A tree cannot grow in the sky, nor clouds be in the sea, nor fish live in the fields, nor can blood be in sticks nor sap in rocks. -- Titus Lucretius Carus
 

 "Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you ..." Josef half hummed, half mumbled as he sat in the Faculty Cafeteria of the Clarke College Student Union patiently waiting for Richard's magical reappearance and the end of his rather impressive parlor trick. After about five minutes it became clear that Richard was not returning.

"Well, enough time wasted. I better get back to my office." With that Josef stacked his dishes, stood up and smoothed the collar of his blouse and skirt.

 "Damn," he chuckled, "he's one good hypnotist. I should be mad, but he's created such a beautiful illusion it's more fun to enjoy the view." He briefly pulled the blouse top apart and admired the soft flesh revealed. (Besides, whatever he's done is bound to wear off shortly and scoring that last batch of quizzes isn't going to happen by itself, is it?)

 Dropping off his dishes and remembering to bring the manuscript, Josef took his usual short cut and headed out the back door to his office. (Amazing. The hips seem to be swaying. The breasts seem to be jiggling. I even imagine I can smell perfume.)

 The walkways were crowded and she almost made it to the Arts and Sciences Building where her office was located before being stopped by a cute looking guy with dark hair and eyes wearing a letter shirt. She looked up at him. (Up? I'm 5'10" and I'm looking up. How tall is this guy?)

 "Excuse me. Would you please tell me where the Registrar's Office is?"

 "Oh my, you're a tall one aren't you." She thrust out her chest, batted her eyelashes at him, and chewed daintily on her lip for several seconds. (Why the hell did I say that?) "It's two buildings down on your left." A pause for a deep breath, a finger to the lip, and a bit of a pout before continuing. "You're cute. Are you new here?" (Why do I care about new meat for the college's grist mill? What's going on here?)

 "Yes. My name's Jack Dawson and I'm an exchange student from Northern State Community College. I've got a 2:30 appointment at the Registrar's Office and I'm already five minutes late so I really better run. It was nice to meet you."

 "The name's Josette. Josette Rimsky. Room 231 in this building here, the Arts and Sciences Building. Come up and see me some time." She vamped as he waved and ran off. (That's not what I wanted to say. What the hell is going on here?)

 Angry and bewildered she headed into the building and to her office, not even noticing the fetching sway of her hips as she climbed the stairs.

The secretary for the Psychology Department, Mrs. Grimley, was busy with another coed and didn't notice her walk past until Josette was at the door to room 231, her office.

 "Excuse me Miss, Dr. Rimsky isn't in. Can I help you?" She peered over the tops of her reading glasses.

"Miss," a bit louder and more imperious, "I said Dr. Rimsky isn't in. Can I help you?"

Josef turned about, prepared to advise her that her comments were less than humorous. Instead he found himself smiling and answering politely, "I'm sorry Mrs. Grimley, I wasn't paying attention, silly me. Dr. Rimsky asked me to stop by to see him." (Huh? That's not what I wanted to say.)

 "That's alright child. He should be here according to his schedule and I'm rather surprised he's not. He's rarely late. Can I help you with something in the meantime?" Mrs. Grimley smiled back.

 "Thank you, no. I'll come back some other time. By the way that's a beautiful shade of nail polish. What is it?" (Stop this. Go into the office. Why can't I go into my office? This is crazy.)

 "Thank you. It's called bright crimson from the Mystique collection."

 Their conversation was interrupted as a short, balding nebbish going by the name of Howard Emerson, Dr. Rimsky's teaching assistant, came into the Department office. "Hi Mrs. Grimley, is Dr. Rimsky in?"

 "Hello Howard ..."

 "No he's not." Josette pouted prettily. "I was just looking for him to." The pout changed to an enticing smile. "My name's Josette what's yours?" (This is insane. This is insane. What's happening here. Why can't they see who I am? Why can't I say what I want to say? What's happening here. Nobody can do hypnosis this good.) The frantic thoughts continued as Howard hesitantly took her daintily proffered hand and tried to decide whether to shake it or kiss it.

 "It's O.K. silly. I won't bite," she giggled, "that is unless you want me to."

"Uh-Humm." Mrs. Grimley loudly cleared her voice. "Mr. Emerson, don't you have a class to teach.?" No response. The chill in her voice grew more pronounced. "NOW."

 "Oh, uh, yes. Thank you Mrs. Grimley." He regretfully released Josette's hand, gave a last wistful look and dashed off.

 "I'm sure you have somewhere you need to be now also." Mrs. Grimley's voice was still frigid as she returned to her work studiously ignoring the distasteful harlot before her.

 "O.K. I'll come back later." Josette flipped her hair and smiled brightly as she sashayed out of the office and into an empty hallway.

 "Oh my god. What the hell am I going to ..." She stopped abruptly. "I said that." Her hands went to her mouth in joy. "I said that too. I'm in control of my self again." She turned around and started back into the Department office growling, "It's time to let that old bag know who's boss."

 "Back so soon?" Mrs. Grimley's voice was only slightly warmer.

 (Here goes you old battle ax.) Josette smiled, "I'm sorry. I seem to have lost my purse." (No. No. Say 'I'm Dr. Rimsky you withered old prune. How dare you be so rude.')

 "What's that in your hand?" The smile would have made a polar bear shiver.

 "What?" Josette glanced at the purse in her hand. "Oh, thank you." She giggled. (Stop it. Say the words. Say help. Say something I want to say.) "Silly me. I'd loose my head if it weren't glued on." She again glided out of the office into the still empty hallway."

 "Damn. Damn. Damn." Mouth open she stopped again. "I can talk again." Her voice sounded frantic. "What's going on? I can talk again." She raised her hand and snapped her fingers. "I can control my body again."

 Grabbing an empty bench she slumped down head back fighting back tears of frustration. "This is crazy. Whenever I'm around people I can't seem to do anything but act like a simpering sex kitten."

She slapped her hand hard on the bench. "Ow. Damn it." She punched herself in the chest and almost buckled over in pain. When she finally recovered she delicately touched the still sore breast. It felt like ... a breast.

 "This is insane. I've got to find Richard. What ever he's done he can undo. That's it ... Richard." With a new purpose she picked up the manuscript and her purse and headed off down the hallway toward Richard's cubbyhole.

 Three doors down Josette stopped perplexed looking at the space where the door to Richard's office was supposed to be. There was a large arched opening with a set of glass double doors. Before he could enter the doors opened and several ravishing women exited. They glanced vapidly at Josette and quickly headed off.

 Taking a deep breathe and squaring her shoulders Josette entered. Hesitantly approaching the bikini clad woman behind the large oak desk, afraid of what might come out of her mouth she waited to be seen.

 "Yes? May I help you?"

 "Hello. My name is ... J ... Jo ... Josef." She signed in relief. "Josef Rimsky. Dr. Josef Rimsky." Confidence grew with every word. "I'd like to see Richard Boatman please."

 "Certainly Miss." She gestured and another beautiful bikini babe came forward and escorted Josette nee Josef to the back of the Throne Room.

 "Wait here. You will be called." The escort left and Josef watched the events around him.

 "Bring him in." Richard spoke with a booming voice that seemed to clearly reach every corner of the room.

The far door opened and Dean Johnson entered bracketed by a half dozen more skimpily dressed women who pushed Josef out of the way as they marched towards the throne.

 From his position beside the entry door Josef could barely see the events unfolding before him. What he did see was the Dean standing before Richard and then two of his escort forced the Dean to his knees and held his head down.

Sputtering in anger the Dean rose to his feet. "What is the meaning of this? I don't know how you've created this travesty but I demand you stop it immediately. His foot tapped impatiently as he waited.

 "Greetings Dean Johnson."

 "How dare you. I'll have your job for this. You'll never work anywhere. I'll have you arrested for kidnapping. I'll, I ..." Apoplexy warred with stroke for what would be the primary cause of death before he finally began to wind down.

 "Silence." I was a whisper but Josef heard it clearly from his distant vantage point. The Dean seemed to be struggling again and his face seemed to be getting red again, but Josef could hear nothing.

 "Read the charges Inga." Richard turned to the blonde to his right who produced a large scroll with handles on each end and tied with a golden tassel. Untying it she scanned it briefly and then began to read.

 "Raymond Jehosephat Johnson. You stand accused of crimes against our Lord and Master. These crimes include failure to offer tenure, failure to appoint to desirable committees, failure to support his research grants, and most heinous of all, failure to attend to the words of our Lord and Master."

 "How dare you. You and your bitches can go to hell for all I care and I intent to see you get there." He turned to walk away.

 "Stop." Again that whisper somehow audible to Josef despite the distance. The Dean stopped. He was rigid and unmoving. Josef wondered if he was even breathing.

 "Rather than repent you insult me and mine. We shall see who is a bitch. From this moment on every work or act that intentionally injures another shall bring you closer to the bitch to which you allude. Take heed and learn from the lesson of your friend Josef Rimsky." A spotlight came from somewhere and highlighted Josef and he glanced around disconcertedly. Suddenly he lifted off the floor and floated rapidly forward, stopping several feet from Dean Johnson but about the same distance from the throne.

 "Do you take me for a total fool. This pathetic bimbo is not my friend Josef Rimsky." The Dean's sneer lasted several seconds before he grabbed at his crotch and then quickly reached inside his pants ignoring the stares of those about him. The sneer turned to shock and then dismay as he hand withdrew and his shoulders and head slumped dejectedly. Slowly he crumpled to the floor and began to silently sob.

 "And you Josef Rimsky. Speak your mind."

 "Richard? Please explain. What's happening here? I now realize it is much more than some simple trickery."

 "Very well. For the sake of our past friendship I will explain. I have given you the type of body you have always lusted after. Outside of my presence you act to others as you appear, a witless, libidinous young woman. Only when you are alone are you capable of acting as you were, an intelligent, supposedly open minded, academician.

 "What do you want of me?" Josef was distracted as Dean Johnson muttered something and pointed ears with white curly fur suddenly appeared. Fighting a strong urge to comfort Dean Johnson who shuddered and continued returned to his quiet sobbing, Josef realized he had to seize this opportunity to find out how to regain control of his life.

 "For you to recognize me and my discovery for what it is, brilliance beyond anything to have yet occurred in this sorry old world."

 "I do. It is." The words stumbled off his lips in his hurry. "I apologize. I was blinded by habit and convention. Please forgive me, I beseech you."

 "No my friend." Richard laughed. "Your words are laudable but they are driven by desperation, not belief." Josef sagged.

 "But fear not, there is a way. You have my manuscript. You have but to read and understand. It is your key to the universe and beyond."

 Dean Johnson lunged toward the throne only to be stopped after less than two steps by Richard's acolytes. He seemed to writhe and transform before them. His clothes faded away and close cropped white fur grew over portions of his body while other portions continued to grow until it was a curly white mat of hair. Arms and legs blurred as paws formed, his body hunched over and shrank, and finally a muzzle and tail appeared.

 "Tsk, tsk. Naughty naughty. That kind of thinking and behavior will be the end of you." A pink collar and leash formed as well as large pink bows on the Dean's carefully trimmed tail and head. "I suggest you stop soon as you are running out of things other than your mind to transform. Richard turned from the quivering, whining mass of furry white creature back to Josef as a yellow stain began to spread from beneath its hindquarters.

 "To show my mercy Josef I shall grant it the boon of human voice, but only when the two of you are alone. At other times, like you, this creature shall act as it appears, a large white pure bred poodle bitch."

Josef started to speak but Richard raised his hand and the words caught before they could leave his mouth.

 "Take her. Teach her. Like you her salvation comes from the true recognition of my greatness." Richard yawned.

 "Enough. Leave me now, I tire of your banality." A slight gesture and both disappeared.

 Josef found himself in a woman's apartment. Looking out the window he realized that it was his apartment, but redecorated to suit the tastes of a very feminine personality. Behind him there was a low growl. Turning he saw the white poodle sitting by the couch. The tail wagged tentatively.

 "Great. Now what do I do?" Josef dropped disconsolate onto the couch tossing the manuscript to the floor at his feet and closing his eyes to block out the room about him.

 "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm reading this damn manuscript." Josef opened his eyes to see the dog flipping through the pages of the manuscript.