Waiting
by John O'Connor
Disclaimer:  Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the
property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom,
 MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko 
Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes
only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright
 infringement is intended. The original characters,
situations, and story are the property of the author.
Rating: PG-13.
Damn it!  This is the worst part!  Waiting and waiting
with no word coming through the Gate.  It's been two
hours since the team went through in response to the
distress call SG-3 sent back.  They should've reported
in by now.
I hate this waiting.  I hate this not knowing.  Not
knowing if she...  Hell, if any of them are hurt or
worse.
No, can't think like that.  She'll be okay.  She has
to be!  We just found each other.  She can't be taken
from me now.  Not now.  Maybe in fifty or sixty years
when we're both old and gray, but not now.
I won't let it happen!  I won't!
I can't stay here looking down at the Gate, I'm going
to tell them to call me when they get a signal and go
back to my office.  I have plenty waiting there for
me.  That's what I'll do.  Yes.
That's what I told myself two hours ago.  And I'm
still here in the Control Room.  I simply moved out of
the way.  No one questions my waiting.  Everyone is
anxious.  Hammond is trying to wear a path into the
concrete flooring with his pacing.
Now I know why they never put flooring tiles in down
here.
Ugh!  My coffee is cold and bitter.  Dumping it out
and getting fresh coffee helps.  At least it's hot and
bitter.
I need to pee but I don't want to leave the room in
case they get a signal.  Stupid, I know.  It's not
like I wouldn't be told when I got back.  Maybe if I
move some, I'll feel the pressure less.  Yeah, that
seems to work.  A little.
God, where is she?  How is she?  I have to know!
If only there was something I could do!  Anything!
But when I asked the general again, he looked at me
and shook his head.  He feels the same way.  Helpless.
But he doesn't feel the same.  He doesn't love her.
No one does.  Not like I do.
Oh God!  I have never told her.  I was always too
scared to say anything too endearing.  Too afraid of
finding out she doesn't love me.  Too afraid of
finding out she did love me.
Does love, Goddammit!  It has to be does or doesn't.
I don't care.  Just to have her safe.  That's the most
important thing.
But now, if...  Damn!  When she comes back, I will
tell her.  I will say, "I love you."  Three simple
words that have more power than just about any other
combination of three words in history.
And damn the consequences!
I guess I'm getting on people's nerves.  Hammond asked
me politely if I didn't have somewhere else to go.  I
took the hint and left the control room.  But
everywhere I go reminds me of her.  Her presence is in
virtually every room and corridor in the SGC.
Well, at least it gave me a chance to relieve my
bladder.  No more coffee.  At least not for a while.
Maybe if I go topside?
The fresh air helps but the sounds of birds in the
trees brings memories to me.  Memories of waking up in
her arms, nestled to her softness.  I can even smell
her hair...
Blinking back tears, I return to the control room.
It's been almost twenty minutes, maybe they've
received word?
I stand in the back near one of the computer consoles.
  I want to stay inconspicuous, hoping I won't be asked
to leave again.
Again, one of them says it's probably a malfunctioning
radio set.  That's become like a mantra for the SGC
controllers whenever contact is lost with an offworld
team.
Where is she?  Where are they?  SG-1 went through well
over three hours ago!  Even if they were under attack
by Jaffa or Goa'uld...
No.  Think happy thoughts.  She's fine.  They all are.
Hammond stands behind the technician, asking if
anything at all has come through.  Sergeant Davis
shakes his head slowly, his reflected glance coming my
way from the control room window.
I start to move towards them then stop.  They don't
need me.  Not yet, anyway.  But I'm getting restless.
I need to move.  To do something.  Anything.
Nothing will distract me from my fear for her.  I want
her back.  I need her back.
Please God, bring her back to me.  Please.
I pray to a God I barely believe in.  But I need to.
I will do anything to get her back.
The technicians' chatter, relaying readings, reporting
data, is getting annoying.  If I close my eyes, it's
like no one is lost somewhere across the galaxy.
I know they have their jobs to do.  And I know they
are as worried as I am.
No. No one could be as worried as I am.  None of them
have their love out there lost.
I have to get away but still stay close.  The briefing
room!  I dash up the spiral staircase and resume my
pacing.  At least here I can move without bothering
Hammond, Davis, Siler, or anyone else.
I look at the phone.  I consider an outside call to
let Cassandra know.  But I decide not to.  I can't.
Not yet.  Not till I know something.
Oh God, where is she?  I picture her lying on some
rocky plain, her body broken and bleeding.  I can
almost hear her calling out to me in her pain!
Stop it!  Stop it right now!  She's alright!  She's
fine, dammit!  Any minute now, she'll come through the
Gate, smiling that smile of hers.
I remember the good times.  The first time we made
love.  What a wonderful, magical, scary night!  It was
the first time for both of us and we were both so
afraid...  But that's part of what made it so special.
As our unspoken love grew and we became more in tune
with each other, our lovemaking got better and better.
  But, as exciting and wonderful as those times are,
they don't quite compare to that first wondrous,
amazing time.
God, how I love her!  She is my everything. She is.
She makes me whole.  She really does.  I am not
complete without her.
Disastrous marriages and engagements aside, neither of
us would ever have guessed or imagined that the love
of our lives would be a woman.  I'm sure she feels the
same way I do.
I have to talk to her when she gets back.  If she
doesn't...
I think of the times I've lost myself in her eyes.
Eyes are truly the windows to the soul.  And I can
never get enough of gazing into her soul.  Her heart.
That's when I know she feels the same.  But I've been
too damned scared to ask her.
Not anymore.
Looking out and down at the Stargate, I feel tears
flowing.  Wiping furiously at my cheeks, I turn away
only to see General Hammond.  He smiles gently and
reassures me.  After all, he reminds me, SG-1 has been
in worse spots before.  The whole SGC has, but we've
made it.
Not all of us, I want to remind him.  Instead I smile
bravely and nod.  At least he doesn't seem to suspect
who I'm really crying for.  He pats me on the shoulder
in a reassuring, fatherly way and goes into his
office.
While I appreciate what he tried to do, I still can't
stop worrying.  Why don't they call in?  What could be
going on?
I look down and see Siler and his crew readying
another MALP.  Good.  Maybe we can finally find out
what's going on.
Before anyone can open the iris or start the dialing
sequence, the Gate activates.  Alarms sound.
Something, or someone (please let it be her!) is
trying to come through.
I race down to the control room.  SG-3's signal is
received.  The iris is opened.  Three of the Marines
stagger through, one is supporting his CO.
Where is she?  Where are the rest of them?
I want to run down but I'm rooted to the spot in front
of the observation windows.  Where is she?
A ripple in the event horizon.  O'Neill comes through,
holding the end of a stretcher.  As the rest of it
comes through, I see the other Marine on it.  He's
conscious.  That's a good sign.  The other end of the
stretcher is in Teal'c's firm grasp.
Right after him comes Daniel and...  Thank you God!
She's alive!  She's okay!
I start to wave but the cast on my arm is heavy.  I
wave at her with my left hand before racing down to
the Gateroom.  She smiles back - that warm, loving
smile.
Janet is alive!  Oh God, I'm so relieved.  My love is
back.
And, while we have so much to talk about, I'm not
afraid of that conversation.
I love her.
 (c) John O'Conner
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