It would be an understatement to claim I hadn't been able to sleep that night. All I got was images of that sweet young girl in a wreck. I couldn't think of what to say to Ingrid either. The next day was not a day you would see in ads about Southern California. The sky was overcast, rain splashing into the pool, the weather somewhat chilly and damp. Shelley got up first and was shocked at the news I had. Not sad really, she'd never even met Bambi, but shocked. A whole family gone like that. Ingrid was up next and got really upset. She didn't cry any more than I had but we were both infinitely sad. Anniken got up last, more sunny and bright than California was on its best day.

"I guess we'll have to go to Disneyland another day, huh?" she said happily. The weather was not dampening her spirit whatsoever.

I told her what had happened the day before. Her smile faltered and she just muttered 'oh'.

I promised her we'd still go to Disneyland once the sun was back.

"That's not necessary, Mark. I understand it wouldn't be the same for you to have a fun vacation now."

I cupped her jaw in my hand, stroking my thumb across her cheek.

"Don't you worry about me, sweetheart. I brought you here for some great California fun, and we will have that, though just today I think I should spend with my friend Andrew."

Anniken nodded. Ingrid and her Mom both told me to just take the whole day with him. I got dressed and came back down to find the girls watching a DVD. I was glad to see a small smile on Ingrid's face as she snuggled up to Anniken; the last thing I wanted was for the rest of her vacation to be ruined. We'd see what mood they'd be in when I came back.

The rain was even worse where Andrew lived. When he opened the door Andrew seemed surprisingly composed. Apparently whatever brief grief he had shown over the phone was now bottled up deep inside. That made me even sadder for him. He'd never be able to move on if he didn't allow himself to let all his feelings out. More than anything he looked pissed off, furious as a matter of fact, ready to wreak havoc on whatever came his way. I wanted to console him but I was afraid to open my mouth.

I could easily imagine what he was going through. If Ingrid...don't think about it, don't think about it.

"Did you get time off from work?" was all I could think of to say.

He laughed with zero traces of humor.

"My vacation starts today."

He was silent for a few minutes.

"What the hell am I going to do with myself? She was the only positive thing in my entire life. I lived for her, my times with her."

"I know. For now, getting away from here is what you need, Andrew. What I'll do is buy a plane ticket. You can use my apartment the rest of the time we have in California. That way you can be alone, away from here.

"I couldn't do that."

"Yes, you can do that. I insist. Go, it'll be a perfect place to think. It'll make me feel better too."

He managed a small humorless smile. Then he nodded. I'm not the one to waste any time, so I got right down to business; got him a plane ticket that day. I refused to listen to any more objections; he needed to get some distance. At the airport I thrust my apartment keys on him, gave him the codes he needed, plus the car to my Viper.

"There is ten grand in my safe," I told him, "Use it for food and whatever else you need."

"You're insane, I can't spend that."

"I don't intend you to spend it all, moron, just use part of it to get by."

He nodded again, another emotionless look on his face. His despair was so evident to me. Andrew had to be totally torn apart inside. How he managed to look composed was beyond me. All I could imagine was that the outer layer he showed was a huge deception, his only defense against total collapse.

Anyway, he went. At the airport he hugged me, thanked me, and then boarded the plane. Hopefully the time to himself, away from visual reminders of everything he'd lost, would do him some good. Thinking of Ingrid and my love for her, I had my doubts.

Back at the rented house the girls were sitting on the couch watching TV with Shelley out by the pool, under a parasol as the sky was still overcast. I checked in with her first.

"How's the girls doing, Shel?"

"They're OK, though they've been kind of quiet today. Especially Ingrid haven't had much to say and Anniken's been very accepting of that, just sitting next to her and holding her hand. Ingrid's not grieving exactly; she seems more shocked by today's look at just how harsh life can be."

I nodded; it had to been one heck of a reality check for someone so young. When I went to the girl Ingrid got up and hugged me, holding on pretty tight.

"How is your friend doing?" Anniken asked.

"Not too great. I'm sure he'll be fine eventually but for now he just needs some time alone."

I filled them in on sending him off to my place and they both thought it was a good idea. I wasn't so sure but wisely kept my mouth shut. Ingrid cornered me about an hour later, sitting next to me out on the deck.

"I wish I could spend the night with you, Daddy. I don't want to have sex or anything but I'd love to lie down and just have you hold me and rub my back until I fall asleep."

I felt the same way but there was no way to do that. At most I put my arm tightly around her shoulder and kissed her on the head a few times. Tired from my wringer of a day I slept pretty quickly after I closed my eyes. A few hours later a small hand was shaking my shoulder. Ingrid was there in a white nightgown, and then she slipped in next to me. Just a minute later her mother looked in and found her daughter there, already asleep. That had my heart beating faster but Shelley was very understanding. She sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed her daughter's back. Ingrid grabbed me in her sleep and I let her.

"You want me to carry her back to bed?" I asked.

Shelley shook her head.

"Nah, let her stay. If you don't mind?"

My head slowly went side to side. I relaxed; Shelley really does just see me as someone with innocent, caring, and fatherly feelings for her little girl. I hoped that would never change.

"Goodnight," she said, giving her daughter a final kiss on the end.

That night my behavior towards Ingrid was strictly innocent, caring and fatherly. No hardons, gropes and fondling, I just held her, enjoying her warmth and softness; platonically speaking that is.

In the morning she was still there, on her back, a leg draping my own. My hands stroked her hair, my eyes enjoying how sweet and innocent she looked. My passion for her was instantly renewed, but with an effort I suppressed it. With a kiss on one of her eyelids I went and checked in on Shelley. She was sitting up in bed with a magazine, but nodding off.

"Your girl is still sleeping," I told her, "You're obviously still tired, why don't you slip in to bed with her."

"Good idea," she smiled and went to her daughter.

Anniken was already awake, splashing around the pool. The weather was once again the best sunny California had to offer.

"Hi," she said cheerily.

One thing about Anniken, her presence can really lighten a mood. I jumped in with her and we frolicked around for a while. There was no grief in her and I never would have expecting any as she and Bambi had never met. I was still determined for her to have a blast her time in California. Half an hour later we were laying side by side on the widest chaise lounge.

"I really like your friend Andrew, it's so sad what's happened. He must be so upset. It was really nice of you to let him use your apartment. Maybe...maybe I can get to know him better when we get back."

She sounded as hopeful as expected, she wanted what Ingrid and I had so badly. I turned on my side and looked at her.

"I know what you're thinking, sweetheart, but you shouldn't get your hopes up. He loved Bambi so much and it'll take some time to get over what happened to her. And when he moves on he may not be ready to let in another girl. I hate to discourage you, but that's the facts. Plus he also lives out here."

"That's why you should let him move in with you. I could be wrong but it'll probably be better for him if he could move somewhere he won't be reminded of her every day."

That sounded quite perceptive to me but I restrained from saying so.

"I'm not stupid, I know I can't make him feel for me the way he did her or the way you do about Ingrid. But I'm more than willing to try. In the meantime I'd be happy just being there for him."

But would she be able to handle the possible rejection and disappointment? I knew she was a lonely girl at home with her father and she and Andrew would be just what the other needed. Anniken had a very determined look in her eyes; maybe she would be able to pull it off. And her idea was brilliant; getting Andrew to come stay with me more permanently. At least until he could find work and a place of his own back home. The more I thought about it the more sense it made.

Ingrid bounced back pretty quickly from the shock of what had happened. The next day she was anxious for the four of us to take that trip to Disneyland. I rented a convertible for the ride to Anaheim; the girls in the backseat and Shelley riding shotgun with me.

I'd never ridden on a monorail before but it was interesting and the girls got a kick out of it, chatting animatedly and pushing and prodding for position next to me. In the end Ingrid gave it up for Anniken and they changed places for the second ride. As the day progressed the girls showed no fear, willing to try and ride any adventure the place had to offer. All of us had some playful fun on Shelley's behalf as she's a total chicken when it comes to rides. I didn't mind as the time alone with the girls was appreciated. Whenever we were standing in line the kids constantly hugged me and leaned on me making the waiting very bearable. There's nothing quite like experiencing amusement parks when you have kids with you, especially if they were your lovers as well.

The riverboat was a highlight for me as it was a chance to wind down and relax and just enjoy the scenery. Hot girls in the foreground and the California landscape in the background; what more can a guy ask for?

One day was hardly enough so I checked the four of us into one of Disney's hotels for a three day stay. Shelley shared a room with the girls and I had one for myself. The next morning there was a knock at my door and I found Anniken standing there asking to come in. She looked so summery where she stood in open toed sandals and a short pink and red dress, skin looking tan and vibrant. I ushered her inside where she was quick to hug me very tightly, tilting her head back for a kiss. I bent down and lightly nibbled at her ripe lips and drew her soft body into my hard one.

"Ingrid got her Mom to take her to breakfast for some mother/daughter time so we could be alone. Sex was still the last thing on my mind and it wasn't really on hers either, she just missed me holding her with no restraints. We lay down, pecking occasionally at each other's lips as I stroked her perfect skin. For an hour we lay side by side enjoying the other's warmth before we finally broke apart from our embrace and headed to find the other two. We put the tragedy that had crashed our midst behind us and had a wonderful three days at the resort.

Not that it was the end. There was one week left and I did everything I could to give Anniken a summer trip she would never forget and I think it was a raging success. I hoped for plenty of amazing summers in the future.

All things come to an end and too soon our daily lives beckoned and the girls had school to go back to. So we bid California adieu and flew home.

---

Arriving at my apartment I was very anxious to see how Andrew was coping after the time alone. When I found him in the living room I had to suppress a gasp of shock at the sight of him. He'd lost weight and looked exhausted, his face still ravaged with grief, with hollow cheeks, and eyes worn and red. I'd totally misjudged the depth of his despair. My heart had never bled for another man but it did now. One thing was obvious; he'd never be able to move on back home, needing a total change of scenery.

What the man needed most of all was to let his grief out, I didn't believe for one second he'd shed a single tear beyond his phone call to me right after Bambi's death. It was bound to happen eventually, it was only so much bottled up feelings the human body can handle, and I just hoped it would be sooner rather than later.

"How are you doing, Andrew?" I asked him.

"Hanging in there, getting restless, I think it's time to go home."

I touched his shoulder but my gesture was unwelcome so I dropped it.

"There's no rush, dude, give it another week, it hasn't been just the two of us for years."

"OK, I'll stay. But just for now."

He was depressing to be around, turning down anything I offered to turn his spirits around. Anniken stopped by and tried to do it as well but had no better luck than me. Bless her heart she never gave up, determined to use her charms on the man. There was never anything to dampen her spirits. Andrew gave nothing in return, just put on fake smiles for her sake. It was frustrating because they needed each other so much. I knew if Andrew put away his reserves they would bring each other so much happiness.

In the end Andrew wanted to go home. It seemed to me he was content to wallow in grief, torturing himself living where he had lost everything. He was in his room packing when Anniken once again showed up at the apartment. I told her it would be better if she came back later but she was determined to try once again. She just bounced past me and went to see Andrew as she did not want him to leave. A few minutes later I heard raised voices. Well, one voice. Shortly after Anniken came storming out with tears in her eyes and into my arms.

"Sweetie, what happened?"

"He...yelled at me. To leave him alone. That he doesn't need me...that he needs Bambi...and that I'm...not her. No one could ever be her...least of all me. Why? I just want to help. He didn't have to be mean."

She was crying now and I was ready to snap. Enough was enough. Andrew needed some harsh talking too so I placed Anniken in a cab, assuring her everything would be OK and I went to his room ready for a fight. Sad or not you didn't treat girls that way.

"What is your problem, man? I know you're in pain but yelling at a sweet girl that wants to help you is out of line. Maybe you should go home. Be alone and miserable and feel sorry for yourself. I don't know if you realize it or not but what happened to that family is the true tragedy here, you treat your grief as if it's more important. Anniken was very upset, crying thanks to you. Rather than torturing yourself over what is gone why don't you look at what is right in front of you? People have to move on and you are no different."

Andrew had been folding a t-shirt in his lap but his hands came to a stop as he stared at the wall.

"Andrew, are you even fucking listening to me?"

That's when I had to watch my best friend totally break down.

Andrew started shaking. He lay down and pulled a blanket over himself, burying his face in the pillow under his head and cried like his heart was going to shatter. All I could do was to silently withdraw to give him privacy but I could clearly hear him from the kitchen as all the pain and agony he'd suppressed was let loose. For an hour I listened to his grief overwhelm him and him not doing anything to stop it. Only when his bitter tears finally subsided did I go back to him. Andrew was off the couch and without another word he left the apartment. It took two hours before he came back.

"How are you holding up?" I asked him stupidly.

Andrew smiled at me. A small smile, but a genuine one. He was silent for a few minutes more before he spoke.

"I've been such a fool. This ridiculous wall I've built around myself is only been harmful to me and people around me."

He pointed at his heart.

"She's in here. Bambi's body is gone but part of her spirit is always going to be a part of me. She's the past now, it's time to live in the present. I'll never forget her, but she IS gone. There's one problem though, living where I saw her all the time will still be too painful and I think I'd be better off somewhere my loss won't be evident every time I look out the window. But where am I going to go? I only have the house because it was my mother's; it's a struggle just to hold on to the place."

It's amazing what letting your feelings out can do. Suddenly he was clearheaded and thinking straight.

"Listen," I said, because I had the solution in my mind, based off of Anniken's California suggestion. I just hoped he'd go for it.

"Sell the place. Live with me," I suggested. "I'm going to get a house anyway; I'll find one with plenty of room for you. We'll look together."

"Work," he reminded me.

"Quit. Work for me. You're great in the kitchen, so you can cook for me. You can be my driver, and an all-round handyman, my own personal Alfred, if you will..."

That produced a genuine smile.

"I can't ask something like that from you."

"Oh, please, give me a break. Trust me, I'll enjoy the company. Besides, Ingrid will be there all the time. Anniken too. I know they can never replace Bambi, but they'll be good medicine for you at least. Come on, let's do this."

Andrew froze at Anniken's name.

"My God, Anniken, I just remembered I yelled at her. What was I thinking, the sweet thing just wanted to help."

"I'm sure she understands..."

"Maybe, but it was still terrible of me, I must find a way to make it up to her."

"Well, if you live with me you'll have plenty of chance. She's a wonderful girl, plus she's dreaming of a man of her own like Ingrid has me."

Andrew laughed.

"Well, aren't you the little match maker. Listen, I like the girl a lot, but the last thing I want is for her to think she's another girl's replacement. And at this point that's what she'd be."

"Another good reason to be with me. She can win your heart over time, so it won't seem so sudden. I'm not asking you to be instant lovers or something, this way you can move slowly. Even though they can't replace Bambi for you, Ingrid and Anniken will be a great healing factor. Come on, let's do this."

"I'll think about it."

He laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked him.

"They say real men don't cry. I think I proved them wrong. I don't know where I'd end up if I hadn't let go today."

I squeezed his shoulder. "Welcome back, my friend, welcome back."

It took a few more days but Andrew relented and moved in with me.