Follow Your Heart
by John O'Connor
Disclaimer:  Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the
property of Stargate (II) Productions,
Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions,
and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment
purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No
copyright infringement is intended. The original
characters, situations, and story are the property of
the author.

Note: Partial spoilers for "Rite of Passage" and
"Allegiance."  I may have taken some liberties with
the amount of time that passed in "Allegiances" but it
seems like more happened than could fit into a single
day.

"I got it!" Cassie yelled before the phone had a
chance to ring a second time.
Janet walked out of the kitchen, her brows arched in
question.  Cassie noticed and covered the mouthpiece,
"It's Sam."
Janet nodded.  She turned back to the kitchen.  The
dishwasher won't load itself.  And if Sam wanted to
talk to her, Cassandra would get her.
She didn't turn around fast enough.  Cassie saw the
light in her eyes and the small smile that formed.
"Okay, great!  Thanks Sam!"  Cassie hung up.
"What was that about?" Janet called.
"Sam's coming over for my next driving lesson," her
daughter said as she entered the kitchen.  Opening the
refrigerator, she grabbed a bottle of water and leaned
against the far counter looking at Janet.
"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Remember when I was sick and could move things?"
"How could I forget?  Beyond almost losing you, I got
a nice little burn from your chess piece."
"Yeah, uh, Sam said I had telekinetic powers and
almost had prio..pree...?"
"Pyrokenesis."
"Right!  Like 'Firestarter' she said.  That's the
movie with the one Angel, right?"
"Yes, from the book.  Anyway, what about your
illness?"
"I never told you, or anyone, but I could read your
thoughts."
"My thoughts?"
"Yours, Sam's, just about anyone except Nirrti.  That
bitch!"
"Hey!  Language, young lady!  So, why didn't you tell
us about that?"
"I was scared.  I saw things like what Uncle Jack
wanted to do to her.  And the one nurse?"
"Margaret Jervik?"
"Yeah.  She, uh, she wanted to..."  Cassie blushed.
"She was more interested in Uncle Daniel than in my
case."
"Okay.  Could you see everything?"
"No.  I think I could only see what someone was
thinking at the time."
"Okay.  But not anymore?"
Cassie shook her head.  "Mom?  Janet?  When are you
going to tell Sam?"
"Tell Sam what?" Janet asked in reply.
"I saw it.  Most of the time, you were only thinking
of me and getting me healthy.  But once, when Sam came
in, you thought about..."  Cassie blushed again, a
deeper red this time.
"Uh, Cassie, I...was under a lot of strain and..."
"It's okay.  Sam makes you happy.  You make Sam happy
too."
"I thought you couldn't read minds anymore."
"I may not read minds but I'm not blind.  I see how
you change whenever Sam is around.  Like just now when
I told you she was on the phone.  Your whole face lit
up.
"So, when are you going to tell her?"
Janet stood there leaning back against the sink, her
arms folded across her chest.  After several seconds,
she decided the truth was best.  With a sigh, she
said, "It's not that simple.  Sam is my friend, our
friend.  What I may want isn't the same thing she
wants."
"Are you sure?  Have you asked her?"
"No.  But, nowadays in the military, it's not
something to talk about.  And I know Sam would never
say anything but she is from a military family.  Rules
and regulations are her life."
"You're from a military family.  That didn't stop you
from knocking out a guard and threatening to kill a
prisoner."
"That was different.  You're my little girl."  Cassie
scowled.  "Okay, not so little.  And I love you.  I'd
do anything to keep you safe."
"So love is a good reason to break regulations?"
"No.  What I did was wrong.  I knew I could be
courtmartialed, maybe even jailed, but I didn't care."
"Maybe Sam feels the same way..."
Janet remained where she was in silence.  Cassie shook
her head and headed out of the kitchen.
"Gotta get my shoes.  Sam'll be here soon."
* * * * * *
Janet was curled up on the couch, her feet tucked
under her, when Sam and Cassandra returned.  Her heart
rate picked up when she saw Sam.  That brought back
the small worry that had been niggling at the back of
her brain since Cassie had brought the subject up.
Was it obvious that she wanted Sam?
Outwardly, she seemed calm and in control.  "So, how'd
it go?"
"Well, she finally figured out what a Stop sign is
for.  Still have to work on lights."
"Hey, I stopped at all the red lights," Cassie
protested.
In a sing-song voice, Sam said, "If red means stop and
green means go, yellow must mean floor it."
Even Cassandra couldn't suppress a smile at that.
"Yeah?  Well, I've seen you on your Indian, Sam."  She
had a wicked look on her face as she asked, "What was
his name again?"
"Cassandra!" Janet said quickly.
"Cassie!"
"Hey, it was a joke!" the teen said, her hands held in
front of her.
"I am so glad you're old enough to stay on your own.
No more nights with Jack O'Neill baby-sitting.  Now,
go set the table.  You are staying for dinner, right?"
  The last was directed as Sam.
"Well, sure.  I'd love too."
"You gonna talk to her?"
"Cassandra.  Table.  Now."
With a sullen look, Cassie headed for the kitchen to
get the plates and silverware.  "Are we eating in the
kitchen?" she called.
"No, the dining room.  We have company," Janet yelled
back.  Then to Sam, she added, "Sorry.  Mom would kill
me but yelling down the stairs or between rooms has
become a bad habit."
Sam had a pleased smile on her face, "So, I'm company,
huh?"
"Of course you are."
"What was it you wanted to talk about?"
Fear seized Janet's heart for a single, terrifying
moment.  Outwardly, she still maintained her calm
facade.
"Oh, just wanted to know how she was really doing.
She still cares about what you think."
Sam sat next to Janet and patted her knee.  "She cares
about what you think too.  It's just not cool to show
it."
"I guess.  I just don't know how to deal with a
teenager at times."
"I guess an old woman like you...too many decades
since your sweet sixteen birthday."
"Hey!  I can still rescind the dinner invitation."
"Okay, okay."  Sam held her hands up to ward off the
wrath of an irritated doctor.
"Anyway, she's actually pretty good behind the wheel.
She's a better driver than Jack O'Neill."
"That's not saying much," Janet replied.
Smiling, Sam went on, "She does like to give it too
much gas, but she's much smoother applying the brakes
than she was.  She'll be great."
"Yeah, she will be."
"You have a lot to do with that, you know," Sam said.
"Ah, what do you know?" Janet said dismissively.
"Well, I know enough.  But what I'd like to know is
what's for dinner."
"Fraiser Four-Alarm Chili.  The recipe that had your
CO crying."
"Excellent," Sam said in a low sinister voice.
* * * * * *
Chaos reigned at the Alpha Site.  Maimed and wounded
Tok'ra were pouring through the Stargate and Janet was
racing around the compound directing triage
operations.
"Move!" Janet yelled.  She felt the need to be
everywhere at once and the stress was coming through
in her voice.
"Yes sir, set it up, go, go," one of her aides
confirmed.
Janet managed to get a lock on her anxiety as she
knelt next to one of the wounded,  "Possible C-4
fracture! Immobilize with a cervical collar and let
the symbiote heal the damage! Pressure dressing STAT!"
She quickly moved on to the next one, "Airway's
partially compromised! Airman, priority one! Let's
move!!"
'How many more?' she thought as she moved to one
bleeding badly.  Shoving her fingers into the wound,
she felt for the ruptured artery.  "Femoral artery!
We need to stop this bleeding."
One of the medical orderlies she'd brought came and
applied a temporary clamp.  "Okay, get this one
prepped immediately!  C'mon people!  Let's move!"
Sam helped where she could as did Teal'c, Jack
O'Neill, and most of the rest of the Terrans.  For
some reason, the renegade Jaffa stood to the side, for
the most part.
Racing to another bloody Tok'ra, Janet again knelt and
pulled the charred remains of his tunic back.  She
gasped in horror to see much of his chest cavity was a
charred hollow.  Looking deeper with a morbid
fascination, she saw the Tok'ra's symbiote.  The
serpent was cut in half at the same point that the
host's spine was shattered and burned.
The damage was the worst Janet had seen that day but,
for some miraculous reason, the Tok'ra was still
alive.  She held his hand as he tried to breath into
devastated lungs.  She could see his heart quivering
as it tried to function.  It couldn't hold out much
longer.
Damn the Hippocratic Oath!  This was a case for
euthanasia.  The man had nothing to live for but a few
more moments of pain.
Even as the near-blasphemous thoughts raced through
her mind, Janet felt the hand holding hers loosen and
fall away.
In another second, she was back in command, directing
her people and the volunteers.  Once the Gate shut
down, she raced to the makeshift surgery to begin the
long process of trying to keep war-mangled people
alive.  The fact that their bodies had been
genetically altered from their human root stock made
things even more difficult.
Several long, exhausting hours later, she walked out
into the dark compound, pulling her fatigue jacket on
over a sweat-soaked t-shirt.
"Hi.  How're you doing?"
Janet jumped at the unexpected voice.  Turning, she
saw Sam leaning against the wall of one of the
permanent structures.  She relaxed with a sigh.
"Okay, I guess.  I haven't had to do that in a long
time.  Thank God.  Even when the Tollan were brought
into the SGC a few years ago, it wasn't this intense.
How come you're still up?"
"I wanted to see how you were."
Janet felt a surge of warmth in her.  "Thank you, Sam.
  You just made me feel a helluva lot better."
"Okay, c'mon. We're staying over here.  We better hit
the sack soon too.  Dawn is only a few hours away and
the colonel wants to get started re-securing this
place."
They walked in companionable silence across the dark
ground to one of the bunkhouses.
"You want this bunk or that one?" Sam asked.
"Doesn't matter.  I think I could sleep on a bed of
nails right now."
"Sorry, can't help you with that.  Maybe I can whip up
something by tomorrow night," Sam laughed.
"How long are we gonna be here?" the doctor asked
before yawning widely.
"Long enough for you to get some sleep.  Here," Sam
pushed Janet back, took off her boots, and pulled a
blanket over her.  "Sleep tight."
"I...wi..."  Janet was asleep before Sam was finished
tucking her in.
Glancing quickly around and seeing the few other women
asleep, she kissed Janet tenderly on the forehead.
"Sweet dreams."
* * * * * *
Janet's dreams may have been sweet but the following
day was anything but.
The first indication was the fact that she lost two
patients during the night.  Janet hated to lose anyone
for any reason but two was worse.
Then after the funeral for the lost Tok'ra, the Jaffa
and the Tok'ra began to fight.  Then Sam found the
naqada reactor on the verge of an overload.
O'Neill ordered a lockdown on the site.  No one was
going to be allowed to leave until the saboteur was
found.  This was practically a death sentence to two
more of her patients that desperately needed better
care than could be provided here.
Tempers continued to run high between the two Goa'uld
branches.  This apparently resulted in the murder of
the Tok'ra Ocker.
With Sam's help, Janet performed a makeshift autopsy.
She didn't want to take any of her personnel away from
the wounded.
While no evidence was found that pointed to a
particular culprit, it was obvious that Ocker was
taken from behind.
Another death.  This time, the Jaffa who had nearly
come to blows with Ocker after the funeral, Artok.  He
was dead in the makeshift holding cell.  All
indications there were that it was someone he knew.
Tensions were high.  People were sniping at each
other.  It seemed that only Jacob Carter, his
daughter, Colonel O'Neill, and she were keeping their
heads.  And, outwardly that was true but deep inside,
Janet was screaming out in fear and frustration.
Soon after Artok was killed, the two alien factions
came close to annihilating each other before the
evidence was found to show that a cloaked Ashrack was
behind the killings and the sabotage.
Teams went into the trees and Master Bra'tac was lost.
  Janet and he had exchanged heated words before but
she knew he was a man of honor and the loss saddened
her even further.
That night, Sam came in to find her curled on her
bunk, shaking with quiet sobs.
"Hey, hey.  It's okay," Sam said as she took Janet
into her comforting embrace.  "What is it?  Talk to
me, Janet."
"It's...  I'm afraid we'll all die here."
"No. We'll be alright.  Don't worry."
"It's not that.  I mean...I don't want to die but..."
She buried her face in Sam's shoulder, her words
muffled but clear to her dear friend, "Cassie and I
had an argument the last time I saw her.  I don't want
to die with her thinking I'm mad at her..."
Sam fought back tears herself and held Janet tighter.
"She won't.  I promise.  We'll see her together
and...it'll be okay."
A few quiet moments passed, then Janet sniffed a few
times and pushed away.  "Sorry, Sam," she said as she
wiped her eyes.  "I just..."
"Hey, it's okay.  Everyone is allowed to cry at least
once.  Even Napoleonic powermongers," Sam said.
Janet scowled at her then had to smile.  "Thanks Sam.
I'm glad you're here."
"So, what did you and the kid argue about?"
"Typical teenager/parent stuff," Janet said.  It was
only partly the truth.  She wasn't about to tell Sam
that Cassie was pushing her to tell the woman how she
felt.  As Cass pushed, Janet became more determined
and the two began to shout at each other.  Before
anything could be resolved, Cassie's ride to school
showed up.
"You'll be able to talk it out soon.  If I have to,
I'll sit you both down and play referee."
"Uh, no.  I don't think that'll be...necessary."
"You sure?  I'd be happy to help.  I mean, I am partly
to blame for you adopting her and I haven't done as
much as I think I should."
"Sam, you are doing a lot for us.  Admittedly I had to
boot your ass to get you to come by at first."
"I...I was still embarrassed that I took the elevator
up in the first place," Sam said.
"That was over four years ago.  You can let it go."
"And when are you going to let go, Jan?  When are you
going to tell me what's going on?  What's bothering
you?  I just want to help."
"Sam, much as I'd love to tell you...  Believe me.
It's better that I take care of this.  Okay?"
"Okay."
"Now, if you don't mind, it's been a helluva day."
"If you need anything, I'm right here."
"You always are.  Night Sam," Janet said with a smile.
"Night, Janet."  Sam watched as Janet fell asleep,
thinking, 'I'll always be here for you.'
* * * * * *
Two weeks later, Sam was over at the Fraiser house.
She and Cassie had another driving lesson, the last
before the teen took her test for the much-desired
license.
"So, can we get another car?"
Janet managed to swallow her tea before she answered,
just barely.  "What?  Another car?  Why do we need
another car?"
"For me.  See, this way you don't have to drive me
everywhere anymore.  I can do it."
"And who's paying for gas, insurance, the car itself?"
Cassie's expression showed she hadn't really
considered that aspect.  But, being a typical teenager
(more or less), she rallied, "Well, I could pay you
back."
"With what?"
"I'll...I'll get a...  A job."
Sam sat and watched the exchange, barely containing
her laughter.  Janet saw this and challenged her.
"Well?  You just gonna sit there?  Help me."
"Well, Jan, she has a point."
"Not you too," Janet moaned, covering her face with
her hands.
"But you have a better one."
"SAM!" Cassie cried.  "I thought you were on my
side!?!"
"I am.  But I'm also on your mom's side."
"Great!  Just great!  I bet Jack would've let me get a
car if he'd adopted me!" the teenager challenged.
"Don't be too sure of that," Sam responded.  "He's all
hearts and flowers when you're friends but if you were
his daughter, he'd lock you in the cellar until you
were an old maid.
"At least Janet lets you go out and have fun," Sam
concluded.
"Once in a while, maybe," Cassie said sullenly.  "May
I be excused?  The gang'll be by for me soon."
Janet sighed, "Clear your place and rinse the dishes
off."
Cassie grabbed her plate, silverware, and glass.
"Thanks."
"Finish your milk!" Janet called.
"Sorry, Janet.  I guess..."
"No, it's alright.  It's going to be my fight.  I may
as well get in on the ground floor.  Thanks for saying
what you did about the colonel."
These dinners had become more and more frequent.  Sam
was practically a member of the household.  And Janet
loved it, until the inevitable moment came when Sam
had to go home.
But that was hours away.  "What do you want to watch
tonight?"
Sam replied, "The usual."
"Okay by me."
Several minutes later, Sam and Janet were relaxing in
the family room.  Cassie came in.
"What's up?"
"We're going to watch "John Doe".  Want to join us?"
Sam asked.
"Nah, gotta go.  You didn't mess with the VCR did
you?"
Janet shook her head, "No.  'CSI' is still in there
with '24' and 'The Shield'."
"Okay.  I'll watch'em tomorrow."  A car horn sounded.
"I'm outta here."  She crossed over and kissed Janet's
cheek, "Love you, Mom."
"I love you too, Cassie."
"Love you, Sam."
"Right back at you," Sam said with a big grin.
As the front door slammed shut, Sam said, "You let her
watch 'The Shield'?  I'm surprised."
"She was watching it last year at her friend's.  It
seemed kinda silly to tell her she couldn't watch it.
She'd just head over to Michelle's anyway."
Sam shook her head, "I dunno.  But, I guess it's okay.
  She's not running around swearing like a sailor."
"Or an airman," Janet added.  "So far as we know."
"Sorry, I shouldn't judge.  It's not my place."
'I wish it was,' Janet thought.  Aloud she said,
"That's okay.  I'm happy you care enough.  Thank you."
On Fox, they saw that 'John Doe' had been replaced by
'Fastlane'.
"Damn!  I hate this show.  It's a 'Miami Vice'
wannabe," Sam declared.  She wasn't going to admit
that she had the infamous lesbian episode on tape at
home.
"Okay, let's watch something else.  Anything strike
your fancy?"
"Let's see what's on SciFi, I guess," Sam replied.
Later, after Sam had headed home, Janet went into the
kitchen and emptied the dishwasher.  She dropped a
plastic cup when she heard a familiar voice.
"I'd lend a hand but...corporeality is a bit out of my
league right now."
Janet spun around, her heart hammering in her chest.
"Daniel?  What...?  I thought you were..."  She waved
her hand in the air.
"I am.  But no one said I couldn't stop by and see my
friends once in a while."
"I know you were there for the colonel when he was a
prisoner.  But that was an extreme...  What are you
doing here?"
"Well, a while ago, back after Cassie was okay and
Nirrti was let go, I happened to see you in the
Infirmary with Sam and Cassie.  I knew then who was my
rival.  And, I have to tell you, I was surprisingly
happy."
"So...?" Janet asked.  She was clearly disconcerted to
be speaking to a ghost.  Or whatever Daniel was now.
"You know.  There's only one problem with being
ascended, I don't need my glasses.  They always gave
me something to do with my hands if I didn't need to
see what I was doing."
"Daniel..."
"Sorry.  Anyway, I have noticed how you keep avoiding
the situation.  You love Sam.  Tell her.  You just
might be surprised."
"Daniel, it's not that easy."
"Yes it is, Janet.  Forget the Air Force.  Forget
regulations.  Listen to me.  Listen to Cassandra.  And
especially listen to your heart.  Don't force yourself
to be alone."
"But, I'm not.  I have Cassie.  Sam's over here a
lot..."
"Cassie will be going away to college soon.  Two years
will seem like nothing once she's gone.  And you feel
sad every time Sam leaves."
"And that'll be better when I tell her how I feel?
She'll tell me to..."
"Janet, I can't tell you how things'll work out.  Not
that I don't know as much as I just can't.  You have a
choice here.  Live a sad lonely life or try to grab
what happiness you can.
"Even after all that happened, I never regretted the
time I had with Sha're.  And I don't want you to miss
out on any of the wonderfulness of being with the one
you love."
"I...I don't know.  I'm scared..."
"Love is scary.  But it's also beautiful.  Just
promise me you'll try.  Just follow your heart."
Janet nodded, her eyes brimming with tears.  With a
small smile, she asked, "Wonderfulness?"
"Yeah, well, Bill Cosby had an old comedy album named
that.  It, well, it just seemed..."
Janet came up to the image before her.  "Daniel, I'm
sorry things didn't happen differently between us.
And thank you for still caring."
"Good bye, Janet.  We'll see each other soon."
Janet didn't get a lot of sleep that night.
* * * * * *
Janet raced to finish her work.  It was Friday and she
had things to do.  And, now that her mind was made up,
no System Lord or Air Force general was going to get
in her way.
Practically racing out of the SGC to her car, she
reviewed what she needed to do yet.  She had to
restrain herself from speeding home.
Once there, she started bustling around, getting
things ready.  The uniform came off and one of her
sexier dresses came out of the closet.  Stockings and
perfume, she felt a little better.  Still nervous but
better.
Cassie came in and said, "Wow!  You look stunning!"
"Well, thank you."
"Okay now Mom, try to relax.  Everything looks great.
Dinner smells terrific."
"Thanks Sweetie.  And thanks for cleaning up around
here."
"Well, since you're finally listening to me, it's the
least I can do."
"You're still not getting a car," Janet replied with a
smile.
"We'll see."  She hugged her adopted mother, "Good
luck.  But I don't think you'll need it."
What Cassandra never told her mother or Sam was that
she had seen into Sam's mind before she was cured by
Nirrti.  What she saw there was much like what she saw
briefly in Janet's mind.  And that was part of the
reason she had fought Janet so much over this.
"I'll be at Michelle's if you need me.  But, don't
need me."
"Okay, Sweetie.  Have fun."
With a wicked laugh, Cassie said, "You too!"
The next half hour, Janet prowled around the house,
straightening a picture here and moving a knickknack
there.  Finally she forced herself to sit down.
Finally she dimmed the lights, lit the candles on the
dining room table as well as some scattered around the
living room.  She sat down again only to bolt to her
feet when she heard a car door slam.
Opening the front door, she smiled sweetly to her
guest.  Sam, stunned by the vision that greeted her,
could only nod and stare.
"Hi Sam.  Happy Valentine's Day."
Then it all made sense to Sam.  She smiled and hugged
Janet.  "You too, my love."
Sam kicked the door closed as Janet kissed her love
for the very first time.
 (c) John O'Conner
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