"Hello?"

"Hello, Jim," Jackie said into the phone. "How are you?"

"Jackie! This is a pleasant surprise," he answered. "I'm fine, dear; how are you?"

"Oh, I'm good. School is going well. I'm enjoying it. It has taken some getting used to, though. New York is a busy place!"

"I'm sure you'll do fine. Have you been getting out to see the sights?"

"Oh, some ... mostly I've been studying. You know, I really want to do well. How are things there? Do you guys still go to the orgies?" she said, laughing, referring to the semi-monthly daddy-daughter sex fests where Jim and Jackie met.

"Yes, we still go to the orgies twice a month. Speaking of which," Jim said, "do you remember the red-headed twins?"

"Yes! I remember them! They were very popular. Did you ever fuck either of them?" she asked, giggling.

"As a matter of fact, yes. The last time we went I fucked them both together. I mentioned it because they asked about you."

"Me?! But I'd never spoken to them!"

Jim told Jackie what the twins had said to him about her. [NOTE: See Mandy & Amy, Part 11]

"Oh, Jim; that was so nice of them! Please tell them 'thank you' from me."

"I will, sweetheart," Jim said to her. "We miss you, you know."

"I know ... I miss all of you, too."

She paused and Jim waited as he could tell she had something else to say to him.

"Jim ... thank you for letting Mandy visit me last week. Did she tell you anything ... did she say anything about ... our time together?"

Mandy had flown to NY to see Jackie. Jim and Gloria were a little apprehensive about letting her go by herself but the airline had an "Unaccompanied Minor" program. Her parents made sure she had her ID, booked her on a non-stop flight, and bought her some new books for the trip. They gave her a mobile phone which she was to use to call them in case there were any problems. They also had Jackie call them as soon as she arrived. Mandy hadn't said very much to her family about the trip, but that wasn't unusual for her.

"She said she enjoyed being with you and talked a little bit about the places you went to. Was she well behaved? Was she a problem at all?" Jim didn't think she would have been. Mandy, he knew, was a very good girl.

"Oh, Jim, no; she was an angel. It's just that ... I wanted to talk to you about something. I think you'll understand how I'm feeling once I tell you."

Jim waited to hear what was troubling her. She hasn't mentioned her mother, Jim thought; I hope nothing has gone wrong.

"It started with my mother."

Uh-oh; he thought. There was a long pause and he could feel Jackie gathering herself. Jim feared the worst.

"She's withdrawn from me. She just can't make the connection that I'd hoped she would. It's as if I've been tainted by living so long with my father even though she was the one that left. Anyway ...

"So, I was feeling very down when Mandy arrived. If you hadn't bought the airline ticket already, I would have asked that she not come that week."

"Did Mandy's being there make things more difficult?" Jim felt bad for Jackie. She had separated from her father and hoped she might establish a relationship with the mother from whom she was distant for so many years.

"No, Jim; it turned out to be just the opposite. That's why I called. When I went to meet Mandy at the airport, I told myself to appear as if nothing were troubling me, which I thought wouldn't be easy - until I saw her walk through the gate. Oh, Jim, you should have seen her! She looked so happy to see me! It made me feel happy just to look at her."

Jim and Gloria both knew Mandy was in love with Jackie and thought it very sweet of Jackie to let Mandy visit her. They knew that Jackie was very fond of both their girls, though especially Mandy. It wasn't entirely clear, however, if Jackie loved Mandy in the way that Mandy hoped she would.

"As we walked to catch the bus back to the city, she asked about my mother. I tried to brush off the question by answering in generalities but ... anyway, you know how smart she is ... nothing gets by her ... she picked up on what I was feeling, I suppose, because I hesitated."

Jim was not surprised. Mandy was unusually thoughtful and sensitive in the way that children spending a lot of time in adult company can be. As a result, she could read people pretty well for an eleven year old. Her responses were always well thought out, which wasn't the case with most children.

"In the bus on the way home from the airport, she took my hand and kissed it. We talked about her trip and how everyone was at home. While we were talking she held onto my hand all the way to the bus station. When we got out onto the street and into the cab, she was still holding my hand tight. I thought it was sweet.

"When we got into my apartment, I hung up her coat and when I turned around she was standing in front of me looking very concerned. She said, 'What's wrong, Jackie? Did something bad happen with your mother? Do you want me to go home?' At that moment, I felt awful. I didn't want her to think I was anything but happy to see her."

Jackie recounted the scene for Jim.

"Oh, no, Mandy," she said and took the little girl's hands in hers. "I don't want you to go, dear. I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean for you to know but, you're right: it is about my mother." Jackie sighed sadly.

Mandy looked up at Jackie and said to her eagerly, "You can tell me. If you're sad, you can tell me. I don't mind. I love you, Jackie. You can tell me things like that."

Mandy listened intently to Jackie as the older girl told her about how her mother didn't give her the reception she had hoped for. Jackie was clearly sad and apologized to Mandy, promising that it wouldn't get in the way of their having fun together.

Mandy, however, didn't care about where they would go or what they would do. Concerned for Jackie, Mandy responded immediately to her distress. She let Jackie know that she understood how she was feeling. Mandy already knew what Jackie had gone through with her father and how it had made the young woman feel bad about herself. Mandy then told Jackie about her own experience; albeit sparingly and somewhat obliquely.

"My real daddy didn't love me. He was mean to me. I was glad when he was arrested but I was sad that he didn't love me. Sometimes mommies and daddies don't love their children. It doesn't mean that the children are bad. Jim told me that."

"Oh, Mandy; you're so sweet to say that. Thank you, dear." And with that Jackie kissed Mandy's cheek. Mandy responded by hugging Jackie and pressing herself close to her.

"I love you, Jackie. You're the most beautiful and most wonderful girl in the world! I missed you so much! It's okay to be sad around me. I love you; I understand."

Jackie took time out of her narrative to tell Jim what she felt for his little adopted daughter. "When she said that, it made me start to cry. Jim, I was overwhelmed by her concern for me. That little girl is very special. She is so kind and warm and wise. She's really grown up."

"Yes," he said, "she astonishes me sometimes when she reveals what she's thinking and feeling, which isn't often. She keeps things inside most of the time and I have to practically pry them out of her."

Jackie was silent for a moment and with a note of anxiety in her voice she said,

"Jim, what happened to Mandy? What did her father do to her?"

Jackie was very apprehensive, now, recalling what the little girl had told her.

"I felt bad when she said that he was mean to her but I was alarmed when she said she was glad he was arrested. I thought, 'He must have done something terrible to her.' I was afraid to ask; but then I didn't think she would have told me much anyway."

"Yes, I think you're right; she probably wouldn't have said too much," Jim said to her and then paused for a moment before explaining. "Her father was a criminal, a small-time but notorious drug dealer, who sometimes beat her and forced her to perform sexually with his associates. He was awful to her, apparently. He even accused Gloria of having had Mandy with another man. Her mother stopped the abuse by turning him in to the police anonymously."

Sensitive and very emotional, Jackie was horrified.

"Oh, my God, Jim! Oh, that sweet little child! How could anyone do those things to her?" Shocked and terribly upset by what Jim said, Jackie started to sob.

Jim was silent as he listened to Jackie weeping.

"I'm sorry ... it's just that I can't believe ... oh, that dear little girl!"

"I know," Jim said with a heavy sigh. "That's how I reacted when I found out. Gloria thought if her husband's associates discovered that she turned him in, they would hurt her and Mandy. Or worse. So, she never collected any reward but they also never had to go into hiding.

"As a consequence, Gloria struggled with the need to provide for Mandy and to try her best to normalize the girl's experience. Gloria's teaching Mandy about sex was her attempt to help Mandy learn that sex was natural and a normal part of life even though her father was bad for forcing her."

"Jim, I don't know what to say ..."

"That's okay, Jackie," Jim said to her. "She never talks about that time. Gloria said Mandy doesn't want anyone feeling sorry for her. Gloria watches out for her but doesn't coddle her, which has been good for Mandy, I think.

"She's a tough little girl, as her mother said to me, and she's resilient. She doesn't have a hard edge, though, like you might expect. You can see that she's a very loving child, although she's still frightened sometimes. Amy says she has nightmares."

While appreciating her sympathy, Jim thought it would help Jackie more to focus on Mandy today.

"Tell me what else she said to you," Jim asked her.

Jackie composed herself and continued.

"Okay ... anyway, I told her that I wasn't feeling at all sad anymore and it was because of her. We lay down on my bed and cuddled and talked for over two hours. We discussed our lives and our hopes and dreams. It felt so good just being around her, listening to her, and talking with her.

"When she left at the end of the week, Jim, I realized that I had fallen deeply in love with her. I'm not exaggerating when I say that. That's what I wanted to tell you. We made love several times. It was ... oh ... so sweet.

"It's crazy, I know, for a girl my age to be involved with another girl that's so young but I am. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you think I'm bad for feeling that way?"

Jim sighed audibly, again, before answering. "No, Jackie. I really do understand. I know how she feels about you. She told me that she was in love with you. I also know that Mandy's very hard to resist." (Jim knew very well about that first hand!)

"You're not bad, Jackie, dear, not at all; you're really good for Mandy. The fact that she opened up to you as she did says a lot about how she feels toward you, how much she trusts you. She rarely does that with us. You're the first relationship that's really her own, you know."

"Yes ... I know. When she first told me that, I didn't take it seriously. I put her off. I thought, 'She's a little girl, for goodness sakes! What does she know about these things?' Well, I certainly found out! I really didn't expect to fall in love with her; but I have."

They were both silent. Jim wasn't terribly surprised by Jackie's love for Mandy. Jackie was so lonely and had experienced so little love that Mandy's affection and tenderness had a profound effect on her.

Jim spoke first. "Does she know the depth of your feeling for her?"

"No, I don't think so; but I'm not sure. Then she hasn't said anything to you or to Gloria?"

"Not so far. Mandy is not like Amy. She's not often forthcoming. I wish she'd talk to us more but I never press her. I suppose I've become very protective of her. I think she shouldn't be forced to do anything more than she has been. I could ask her, though. She'd tell me. Do you want me to find out for you?"

Jackie didn't speak for a few moments.

"Jim, I don't think I want her to know. I mean, what purpose would it serve? She certainly can't live with me. It's not an appropriate relationship anyway."

He thought Jackie might be a little hasty in her judgment. After all, nothing about either of their families was in any way normal.

"You both have a history of inappropriate relationships; inappropriate, I think, because they were expedients. You both had made the best of bad situations. That's not what you're doing now, is it?"

"No ... not at all," Jackie answered.

"She loves you, Jackie. You love her. I think you should tell her. It doesn't matter that you can only be together occasionally. It would make her so happy and I think it would make you feel happy, too. That would be my advice.

"I love my adopted daughter, Jackie. I would never want anything but the best for her. You are a wonderful person and so is she."

They closed with Jackie appreciating Jim's point of view but still feeling doubtful. He agreed to say nothing to Mandy about their conversation but feared then that Jackie might not be able to reach out to her. If she could not, he would feel sad for them both.

As Jim had said to Jackie, Mandy did not feel completely safe and secure even now though she did not often say much about her feelings to her adoptive father. From little things she said, though, he could tell that she felt she was somehow undeserving of happiness. There was also the fact that she had the nightmares that Amy told him about. He was glad that Amy comforted Mandy and loved her. That was what she needed. Amy had helped Mandy to feel better about herself. He hoped very much that Mandy could learn to trust her parents and not be so afraid. Jim wanted her to be confident in the future.

Mandy was cautious. Though intensely sexual, she hadn't believed too strongly in joy and hadn't thought much about the possibility of happiness in the long term. Sex for Mandy was sometimes less joyful than it was an opportunity to be useful and to have people at least like her. When it came to Jackie, however, Mandy's attitude was different - she was really in love. When she fell for Jackie, it meant that Mandy felt hopeful and unafraid for the first time in a long time.

"Mandy! It's for you!" Amy called. When Mandy came to the phone, Amy covered the receiver and whispered to her sister, "It's Jackie!"

Jackie and Mandy agreed that Jackie needed to settle into her routine at college before they spoke to each other regularly on the phone or exchanged e-mail. A bit startled but very pleased to hear from her, Mandy took the phone and said happily, "Jackie! Hi!"

"Mandy ... how ... how are you, dear?" Jackie sounded tentative.

"I'm good, Jackie. How are you? How's school?"

"School is fine, Mandy. What about for you? How are you doing in school?"

"I'm doing better. Daddy and Amy help me with my homework. Thank you for asking," she said.

They were silent for a few seconds that seemed like an eternity to Mandy. Something was wrong; Jackie sounded uncomfortable to Mandy. Mandy began to wonder if it was something else about Jackie's mother. Before she could ask her, Jackie spoke.

"Mandy, I'm calling because I have to talk to you about something ... about us."

Mandy was suddenly afraid of what Jackie was going to say. Oh, no, she thought; is Jackie going to tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore?! Is that why she's calling now?! Is that why she sounds different?!

"Yes, Jackie; what is it?" Mandy said, now feeling distressed. Her mind racing, Mandy thought, maybe she's calling because she didn't want to tell me face to face.

Jackie was momentarily silent. Then she said, "By the way, I really enjoyed having you visit. Did you have a good time?" Jackie asked her.

"Yes, Jackie. I loved being with you. I think you know that," Mandy said in a small voice. Mandy understood Jackie was beating around the bush.

Jackie sighed. "Yes, dear, I know that very well."

Mandy swallowed hard and said, "What did you really want to say, Jackie?"

Jackie said, "Well ... honey ... after you left, I started thinking about everything ... I thought about the fact that you're still a little girl, Mandy, and I'm ... an adult now ..."

With that, Mandy's heart sank.

When Jackie hesitated, Mandy said almost desperately, "Jackie ... if you're too busy right now ... or ... something ... I'll understand ... I won't bother you ..."

Mandy was close to tears now. Disappointed and hurt, she thought: that's what happens when you really, really want something!

"Mandy ... I've really been thinking a lot about us ... about how it's not easy for us to see each other ... a lot of people would say it's not right for us to be together at all ... That's all I've been thinking about since you left."

A teardrop escaped from Mandy's eye; she couldn't speak. She thought, Jackie is trying to be nice, trying not to hurt me too much, but knowing that did not lessen the pain for Mandy.

Jackie paused a moment and then continued.

"But, Mandy ... as I said I've thought a lot about this ... there are a million reasons why we shouldn't be together, I suppose ... but in the end, none of those things matter to me. I don't care about any of them. I want you to know that I love you, sweetheart."

Mandy thought she misunderstood what Jackie was saying, "Jackie, what ...?"

"I love you, Mandy; I think about you day and night."

Mandy asked incredulously, "Jackie, I ... do ... do you mean that?"

"Yes, Mandy, my darling, I really mean it," Jackie said to her. She continued by saying, "You asked that first night that we were together if you could be my girlfriend. Well, I really want you to be my girlfriend ... that is ... if you still want to be," Jackie said hopefully.

Mandy couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Oh, Jackie ... yes!" she replied.

Jackie said, "I'd like for us to visit each other regularly; that is, if you want to."

"Of course I want to!" Mandy was stunned. "Jackie, do you really mean that?" she asked again.

"Yes, Mandy," Jackie laughed, "I really do."

"Oh, wow!" Mandy said, smiling broadly. "I thought you were going to tell me you didn't want to see me anymore."

"Oh, Mandy, darling! I'm sorry; I didn't mean to alarm you," Jackie replied.

"That's okay," Mandy said. She was happy now. "What made you think of that now?"

Jackie paused and breathed deeply before answering.

"I had a long talk with your dad about how I felt. I care so much for you. I'm sorry to say that I tried to deny it to myself, at first. I thought it would be best if you didn't know, but after talking to Jim I realized that I had to tell you how much I love and need you, Mandy."

"I need you, Jackie," Mandy was happier than she had ever been before in her life. "You really love me?"

"Yes, my dear, sweet girl ... I really do."

"Jackie," Mandy exclaimed, "I can't wait to see you again!"

Jackie smiled as she said, "Well, I'll be back home in four weeks. Can you wait that long, sweetheart?"

"Yes, I can! I'll think about you every minute!"

After Jackie hung up, Mandy closed her eyes and smiled. She tilted her head back, held the phone to her chest with both hands, and quietly jumped up and down for joy.