Friday Knight Writers' Block

The Care and Feeding of Dragons

© 2003 by Girl Friday

It all started innocently enough ...

In FDWritings - bamfdragon42 wrote:

So here's the skinny. It has been 19 days and 12 hours without a new chapter of DoaL. Don't make us have to break out a bottle of whup ass and bring it to you. We know were Jimmy Hoffa is and you can go help him feed the fishes for about eternity.

Dragon
pacing around his cave and breathing fire on all who enter, muttering to himself loudly

I couldn't let that pass by without comment.

The Care and Feeding of Dragons

Well it seems that the Dragon is all worked up again. He gets a little ... er, testy ... when he hasn't had his weekly fix of DoaL and SC. Here are a few suggestions any maiden may wish to follow in order to keep this Dragon (or any other dragon for that matter) under control until the next chapter is posted.

1. Stand quietly at the entrance of the cave. Bring a pizza and beer. The tantalizing aroma of the warm pizza and cold beer will eventually reach his senses and cause him to notice you.

2. Throw the pizza into the cave, taking care not to hit the dragon! This way his appetite is assuaged before you enter. Meaning he may not devour you, at least at first.

3. Open the beer and set it down just inside the cave. Wait patiently until the Dragon quenches his thirst. The soothing taste of barley and fermented hops will calm him further.

4. Watch carefully to see if the Dragon is still breathing flames. If you have done things correctly to this point, the flames should be nowhere in evidence.

5. It is a well known fact that this particular Dragon prefers females naked. Remove all clothing before daring to step into the cave. You should begin to see a little steam coming from his ears. This is normal and not cause for alarm.

6. The Dragon is probably in need of care at this point. After all, he has been pacing endlessly in this cave for over 19 days. Fetch some warm water, bubble soap, and a nice scrubby sponge. Take care to wash the Dragon everywhere, scrubbing rapidly when needed.

7. Now that the scales are all clean, they could use some polishing. Use his favorite scented oil and massage it all over his scales, rubbing with a firm grip until he collapses at your feet.

8. At this point you should see a change beginning to take place. If you have done the previous steps correctly, the fierce and frustrated Dragon should now be transformed into a human male. The man will probably be hungry again. Allow him to eat whatever he wishes before continuing on to other male/female activities.

9. Once activities are concluded, sit in his lap and read him the most recent chapter of Doal and SC. Feel free to demonstrate anything he doesn't understand clearly. You may need to ask your best girlfriend to help, after all this is Dance of a Lifetime and Summer Camp.

10. Repeat these steps as necessary anytime the Dragon begins to pace and breathe fire.

This concludes our lesson on the care and feeding of Dragon. We hope you have enjoyed it.

Friday, expert dragon-tamer.

© 2003, all rights reserved