Tuesday, July 31 2001

I like when I see little girls with some make up but I don't like when they wear too much of it. It spoils their natural beauty and their soft skin. I teach Nikki how to look good with just a little make up on her face. Like all girls her age, she's really interested in cosmetics so we play and experiment with lipstick and eye shadow and I help her polish her fingernails and her toenails.

I love blonde girls too but I also love girls with really black hair and pale complexion. Here in [....] most girls have light hair color so it's a treat to see a dark haired girl.

I will see Nikki tomorrow. We're going shopping for some school things that she needs, mostly pens and pencils and notebooks. This will be the first time we're together again since we came back from the trip and it has been a withdrawal period for me. If only I could care for her and love her every day. I wish she could live with me all the time. It can be so painful to see her go home sometimes, although we speak almost every day on the telephone. Sometimes we chat for hours but her mother doesn't like it because she says Nikki should be doing her homework or playing outside when it's nice weather. I sometimes look forward to her growing up so we could have a little more independence, but I know I will miss the way she looks now. She's still a little girl and she's so beautiful. I know I shouldn't complain too much because I'm very lucky just to know Nikki and her parents, but I always see other possibilities and I forget that we still live in society that condemns love such as ours. But I'm happy nevertheless because I will see my little sweetie tomorrow and I can't wait to kiss her and hold her little hand even if only for a few hours.