doing? Get...get out. I need to pee, Ryan, I'm about to pee!" Her face held urgency, but her legs would not let me go. "God, Ryan, get out of there, I'm going to pee!"

"Pee then." I said, muffled by her delicious pussy. The vibrations must have sent her off the edge. With a breathless gasp, a silent scream, her legs collapsed from under her. I supported her by groping her buttocks, a job I was glad to do. Her juices, her sweet, sweet juices flowed onto my face, covering me, even wetting my shirt a bit. I even drank some of it.

"R-r-ryan. That's pee. Why are you sucking my pee?" I let Joyce sit down on the ground, as she was still a bit unsteady. I wiped her cum off my mouth.

She grew a tiny bit more demanding, although that's hard to do naked while in the afterglow of an orgasm.

"Well? Why are you doing that? What are you doing? Why did you make me...pee?" She blushed and dropped the volume at the last word.

I smiled, my mouth still slightly smeared with "pee". She had a lot to learn, and I was not afraid to teach her. My cock would not be restrained anymore, so I took off my boxers as fast as I possibly could. As I struggled to get them off while covering my erection (a hopeless and impossible task), I saw Joyce regain some of her former confidence. Even naked, her personality was forceful and bright.

"Hey Ryan, whatcha doing? I didn't win a game, yet!" She giggled at her own wit.

I tried to match it. "You don't need to. This one's a freebie."

I saw Joyce grow curious about my cock. She crawled forward, and poked it as I slid my underwear off my feet. I had to struggle not to prematurely ejaculate as my cock bobbed back and forth, each time being tapped by her delicate finger.

"Hey...Joyce...stop it. I'm going to cum." I shivered at my blatant language. What did I want to do, anyways, now that my cock was out in the open like this? My body felt like an oven, hot and steamy. I sure wasn't going to fuck her, though, at least not in the tight hole I had just eaten out. Although nothing could stop me....guilt. Guilt could stop me, actually.

Joyce didn't stop it. In fact, she made it worse by gripping my cock with both hands. "Am I doing it right, Ryan?" She smiled at me. "It's how they do it in the videos I found."

The fact that she watched dirty videos drove me off the edge, if only by a bit. My cock squirted a tiny bit of sticky cum, which landed between Joyce's nipples, and began to ooze down slowly. Joyce frowned at it.

"Wow, that was fast. Was it supposed to be that fast?" One of her hands left its chokehold on my cock as she dipped a finger into the cum. Tentatively, she tasted it...

And spat it right out. "Ugh! They swallow this stuff in those videos! How can they? Bleeech..."

I grinned at her. "Practice? Makes perfect, after all."

Joyce gave me the evil eye. "Hmph. Whatever. I'm not swallowing yours, EVER."

The implications that there might be more to this pedophile iceberg that met the eye made me want to cum again. But no. Not yet... I tapped Joyce on the shoulder. "And if you had REALLY watched those videos..." oh god, what WAS I? "...then you would have noticed I wasn't done yet. Keep on going, you lost the poker game."

She eyed my cock warily. "Yeah, but this has gone BEYOND the poker game, hasn't it?"

Oh yes, it definitely had.

Joyce rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. Yeah, doesn't it get softer when you're done, or something?" She began to pump again, slowly. "Jeez...your thing is so big. How do you hide it all the time?"

I panted as her awkwardly large and even somewhat painful pumping aroused me even harder. "I...it's not always...like this."

"Oh, you mean it's only like this around pretty girls?"

"Urrr..umm....yeah."

"Thank you!" She smiled. "For that, you get this!" Joyce brushed her black hair aside, and pulled my foreskin all the way down. It hurt a bit, and I winced. But she made it all better with the little kiss she set on the head. I shivered as she touched the most sensitive part, which was wet and slick and shiny, as she pressed her two little lips to its little lips in a mock kiss.

But I was still relieved as she let go. "Umm...Ryan, why isn't it squirting anymore?"

"Cause...it's not...ready yet." A blatant lie. If Joyce did pretty much anything right now, I would explode like Old Faithful.

Luckily, she didn't. Instead, she sat back, and touched her little puss again. I noticed it had gotten wet, and small beads of delicious looking moisture had formed at the undeveloped lips.

"Ummm...Ryan...remember how you sucked my....vagina..." the word was a whisper, "just then? Can you do it....again?" She pushed her hips forward, giving her body, her tiny vagina up to me.

My cock throbbed. I wanted it in her I wanted to rape her with my pedophile dick. But that was not....I would not. I could not do that. But...I needed satisfaction. Otherwise, no matter what I did, by the end of the day, Joyce would be a sobbing former virgin.

An idea came quickly to my perverted mind. I lay down on my back, my cock pointing to the sky like some weird, meaty Eiffel tower. I gestured for Joyce to come close to me. She tentatively crawled a bit closer. "Sit on my face." I requested, and was glad as she obeyed me.

"Other way." I manged to say through being muffled by her buttocks. Although she...smelled, a bit, her musk overwhelmed and covered up the ugly scent. It was almost her essence.

Joyce twisted around on my face, a movement I wanted her to repeat over and over again. Now her ass was at my eye level, the smooth curves and crack making me want to...oh god, I wanted to do EVERYTHING to her. But no. Instead, my tongue came out, and surprised her by licking her front crack, that delicious little pussy that had finally destroyed all my walls. I felt her shiver and begin to grind.

"Wait!" I stopped, and so did she.

"What do you want?" Joyce wailed, eager to get back to her pleasure.

"I want...I want you to...suck me. To suck my dick." I was hot with lust and pleasure. I needed her so bad right now. I could almost sense her disgust. "Ewww! No!"

I should have stopped asking right there; as of now, we were both in the wrong, but I was so much more wrong than she was. But, in a fire as hot as this, I might as well enjoy what I could. "If you don't suck me, I won't lick you!" I warned.

She gave a little involuntary gasp. Her lubricant slowly flowed onto my chin and neck, the hot, sticky juice dribbling down slowly. "But...but..."

I gave her an encouraging lick, and thrust my hips up the barest bit. "C'mon, Joyce. If you want to feel good, the least you can do is make me feel good." Plus, if you don't, you may actually end up losing your virginity today, I mentally added.

Luckily, she wouldn't. "Okay, FINE!" Joyce pouted. "I hope I taste as bad as you as you do to me!" Impossible. She tasted delicious to me, and just the idea that I was feasting on a nubile vagina made me drool. I felt her lips carefully give my cock a kiss, then her hot, wet tongue slowly trace its way down my leaking cock head...

I gave a low moan that was matched by one of Joyce's as I inadvertently vibrated her tiny lips. I felt her tongue feel its way down my shaft, my foreskin, all the way to my hairy balls. I heard her spit, small droplets of saliva spraying onto my cock.

"Eww! You're all hairy! It tastes bad." I could almost see her cute disapproving frown, and licked a bit harder.

"Oh...don't stop, Ryan. Please." Her lips touched my genitals again, and I shivered. God, she was so good, so pure, so innocent, and yet so dirty. A drop of her juice fell and hit me on the nose. I caught the next one on my tongue, then forced myself deeper into her canal. Her young pussy would barely part enough to let me through, and I had to actually push hard to get my tongue in. But it was worth every moment as I heard her groan, and felt her more determinedly suck my cock.

She was so good, so good...I began to gently thrust up into her mouth, and she began to push down on mine. I felt my tongue buried in her soft pussy, deep in her body, and felt my cock being sucked into that warm and delicious mouth. I was penetrating her two ways, and I was loving it.

It came to an end too soon, just right, and yet too late. The buildup was inevitable; I felt it, and yet the finale still surprised me. The hot, rising feeling, the short spasm...her mouth was still clamped on me as my cum rushed out in spurts.

"Gah!" Joyce managed to exclaim peeling her mouth away from me extremely quickly. She spat several times, but her hand never left my cock as I shot a few more out. I also noticed she was still perfectly positioned..

Not one to be outdone, I smothered myself with Joyce, kissing, licking, and even using my fingers to molest her. I loved to feel her soft skin and insides yielding to my rough fingers....

I saw her clit. How hadn't I seen it earlier? A little, prominent knob, and yet the most sensitive place on her whole body. I felt her stiffen as my fingers worked their way up to it.

"Ryan, what are you...what are you do-" She never finished the sentence as she screamed shrilly, her pussy showering cum onto my face.

My face was sticky with cum as Joyce slowly raised herself off of it, and sat with a "oomph" on the floor. She fingered her pussy a bit more, but her heart wasn't into it as she smeared her pretty juices over her pubic area.

"So...what do we do now?" she asked, not meeting my eyes. Sticky cum dripped down her chest, but she paid no attention to it. Come to think of it, I was wet with sex juices too. How did people do this in bed?

"Ummm..how about let's take a shower?" I asked, my cock giving a twitch.

"Okay." she said quietly, and stood up. We walked together, a good distance apart. I loved how her little but wiggled as she led me into her bathroom, decorated with childishly bright and pink things. She pulled open the shower curtain with a *ring*, turned to me, and beckoned for me to go in. "Let's...let's go?"

Hmm. Something was wrong. But what? "Hey Joyce..what's wrong?" I patted her shoulder reassuringly. "C'mon, tell. It's not like..."

"It's nothing." she answered, still not meeting my eyes. "C'mon Ryan, we're all sticky. Let's get clean." She turned the shower on.

I yelped as the cold water hit me, and jumped back to the back of the tub. "Hey, Joyce! It's still cold!" I got out, dripping, and glared at her. She stared back at me listlessly, and my heart hurt. I knelt down to her level, and stared at her in the eyes. She averted her head. I put my hands on her shoulder, on her soft, warm skin. I tried not to get a hard on as, once again, I was allowed to stare at her bare naked body, her two tiny nipples, down her flat stomach, to her little cute belly button, then down further...

I forced my eyes back up. "What's wrong, Joyce?" I stroked her hair with my fingers. "Why aren't you telling me? Just then..." The results of "just then" flowed down her chest. I became aroused as I saw a single, trickling drop of cum reach her pussy. She appeared not to notice.

Finally, it came out. She was scared, frightened, and hiding it behind a thin wall of ice. "Ryan...did I...did I lose my virginity? To you? I mean...I like you..but it's..." I could see her breaking down, sobs and hiccups coming up.

"Oh of COURSE not!" I answered, exasperated. Thank god that was it. Was it?

She whimpered a bit, but cheered up fast. Children. "You sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! If you'd lost your virginity, you'd be crying, in a lot more pain..." Not exactly the best way to introduce a girl to defloration, but....

"But...I heard...if we had sex, we'd lose our virginity!" Where'd the "we" come in?

The water was beginning to steam, so I got in. I washed my face first, getting rid of the delicious (if a bit smelly) girl cum. Joyce joined my soon afterwards, crowding me out of the stream of the showerhead and rinsing my sticky cum off. "Jeez, Ryan, you were so messy." She said as the water made her body glisten, and slicked down her hair.

Things were about to get messy again. Joyce's slim young body called to me, and my cock hardened painfully quickly. Her hair looked very beautiful wet and sleeked, and I resisted the urge to wrap my cock in her sweet smelling strands and masturbate right there.

I tried to be a bit more subtle, but that's hard when you're dealing with sex and a ten year old. I stood up, trying to wash off my chest, and I had my erection "accidentally" bump into Joyce's back. My whole body tingled with that one small touch.

When the girl didn't notice and kept on ferociously scrubbing her body with her hands, I made my presence known a bit more. I pressed my cock a bit harder into her, trying to make her notice it; not like she hadn't already. Finally, after what seemed like hours of extremely arousing contact with Joyce's soft, perfectly curved back, she turned around. The cock rode her immature curves, was pushed to the side a bit painfully as it tapped her arm, and finally came to a rest between her tiny lady lumps. She put her hands on her hips, the water streaming down her hair, and stared at me. "Hmph."

I withered under Joyce's glare, although, on the outside, I hoped I kept my calm. Damn. This time, I had gone a bit too far. Joyce looked at my cock disapprovingly, and, using her forefinger and thumb, pinched the tip (painfully, but I didn't squeal), and slowly took it off her chest, letting the now softening member flop down onto my legs. Her eyes burned me, hurt me. Suddenly, I felt so....so ashamed. My heart cracked and disintegrated. I fought the urge to fall to my knees. What the hell was I doing? Taking a shower, trying to get a ten year old girl to suck me. Jail was too good for me.

The cloud passed quickly, but left a lasting impression. It was...not right. As I backed away from Joyce, my eyes averted to everywhere but her. I saw the shower head shut off, and heard the clattering of plastic rings on metal as Joyce exited the shower. After freezing for a few minutes, I exited too.

I used one of Joyce's pink towels, and, despite my shame at being a pedophile...her smell. They permeated the towels, and wrapping myself in their fluffiness was almost as good as wrapping myself with Joyce. If I closed my eyes and sniffed....it was as if she was right next to me.

My cock was hard again as I entered Joyce's room again. She seemed to be avoiding me, acting as if I wasn't there, so I tugged on my pants and shirt. I noticed, however, Joyce was still beautifully naked, which didn't help my state of mind any...

It was hard to sit there with a naked girl, without anything to do, but that's just what I did. For a good twenty minutes, we stayed in her room, Joyce, gazing listlessly at the ceiling, me, with my eyes darting everywhere. Mostly on Joyce. The silence could not last forever, but every moment seemed like the right and wrong moment. No, too tense. No, the bird interrupted me. And anyways, I didn't know what to say, and I'm sure Joyce was the same.

But, I finally stored up all my courage. I closed my eyes, and rehearsed what I was prepared to say, which was nothing. I just hoped my verbal diarrhea wouldn't be too disgusting. "W-" My cellphone rang.

The stupid song played a few more bars before I had the state of mind to turn around and pick it up. Caller I.D "Lilly Johnson"?! Oh. Okay. Well.... I picked up the phone, and put it to my ear. I turned around just fast enough to see Joyce whip her head around, back to looking at the window. But for just a second...

"Hey, is this Ryan? Old geezer, you there?" Her voice was a bit quiet, but it was good to hear. Definitely good to hear.

I smiled, then wiped it off my face, shooting a wary glance at Joyce. She didn't appear to have noticed, but her mouth tightened... I decided to be blatant. Not smart when you have a nude, possibly angry Asian girl in the room with you, but...there was no other choice. "Hi Lilly. How're you doing?"

"Well, you know how it is. Bored as hell, all alone in my little room this fine Saturday morning. I'm doodling some stuff for fun, but....not really fun at all, y'know? Anyways, I tried calling your house so we could hang out, but you weren't there. I also called your phone once, but you didn't pick up. What's up? Busy?"

My mouth went dry. "Uhh...yeah. You could say that."

Her laugh relieved me, although I could have sworn I saw Joyce tense. But maybe I was just paying too close attention to her smooth body...why hadn't she put on clothes anyways?

"Well, you busy now? Cause I mean...it's almost lunch. We could go out, y'know to the plaza, maybe get some Italian at Mama Mia's....You...umm...down?"

I grinned here. "Down? I've never heard you use that, Lilly. Little monkey getting a bigger vocab?" Bad joke, I admit. But our relationship was built around bad jokes.

"Oh shut up. You wanna go, or not? Cause seriously, I have better things to do than talk with you this Saturday morning. I could be cleaning the toilet or something."

I laughed. "Okay, you win. But I'm babysitting Joyce...so, could she come with us too? I mean...well, she kind of has to."

"Sure, sure! Yeah, why not. Maybe it'll make you feel younger. Oh crap, I'm getting another call. Bet you it's from my parents. 12:00 sharp, we'll meet in front of Mama's okay? Bye, geezer!"

*click* Dial tone...

I pulled the phone off my face, and turned it off. Wait...speaker phone? That's why it sounded so...weird. I couldn't believe I didn't notice it. Wait. If it was on speaker phone... I began to slowly turn around to face Joyce, afraid of what she might do...

Joyce was staring at me with emotionless eyes. Dull, I would say, except how can such eyes be dull? They were definitely full of life, her brown orbs, but they were also heavily guarded. Despite the way I ogled her naked body...right now, I couldn't take my eyes away from hers. Suddenly, this was the most important decision to be made in my life. What would she say? I told Lilly I'd be there, but I didn't even think Joyce might deny it...but now...thinking back...hell. We weren't exactly on the best of terms.

"So. What do you think, Joyce?" I asked, keeping my voice extremely flat, and my eyes on hers.

She hmphed. "That was Lilly, right?" As if she didn't know.

"Yes." I answered, trying to act conciliatory. It was a bit hard to do with Joyce still naked. "Yeah. You wanna go out to eat with us?"

"Hmph. Sure." Joyce agreed. She then proceeded to turn fully away from me, still on the bed, but now facing the wall. I could see the barest crack of her butt...her long, sloping back. The way her hair split down her neck...

"Umm...you might want to get some clothes on. You know. We can't have you going out without anything on." Especially since I got an instant erection at the very idea.

"Hmph. Fine. Get out." The words weren't harsh, but they hit me hard. What had I done....oh wait. I had done quite a bit. Yes, I deserved this, if not worse.

"Okay..." I said resignedly. Joyce hopped off of her pink bedspread as I walked out, and I heard the drawers opening as I closed the door.

Out of her room, everything finally hit me. I sat down heavily, hoping my butt didn't break through the floor. God...in there...I had done it. I had done it ALL. Sex with a minor...I was a minor myself, but they'd definitely overlook that. I was ruined. Everyone would call me a pedophile...my parents would hate me, they'd never look at me the same. I had to fight tears as I imagined what might happen to me. Was it really worth it? Was all that really worth the taste of Joyce, now a fading memory on my tongue?

I was snapped out of my sorrowful musings as the door opened.

Joyce peeked out. "Okay. I'm dressed. We can go now."

She was dressed? Honestly, I could only seemone brown eye right now, so it was hard to...

The door swung open, and I held my jaw shut. Why was it that everything Joyce wore made her look like a princess?

It was simple, but it made the lithe Asian girl look absolutely elegant. A single white dress, no ornaments, no nothing. Just a row of buttons at her breast, with the top one unbuttoned. No cleavage to show, but I still enjoyed the view. Two delicate straps held the dress together, and they looked so...weak. A quick movement...I could slide them off, or snap them. And then.... I shook my head violently. Damnit!

"Oh. Right. Joyce...we should go?" Apparently, I was incapable of talking in complete sentences.

"Sure." Her voice was dull...but it was purposefully so. Why did it seem Joyce had an ulterior motive for this?

But I couldn't ponder that as I took my cellphone, left a note, and left a voice mail for Joyce's mother at work. It was good to be responsible..just in case.

Mama Mia's was an Italian pizza and pasta place in the plaza in our neighborhood. It wasn't very far away from any house, really, and it was a common place for people to hang out after school. It was decidedly greasy and even a bit seedy, with all the Italian staff stereotypical. The one waiter/cashier (Mama's was mainly a take out place) was a big fat Italian man with a massive mustache he liked to blow at times. Despite his imposing and slightly frightening appearance...Mario was a good guy, and accepted lines of credit.

The Big Mama herself was a bit scarier. Built like her husband, she had no room for compromise. Although we rarely saw her, when we did, it was either a time for celebration or terror. Mama only came out to give out prizes or to kick people out. Otherwise, she stayed in the back with the pasta. Rumor has it she broke up a fight....by fighting against both the participants. At the same time.

But they were just rumors. As I led Joyce by the hand (she wouldn't let me let go of her hand) to the pizza parlor, I tried not to talk to her at all. It was somewhat difficult, seeing as there was nothing else to do. I persevered, though. We made it to the plaza, to the people sitting around aimlessly (some looked decidedly stoned), and to Mama's. Lilly was already there...I felt Joyce grip my hand tighter as she saw her...competitor. I couldn't think of a better word. I felt like I was in a fairy tale, except here, we had the tiny fiery dragon and the older oblivious...princess?

Yes. Lilly looked like a princess as well. She was looked like an artist as well, with a baggy dark green flannel shirt, short jeans, and a beret. yes, a beret. Still...they all worked in symphony to make me even more attracted to her. She was so... A hard squeeze of my hand brought me back to earth. I tried not to glare too hard at Joyce.

Lilly raised her hand in greeting and smiled as she saw us. She closed the sketchbook she had been drawing in and put her things away. "Hi!"

I smiled and sat next to Lilly. "Hi!" The subtle resistance that Joyce presented made me feel I was dragging her into this. And I was. I was dragging both of us into a pit with a surprise at the bottom...but what surprise?

I have to give it to Lilly. She was both absolutely oblivious and yet still graceful. It almost seemed that Lilly was more innocent than Joyce. For a tiny bit, all three of us just sat there. Lilly looked at me and shot sideways glances at Joyce, as if trying to prompt a conversation from either one of us. I tried to "chillax", but I think I really just looked like I was trying to drape myself over the chair.

And suddenly, spontaneous laughter from Lilly and me. Joyce was glaring at us sullenly, probably peeved at how well we got along. I have to say, though, even with her angry look, she looked adorable. A child playing at being an adult. Still...she had her claws in me. A single retelling of what had happened in the morning, and I would be absolutely dead. I could only pray that she was merciful.

As our random laughing wound down, Lilly and I grew a bit warmer towards each other. It was hard for me not to like my childhood friend, with her deep green eyes and her sleek brown hair. She looked like an artist geek, but she was MY artist geek. Or so I hoped, anyways. Many thins change in a year, or even a few days.... "...Earth to geezer!" I felt a pat on the cheek.

I saw Lilly sit back down, smiling slightly. Even Joyce looked like she was trying not to smile. "I asked you what you wanted to eat....I'm buying."

"Nah, I'll get my own, and Joyce's. We're at Mama's, so we might as well get pizza, right? Lemme guess...you're getting the mushrooms and anchovies..." I wrinkled my nose in fake disgust.

"Eww...only monkeys would eat that." Lilly laughed and stood up, prompting me to join her. Again, out of the corner of my eye...Joyce looked like she was trying to be unhappy, but having a hard time doing it. And I didn't blame her. The atmosphere was quite nice, sitting outside, under Mama's green and white awning, with the sun smiling down on us.

"Stay here." I told Joyce as Lilly and I walked to the restaurant. The little girl just glared at me.

The bell above the door jingled, and Mario greeted us with a hearty "Hello!" Despite the emptiness of the cramped restaurant, and the only two tables outside, Mama Mia had a booming business. At certain times of the year, the place would have a line stretching outside, for people come to pick up their deliveries.

"Right, Mario...." Lilly smiled, and I felt jealous. Just a bit. "Can I have my usual, but only one slice please?"

"Umm...do you still do pineapple pizzas?" I asked. The menu was small and dingy, and didn't reflect the huge "on request" additions they made.

"Ugh...pineapple and pizza. I'll never understand you, Ryan." The way she said my name made my heart race.

Mario nodded at both our requests, mustache bobbing. "They will be done fast."

The bell above the door jingled again. Joyce stood there, so innocent in her pretty white dress. "You didn't forget me, did you, Ryan?"

Oh crap...Joyce wasn't looking for a confrontation...I hoped. Because that was one thing I didn't want to deal with. I'd never seen Lilly get angry, and, frankly, the thought scared me. It also wouldn't be fun to see Joyce's aggression bounce of off Lilly's obliviousness and hit me. Not fun at all. I gave Lilly a meaningful look as I talked to Joyce. "No...we didn't forget you. What do you want? Cheese? Pepperoni, maybe?"

Lilly just shrugged and went outside, the bell jingling. "Call me when it's ready! Or better yet, send the old geezer to carry it to me!"

Mario looked at me questioningly. "I'm not that old yet, am I?"

"She means me." I responded, rolling my eyes.

Mario nodded and headed to the kitchen, leaving just Joyce and me. Not the best place to be...remembering the last time I was alone with Joyce gave me an erection.

"Right. Wait, Mario! You haven't taken Joyce's order yet!"

"I'm not deaf!" came his voice.

Joyce simply glared at me, her arms crossed over her flat chest. I scratched my head. "So..what do you want?"

I assumed she would probably just glare at me for even longer, maybe until the end of time, but she responded, still grumpy. "Mushrooms n' sausage." she muttered.

"Did you hear that?" I shouted to Mario.

"Hear what?"

"Mushrooms and sausage for Joyce!"

"Understood."

Joyce and I left the small room together. Despite her expression and body posture, I couldn't exactly shake the idea that she wanted me to hold her hand. I resisted...it would be weird to offer, and...what would Lilly think? That I had succumbed to her innocent graces and satisfied Joyce's pre-adolescent crush fantasies? Hah!

We sat at the table with Lilly, and a period of awkward silence ensued. It was followed by an even more awkward conversation. Lilly began, probably because she had nothing to draw nor read. "So...is this a date, or what?"

She sounded like s he was joking...but I couldn't help but want to answer truthfully.

"Umm...that depends. Do you want it to be?" I tried keeping my voice as light as hers. By Joyce's fuming glare, I can only infer that I failed.

Lilly's blush also hinted at the same. "Well...I mean...you know...they've....I've actually..." She shook her head, and her hair flew around and covered her face. She brushed it out of the way. "I...I kind of...."

So close, and yet so far. "Hey guys, I bet the pizza's ready!" Joyce's smile was too large and fake. It was good that Lilly didn't notice it.

"Oh yeah. I'll get it." Lilly got up and walked toward the restaurant. I wanted to call her back; it felt she was leaving... permanently. It was an unusual feeling. I wanted to call after her...to ask her to finish her sentence.

Then there were two. Joyce smiled at me, a bit more genuinely this time. "So. I think she likes you, Ryan. Too bad...." Joyce didn't even look back as she stroked her finger around my lips, smiling demurely.

I pushed her away, and hissed. My lips tingled, though. "What're...why here? Not in public!" I glanced around hurriedly. Lilly was getting the pizzas on their paper plates.

Joyce huffed, but she looked satisfied, triumphant. "Hah! So in PRIVATE it's fine....but we can't kiss in public? Hmph!" She turned away so I couldn't see her beautiful smile.

Lilly walked out of Mama Mia's, balancing the pizzas. "Hey geezer! Any help here?"

I smiled as I walked over to her. Joyce's eyes burned holes in my sweater. "Can the monkey not balance?" I took my pizza and Joyce's from her, and brought them to the table.

Lilly rolled her eyes. "I swear, Ryan, your jokes get worse as time goes on! You're losing your touch, old man!"

I laughed as I began to eat the hot pizza.

We ate in relative silence. I don't know what it is about eating that makes people want to either talk loudly, or shut up. But as we ate the delicious pizza, savored the garlic crust, and wiped the tomato sauce from our lips, an odd silence permeated. Even the sounds of eating were muted, it seemed.

In fact, after Lilly and I finished (Joyce was furiously trying to match our pace, but there was only so much food her mouth could fit), we still sat silently. Joyce seemed adorably and totally captivated by her pizza, wolfing large amounts (as large as she could go) down her throat. Finally, Lilly spoke. "So...what do you want to do after this?" I felt she would've said "date", but at that moment, Joyce stopped eating for a moment to wipe her mouth. And glance, it seemed, at both of us, although it was so quick I was not sure.

"I don't know...I have Joyce, so maybe the park?"

"I'm fine with that. We could just hang out, and all, and Joyce could-"

"I'm finished." Joyce stood up and smiled brightly. She turned to me, and acted as it the conversation she interrupted had not happened. "We need to go home, Ryan, I have somehomework I need to do. In fact....you wouldn't want to tell my mom I hadn't finished this homework, right?"

Lilly looked at me quizzically, but I had no doubts as to what she was talking about. I sighed... an afternoon with Lilly became an opportunity lost... how long had it been since I had spent time with my childhood crush? But I looked at Joyce once again, and her con man smile told me she had no qualms about bringing her homework to her mother.

"Sorry Lilly." I tried to convey the magnitude of my regret, and I had no doubt that I failed. "Tomorrow, maybe? We can go to Golden Spoon or something, in the afternoon, if you want."

Lily shrugged. "Maybe. Anyways, if you have to go, then go. Err...sorry for bothering you..." She turned away, already pulling her cell phone out of the bag.

"Thanks for the...err...afternoon..." I managed to say as Joyce dragged me away from Lilly. Joyce skipped happily toward her house, her dress flying up abnormally high with each hop. I sighed and followed.

But as I watched Lilly...I noticed she didn't look back.

I gritted my teeth as we entered Joyce's house again. The door slammed behind me, of no fault of mine. Her door just lent itself to slamming. I wanted to scream at Joyce, to yell at her, as she hopped up the stairs, happy as can be. I managed to hold it down. Joyce had me wrapped around her little finger....if she said anything about what had been done this morning...I would be ruined.

So for the sake of pretty much everything I had, I kept my mouth shut and followed her. I hoped she noticed the danger in my voice as we entered the room. "So...about that math homework...."

Apparently she didn't. "Hmm? Oh Ryan, you knew I was lying about that."

"Yes. I did. But why...?"

We entered the bright pink room, and I tried not to grow any angrier. This...this was where it happened. This was where I damned myself. But who knew Joyce would have taken advantage of it so quickly?

Joyce turned around and sat on the bed, not bothering to shut her legs. I sat down on the floor. Not to see up her dress, I promise. "So. Tell me."

She scratched her head. "Well...I wanted to have some time with you alone. You know to talk about what happened at all..."

"Couldn't you have done it...you know, couldn't you have waited until after Lilly and I had gone to the park with you? We could have all had fun there...then come back....then we..." I looked at my cell phone. "It's only one! Not even that, yet! When does your mom come back?"

"Maybe five or so. But that's not the point! You know why I took you away from her....Lilly has a CRUSH on you. But so do I. And I got you first, so she'll just have to wait." Joyce tried to lick her lips saucily, but she just looked...weird. But her implications got across.

Okay. Seriously. Some people would kill to be in this particular place; your crush has a crush on you, and, if that's not good enough, there was a little girl lusting for you... Originally...I would've too, but...it was too much. A bit too much.

"Seriously, Joyce! Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into? I'm a pedophile and you have been molested! Even raped! Do you UNDERSTAND!" I had no idea what made me go into the rant, but it was relieving. Even if I was shouting. I was pretty sure even Lilly heard me all the way in the plaza.

Joyce was cowed, I could see, but apparently, not enough. "S-s-so? I liked it. And YOU'RE the one in trouble!"

Damn, she recovered fast. "Remember that! If I told on you, you'd be in so much trouble!"

Well shit. That's right. "But...you'd be....I could..you'd...."

Joyce smiled. "Aww...c'mon Ryan. It's not too bad. I'll even let you go out with Lilly...during the day. But she can't come to our sessions at night...not with us. I think I like you too much. for that"

Damnit, damnit, damnit. I was trapped. Well and surely trapped. What could I do...what could I do? "Joyce.

Seriously...you can't control me...you can't do this. Seriously. Stop it, okay. It was a one time thing.

I'm...I'm not doing that again....not...risking that again. Okay, Joyce? This is ILLEGAL, you understand? We CAN'T DO IT!"

Joyce, being Joyce wasn't fazed a bit. "Oh really? What if you had no choice?" She bit her lower lip cutely (and sexily, successful this time), and grabbed the hem of her dress. It began to march up.

Oh crap. I could feel my defenses crumbling again. No!

I turned away, hoping that would help. It didn't. Joyce's body, her smell, her....everything was burned into my mind, for now and for eternity. I would not forget my failure to hold together from this morning, no matter what happened. I heard her call me even before she spoke, her nubile young body beckoning. "Ryan...you know you want it..." I could almost see her body, even with my back turned...she was perfect...

I couldn't stand it. My defenses crumbled. I turned around. Silently, Joyce had gotten her white dress off. Underneath...of course, were just panties. She needed nothing else to keep me captivated. Joyce smiled as I approached, entranced. She thrust her chest out and wiggled her body back and forth. "You know you want it..."

I did want it. I wanted it so badly. I kissed her on the lips...my hands felt her body again, and she moaned as my fingers went lower..and lower....the dirty little girl had probably been wet for a long time, it felt. I pushed inside her gently, and felt her move against me. My anger was mostly gone, replaced only by lust and regret. Regret...that I was going to do this again. Still..it was hidden, pushed under by the massive waves of lust that swamped my brain and my reason.

"You like me, don't you, Joyce?" I had no idea why that popped out of my mouth. Of course she liked me...why else would she do this? But...

"Mmmmmph..." she moaned as she lay on the bed. "Yeah. I...I've had a crush on you for a bit." She smiled. "And now you're mine...."

Oh yes, I was definitely hers. No matter what I said...what I did...Joyce would have me. She had caught me in a net I couldn't escape, and each time I struggled for Lilly, the trap grew tighter. Why had I let this happen? Why was my will not strong enough? Those questions were washed away with the tide of love and lust I felt as I slowly moved down Joyce's body.

There it was again. Covered, but only by soaked, sheer white panties. Her smell was strong again, the smell I imagined, but never could capture. Her sweet arousal filled my nostrils, and her heavy breathing punctuated the silence. My penis threatened to burst out of my pants as I slid Joyce's covering down....

The sight took my breath away. Again, her pretty little slit lay in front of me, totally open. I felt everything, every worry, every sorrow, every care, every caution disappear. She was mine again, all mine.

"What're you waiting for, Ryan?" I heard Joyce whisper, as if from a million miles away. "I'm yours."

My tongue touched her small crack. We both went wild...I from the smell and the taste, and Joyce from the feeling. I could almost sense her eyes rolling with lust as she thrust herself into my mouth. "More, Ryan...more please...."

I was more than glad to give her more....but I needed something too. I pulled my mouth away reluctantly, her pussy juices still sticky on me and her. Despite the fact that she had one on me...here, in this act of depravity...we were both equal. "If you're going to get something, Joyce, you have to give something too." My erection was too obvious as I pulled my pants off. Joyce stared at it in dawning horror.

She sat up. "You mean...you mean I have to suck it? Again? Eww...." She stared at my cock in disgust. "I mean...do I really...is there anything else I could do?" Her voice grew steamy and begging, and she batted her eyes at me adorably.

I was unfazed. We were already here, after all. There really wasn't any other way she could charm me... "You're going to have to please me if I'm going to please you, Joyce. I like licking you and all...but it doesn't satisfy this." I pointed at my cock. Joyce winced at that.

"But....I....what should we do? You can't...I'm not letting you put it...you know! I researched it! You can't have my virginity!" Joyce sounded like a girl in a lose-lose situation.

I had an idea, partially formed...but all the way delicious. "Okay, Joyce." I said, holding my hands up. "I'm not putting this where it's supposed to go...but....you have to trust me, okay? I'll satisfy myself, then I'll suck and lick you until your mother comes back. But you have to let me do something first, okay?"

I saw Joyce's lust at the offer, and felt...good. I had caught her this time. Or..had I? Was it really...?

"Okay, what do I do?" She was practically bouncing up and down in eagerness. I could see small droplets of girl juice flying into the air.

"Turn around...get on your hands and knees. Like...like a dog. No, I'm not going to take your virginity..." I said at her intense stare.

"Yeah! Cause..cause you can't!"

The view from this angle was as good as every and any. Her sweet round ass wiggled a tiny bit as she got her knees steady, and her immature, dripping slit peeked out fearfully from between her legs. For a moment, I actually considered it...what would it be like to fulfill myself deep inside her...all the way....

I shook the thought out. I was going for other things today. I moved behind her, and loved it as she looked back at me. "R-r-remember. No taking my virginity!" She shivered a bit, whether with fright, or with expectation, I don't know. I slapped her butt with my cock once or twice. The feeling of warm, foreign, yet familiar skin on an erection....oh god. I gave myself a few pumps, letting the precum ooze onto Joyce's round butt. "Jeez, Ryan. Boys are so messy" she said as she felt me rubbing the wet goo over her butt. I made no comment on the fact that she was leaking onto the bedspread.

But now...for the finale. I guess I lost. My pedophile side won, and, now...I was little more than a child-raping machine. Oh I was going to have Joyce..and violate ALL of her. I pressed my cock to her crack, and a bit further....ahh. There it was. Her sweetly puckered virgin anus hole touched the sensitive head of my cock. I gripped her body with my other hand.

Joyce had finally discovered what I was doing. "W-w-wait, Ryan. Not there. You can't do it there either! Don't do it, Ryan, don't do it! Not there! Please, not there!"

"Please! Don't do it, Ryan!" It's strange. Her words fought against me, but her body lay still, as if welcoming me in. With one thrust...I would have broken her. She would be totally subject to my will; I would violate her however I wanted. But...I would have also broken myself. No longer would I hold back with Joyce. Every time I was with her, I would become a beast, and rape her until she could no longer stand.

But apparently, I still had a conscience. For, even as I pressed harder into Joyce's hole, I felt regret, guilt. Terrible, painful guilt. So I stopped...not for her, I'm ashamed to say, but for me. Joyce's begging and crying cut me deep, I admit, but in the end...I stopped because I was afraid for my own skin. And that made all the difference to me.

I pulled away and turned away, ashamed to show my face. Why...what had driven me to such extents? I was a good child, with good grades, a moral conscience...I didn't associate with bad people, or do drugs...but why this? Why was this what drove me to fall?

I almost didn't feel Joyce's light touch on my shoulder, but her scent caught me as well. I turned around, trying not to look too defeated. "Yes?"

Her eyes were teary, but her smile was genuine. "I'm...I'm sorry, Ryan. I....knew how much you wanted it. But...you know. That'd hurt!" She sounded like she was trying to joke, and it brought a smile to my face. "No...I'm sorry." I said, hugging Joyce close. "I....shouldn't have tried that..." If Joyce was surprised by my sudden apology, she didn't show it. She just threw her arms around me in that immature way children always do. I was happy.

Her face peeped out at me. "Ummm....if you really want to, I can try...I can try sucking again. It tastes bad...but...you know." Her face turned red as she looked away. I was pretty sure I knew what she wanted. "Uhh...yeah. How about...we have a contest!" A ludicrous idea jumped into my head. It was terrible, stupid, and probably wouldn't work. Which is why I decided to try it.

"Remember what we did this morning? How I was...licking you while you sucked me? Remember that position?" Like she could forget in so short of a time. I pushed her away and held her at arm's distance, our eyes locked. "Do you....here, let's get into that...position again. I'll be on the bottom again."

I laid down on the floor, my view of Joyce unobscured. From this angle, she appeared to tower above me, her slit the most noticeable trait of her body. "C'mon, Joyce. Get into position...but don't suck yet...I have a proposition for you." I gave her my best smile, and saw her fear lessen a bit. "Umm....okay. You ARE going to lick me, right?"

I answered by licking her. Despite what they say...girls' genitals aren't exactly the tastiest things on the planet. Oh, they are adorable...and definitely fun to lick. But tasty...no. Still, it's really the thought that counts, and, as I heard Joyce's moans...I realized there was nothing I'd rather be eating.

"Uhh...uhhh..." Joyce's groans excited me, and my cock grew hard. Despite how satisfying bringing her to the brink of orgasm was, it didn't satisfy me any. "Joyce...that contest. Are you up for it?"

Her hair brushed against my cock as she nodded. I felt myself get more excited. "Okay...well...it's sort of...an orgasm competition. I try to get you to...cum. And you try to get me to cum. Whoever cums first...loses. You up for it?" It had seemed so much...better in my head.

Joyce's competitive side, it seemed, overruled her disgust of my cock. "Okay! Let's do this! Uhh...when?"

I rolled my eyes, knowing she couldn't see. "It's already began. I'm ahead...by a lot. I smiled as another drop of lubricant fell from her pussy onto my chest.

"That's not fair!" she wailed. And suddenly, she was on me like a beast. Her mouth didn't do anything...not yet at least, but her hands took my shaft and began to pump up and down rapidly, almost painfully. But it was definitely stimulating, and I had to concentrate. It wasn't just the movements themselves...it was the girl that was doing it. Joyce...so innocent, so beautiful....and yet so sexual.

I fought back by burying my face in her pussy. My tongue plunged deep inside her, and I tasted her sweet juices. My fingers massaged the area around it, stimulating her outside. I kept my mind off how good her hands felt by trying to make her feel as good as possible.

"H-h-hey Ryan...that's not fair...you had a head start."

I grinned as I licked and sucked harder. I could sense she was close...her legs were trembling, and her voice was high and squeaky. Her moans became grunts, and she forced her pussy into my face, rubbing me with her juices. I thought I had won...but then she began to use her mouth.

I resisted the urge to thrust up into her throat. Her mouth...so warm and wet...her tongue, drawing little circles on my most sensitive areas. I felt her hands grasp me softly, gently, fondling my shaft. She was bringing me to orgasm at the speed of a bullet train...the pressure was building. I had to fight the urge down, the urge to spurt all over her face. Despite the fact that it was my goal....I was to have SOME fun, wasn't I?

"I think you caught up pretty fast, am I right?" I prayed that my voice wasn't too weak. Her only response was to suck a bit harder, the slurping sounds now evident. My cock was covered with her saliva, and her fingers were wet with it. I was pretty sure she had already drank quite a bit of precum, but by the way she was sucking me...it didn't taste that bad.

I kissed her pussy gently, drawing out a small moan. I smiled. I guess I wasn't TOO far behind after all. With a viciousness usually reserved for rabid dogs, I began to suck and lick her harder. My nose poked her pussy as my tongue ravaged her, and my fingers frantically searched for the little button that would drive her off the edge. Joyce, apparently sensing this, began to stroke much harder. I closed my eyes and focused on the task at hand....or mouth...but Joyce's smell...the feeling...

I found her clitoris much too early, and much too late. I was on the brink of cumming already, but I felt her stiffen as I touched her most sensitive spot. In a last ditch resort, Joyce somehow managed to shove my cock down her throat, and began to gag. She coughed me out, her hand still pumping. That was enough. As I viciously diddled with her clit, I gave a gasp as I spurted my load onto her face, her flat chest, her lovely throat. Only a moment afterwards, I heard her long, drawn out moan peter into a scream, as her pussy let loose with a flood of cum. It probably wasn't much, but from my angle it was a lot as her juices flowed into my mouth as fast as I could spit them out.

It was from a distance I felt Joyce collapse onto my body, her pussy still slightly pulsing. It was from a distance I heard her voice. She turned her head back toward me, supporting her body with trembling arms. The cum dripping down her face was a beautiful mask that did not do anything to obscure her adorable face. "I....I think you won, Ryan." she manged to get out before collapsing again. "I'm....tired."

And I was too. Yet...despite that, Joyce's bald, innocent pussy in front of me still turned me on. The little innocent crack dripped with juice, and, as I watched, one fat bead of cum broke off. I caught it on my tongue. I was...absolutely and totally enraptured with Joyce. Despite the fact that this was illegal on so many levels, despite the fact that this was absolutely wrong, despite the fact that I was betraying Lilly in the worst way...I was in love with Joyce. I wanted more, so much more.

I was a pedophile.

The rest of the afternoon went about frighteningly normally. The orgasms had taken it all out of us; we didn't even bother to check who might have won. I was soaked in little girl cum, and I was pretty sure my sticky cum had probably gummed one of her eyes shut. We took another shower, and although another erection became painfully obvious as I watched the water run down Joyce's back. Her menacingly threatening glare made me wilt like a rose in a desert. Some things just go too far.

We sort of lazed around all afternoon. I took Joyce outside for a short walk, and she held my hand the whole time, her white dress belling around her ankles. But other than that...I kept to my side of her room, browsing the Internet, and she stayed on hers, reading books, doing homework, and occasionally consulting me for problems. But...we stayed a bit distant. Nevertheless, as we both heard the garage door open, and as we both jumped to our feet... Joyce gave me a small peck on the cheek. Small, but it was enough to make my face flush.

"Just a reminder." Joyce said with a small smile.

I walked home alone, trying my best not to mentally or physically run back to Joyce's room. So tempting... I wasn't surprised to see that the driveway was empty as I walked back home. Mom....always out. I sighed as I unlocked the door and entered the empty house.

That night...I lay on my bed, trying devoutly not to think of Joyce. But it was impossible. Her beautiful, smiling face popped into my head. My hand touched my cock tentatively as I remembered her small, moist crack. Oh god....Joyce..... But Lilly's disapproving face kept on interrupting. The way she turned away as Joyce had dragged me off. She...she couldn't have known....could she have? No!

I went to sleep that night in turmoil. What to do? What to do?

I woke up Sunday morning with a clear image of what to do. Okay...not exactly clear, but I knew what I wanted to happen. I wanted to.... "break up" with Joyce, and go for Lilly. I woke with an absurd amount of optimism that morning. How could I possibly leave the first girl I'd had sex with so abruptly? How could I face Lilly after she seemed to know what was going on?

Well, the first part was easy. I didn't have to do it. After waking up, dressing, taking a shower, eating breakfast, and going over what I wanted to say to Joyce thousands of times in my head...I never got the chance to say it. Even if I did, something would have probably gone wrong. But I called three times, and got voice mail three times. Thankfully, I did not have to face that atomic bomb today. I shuddered to think what Joyce might do if I told her I was not going to....make love to her anymore. I put down the phone, thankful that I might have a chance later...when I was sane.

For Lilly, there was to be no such getting out of it. I was going to come out to Lilly. She was a childhood friend, and, despite our recent distancing from each other (and even more recent awkwardness), I trusted her, and wanted her to know everything. In short, I loved her. So I rehearsed. I first summarized what I wanted to tell her. Yes, I wrote it down on a paper that would find its way to the shredder as soon as I didn't need it. I'd tell her I was a pedophile...I'd tell her that I responded to Joyce's advances....and, finally, with a tip of the hat to Daniel, I'd tell her that I loved her and wanted to go out with her.

My wording was precise; my meaning, as clear as I wanted it to be. I'd be deliberately vague on my responses to Joyce. Okay, maybe I'd tell a few little white lies. Okay, really, really big white lies. But what I did with Joyce yesterday was to be between us two forever. That was one memory that would never see the light. Maybe the darkness, as I relived every bittersweet moment in bed at night...but never the light. I'd tell her everything...Lilly would be my skeleton in the closet....she'd know everything about me. I could only hope that this would make her like me. I could only hope that she'd still be willing to go out with me, a pedophile and a liar.

The phone rang once before her mom picked it up. The sounded so much alike, I almost started reading out my speech before I heard her mom call for her. Lilly's chirpy voice filled my ears, and even the telephone sound couldn't dilute her. "Hey Ryan! So, what's up, old buffoon?"

My mouth went dry. The letters on the page I held in front of me seemed to dance, to become arcane symbols I had no idea how to decipher. Lilly could have that effect on me. I slid the paper across the table, where it fell off. So much for that idea. "Hey...monkey."

"Yeah? What's up?" Her voice seemed to come from miles away.

I swallowed audibly, praying she couldn't hear me. "Uhh...nothing much. I was just....y'know....I thought..."

"Oh come on, old man. I've got things to do!"

I closed my eyes and focused my mind. I'd have one chance... "WannagototheJambaJuicewithme?"

"You're gonna have to slow down. This is one monkey that's not hyper today...."

I cleared my throat. "Do you want to...go to the Jamba Juice with me? Y'know...get a few smoothies?" My slow mind booted up a bit more. "And you could tell me about your problems."

I heard Lilly sigh. "Ummm....."

I wanted to scream right then and there. Why did my mind seem to abandon me every time anything important happened!? Joyce...and now this....I was clearly not meant to live long enough to reproduce. My predator was embarrassment...and myself.

"Sure, why not." I could have burst right then and there. She was....this was...I might be able to... I tried not to let the happiness flood my mind too badly as I responded.

"Great. So, you want to do it now?" What the hell was I saying? I made her sound like a prostitute...

"You make me sound like a prostitute." Her laughter burst out of the phone like a sunbeam. I was suddenly absurdly happy.

I turned my voice low and gravelly. "Hey girl. We meet at the Juice, just you and me. Come on...you know you want it."

"Oh stop it!" I was sure, that, if she was in front of me, she'd be visibly cheering up.

Which made me wonder what made her sad in the first place. I'd be finding out soon... "Okay. So right now? I have the time...I'll go now, and meet you there?"

"Yeah...sure." I could feel the undercurrent of exhaustion. "Give me a few, okay?"

"Okay. See you there! I'm buying!"

"Hey! I'm not some-"

I hung up, feeling elated. Would this work? Could I....?

I had been waiting for a few minutes before she got there. Every minute had ticked by like a day. The waiting was torture to me...the guilt weighed heavily on my shoulders. Guilt...guilt for everything. I imagined the worst.

Lilly came, though. She wore a heavy woolen sweater with a design that hinted at Native American, and short shorts. I tried not to eye her legs too obviously, but she so rarely showed them...and they were so nice.

Instead, I handed her the Pink Star smoothie I bought for her, and raised an eyebrow at her expression. Lilly had always been a touch retracted, but today...she seemed to be hidden under a shell. Her beautiful features were carefully crafted to show little to no emotion, and her hair fell over her face as she brought the smoothie to her and drank. Not even a "thank you". What had happened?

"Hey, monkey. What's wrong?" I tried humor. It never seemed to work.

A few moody slurps were my response. I shrugged and took a few sips of my Screaming Orgasm. It was always awkward to ask for that from the Jamba Juice employees, but it was always worth it when I took a sip.

"Sorry. It's just...." I snapped out of my reverie. Despite Lilly's cold as ice exterior, I could almost see the hot tears in her eyes. What was wrong? What had done this to her?

"Hey Lilly...what's wrong? You can tell me...seriously."

Apparently the wrong thing to say. A tear trickled down her face. "No...no I can't. Not really. It's just...it's something weird. Nothing, actually. Don't....just....." She sniffed a bit, and took another sip.

I tried changing topics. "Hey Lilly. Guess what I'm drinking?" That was pretty much the extent of my sad comedy routine.

But it seemed to work, if only a little. I saw the corners of her mouth twitch. "A Screaming Orgasm."

I gagged on my drink. "What? How did you know?"

"Remember that one time? We told each other our favorite drinks....It's cool how you remembered mine was Pink Star." She gave me a sad smile and shook the drink a bit.

I saw a flash of white out of the corner of my eye, and something made me turn to it. But it was gone, as if it was never there. I didn't even know why it had caught my eye....

"Yeah, but wait. I told you mine was the Mad Mango....right?" I queried.

Lilly's blush was adorable. "Oh, well....I...."

And I thought I had her. But then she stood up, and the chair nearly fell in its rush to get away from her.

"Never mind. I have to..I have to go now, Ryan. I'm....I'm sorry...." She stuck out her hand, but then, as if she thought better of it, she retracted it before I could even register anything. "Yeah. Umm....bye."

And with that, Lilly was gone. Only her fragrance hung in the air as I watched her shape grow smaller and smaller into the meager crowd. A flash of white again, but I didn't see it.

Mondays were always terrible to me, and this one was no exception. Mom only gave me a kiss on the cheek before she ran out the door to her next client... At night, I had done a little thinking, and my sleep-addled mind had decided to continue this charade between Joyce and Lilly. My heart would be torn apart, but at least my body would stay intact. Tonight, I had them both on either sides again, tugging my heartstrings apart in a brutal tug-of-war.

I dragged myself through my first class, where I didn't see Lilly. Daniel noticed something was wrong, and tried to talk to me. I brushed him off, like the terrible friend I was. Luckily for me, he was Daniel, and thus didn't seem remarkably fazed.

"How's it going with Lilly?"

"Fuck off. Please."

"Harsh language. Hope it gets better." He followed me around the whole rest of the day, making his presence known and comforting, although he was reading "Lolita" by Vladmir Nabokov. Probably weird coincidence, but.... Lilly and I were on different planets the entire door. Despite sharing two classes, we really didn't interact...the social gods of high school dramas simply wouldn't allow it. Still, I satisfied myself by staring at her...but in my increasingly sexual fantasies, Joyce kept on popping in. She'd be awkwardly in the background, waggling a finger disapprovingly, or frowning and glaring at me.

Still, I made it through the day emotionally, mentally, and physically intact. However, as I watched Lilly speedwalk in front of me on the way home, I tried to call after her. But my voice stuck in my throat. What was worse, she didn't look back.

I was lethargic when I got home. I scribbled out a few definitions for English, tried to graph a polar equation, and started opening my Spanish book. But, in reality, the only things that occupied my mind were Joyce and Lilly. After doing enough homework to barely pass each assignment, I aimlessly wandered the house. Granted, I could be more productive...watching television, playing computer games, or steeling myself for Joyce's assault tonight.

But no. Instead, I found myself at my underwear drawer. I slowly opened it, trying not to act paranoid. My hand fished around in the waves of cloth....and there it was. My...treasure. Joyce's panties. I removed them as if they were delicate jewelry, and tentatively took a sniff. They still....they still smelled like her. The musk so familiar. The smell of a little girl. Except now, I knew far more about that than any man should have any right to know.

My defenses weakened as I took another sniff. I would not be ready at all for Joyce tonight.

My steps were heavy as I walked up the stairs to Joyce's door. Her mother had probably already left, as the driveway was empty, and the house was dark. Well, most of it, anyways. Upstairs, I could see the light on. I could easily imagine the pink interior, and Joyce, dressed up in her adorable little "jammies". Or rather, not dressed up at all. Before, I had gone to her house fervently believing I would not succumb to her cute little charms. This time I was here, praying I would.

I fought myself as I trudged down the hallway, my socks feeling like they had been filled with lead. Would I do it again? Or had I been damned far enough? In my heart, I knew the truth. I would never be able to resist Joyce and her charms again. The one fall had taken me all the way to the bottom, and I was to never go up again.

I opened the door to the room, expecting to see Joyce's smiling face, and her slim young body encased in her pink "jammies". Despite knowing that she was the one that damned me, I could not help but want to see her, to touch her, to know her...again, and again, and again.

I was stopped in my tracks by Joyce's cold stare. Her pajamas seemed more like armor than soft cloth as she glared at me from her bed, sitting Indian style. Despite how cute she looked, the sheer ferocity with which she stared at me frightened me. A death row convict could not have put more intensity into a stare. I suddenly felt small, absolutely minuscule. My ears and face grew hot, and I began to breathe quickly. "Why....why are you angry?"

She answered in typical female fashion. "What makes you think I'm angry?" Her mouth pulled into a sullen pout.

I tried not to be snarky. "Well...whatever it is, I'm pretty sure you can tell me." I grew a bit more confident and relaxed. She was just a girl, just a little girl. Albeit, a little girl with the power to send me to jail. "You. I hate you. I HATE YOU." Suddenly, she wasn't so fearsome or imposing anymore. She was just a little girl, crying her eyes out.

I had a really bad feeling about this.

I had dealt with crying kids before, but that was on a case to case basis. Some were really frustrated over homework, or friend problems, or even bullying, although that was rare. But, just like all the other's, I never had one like this. Joyce had simply started crying her eyes out, after brutally informing me she hated me. It tore at my heart, and I had to fight not to cry myself. It was as if Joyce had control over my life. To an extent, she did.

"What's wrong Joyce? What did I do? What...what...." I couldn't even begin to get my confusion out. How had I made Joyce cry? Suddenly, I wanted her all over again. I had come here with a vague goal in mind; to "dump" a girl I should never have even thought about touching. But seeing her like this made the goal impossible. I couldn't hurt her in any way...I wouldn't. It just wouldn't be....right.

"I....I....I really....l-l-l..." Joyce's sobs made it hard to get out the words, but I was definitely getting what she wanted to say. And I reeled back at it. What? She...she...she.... It was all so overwhelming. Over my head. We had...it had.... I couldn't begin to think about the implications. But one thing kept me afloat in that sea of confusion. She loved me. I loved her too.

I put my arms around her. I felt her weakly struggle, weakly wiggle, trying to throw me off. She gave up the ghost and let me hug her, still crying softly. "I still hate you." she told me, but, for some reason, it didn't hurt me half as much.

"I know." I answered.

It took her a while to calm down, and she wouldn't let me let go of her. As she entered the hiccuping phase of her tears, Joyce managed to get some things out. "Didn't...know it at first...but...I really...really...liked you." She laid her head against my chest, tears still trickling softly down her cheeks.

I sighed. "But then...why are you so angry?"

"Why?" Joyce pushed me away a bit and looked me in the eyes. "You have to ask WHY?" she asked in that way so stereotypical of females.

"Well...yeah. Why? I don't...?" I was confused. Why did she...come to think of it, this made no sense. I had walked into Joyce's room reasonably cheery, and, suddenly, she crashed my mood painfully hard. I was definitely curious.

"You! Lilly! Date! Could it be more obvious!?" Joyce looked like she wanted to throw her hands in the air. "I saw you!" Her voice grew accusing, and more than a little sad. "I..saw you two at Jamba Juice."

Suddenly, it fell into place like a too-perfect puzzle. That flash of white. Why had I not recognized it before. Only Joyce wore such a pure, such a simple yet elegant dress. And in such a way. My mouth opened and closed a few times. Joyce seemed to take this as confirmation of her fears, as she buried her face in my chest again, small sobs wracking her body.

"I...that wasn't....it wasn't a date!" I tried not to scream, but the whole situation was like something out of hell. "We were just...talking. It wasn't a date. I promise."

Suddenly, Joyce's all-smile face made me wonder if she had just been faking the tears. But the salty stream that trickled down her face was all too real as she looked to me, absolutely and totally hanging onto my words. "Are you...you sure? Really? REALLY?"

"Yeah." I sighed wearisomely. "It wasn't. We were just talking. Lilly's had some...problems. It's...hell, I don't even know what it is."

Even Joyce's unexpected hug and smack on the lips couldn't totally cheer me up. Although it definitely got me most of the way there. And, now, despite Joyce's now obvious advances (pressing her body against me while smiling sexily. Well, to me, every time she smiled was sexy anyways) I couldn't get Lilly out of my head. What had troubled her so?

Outside, the moon stared through the window at me like an accusing eye.

Joyce's advances were unexpected, but not exactly unwelcome. Still, ignoring my animal urges, I tried to push the bouncy little Asian girl off.

"Joyce. No, seriously. We can't do this. It's not right." Even to myself, I sounded cheesy, pointless. We both very well knew I couldn't resist her at all....but still. Trying was all part of the game, and I always lost.

Still, I resolved to try harder. Even as Joyce, giggling and bubbly, grabbed at my clothing, I tried to resist.

"No, Joyce, no. I'm really serious this time." My voice sounded weak and cracking to me, but, apparently, to her, it was enough. Joyce pushed me away with a shocked expression, leaving me to catch myself. I never thought she'd actually stop...but she did.

I didn't feel triumphant. Although this had been my goal from the very beginning...I didn't feel like I had won. Not against my urges, not against Joyce. Instead, I felt...defeated. Tired, lost. I felt needy, lustful. I wanted Joyce, although, according to her expression and words, she didn't seem to know that.

"What? Ryan, how DARE you say such a thing?" Were those tears I saw forming in her eyes again?

"We've...I thought...I really..." She sniffed.

"What? That's not what I meant! I mean, that's...." Damnit, how had it gone to this? All I had wanted from this night.... with a start, I realized I actually...I actually had wanted Joyce. I had wanted her to shove her sweet little crack in my face, I had wanted to hear her moans as I sucked her, had wanted to feel her sweet little mouth on me.

And I was both terrified and disappointed. Through the haze of emotions, I totally missed the trap that Joyce had set for me. I should have known..she was both a smart and determined girl. "Joyce. I'm sorry. This can't continue, though. We both know it's wrong..."

She shook her head violently. "NO! NO NO NO! That's not it! That's not why! Wasn't I good enough, Ryan? Maybe you wanted more...maybe you wanted...."

Joyce sniffled a bit, and moved her hands down to her pants. She pushed down both layers gently, revealing her pussy, although not much of it. I could see she noticed my hungry look, and I caught just the barest bit of triumph in her face as she pulled her pants down farther. "I knew it, Ryan. All you wanted...."

I closed my eyes and turned away. "Joyce. No. I'm not going to...and you...that's something we should never touch. Never." My breathing was coming quickly, my will fighting against itself. The irrational part of my brain was telling me to do it, to love her, to take her right now. After all, she was offering it. And I wanted it. I had licked it, touched it...all that was left was to take it. To take her.

But I couldn't. No, I couldn't lose it now. If I did...the consequences would be both terrible and quick. I imagined Joyce on the floor, screaming in pain, trying to stop the flow of blood from her vagina. I imagined my hands around her throat, her protesting mouth as I viciously did to her things that should not be done to any ten year old. I closed my eyes, trying to make the images go away...but they wouldn't. What was worse...they aroused me. I was growing harder.

"Are you okay?" Joyce asked. True concern was in her voice. I felt a bit better.

Trying to sound reassuring, I responded. "Yeah, I'm fine, Joyce. But...don't do that. Seriously, don't tempt me anymore. If I lose control....I'm not going to be the only one regretting it. We should...maybe you need to get a new babysitter. I think I'm going to quit, Joyce."

Joyce whirled me around, more strength in her thin arms than should have been. Suddenly, I was face to face with the half-naked, half-pint, all-beautiful Asian girl. "What? What? WHAT? No!" I could only surmise she saw seriousness in my face, and, ironically, that was what made my threat serious.

"Yes, Joyce. This is getting way out of hand. We need to stop this, or I'll quit." Suddenly, I could imagine it. I could imagine walking away from this, unscarred, absolutely fine. I had made love to her, but I'd never... I could imagine being "normal" again, although I didn't exactly know what that might entail. I was just happy I had a chance to get out of this vicious spiral.

"No, Ryan, you can't quit!" Joyce's voice carried more than a hint of desperation. I grew frighteningly giddy. Was I really worth that much to her? Did she really like me that much? Well, if she was willing to give her...or rather, willing to risk her virginity, then I must have some value to her. Yet again, Joyce was a wrecking ball through my defenses. Yet again, I swore I wouldn't give in.

"Please, Ryan, please? I'll be a good girl. We can do whatever you want." She sounded like something out of a bad porn movie. Still...I was attracted. Extremely attracted. Anything I wanted...images flew unbidden through my mind. Joyce, her nose mashed to the base of my cock as she swallowed it all. Joyce, screaming with pleasure as I rammed myself deep inside her. Joyce, her juicy little puss leaking my white seed as she asked if we could do it again. I swallowed as my face flushed.

Joyce, perspective as never, noticed my long pause. She pressed. "C'mon, Ryan. I can be good, you know. Please? Give me a second chance." I realized that, with me, she'd have no end to second changes. I didn't see her coming behind me, but I did feel her gentle fingers on my cock. She clumsily stroked it up and down twice. I tried not to gasp.

She pushed even further into my defenses. "Y'know...Ryan....I touch myself." I could almost see her face burning red. "I...I think of you when I do it." The smell of her arousal filled the air. I wanted to turn around so badly. I could easily remember what her flawless body looked like...smooth...hairless....a small, hidden slit and two rock hard, brown nipples on the physique of a child. I closed my eyes, trying to focus, knowing I wouldn't get away this time.

Her hands still stroked me, badly, but extremely pleasurably. I tried not to let myself thrust into her hands, but it was hard. I began to inch backwards, to lay into her soft, nubile body.

"Thank you, Ryan." I heard her whisper into my ears. I just mumbled, already too lost in pleasure to do anything.

"Damnit, Joyce..." I mumbled. "Stop it. Really." My voice carried no weight whatsoever. Joyce giggled.

"C'mon, Ryan. We can keep on doing this, and just keep it secret. Okay? Why did you want stop anyways?" Her hands were magic on me. The smell of her arousal brought me back to earth. As good as this was...there was something else I wanted.

I managed to gather enough wit and willpower about me. Breaking out of Joyce's gentle embrace (to her squeal of surprise), I stood up and turned around. My erect cock pointed at her chest like a dangerous weapon. Joyce covered her chest shyly, and looked at me with doe eyes. "Suck?" I almost melted right there.

Instead I dropped to my knees. Joyce opened her legs, and I could see her smile. Damnit, she knew everything. Every move I could do, everything I might try. And the problem was...I enjoyed it. A bit sick to my stomach, I realized I enjoyed this game I played with Joyce. I loved how she dragged me into sex, and I loved the sex itself. Everything else...had been a charade. I wanted to barf.

Instead, I leaned forward and pressed my tongue to her plump slit. Her fingers pried it open for me, so I could taste her even better. I heard Joyce's tiny moans as she doubled up, and placed her hands on my head. "Yes...Ryan....." Her eyes closed in ecstasy.

Mine closed in shame. Oh, I enjoyed it, no doubt about it. I enjoyed plunging my tongue into Joyce's wet, tight pussy, I enjoyed pushing her legs apart further, enjoyed how she tried to force me deeper and deeper. But I felt shame, immense shame. Why? Why had I fallen so far? I could easily trace how....that was of no matter. But...but why? Why was I so weak?

Those questions troubled the back of my mind as I licked and sucked, giving Joyce the pleasure of her lifetime.