I awoke later on that night, the bed was empty and the bedroom was in pitch darkness except for a light streaming through the gap under the door. Goosebumps formed on my arms and legs and I shivered, there was a draught coming from somewhere. I covered my nakedness with a robe and went out. The light was on in the kitchen; on the table was a half empty glass of milk but no sign of Jessica.

Making my way through to the darkened living room I saw that the double doors leading out on to the balcony were slightly ajar so I opened them slowly. Jessica was sitting on a deckchair that I kept on the balcony and she was humming distractedly to herself as she stared at the lights from the oil rigs out in the North Sea. All she was wearing was my white terry-towelling robe and it draped open down the front.

"Hello," I smiled at her, "What are you doing out here?"

She turned in the seat and smiled sadly back at me, "Not much, just thinking 'bout stuff."

There was something about her eyes. I switched on the small patio light that I kept out there and pulled up another deck chair beside hers and looked into her eyes, she had been crying. "OK sweetheart, what's the matter?"

Jessica just shook her head, her eyes closed and a single tear squeezed out from under her eyelid and she whispered, "Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just being silly."

I put my hand on her knee and squeezed it soothingly, "Hey come on now," I tried to bring a bit of humour into this conversation, "After last night do you REALLY think we've got any secrets between us?" Jessica gave a little half-smile, "Come on, please tell me what's the matter?"

She turned away from me and looked at the street lights spread out below us and the twinkling lights of the harbour about a mile away. Here was a ferry just leaving, it's yellow and red lights casting a faint glow on the darkness of the harbour entrance. Jessica's voice was barely audible, "It's so beautiful up here."

My brow knitted in puzzlement, "What's that got to do with anything?"

Jessica just shrugged her shoulders, almost dejectedly but didn't say anything. I pulled my deck chair closer to hers then put my arm around her shoulder and she snuggled up to me. She had been sat like that for about fifteen minutes, her head resting against the side of my breast, in silence. I would let her tell me what's wrong in her own time. Suddenly she whispered, "I miss my Mummy," and burst into tears.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry," I could feel the tears welling up in my own eyes as I hugged her tight. The little lost girl was back and it nearly broke my heart.

The sobs gradually quietened, I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Where does she live? Do you want to go and see her? I'll bet she misses you like crazy."

She shrugged her shoulders again and sniffled, "Dunno where she lives, I went to our old house about six months ago but it was empty."

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry," I repeated, "maybe the neighbours know where she's moved to, or even the council."

Jessica sniffled again, "I asked Tommy who lives next door but all he said was that she was there one day and gone the next, she didn't tell anyone where she was going,"

"What about other neighbours?" I asked, "Surely someone knows."

She shook her head against my breast again, "I didn't want to ask them in case the called the police."

Then I remembered that she had run away from foster homes and the orphanage, I couldn't let them put her back in that place. Jessica looked up at me, an expression of ineffable sadness in her eyes...and yet there was something else there...hope? "Jackie, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah sure," I answered smiling down at her.

Her eyes seemed to peer into my very soul, she looked away, "Nothing, it doesn't matter, I'm just being silly."

"Jessica, look at me," and I forced her to face me, "You can ask me anything you want, and yes it does matter and no you're not being silly, I don't like to see you like this."

She appeared to be thinking for a couple of minutes then she suddenly blurted out, her small voice almost breaking, "Can I come and live with you, like forever."

My mouth dropped open, that was the last thing in the world I expected her to say, "Oh sweetheart, you don't know what you're saying, we've only known each other for just over twenty four hours and yet you want to come and live with me, I'm sorry but....." I just couldn't finish the sentence as I watched her face fall apart. I wrapped her in my arms again and whispered into her hair, "Oh baby, I'm so sorry it wasn't supposed to come out like that it was just so unexpected."

"I'm sorry," Jessica whispered, "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Hey! You've no need to be sorry," I said giving her shoulder a little squeeze. "I'll tell you what, you can stay here for a while, just give me a couple of days to think things over, OK?" Jessica nodded.

Despite the unexpectedness and almost shock of her request, an idea was starting to formulate in my head. I thought about it long and hard throughout the rest of the night. I telephoned my daughter in London first thing in the morning to ask what she thought and I told her everything about the girl, except about the sex of course. At first she said I must have gone mad, but as we chatted on the phone she started to come round to my way of thinking, in the end she said, "Go for it Mum, give the poor girl a chance to have a good life, I know at least you can do that for her."

Straight away, before I lost my nerve, I contacted social services. I was passed from one department to another before I finally managed to make an appointment to see someone the very next day. The very nice woman I saw was so relieved that Jessica had surfaced, she'd been missing for over a year and they had been searching all over Scotland for her. Then I dropped my bombshell, I asked if it was possible to become a foster parent and foster Jessica, or even adopt her. She said it was highly irregular, normally foster parents don't get any choice in the children they foster but she would ask her supervisor. I sat in her office for almost an hour, feverish with anticipation, waiting for her to come back.

She finally returned with an older man. He sat down and listened to the whole story again, occasionally firing questions at me. Then he said it would entail all sorts of police checks to see if I had any sort of criminal record, no problem I answered. He asked about where I lived and what I did for work and indicated that the biggest problem was that I was a single mother and didn't have a husband. At the end of the interview he said he would have to talk to the head of social services then shook hands with me warmly and left.

I received a telephone call a couple of days later asking me if I could pop into the office. Jessica was still withdrawn those last couple of days. I did everything I could to cheer her up, taking her to the funfair that was on Aberdeen beachfront almost every day, even taking her for drives in the country. She alternated between the carefree young girl I had started to fall in love with and the lost little girl that I had found walking the streets. I didn't mention my visit to social services in case I got her hopes up too much only to be dashed at the last moment, or even worse, scare her off so she would run away again, she had a natural distrust of authority.

On the day of the interview I was greeted by the smiling woman, she ushered me into her office then dropped her own bombshell, she said there wasn't any real problem, they had were so concerned with Jessica's welfare that they had fast-tracked the criminal record check and it had come back clean. Then she said that it normally takes up to six months for a foster parent to be approved, all it needed was for me to fill in a load of forms and just sit tight. I asked her what happens to Jessica in the meantime. She replied that normally the child in question goes to an established foster home until approval was granted, when she said that I felt my heart drop. The woman asked me about schooling, she hadn't been to school in two years so I said that I would tutor her at home. Then a huge grin crossed her face, she said that obviously I had Jessica's best interests at heart, they wanted to come and visit us at my apartment so they could talk to her themselves, if everything went well she could stay with me until fostering approval was granted. I could have kissed the woman. As I left the office I literally felt as though I was walking on air.

The day of the visit. I still hadn't told Jessica anything about what I was planning. The same woman arrived with another one who was introduced as a trainee social worker. I told Jessica who they were and her mouth dropped open, she looked as if she was going to bolt for the door. Eventually we got her to agree to answer some questions and they asked me if I minded waiting in the kitchen while they talked to Jessica. I sat down and waited, my eyes kept clanking at the clock on the kitchen wall as I drank coffee after coffee after coffee. It seemed to go on forever even the ticking of the clock seemed to infuriate me.

It must have been about two hours later that I heard a long drawn out scream from the living room, "Noooooo!"

"Oh God no," I thought to myself, "They've refused her time to stay here," and my whole world seemed to collapse in on itself.

The kitchen door opened a couple of minutes later and Jessica came in, there were tears streaming down her face. I held my arms out to her and she came running and hugged me so tight it hurt. Everything misted over as I hugged her, "Oh baby I'm so sorry, it'll only be for a little while then you can come and live with me forever and ever."

I hadn't noticed the two women follow Jessica to the kitchen, they were standing in the doorway smiling, "What are you talking about? She can stay."

"What?" I said stupidly through my tears.

Jessica raised her head and sobbed, "Th-th-they s-said I-I c-an st-stay."

Oh my GOD! That was the happiest moment of my life since my daughter was born; it felt as though I had given birth again.

I can't even remember the two women leaving, Jessica and I just stood there hugging for what seemed like hours, layering kisses on each other and talking about the future. That night I took her to bed and made love to her for hours until she finally fell asleep just as the sun was rising.