His memories of the past few moments came flooding back to him as the numbness in his body eased away. His car had broken down just outside of Springfield. He had been on his way to Decatur on business... but that would have to be postponed. He was only a few miles from a filling station when the engine died. 'Why didn't I use my cell phone?' he asked himself.

He remembered feeling compelled to walk into the dark, moonless night towards a gas station for some odd reason. And even though his memories were now quickly flooding back, he could not remember taking more than about two or three steps before he got the feeling of someone coming up behind him. And that's when the lights had gone out for poor Mr. Bill.

A grim realization struck Bill, and reaching to his neck, he verified his fear: there were two small puncture wounds about a mouthwidth apart. He'd been bitten.

"Fucking Vampire Hunter Union strike...." he moaned out loud. The United Vampire, Werewolf, and Ghost Hunters had been working in good faith without a contract from the State of Illinois, and while a strike was technically illegal, there was no provision in the contract or law on what to do if that particular law was broken and the union had, in fact, been threatening to strike.

'Apparently,' Bill realized, 'the strike has begun. Fuck. Last time this happened, there was a darkness curfew that lasted for weeks.'

As he started to sit up, he knew he had to take stock of his situation. He was bitten, but not dead (which happens more often than most people think). So, he was either a slave to the biter, or he was a vampire. When he stood up, he saw that he was now dressed not in the casual business attire he had been wearing, but a nice (albeit dusty) black tuxedo. It even had a cape.

"(sigh) Vampire it is. Wonderful," he said aloud in a mock Transylvanian accent while he brushed the dust off his new attire. "At least I'm not a bug-eating slave... whoa, what have we here...."

It was then that he noticed his erection. Even through the material of his new tux, he could tell it was longer than he'd ever seen it. He'd read accounts of former vampires, and none of them described this, but he decided that it was not important at the moment. He had to get to a phone so he could call the Just Bitten Hotline. 'Somebody has to call my job and tell them I won't be in,' he thought.

Doing that would be easier said than done, though. His cell phone was missing, and nobody would pick up a hitchhiker at night, much less one who was clearly a vampire. Most cars were equipped with garlic air fresheners anyway, and he figured that could be a problem, too. But, Bill was no dummy. He had read a lot about vampires. He knew he could fly.

He certainly could not take his garlic-smelling car, but he was able to make use of it. He climbed on top of the car, spread his hands, and leapt into the night with images of soaring like a flock of bats running through his head... and promptly crashed chin-first on the pavement. And that's when the laughter began. Looking to the left, he confirmed that he was no longer alone.

"Haha! Dude, what the hell did you do that for? I mean, I've seen newbie vamps before do stupid things like go to Italian restaurants or even try to go to church, but that's... hahahaha the funniest damn thing I've seen!" The man to his left bent over with laughter.

"Look, I'm new at this, and I have to get somewhere. If I report this, maybe I can get changed back..." Bill began as he got up so he could face the stranger. When he had brushed the road's dust off of his tux, he noticed that the his audience of one wasn't dressed like a masquerade partygoer, even though Bill somehow knew that this person was a vampire.

"Hey, man, sorry," the other vampire said. "I'm just in a funny mood, and I saw you there—haha I see they even dressed you up! Man, you must have been rather tasty! But, in case you didn't know, the Hunters are on strike. Nobody will kill whoever did this until a new contract is accepted, so you're stuck like this."

"OK... well then, what are you doing here, anyway? Come here to laugh at my plight?" Bill inquired.

"'Plight?' Who talks like that? Hahaha no, sir. Nope, I'm actually here as a sort-of welcome wagon." He put his arms up in the air, producing a large number of bats that flew off into the aether. "Welcome to the Vampire world! Stay as long as you like, and like it as long as you stay. Either way," he said, softening his voice from the bombastic announcement tone he had been using, "you're stuck like this for a little while, at least."

Bill didn't know what to make of the display, and stood motionless during his official welcome ceremony. He stared at the vampire for a few moments before speaking again. "Right, OK. Well, what do we do now? We can't stay out here all night."

"Well, you could start by asking my name."

Bill sighed. "Alright, what is your name?"

"Jim. See? That's not so hard. I'm Jim the Vampire. And you are...?"

"Bill. I'm... (sigh) Bill the Vampire." Bill rolled his eyes as he said it.

"Great! Now, we need to get you fed." Bill's stomach began to do somersaults as the realization of what that would involve dawned on him. Jim, seeing the look on Bill's face, added, "Oh, a little squeamish, eh? Well, let me say this: not all vampires feed on blood."

Bill knew better than that. "OK, wait. Is this a joke? I've read all there is to read about vampires. They all suck blood."

Jim smiled almost dismissively at Bill. "No, all ticks suck blood. Some vampires do suck blood. I do, for example. But, it needn't be human—although that's the best! No, any mammal and even a few reptiles will do. Birds are OK, but personally, I've gotten used to cow's blood. I have some here...." he said, producing a vial of the stuff. He put a few drops on Bills outstretched hand, right on his finger, and indicated with a motion that Bill should give it a try.

Bill nearly gagged when the stuff hit his mouth. Jim patted Bill on the back when he finally did vomit, and while Bill was spitting the last of the taste out of his mouth, Jim drank the blood and tossed the empty vial aside.

"OK," Jim began, "clearly you're not into blood. There are a few other things vampires feed on... but to be honest, I've only actually met bloodvamps. You might be... oh, boy!"

"What?" Bill said. He had no problem hanging back as a vampire until the strike was over—vampire reversals were not uncommon—but he knew he had to eat something.

"Oh, we'll let you find that out. If you are what I think you are, well, I've only heard stories... never mind for now. First off, we need to get you flying. Then, we'll go to a little nightclub I know. They serve blood if you know the password, and they also serve the other things that some vampires eat. But before you can fly, you must know the chant."

Bill was hungry, and the conversation was starting to interest him. "OK, the chant. What is it?"

Jim smiled and said, "First, get back on your car." Bill complied. "Good," Jim continued. "Now, stretch your arms out and say this three word chant. When you understand its meaning, you will be able to fly. The chant is, OWAH, TANNA, SIAM. When it's meaning is clear, leap off, and I'll show you the way."

Bill couldn't believe he was about to do this, but he had little choice and knew it. His arms were stretched out, and he loudly yelled, "OWAH TANNA SIAM!" about a dozen times.

"Say it louder, and a little faster... repeat it," Jim instructed.

"OWAH TANNA SIAM! OWAH TANNA SIAM! OWAH TANNA SIAM! OWAH TANNA SIAM...!"

Jim shouted, "Faster! Faster!"

Several more times, Bill shouted, "OWAHTANNASIAM! OWAHTANNASIAM!" before finally pausing. Realization dawned on him and he looked at the snickering Jim and said, "You're a dick, you know that?"

Jim said, "Yep. But it works. C'mon now."

"Oh, what an ass I am." This time when Bill leapt, he fell even harder to the ground. He looked up at a cackling Jim, who was making his way to a black sedan.

"C'mon, ass. Let's go!" Jim shouted. Bill followed his new "friend" to the parked car, and they were soon on their way.

"You mean we're not flying?" Bill asked as they got into the car.

"That is such an urban legend! Yeah, we could turn into a large swarm of bats... uh, flock of bats... murder of bats? Whatever it's called, we could turn into a large number of bats and fly away—but even though the strike is on, the Auto Bat Defense System is still active and we'd be fried by the electrical field that...."

"Enough, I get it. We ride," Bill said, hoping not to have to hear the story as they drove. 'Besides,' he mused, 'I don't even like bats.'

"Yeah, Bill, I'll tell ya, you're here on a slow night. But, that's all the better. See, I have a theory here. Follow me."

As they made their way to where some tables were, Bill looked around and knew—instinctively—that he was not the only vampire in the room. Well, Jim was there, of course. But there were others. He could somehow sense them... no, he could smell them. At least, he could smell the humans, and the lack of that scent really made it clear who was a blood- or other-sucker. 'Othersucker,' Bill repeated in his mind. It sounded funny in his head and he chuckled a little.

"Bill, focus here," Jim said as they came to a table with a human man and woman. Jim looked at them and, waving his hand, said in a monotonous voice, "You both want my good friend Bill to join you at this table. You find his company acceptable and maybe even a little enjoyable."

Bill rolled his eyes and almost walked away, but when the couple repeated Jim's words, he cocked his head in interest and considered having a seat.

Jim whispered in his ear, "Listen, Bill. Just sit here with these people and see what happens. I'm going to go get a... uh, drink, if ya know what I mean. I'll check in on ya in a few, OK?"

Bill was captivated by the woman, but did manage a weak "Sure thing" as Jim was leaving.

"Well, Bill," the man said, "what brings you here tonight? Oh—I'm Bob and this is Amanda."

Bill was gazing into Amanda's playful eyes—'Were they that playful a moment ago?' he thought. Realizing he hadn't spoken, he cleared his throat and said, "Uh, just out and about. Why are you two here?"

"Well," Bob said, "Amanda and I just got engaged!" At that, Amanda showed her ring to Bill, who gingerly held her hand while he examined it. Amanda's slender fingers and creamy complexion were of more interest to him, though, and even though he never got involved with a woman who was with someone else, he could see how others might be tempted by Amanda's beauty. Even the trembling of her fingers was sexy!

"Beautiful ring you have there, Amanda," Bill said in a tone so sweet that it surprised him. Looking at Amanda as she drew her hand away, he saw her sink back a little in her chair and exhale almost dreamily. Without his permission, though, Bill's mouth continued to speak, the words seeming to come out of thin air.

"The ring makes your eyes even more beautiful. I bet they're your favorite feature, even though you're simply ravishing. Your hair would look better if it were down, though. A lovely head of black hair like that needs to be set free, not tied into a ponytail, right Bob?" Bill said, not even looking at Bob.

Amanda blushed and took a few deep breaths. Bob spoke up, saying, "Actually I like her hair up like that...."

His words died out when Amanda took the elastic from her hair and shook her head to tease a little of her hair up over her shoulders. She was definitely blushing all over now, as the low cut blouse she wore revealed.

Bill could even see her nipples. Not able to speak as he drank in her beauty, he focused on her nipples, and it almost felt like a ripple of energy went from his eyes to her chest. When she moaned and leaned forward, he gazed into the valley between her her full breasts for a few moments before he could look away. 'She looks delicious,' he thought, wondering if that was some kind of mental pun.

"Mmmmm, Bill, you are toooo... kind..." Amanda purred as she felt her nipples start to tingle. Bill smiled; somehow he knew what she was feeling and he suspected that he was responsible.

"Yeah, Bill, it's good down too, isn't it? The hair, I mean," Bob interjected, obviously getting annoyed with how his fiancé was reacting to the strangely overdressed man.

Bill looked at Bob, and slowly moving his hand in an arc (like he'd seen Jim do earlier), he said, "Bob, why don't you pipe down a little. Amanda and I are talking, and I promise not to hurt her. So just... relax."

And Bob did just that. He sat back, and with nothing else to do, he drank.

Bill's voice spoke again, and again, the words felt almost instinctual. "Amanda, why don't you stand up and let me get a good look at you? Do a turn for me. You're so pretty."

Amanda giggled, stood up, came around the table, and did a quick turn, showing off the mid-length skirt that hugged her heart-shaped ass perfectly. Her legs were smooth and sexy. Bill noticed, though, that her nipples really poked through her silk top, so with a simply hand gesture he beckoned Amanda to his side. It was only a few steps, but Amanda walked to the still-sitting Bill and leaned over to meet him eye-to-eye.

Remembering the sensation from a few moments ago when he'd sworn he'd sent some kind of energy into her while staring at her chest, Bill whispered into her ear, "I can see that you're nipping. Are you excited?" He added a little lick to her earlobe when he was done asking the question.

She moved her mouth to his ear. "Mmmmm, yesssssss... I've never been this excited before, it's like someone's licking and sucking my... oh, oh, oh my god... oh, don't stop..."

Bill somehow knew what she was feeling, and decided to step it up a notch. Whispering in her ear again, he asked, "how does your chest feel now?" Right then, he imagined pouring warm oil over her breasts and having several sets of hands fondle her. Again, a ripple went out and she gasped.

She moaned, unable to whisper, "oh god, it feels like hands are roaming and roaming... so slippery so... mmmmmmmmm."

"Stand up," Bill told her. When she did, he focused on her crotch. It took a few seconds, but suddenly a blast of energy that only he could see shot out of him and right at her pussy.

She couldn't remain standing, not with the sensations of tongues exploring her depths and flicking on her clit that he had just caused. Bill smiled to himself. He had built a little scene in his mind and he knew she was feeling it. 'Hell, I can almost feel it,' Bill mused as his cock twiched with anticipation.

"Please," she breathlessly said, her own hands starting to paw at her body, "I... know you're... doing... thissssss... mmmmmmmmm take... me...."

At those words, Bill was reminded of his throbbing erection. Helping the quivering Amanda to her feet, he walked her to a door marked "For Vampire Use Only." It made him pause, but there'd be time enough for questions later. He opened the door, took Amanda inside, and looked around.

The place was full of people and vampires, and most of the vampires were busy biting necks. They noticed him, and some of their jaws dropped, causing an unfortunate loss of blood and several stained shirts—but even the grotesque scene didn't kill Bill's libido. The vamps made room for Bill, and one even ushered him to a private bedroom in the back.

Amanda got on the bed while Bill closed the privacy curtain. She tore her blouse off, and started to knead her tits, thankful she had no bra. As Bill took off his cape and began to disrobe, she took off her skirt and soaked panties. One hand on her pussy and the other at her tits, she waited to be taken. It was all she could think about, and the wait was pure torture.

Bill was almost on autopilot when he finally was naked enough to fuck. His dick was certainly larger than before, but at nine inches, still not too big for it's obvious purpose. He hopped up to the bed, got on top of Amanda, and with her hand guiding his member, thrust into her.

It was the last voluntary thing he did. Soon, he was fucking her with abandon, and they rutted like animals (loud, grunting and occasionally screaming animals) for at least ten minutes. His very touch drove her lust higher and higher, and his cock was filling her in a way that not even her extra-large silicone dildo could do.

Finally, when they'd moved so that he was on his back and she was riding him cowboy style, he knew that he was about to cum. Amanda had cum so many times he'd lost count between all of the screams, and as she ground her cunt on his shaft, he let go and filled her with his seed, growling with his own release.

Amanda, her voice horse with constant screaming, shook so wildly with her own orgasm that she collapsed on top of Bill, grabbing his arms and finishing her climax while nuzzling his neck.

Bill thought, as they lay there for a few minutes to relax, 'it's ironic that she's at my neck. Usually it's the other way around... or so I've heard... anyway, time to get a move on.' He gently rolled her off of him and started looking for his tux.

"Amanda, get dressed. I'll take you back to Bob and you two can go home. You'll forget all about this." Bill was getting dressed as he spoke, and he knew she would obey. And, suddenly, he didn't feel hungry. He looked over to Amanda and saw that she was asleep. He could feel her life, and knew she wasn't dead. He opened the curtain when he was finally dressed... and was greeted with applause.

He looked around at the cheering group. All the humans were gone except for Amanda. He asked, "What are you all cheering for?"

Jim came up to him through the crowd. "So, let me guess—you just talked to her, the words came from nowhere, you seduced her and fucked her brains out? Do you know what that makes you?"

"No. What."

"You're an erotic vampire!" Jim shouted, and the cheering, which had just subsided, began anew. This time, though, the vampires began to mill about and mind their own business.

"OK, wait. Hold the phone. Erotic vampire? That sounds dumb. 'Bill, the Erotic Vampire?' Who comes up with this stuff?" Bill asked, not quite believing what had just been said.

"Look, Bill. I feed on blood. All these vamps do. But you feed on sex. Yeah, you can bite people and drink blood—but it's not to your taste I'll bet. You see, you can automatically seduce people. You needn't even try, it just happens. You can alter how they feel, their sensations, all that good stuff. Like any vampire, you can control minds. Shit, even your touch drives people insane with lust! When you touch a someone's face, it's like you're licking their..."

"Why do you keep saying 'People?'" Bill inquired.

"What?"

"You keep saying 'people,' not 'women.' Why is that?"

"Oh, well, um, you can also automatically seduce gay and bisexual men." Jim replied, matter-of-factly.

"What? I don't want to do that! Do I have to? Seduce guys, I mean?" Bill shouted.

"Of course not. But just stay away from gay bars; if you're hungry enough, you might end up doing something... well, not that there's anything wrong with it, but... well you know... well, remember, you didn't mean to seduce Amanda. But, you did. And how! I'm just saying that you might not want to try that in a bar full of guys who dig guys, that's all. That would make you 'Bill, the Homoerotic Vampire,' and that's got four extra letters."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well... I suppose it would take longer to say."

"Yeah, I get it. It's just... how does this work? How can I feed from sex? How can I alter or simulate physical sensations, on people who have never felt those sensations—like having five people rub her oiled tits," Bill began, pointing to Amanda, who was awake enough to start looking for her clothes. "She's never felt that. Hell, how did I know that's what she felt and that she never felt it before? Where did the words come from? It's like this is one strange story about sex and mind control and vampires, and it doesn't make a lot of sense."

Jim's smile had waned. "Are you done?"

Bill took a breath. "Yes, I am. Sorry, but this was starting to get too silly. I'm all better now."

"Good," Jim replied. "Now, let's take Amanda back to Bob, let him speak again, and then you and I have to have a conversation. There are some rules you need to know."