Thursday, September 13 2001
Unfortunately Nikki couldn't come last weekend because she went to visit her grandparents just outside [...] but we've made plans for a sleepover this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it because she never stayed at my place overnight before. I think we will have lots of fun.
I saw "Fly Away Home" a few years ago. It's a wonderful movie and I'm not sure if Nikki saw it but I'd like to see it again. I'll pick her up on Saturday morning and then we'll go out and see which movies we'll rent. I would like to rent some lesbian movies too, nothing pornographic but romantic movies like Chasing Indigo, All Over Me, Desert Hearts, Go Fish, High Art, Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love. I would like to see them all, but I know Nikki will want to watch movies like The Lion King and Spy Kids although she likes to see movies where people undress and make love too. I guess we'll have to find the middle ground.
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I sometimes feel like coming out to people too but I change my mind every time. I think I'm too scared to tell them even though I know they wouldn't react in a negative way. I told about myself to only few best friends and of course my parents know about me too. But I don't think I will tell anyone else because I had that bad experience with one woman in the nightclub. It's just impossible to tell how people will react.
I have a couple of male friends but I never told them things I've told here and they don't know about me and Nikki. I wonder if they could understand our love and not see it as some sexual perversion. Because that's how most people think about us. They think we're all interested in sex and that we love abusing little girls. It makes me sick just to think that someone could make a little girl cry but we must continue telling everyone about our experiences because it's the only way to spread the message. What I really like is when young girls tell about themselves because then people can see that children who are sexually active are not abused but loved.