I was ten years old when I started having sex with my two older brothers. It wasn't something I planned to do, or even wanted to do. I could claim that I was too young to really understand what was going on, and that they'd gotten me drunk and taken advantage of me, but the truth was, even though I was just three months away from my eleventh birthday, I wasn't entirely innocent.

It was the first week of August of 1996, a very bright, sunny and warm day, and I had just come back from my best friend Sabina's house. As I came up the front walk I noticed that my parents' car was gone, and when I went inside I found my two older brothers, Kevin and Derek, sitting on the sofa watching a baseball game. I asked them where Mom and Dad were and Kevin told me that they'd gone to Martha's Vineyard for the weekend, and wouldn't be back until Sunday night.

I noticed he was talking kind of funny, then I happened to look down and saw that he had a bottle of beer in his hand. So did Derek.

"You guys aren't supposed to be drinking," I said.

I had no idea what the law was, except that only grownups were allowed to drink, and neither of my brothers were grownups; Kevin was only sixteen, and Derek was thirteen.

"Mind your own business, you little brat," Kevin said.

He didn't say it really mean, but still I knew not to argue with him. I also knew not to tell on them when Mom and Dad got home; my brothers were usually pretty nice to me, but they could make me miserable if they wanted to. So I just went into the kitchen and got a soda pop, then went and hid in my room.

I was in there for about a half hour when Kevin knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted to come out and watch the game with them. I liked baseball, and I liked watching it on TV with my brothers, so I said yes. I grabbed my Red Sox baseball cap and went out to the living room to join them.

They were still drinking beer, and Kevin was even smoking a cigarette, but I ignored that as I sat down on the sofa between them. The Red Sox and the Yankees were playing, and we always rooted for the Red Sox because the Yankees were a bunch of jerks. The game hadn't actually started yet; some girl was singing the Star Spangled Banner. There was an open bag of chips on the coffee table and I ate a few, which made me thirsty. I was going to go into the kitchen to get another soda pop, but then Kevin held out a beer to me and said, "Here, drink this."

I wanted to tell him I wasn't supposed to drink beer, but I didn't want to sound like a brat, so I took it and drank a sip. The stuff tasted awful. It made me grimace, which made my brothers laugh at me. I felt my face turning red as Derek said, "She's a lightweight."

"That's good," Kevin said. "She'll be drunk in no time. Have some more, Chloe."

I didn't want anymore, and I sure didn't want to get drunk, but I drank some more anyway, forcing myself not to make any more faces.

"Tastes good, doesn't it?" Derek asked.

"Not really," I replied. It was a huge understatement.

"Bet you can't drink that whole bottle before the first inning's over," Kevin said. "I'll bet you five bucks."

I looked at the TV screen and saw that the Red Sox pitcher was still warming up. I figured I had lots of time, and I sure would have liked having five dollars, but to get it I'd have to drink a whole beer. I thought about it for a minute, then, even though I knew I was being bad, I said okay.

"You're on," Kevin said. He took a five dollar bill out of his wallet and put it on the coffee table. "Go ahead and drink it, Chloe."

I started with small sips as the game got started, but the top of the first went by quickly, with three strikeouts, and I had to take larger sips during the bottom of the inning. I managed to get it all down just as the last batter for the Yankees hit a pop fly for the third out. The boys cheered me and Kevin gave me the five dollars, which made me happy even though I felt a little lightheaded.

"Wanna make some more money?" Kevin asked. "Drink another one before the second inning is over." He took out another five dollar bill and put it on the coffee table.

"Where'd you get all that money?" Derek asked.

"I don't think so," I said. "One beer was enough. I'm already dizzy."

"You were born dizzy," Derek said.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Come on, Chloe," Kevin said. "I dare you to drink one more beer."

"Yeah," Derek said. "If you don't, you're a pussy."

"You better hurry, the second inning is about to start."

"She's not gonna do it, Kevin. She's a pussy."

"I'm not...what you said," I told my brother. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the TV. Kevin was right; the second inning was just about to start.

"She's a pussy," Derek said. "Pussy. Pussy. Pussy."

"Shut up, Derek," I said.

"She's not a pussy," Kevin said. "She'll do it. Won't you, Chloe?"

Kevin sticking up for me made me feel good even though he was trying to get me to do something I didn't want to do, so I said, "Okay, but only if Derek stops calling me that P word."

"Pussy," Derek said.

"Shut up and get us beers," Kevin said. "Mine's empty."

As soon as Derek was gone Kevin put his arm around my shoulders and told me, "Don't worry, sport, I know you can do it. You just knock that beer back like it's nothin, and show that little dork what you're made of."

"Okay," I said with a big smile; I loved it when Kevin talked to me like that, like he was my coach and I was a star. When he spoke that way to me, which wasn't very often, I was willing to do just about anything for him.

Derek came back with three beers and he handed one to me first, then one to Kevin. I immediately pulled the cap off and took a drink, noticing that it didn't taste bad anymore.

"That's my girl," Kevin said, which made me smile again.

The second inning started and I steadily drank my beer while we watched. One of the Red Sox batters walked, then another got a hit, with only one out, and all three of us cheered. Runners at first and third. The next batter came up and hit a line drive into the gap and the Red Sox were suddenly up by one. I drank some more. The next batter hit into a double play, ending the inning and making us all unhappy. The bottom of the second was coming up and I checked my beer; half gone already. I was going to get my money.

I was starting to feel really loopy, though. More dizzy, unbalanced, and I could feel my face getting numb. I was getting drunk. But I didn't want to stop, not just because of the money but also because I wanted Kevin to be proud of me. Plus, I could show Derek I wasn't a pussy.

In the bottom of the second the stupid Yankees (Kevin called them the Yankers) tied the game, then got the go ahead run, and we all booed. I drank more of my beer, and managed to finish it even before the last out. Kevin gave me the five dollars, which I stuck in my pocket with the other five, then he saluted me with his beer and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I could tell that he was pretty drunk too, drunker than me, and I hoped he wouldn't get grumpy like Dad did when he drank too much.

He asked me if I was going to have another beer and I said no, but he looked at Derek and said, "Go get us some more beers, dude."

"Why do I always have to get the beers?" Derek asked, but he got up and went into the kitchen anyway.

"Derek's a butt," I said, then giggled. I was starting to feel really silly. I wanted to get up and jump around and yell for the Red Sox to win, and I even started to, but Kevin pulled me back onto the sofa and put his arms around me. Next thing I knew he was kissing me, right on the mouth. I thought he was just playing and laughed, but he kept kissing me and wouldn't stop. I tried to tell him to quit it but he stuck his tongue in my mouth, then forced me to lay down on the sofa.

He lay on top of me and continued to push his tongue into my mouth. He was kind of hugging me, and it felt strange to be held that way by my own brother, let alone to be french kissed. I knew it was all wrong, but I was so buzzed from the beer I'd drunk that I couldn't really resist him. I tried, but it was like my arms and legs were made of spaghetti noodles.

Kevin moved his tongue all around inside my mouth as he sort of held me down. Despite that he was so heavy on top of me that it was a little hard for me to breathe, he was being very gentle, and even romantic in a way, and I started to like kissing him. I could hear the game on the TV, somebody had just gotten a hit, but I didn't really care anymore. This was more fun, even if it was bad.

We must have made out like that for two or three minutes, just kissing and sucking each other's tongues, and all the time I could hear the game going on, lots of cheering and the announcer sounding excited, which meant that the Red Sox were kicking butt. I started to wonder, though, where Derek had gone; it shouldn't have taken him this long to get beers.

At a moment when Kevin had taken his tongue out of my mouth and kissed my face I turned my head and saw him. He was just standing there watching us. The beers he'd brought were sitting on the coffee table. He had a strange look in his eyes, a look I'd only seen once before; that time when I was eight and that man had come up to me at the park and showed me his weenie and asked me if I wanted to suck it. Derek was looking at me like that. Like he wanted to show me his weenie and ask me if I wanted to suck it. That was probably the moment when I realized that I might be in some kind of trouble, but part of me didn't want to believe that my brothers would make me do anything I didn't want to do.

I went back to kissing Kevin, taking his tongue back into my mouth. Kevin moved one of his hands over my chest, fondling boobs that weren't there yet, then stuck his hand down my pants. I felt his fingers slide into my underwear and right over my pussy. He started rubbing me, and that felt weird, partly because the numbness had spread throughout my body and I could sort of feel and not feel it at the same time, but also because I'd never been touched there by a boy before. Up until then I'd been the only one to touch my pussy. Recently I'd even been rubbing it the way Kevin was rubbing it, and was pretty sure I'd been able to make myself come. Almost, anyway.

I wondered if Kevin would be able to make me come, and thought that might be nice, but it made me nervous too, because then it would mean we'd be having sex, and that was a bad thing. Girls weren't supposed to let their brothers have sex with them, and girls my age weren't supposed to have sex at all. I couldn't make up my mind about it, then suddenly I had to pee really bad.

I pulled my mouth away from Kevin's and said, "Let me up, I have to pee. Come on, Kevin, let me up." I squirmed under him and finally Kevin took his hand out of my pants and got off of me. I nearly jumped up from the sofa and ran to the bathroom, wobbling and stumbling all the way. I almost didn't make it. I started to pee just as I got my bottom on the seat, and I peed for quite a while. I knew it was because I'd drank so much beer.

I also knew that while I was in the bathroom Kevin and Derek were talking about me. I didn't know how I knew this, I just had a feeling. They were planning something, probably something rotten, and I didn't want to go back out to the living room, even to watch the rest of the game.

So after I was done peeing I went straight to my room. Well, not really straight, I was still staggering. I got to my room without incident, though, and flopped down face first onto my bed. I was suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to sleep.

I heard somebody come into my room, then come over to the side of my bed. Hands grabbed me around the waist and turned me over onto my back. I looked up and saw a very blurry version of Kevin standing above me. The room was spinning around and I could hear the game on the TV, sounding far away and underwater.

Kevin looked down at me with a strange expression on his face. He said something but it sounded like he was trying to talk to me through a wall. Then he grabbed the bottom of my teeshirt and pulled it up. My arms were suddenly up above my head and my shirt was sliding over my face. Next Kevin unfastened the fly on my shorts and started pulling them down my legs. I knew he was undressing me, and I couldn't figure out why he would do that. As he tugged my underwear down to my ankles and over my feet I lolled my head to the side and saw Derek standing in the doorway, watching us just like he'd been doing in the living room. He had an even stranger expression on his face.

After I was naked Kevin tugged at his own pants for a few moments, then lay down right on top of me. He pushed my legs apart, then I felt his knuckles bumping my pussy as he messed with his pants again. Then I felt something against my pussy again, but it wasn't his knuckles. It felt big and hard as it worked its way between my pussy lips. I tried to look to see what was going on down there, but I got super dizzy and plopped my head back onto the bed.

In the next moment the big hard thing started to push further and further into my pussy, and it dawned on me what was happening: my brother was trying to have sex with me. I felt a dull sense of alarm somewhere in my head, and I tried to push Kevin off of me, but my arms weren't working any better than they had been earlier. I tried to tell him to stop too, but I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth without sounding dumb and filled with slurs and nonsense. I continued to struggle with Kevin as I looked toward the bedroom door again. Derek was still standing there watching us, and it had to be obvious to him what was happening, but he wasn't doing anything to save me.

He probably couldn't have saved me anyway; Kevin already had his dick in me, and even as I struggled he worked to get it further in. He was grunting and pushing, and with each push it slipped in a little more, first the knobby part on the end, then an inch of the pole part, then another inch and another. I felt a slight pain inside of me, from my pussy being stretched, then a jab like I was being stuck with a really big pin. I knew I was being hurt, but the pain, like everything else I was experiencing, was deadened by all the beer I'd had.

Eventually Kevin got the whole thing inside me and started pushing it in and out as he held me tight, pressing his chest down onto my face. I stopped fighting him then, partly because I was getting tired, but also because I knew it was too late now anyway. He was already doing it, and I might as well let him. Maybe if I didn't resist it would be over sooner.

Kevin grunted and groaned as he fucked me, sliding his dick into my pussy with a steady, almost mechanical rhythm. I shut my eyes and let my mind dip and roll along with the swerving room. I was aware of him on top of me, the uncomfortable sensation of his pumping dick, taking up every inch of my insides, but it seemed like that was all really far away, even happening to some other girl. For a long while I wasn't me.

Then Kevin suddenly stopped, pushing his dick as far into me as it would go, and he shivered as he emptied himself into me. I felt it throbbing, and a warm dense liquid spilling deep into my pussy. Kevin groaned in my ear, then collapsed on top of me, once again making it hard for me to breathe. I started struggling again, and yelled, "Get off me!"

Kevin, after another moment of relaxing, wordlessly pulled his dick out and rolled off of me.

"Oh man," he said, "that was the best fuck I've ever had. You gotta do it, dude."

I thought he was talking to me at first, but then I realized that he was talking to Derek.

"No," I said feebly, and turned onto my side. I tried to roll into a ball but hands were suddenly grabbing me and pushing me onto my back again. "No," I said again, but it was no use. My legs got pulled apart, and I felt something between my legs, some kind of material. I looked and saw that Derek was holding my legs apart while Kevin was using a bath towel to wipe away the mess he'd made. There was blood as well as come on the towel and I made a whimpering sound.

"Just leave me alone, guys, please?" I said.

Kevin said something that in my drunken fog I couldn't understand, then both of my brothers laughed, and I knew that they weren't going to stop.

Kevin threw the towel on the floor and got up from the bed just as Derek climbed on top of me. He held me down and fumbled with his pants the same way Kevin had, and in the next moment his dick slid into me.

"Oh yeah," he said. He lay full on top of me, embraced me, then started fucking me. He pushed in about five or six times before he came, a much shorter amount of times than Kevin. It was the only thing I could be glad about at that moment.

Derek finally got off of me and I tried to get up, but I was still too messed up from the beer, so I lay back down and just let the room spin and my pussy hurt for a while. The boys left me alone and went back out to the living room to watch the rest of the ballgame. I could hear them, along with the fans on TV, cheering on the Red Sox.

It was about the time that the game was over that I went in to take a bath and clean myself up. After my bath I went into the kitchen to get something to eat. The boys didn't bother me because they'd passed out on the sofa, but later that night, around ten o'clock when I was getting ready for bed, they came in and fucked me again. I had to go get myself clean again before going to bed.

Kevin and Derek continued to have sex with me for more than a year. Most of the time it was just fucking me, but they also taught me how to give them oral sex, they stuck things in my pussy, like bananas and broomsticks, and once they even made me and my best friend Sabina lick each other's pussies while they watched (they also had sex with Sabina a couple times, after which she stopped being my friend).

Right around my twelfth birthday I began to grow breasts and my brothers started to worry that they might get me pregnant, so they stopped fucking me. They also stopped making me give them oral sex, or doing any other kinds of sexual things with me. That was probably because by that time they both had girlfriends who would do that for them. I didn't know for sure, and I didn't really care. As long as they left me alone.

I still think about what happened that day, and how even though I was so young I was still kind of responsible for it. I mean, nobody really forced me to drink all that beer, and on some level I probably knew what would happen to me, and I didn't do anything to stop it. Maybe I even encouraged it. Another thing I don't know for sure.

All I do know is that the Red Sox won that day, and I can still sometimes hear that cheering crowd in my mind.