First, let me introduce myself. My name is Mandy. Not short for Amanda either - my mother was 16 when she had me - and she thought Mandy by itself was cool. Whatever, it's a name. I do not know why I am writing this now, but I have to get it out of my soul. I do not know whether to feel joy, guilt, shame, fear, or some combination of all of them. You see, I just realized my whole life has been a lie. I am 27 years old, and the single mother of two wonderful children. Liza, who is 8, and James - little Jimmy - who is 5. For as long as I can remember, I have been bisexual, but my sexuality and drive has come and gone between extreme lows and highs. However, I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

When I was 5 years old, my mother Cindy, married Tom, the father of her second child, my half brother Charlie. About a year later is when it started. We lived in a small house with only one bathroom. I was taking a bath and Tom came in to pee. Nothing unusual here, but he had always closed the shower curtain before so I could not see. This time, he did not. It was the first time I remember seeing an adult penis. He stood there, pissing for what seemed like ages. I could not take my eyes off of it. It was so big and dark and hairy.

When he was done, he saw me looking and said, "Sorry, I didn't know you were in here! It is okay to look if you want though." I looked at it, he still had it in his hand then looked between my own legs and back again. Our bodies were so different. He immediately realized what I was thinking and told me, "Guys and girls are supposed to be different. I know you have heard about sex at school."

I had, but I was 6 years old and really clueless. I had heard some boy talking about how he saw his mom having sex. I must have looked confused because Tom looked at me and said, "sex is when the privates of a boy, go inside the privates of a girl. People do this to make babies, and also for fun, because it feels great."

I noticed as he was talking his parts began to get bigger. I didn't even have a name for them yet. He saw me looking and explained, "yes Mandy, when a many gets excited about sex, his parts get hard so they can go inside the girl. You can touch it if you want, you can also touch yourself down there. There is a little button that feels really good, and just below that is the hole that a penis goes in." I couldn't believe it.

"You mean where poo poo comes out?"

Tom chuckled, "No precious, a little above that. It is small on you, and also blocked, but we can talk about that later if you want. However, some people do stick it in the poo hole, and like it!" I didn't even realize it, but by this point I had a hand on my little bald slit and it was feeling funny.

At this point, Tom said, "Look beautiful do you want to talk about this more?"

I told him I did, I was curious, about sex and why his thing got hard, and why he called me precious and beautiful. He never had before.

"OK, Mandy then, here is the deal. Most people, your momma included, do not think girls as little as you should know about sex. I will tell you, but it has to be our little secret. You can't tell anyone. If you agree, I can tell you some more tonight after Cindy goes to work.

"That's after my bedtime!"

He laughed again, "I know, but it will be part of our secret. You are getting older, I think you can stay up a bit later!"

I couldn't wait till after mom left that night. I had strange butterflies in my stomach, and my hand down there felt weird but good. Anyway, that is how it all began. There are parts I don't remember, but the beginning is as clear as 5 seconds ago.