THE GRAPE FETISH (Chapter 24)

"Jessica Reidel? What are you doing here?"

"Claws in, Cheryl," Warren said. "She’s a friend of mine, and Sophie’s best friend."

"Come on in, Jess," Mo smiled. "Glad you finally came, Sophia told me she’s been trying for a while."

"Yeah. I decided this one was a good one to come to."

"Oh, great," said Cheryl. "Sophie got any other burnout friends she can bring?"

Jessie looked Cheryl in the eye and said, "Hey, Wheeler, the sun’s still up. How did you get out of your coffin?"

"Now what is that supposed to mean?"

"Jesus, if you need insults explained to you, you’re beyond any kind of hope."

"Oh, I knew what you meant."

Jessie sighed dramatically. "So you asked what I meant just so you could hear the sound of your own voice wafting melodiously through the yard, is that it? "

"What are you talking about?"

Jessie just snorted, and turned to Warren. "Does she always need a fucking road map to keep up?" Warren just laughed.

Cheryl said, "Hey, Warren, why is it that all of these lowlife friends of yours feel compelled to insult me?"

"Maybe because you insult them first?"

"Or," added Jess, "maybe it’s because Warren tends to have friends with half a brain, and, for anyone with half a brain, insulting you is like shooting fish in a barrel."

"Did you just call me stupid?"

"If I have to explain everything I say, you just answered your own question, didn’t you?"

"I’d rather be stupid than a burnout!"

"That’s because you’re stupid. Listen, I could kill three million brain cells and still be about a gazillion up on you, sweetie."

Cheryl just sputtered indignantly.

"Y’know, I just can not stand all these witty comebacks, Wheeler."

"I don’t need to give you any witty comebacks."

"Oh, yes you do. I know you; I know what you’re like. You come here and take great satisfaction in being the Queen of All Insults, because you’re used to dealing with folks like Warren and Mo who are too nice to get into it with you."

"You don’t know what you’re talking about."

"How wrong am I?" Jessie asked. "Not even a little bit," Warren said, and Sophia and even Mo concurred.

"I still can’t believe Mo let Sophia bring you," Cheryl said, changing the subject.

"Well, somebody has to supply the witty repartee. It sure as hell ain’t gonna be you."

Cheryl sputtered, and Jessie added, "Oh, look! More witty repartee!"

"She’s such a loser!" Cheryl said to the air.

"Wow. I’m a loser. What an original insult! How long did it take you to come up with that bon mot, Wheeler—three months?"

Cheryl just sputtered again.

"Yeah, that’s what I figured."

Warren just laughed. "Cheryl, silence might be the best option. You are so out of your league, here, you have no idea."

"Fine," Cheryl said with forced haughtiness. "Christine and I are going to sit over on the grass, where it’s more hospitable."

"Yeah, there are no actual other humans over there. When Wheeler looks for hospitable, she looks for a wide, empty space." Jessica sniggered. Cheryl just turned on her heel and stomped off, Christine in tow.

They settled down after that. Nobody noticed Crash slip in, grab some dip and a coke from the table, and slip in next to Jessie.

"Nice party…..good dip," Crash Worfed.

"Crash!" Mo yelled. "You came!"

Jessie looked at Crash and smiled, and then turned to Warren, and, in her best Deanna Troi, said, "Captain…I sense a great turbulence of emotion from Lieutenant Worf. It’s very powerful. He is either in the grips of an incredible, overpowering, animalistic lust….or, he really likes that dip."

"I see, Counselor," Warren-as-Picard said. "What do you suggest we do about it?"

"Well, Captain," Jessie said, "I should either jump Mr. Worf’s bones right here on the bridge, or…..I really need to try that dip!"

Crash scooped some dip on a chip, wiggled his finger at Jessie, and she smiled and opened her mouth. Crash popped the chip in. Jessie swallowed, and then went, "ooooooh……mmmmmm……ohhhhhh…….wow….that is really good dip!"

Warren and Sophia cracked up. Mo just looked bemused and a little questioning. Crash put his arm around Jessie and said, "Madam, you can dip my chip any time."

"Is that a promise, you sexy hunk of a Klingon, you?"

"Only if you keep those claws out."

"I need a coke," Sophia interjected. "You want one, War?"

"Yeah."

"Me too, Soph?" Jessie asked.

"I’ll grab yours, Jess," said Mo. "I’ll go with you, Soph."

When they got out of earshot of the picnic table, Mo asked Sophia, "What is going on there?"

Sophia smiled. "We’re not sure. This just started yesterday, when we all went to the beach together. It’s the first time they ever met. By the time the day was over, something was sure happening."

"Wow. Good for Crash."

"Yeah. It would be great for both of them. Jessie’s had one boyfriend, it lasted two years, and the ending was not pretty."

They made it back to the table. Suddenly, they heard loud yelling from another part of the yard.

"What is that?" asked Warren.

Mo didn’t say anything, but Tina had no compunction. "Alison and Matt. They’ve been going at it for a couple weeks now. Money bet says they break up real soon." Tina hadn’t quite caught what was going on between Crash and Jessie. "Hey, Crash, maybe it’s a second chance opportunity for you. I do know that one of the things she screamed at him the other day was ‘I never should have broken up with Jay!’"

Jessie froze, and caught her breath. She couldn’t believe how hard that hit her. Shit, she had known this guy for a day! They obviously had a rapport, but still….she couldn’t believe that the thought of Jay going back with Ally had made her practically paralyzed. Oh my, she thought to herself, my feelings are much stronger than I realized. I wanted to ease into this. No chance of that, if there’s competition from an old flame. A competition that I’d most likely lose, anyway.

And then Crash spoke up. "Naah, Tina. Been there, done that, don’t wanna do it again."

Tina, oblivious to all the looks she was getting, pushed the issue: "You mean, if she asked you to go out with her again, you’d turn her down?"

"In a shot," said Crash. "She made her bed, she can lie in it. I,"—and he shot a little look at Jessie—"am moving on in my life."

Jessie relaxed. Tina finally caught a clue, said, "Ohhhhh," and shut up.

Most everyone had drifted to the lawn or the basketball court, but Crash and Jessie were still over by the picnic table, settled in a lounge chair, joking and laughing and feeding each other chip dip, and grapes.

"Who brought the grapes?" Crash asked.

" I brought the grapes. I always bring grapes. Y’see, I have had this lifelong search to find a man who let me lie in his lap and feed me grapes. And, lookie here, you’re feeding me grapes, and I didn’t even have to ask!"

Crash was sitting in the lounge chair properly, with Jessie perched on the end. "Yeah, Jess, but you’re not in my lap."

Jess rectified that quickly enough, settling in between his legs, and leaning back on him. One of his arms snaked around her waist. The other one dangled a bunch of grapes in front of her mouth. "I don’t have to be told twice," Jess said, as she bit off a grape.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Jessie occasionally biting off a grape. Then she spoke, "This is very, very strange."

"What is?"

" This. I’m sitting a guy’s lap, cuddling, being fed grapes—a guy I met yesterday! Crash, I don’t do stuff like this. I’m notoriously wary around guys."

"Well, if it helps any, this isn’t my normal MO, either."

Jessica sighed. "I’m surprising the fuck out of myself, I’ll tell you. Jason, I like you. A lot. The second day I know you. And I don’t quite believe it myself."

Crash just laughed. "Jessie, I like you a lot, too. We had an instant rapport, there’s no denying it. And I don’t believe it any more than you do."

"And, Jesus Christ, you’re a Preppie! After the unmerciful ribbing I’ve given Sophia about Warren, I will never hear the end of this."

Crash put on his best dumb-tough-guy voice and said, "You want I should get a tattoo to hide my essential Preppiness?"

Jessie laughed, "Only if you tattoo something sentimental on your chest."

"Y’mean, like, ‘Jessica’?"

"I was thinking more on the line of ‘Phasers Set On Stun’." Crash laughed. "Or, maybe, ‘Mother’"

"Oh, boy," said Crash. "You obviously haven’t met my mother yet."

"Oh really? Does that imply that someday I will?"

"Well, when the time is right. Like five years after we’re married, if I can’t hold out longer than that."

Jessie laughed. "Don’t want her to get Full Metal Jessica too soon?"

"Oh, no, the other way around. My mother is not for the faint of heart."

"I’m never faint of heart, and how bad can your mother be?"

"I can’t do her justice, since I have to live with her. Ask Warren. Trust me."

"OK, I will. Hey, buster, you’re neglecting the grapes!"

He fed her another, but said, "Hey, I think I’ve been pretty diligent with the grapes, O Mistress. So what does I get out of this?"

"A pretty girl in your lap? The leftover grapes? Phasers set on stun? The rewards are limitless."

"Ah."

They heard talking from the grass area, where the rest of the crew was. It became obvious that Matt and Ally were making the rounds, putting on a happy face and pretending that everything was just ducky. As far as Crash knew, she still didn’t know he was here. He was kind of at a loss what to do if she came this way. He was very comfortable sitting with Jess this way, but this was very new. Ally would be insanely jealous to see this, which he found very satisfying, but he was not going to use Jessie for that. Then again, they weren’t sitting like this to make Ally jealous or anything. They just were.

Jessie picked up on what Crash was thinking about. "You think they’re coming this way?"

"Dunno."

"She know you’re here tonight?"

"I don’t think so."

"If what Tina said is true, she’s going to get jealous seeing us here like this."

"I don’t much care."

"You don’t?"

"Well, I’ll admit to a small bit of satisfaction, considering it took her less than a week to rub my nose in it. But, really, I don’t care. If you want to get up, Jess, that’s fine with me—I certainly do not want to use you to make her jealous."

"I sat here, and I’m comfortable."

"So am I."

"Then, to hell with her."

"My sentiments exactly. Now shut up and eat your grapes."

Jessica ate a few more, but Crash spoke again. "So, I know we’ve known each other not at all, but you want to give this a try?"

"What do you mean."

"You want to go out with me?"

Jessie thought for a minute. "Damn, I finally get asked out by a guy I think I really like, and he turns out to be a damn Preppie."

"Yeah, but a preppie that’s handy with the grapes."

Jessie laughed, then sat silent for a minute. "Yeah, Jason, I think I’d like to go out with you." She thought for a minute. "Now what do we do?"

Crash slipped back into Worf mode, and intoned, "I will recite Klingon love poetry, while you hurl heavy objects."

"Rrrrooowwwwrrrrr!!!" Jessie purred.

"Should we go tell ‘em?"

"Who?"

"I was thinking of Warren and Sophia in particular."

"I’ll take care of it." She sat up in the lounge chair. "HEY EVERYBODY, SHUT UP AND LISTEN UP FOR A MINUTE!" She bellowed. Then she waited for the murmuring to die down. "HE ASKED ME OUT. I SAID YES. YOU MAY ALL CHEER NOW." And then she settled back into Crash’s lap, laughing, as the gang across the yard laughed and cheered at the same time. Then she heard Sophie’s sing-song, "Jessie’s got a Preppie, Jessie’s got a Preppie!"

"Oh Shit," laughed Jessie. "Now I’ve gone and done it."

Crash laughed, "Well, Ally knows now."

"Oh, shit, Jason, I forgot."

"Who cares? You didn’t use any names so, unless someone else told them, she still doesn’t know it’s me."

"She’s about to find out. Here she comes."

"So, who’s over here that I have to congratulate?" Ally walked over, and then she stopped with a start. "Jason?"

"Hi, Ally. This is Jessie."

"Nice to meet you. Nice to see you, Jay. Congratulations," and she beat a hasty retreat.

Sophia had grabbed a private corner with Jess, while Crash hung out with Warren and some of the other guys. Matt and Ally had disappeared shortly after Ally had seen Crash.

"So, Jessie," asked Sophia, "What has gotten in to you?"

"Whaddaya mean?" Jess asked innocently.

"We’ve been friends for a long time. You never let guys get close. Heck, the boyfriend you did have, he followed you around for six months before you deigned to give him the time of day. Now you’re going out with a guy you met yesterday?"

"I’m fairly amazed myself. Crash says that he was amazed he asked me so quickly."

"Yeah, that’s what Warren said—he said that Crash is usually as cautious around girls as you are around guys."

"I don’t know how to explain it, Soph. It just felt right, is all. I was with him two hours yesterday, and I realized, I really like this guy. Shit, I have been myself for two days, and he still asked me out."

Sophia looked flabbergasted. "You turned it down, considerably, around Aaron."

"I know. And after that whole thing collapsed, and all my painstaking reinvention of my self for the sake of my boyfriend blew up in my face, I vowed to never do that for the sake of a guy again. And I haven’t. I was Full Metal Jessica yesterday on the beach."

"And how did Crash react?"

"He laughed a lot. And threw out a bunch of his own."

"Wow."

"Between the two of us, I think we insulted every person on the beach, including you and Warren—but you guys are used to that."

Sophia just smiled. Jessica went on, "And then we had a serious talk about broken relationships and feeling like fifth wheels, and then we went back to insulting and joking again. It was so……comfortable."

"Jessie’s in love with a preppie!"

Jessie hit her on the arm. "You just shut up. Listen, we’re not in love. It’s too soon for that. I don’t need to be goo-goo gaa-gaa starry eyed to go out with someone, and neither does Jason. Let’s just say we’re in very serious like with each other, and are willing to give it a shot and see what develops."

"Cool. I’m still amazed it happened this fast, but it’s very cool."

"Well, I can’t speak for Jason, but I know, for myself, that I started with a level of trust that I usually have to build up to."

"How so?"

"Because he’s Warren’s best friend. I figure Warren knows what he’s like, right? And I know Warren well enough to know that, if he thought his best friend was going to hurt me, he wouldn’t let him get within a mile of me, much less introduce us at a beach. I know yesterday wasn’t a setup, but, confess, Sophie—you guys are thrilled, aren’t you?"

"Yeah," Sophia admitted. "And you’re right about Warren—he adores you, you know."

"I know. I think pretty highly of him, too. Now, I’d never go out with him, mind you. But I always thought if I found a guy who had Warren’s basic decency, intelligence, and attitude on how to treat girls—plus a personality that was a little closer to mine—then I figured I’d really have something."

"You just described Crash, you know."

"Now how did I know you were going to say that? Now I just gotta find out if he’s as good a kisser as you say Warren is."

"Sorry, I wouldn’t know personally, my lips are taken." Sophia quipped, to Jessie’s giggles. "You haven’t kissed him, yet, to seal the deal?"

"No, he was too busy feeding me grapes! What’s mere kissing when you’re lying in a guy’s arms being fed grapes? A girl must have her priorities, right?"

"You found a man to feed you grapes."

"Yeah. That’s what we were doing over here. He asked me out while he was feeding me grapes. And it was his idea—all I had to do was say ‘Grapes! I love grapes!’ and the next thing I know I’m in his arms having them dangled in front of me."

"Now I know why you agreed to go out with him so fast. You actually found a guy to pass The Grape Test."

"The grape test, and the Full Metal Jessica test. How could I say no?"

They ended up in the lounge chair again, finishing off the grapes. There was a small knot of people at the picnic table—Warren, Sophia, Tina, Kate, Mo, and Len. Jessie and Crash liked the arrangement—they were off in a corner a bit, but still were able to contribute to the conversation.

"Hey, Soph," Jessie asked, "Warren ever feed you grapes?"

"I’m not all that partial to grapes. Warren feeds me ice cream."

"Really?" Jessie smiled.

"Yeah. I sit on his lap and he feeds me ice cream."

"Then there was the night she fed me whipped cream without using any utensils, but we won’t get into that," Warren quipped, while Sophie blushed.

"You guys are disgusting," said Tina. Tina was a bit younger, only 13. Kate, her best friend, was the curious one. "What do you mean, without utensils?" Kate asked.

They all cracked up laughing. "I’m not sure I want to be the one to corrupt you, Kate," Warren quipped.

Tina whispered something in Kate’s ear, which made Kate say, "ohhhh" and blush, to everyone’s amusement.

"You’d better lay off feeding her the ice cream, anyway, War," Jessie joked. "You’ll never lift her."

"Ah, shaddap," Sophie said.

"Grapes are healthier," Jessie maintained, biting another one off the outstretched bunch.

"So, have you missed the grapes yet and bitten his hand?" an amused Warren asked.

"I never bite and tell."

"Oh baby oh baby oh baby," Crash put in.

"You just start reading that Klingon love poetry, honey, I’ve got the heavy objects all ready to hurl."

"Oh baby oh baby oh baby."

The table drifted off to other conversation, and Jessie and Crash drifted into a quiet conversation of their own. Jessie was sitting on his lap, lying sideways against his chest, their arms around each other.

And then, suddenly, Crash leaned down and kissed her.

Which Jessie thoroughly enjoyed.

They broke the kiss, and smiled at each other, and then kissed again. It turned into a bit of making out.

Which Sophie couldn’t let pass up, when she noticed it. She let them enjoy it for a bit, and then shouted something that Jessica shouted at her and Warren all the time: "Hey, get a room!!!"

Jessie threw a grape at her, and went back to kissing Crash.