BEACH BLANKET CRASH (Chapter 23)

The first summer of their relationship was, for Sophia and Warren, all in all, idyllic.

They worked. They went to the beach. They went to parties. Warren, under Nick’s tutelage, started lifting weights—and Sophia even started a bit, also. Warren had a noticeable improvement in two months—on and off the ice. They skated. They hung out together, at the mall, at one of their houses, wherever. They made love as much as possible. Warren got Sophie hooked on the computer, and she met a lot of his internet friends. Even Peg Kelleher came to better grips with their relationship—she worried about them having sex, but she had to agree that their relationship was much, much more than that—and that it appeared incredibly solid, especially for their ages. Watching them spend hours at a time at her house—watching TV, playing on the computer, playing chess, just talking, sometimes they'd even be cuddled together reading separate books—all of this had convinced Peg that the relationship was by no means just hormonal. That came as a great relief.

It was all coming to an end, however, as Labor Day weekend was fast dawning. It was the Thursday before Labor Day, and Warren called Sophie on the phone. Caller ID let her know who it was.

"Well, good evening, Snugglebear. You read my mind—I was just about to call you."

"Great minds think alike, Pookie. Listen, I’ve got a question. Do you mind some company at the beach tomorrow?"

"Great minds do think alike, dear heart, because I was going to call to ask you the exact same question. Who did you have in mind?"

"Crash. You?"

"I’d love to have Crash come with. Might get him out of his funk. I was thinking of Jessie."

"Jessie does the beach?"

"Occasionally."

"Great! Bring her along. Your mom is dropping off and mine is picking up, right? Crash will meet us there, he actually lives closer."

"Then it’s all settled. Jessie and Crash, eh? This might be combustible!"

"You ain’t fixing me up with no Preppy, guys!" Jessie said accusingly in the car the next morning.

Warren laughed. "Nobody was fixing anyone up with anybody, She-Devil. This is purely a coincidence. Crash called me, I mentioned we were going to the beach, and he asked to come along. He got dumped two months ago and is in a funk. It’ll do him some good to gaze at beach bunnies for a day. When I called Sophia to clear it with her, she told me that you had asked to come, also. Pure coincidence."

"Well. All right."

"Besides which," Sophia said with a giggle, "at least you two can commiserate about having best friends who are in this sickeningly sweet lovey-dovey relationship."

"Why, does he give you guys the same kind of shit I do?" asked Jessie.

"Very similar," smiled Warren.

"Hmmm. I like him already."

"Where to, guys?" Ellen Kovach interjected, driving.

"Right up ahead, Mom," said Sophia. "In front of the ice cream stand, there."

"Yup, there’s Crash."

They got out of the car, grabbing their towels and stuff. Warren said hi to Crash and handled quick introductions: "Jessica Reidel, aka Jessie; Jason Kowalski, aka Crash."

"Nice to meet you," Crash said, shaking Jessie’s hand. "Another set up, Warren?" Crash asked with a smile.

"I’ve been assured, no. Mere coincidence." Jess told him.

"OK, if you say so. I got dumped a couple months ago, and Romeo and Juliet here have been trying to fix me up with every female they can drag out of the mall or something."

Jessie laughed. "You got it easy. I’ve been without boyfriend for almost a year. I think Sophia’s tried to fix me up with the entire St. Michael's Prep football team."

"I can relate. They keep trying to spread those True Love Vibes they got all around. It’s disgusting, I tell you."

"Uh huh. Well, at least I’ll have someone to roll my eyes at when they start kissing."

"I will be happy to oblige. We’ll even have sand to throw at them."

"And water to dump on them if they get too disgustingly cozy."

Warren and Sophia had to stifle smiles at all this.

They grabbed a good spot, and outerclothes started to come off. Sophia was down to her swimsuit as Warren took his shirt off.

"My God, Prep Boy," Jessie gasped. "What the hell happened to you? You’ve actually got pecs!"

"That’s my Studmuffin," quipped Sophia. "All summer in the weight room."

"WOW." Jessie was amazed. "I may have to change your nickname from Prep Boy to Prep Stud. Two months, and you did this?"

"Well, I had help," Warren smiled. "Nickie set me a hell of a program. It’s really worked out. I raved about him so much to some of the staff that they hired him as a part-time trainer."

"Great! Nickie loves that stuff," Jessie commented.

"Yeah, he’s great," said Warren. "He immediately grasped what I was going for, and set up a great routine. And he’s always there with me, encouraging and stuff."

"Well, it has worked," said Jessie. "Help out on the ice, too?"

"Immensely," smiled Sophia.

"Great." Meanwhile, Crash was taking off his shirt. Jess glanced over, and turned an appreciative eye at him. "Hmmmmm. What have we here?"

Crash just laughed. "I’ve been lifting weights a lot longer than Warren has."

"Well I certainly like the view."

"The view from my end is pretty damn good, too," Crash said. Jessie was wearing her black one-piece, which accentuated her long, lean frame and seemingly endless legs. Jessie was tall, 5’10", and slim without being skinny—not as buxom as Sophia, but all the curves in all the right places.

"Well then, big boy, would you mind spreading some of this suntan lotion on the view?"

"Surrrrre."

"Watch out, Crash," Warren teased. "She bites."

"I claw, too," put in Jessie. "So, I’d be real careful with the application of that lotion."

"If I miss, you’ll bite and claw me?" Jessie nodded. "Oh, look at that! I missed!" Crash said with a wink. Jessie just stared up at him in disbelief—then broke out laughing.

Sophia was lying on her stomach, tanning her back. Jess and Crash were spread out on a towel, sunning. Warren was reading a book.

"Hey, War."

"Soph?"

"You’re being checked out."

"Huh?"

"Those two blondes over there."

Warren looked around casually, and let his eyes wander to where Sophia was looking. There were, indeed, two lovely blond girls seemingly checking out Warren. That was confirmed when one of them winked at him. Sophie laughed, while Warren blushed.

"See? You’re even hotter than before, Studmuffin. She even winked at you!"

"Jesus Christ, Sophia," Jessie interjected. "Why don’t you just send him over there to fuck her? We can take pictures so you’ll have proof of what a stud he is."

Crash cracked up. It was the first of many times. They spent all day swapping one-liners.

"There’s a bathing suit in distress," Crash quipped about a woman wearing a too-small suit.

"Gravity’s such a powerful force, innit?" Jessie agreed.

"Look," Crash pointed. "Hi, I’ve got four kids under the age of six, and I’m going to bring them for a nice, relaxing day at the beach! And if I’m lucky, my blood pressure will only quadruple!"

"She’s probably dearly hoping for at least one accidental drowning." Jessie offered.

"Look at them," Jessie pointed to a guy and girl in a clinch. "He’s actually got his hand down her bikini top.. They make War and Soph look positively discreet."

"Well, Warren doesn’t have to go looking that hard. He reaches up, and there they are. Look at her—I think I have bigger tits." He realized what he had just said, and thought that Jessie might be offended, but she just cracked up.

"Speaking of guys with their hands all over a girl’s body, put some more lotion on this one?"

"Sure. You want I should let my hand slip in your front? I certainly wouldn’t have to go on a search mission."

"You just remember the claws, buddy."

"Haven’t forgotten them for a second," Crash grinned.

Sophia and Warren decided to get up and go for a swim. Crash and Jessie declined, so Sophie and Warren head off, hand-in-hand.

"Oooh, look," quipped Crash, "they’re holding hands. Pass me the Pepto."

"Pass me a blindfold. Or a shotgun, whichever," agreed Jess. Then she sighed. "I really shouldn’t be so bad. I love both of them, I think they know that, and I think what they have is great. But I can never let a sarcastic comment pass, especially when I feel like a fifth wheel around them."

"I’m never much at letting a good one-liner go by myself, so I can relate. And I’m particularly vulnerable to the fifth wheel thing, myself—but Warren’s been through that, with me and Ally before he met Sophia, so I owe him."

"It can be tough, when your best friend is in such a serious relationship, and you’re not. I don’t see her enough, and I definitely don’t have her to myself enough. Now, Warren’s really good with that kind of stuff—you need a night out with Jessie, then you go have one—and that helps. But they want to spend time together, and I certainly can’t blame them. Don’t get me wrong—I love Warren absolutely to death. He’s been so good to Sophia. But the whole fifth wheel thing is there."

"Don’t I know it. Especially since I did not expect to spend this summer alone."

"What happened?"

"A new guy."

"Ouch."

"Ouch is right. I’m the jokester, the quipster. So I got dumped by my girlfriend of a year for another guy. Like water off the back of a duck, right? Just keep joking, Crash. NOT."

"Crash—what did Warren say your real name is?"

"Jason. Jay for short."

"Well, at least I’ve had longer to adjust to this. I was sans romance since before Warren and Soph hooked up. Last November, in fact. Of course, Aaron and I had been together two years."

"What happened there?"

"I wasn’t ready to surrender my virginity. "

"Aaah."

"Mind you, we did everything but. I thought I satisfied him enough. Sorry, wrong answer."

"Ally and I did everything but, also. And she wasn’t ready, either. So I didn’t put any pressure on her. Took her two weeks to give it up to the new guy, I understand."

"Double ouch. Do you still keep tabs on her, or anything?"

"Well, no, but shit gets around. Warren actually said something about it to Sophia when he didn’t know I was listening."

"How would Warren know that Ally boffed her new guy?"

"Her new guy is one of Warren’s neighbors, one of the crowd he runs with."

"Triple ouch."

"And how. I haven’t been to one of his neighborhood bashes all summer—and I always enjoyed them. It’s mostly a good group of people he hangs out with. I even liked Matt before he snagged my girlfriend. But now I don’t go, because I know they will be there."

"Sophie keeps trying to get me to go. It’s not really my type of party, and I don’t really know anyone ‘cept for Soph and War. And then they’ll go get all cozy…….." Jessie sighed. "One of the reasons I held out on Aaron was that I knew what Sophia’s sex life was like. Damn, I did not want that to happen to me. So, then, I lose Aaron because of it—and Sophia ends up with a sex life that’s apparently faaaaaabulous. I try not to get rankled by that. I try. I don’t always succeed."

"Well, if you had ever told me that Warren would lose his virginity before I did, I’d have laughed at you. But, fuck it. If Ally was going to dump me that fast and jump in bed with someone else, than she wasn’t the one I’d have wanted to lose it to. And, Jess, if he dumped you over it, he wasn’t the one for you, either."

"I know, I know." Jess paused, and took a breath. Then she looked out in the water. "Hey, look. There’s a swimming technique I hope to master someday. Look out, iceberg, here comes the Titanic."

Crash laughed. "Hey, check that one out. The one on her back."

"The one with the big jugs?"

"Yeah. Looks like she’s playing with them. ‘Tee-hee, do these things float? Tee-hee.’"

"Oh, look, and there’s our two favorite lovebirds. All wet and happy."

"Sophie’s got perky nips."

Jessie laughed. "Do you always look at your best friend’s girlfriend’s tits?"

"First, I’ll look at anybody’s tits. Secondly, Sophia has a perfectly admirable set of them."

"Does Warren know about this?"

"The first time I ever met her, we took off, Warren and I, to go to the store. This was after she had that vicious beating, but just before she asked Warren out. When we were alone, Warren asked me what I thought of her." He paused for a minute. "You watch Star Trek Next Generation?"

"Love it. It’s my one and only concession to nerdiness."

Crash laughed. "OK. You remember the episode with the house that’s the only thing left on the planet, and the guy and his wife who turns out not to be his wife?"

"The one where the guy actually was an alien who had killed the whole race that had attacked the planet?"

"That’s the one. In that episode, Worf is down on the planet, sitting in a couch, and the ‘wife’ gives him tea, and then asks him what he thinks. And Worf said, completely deadpan, ‘Good tea…..nice house.’"

Jessie cracked up, both at memory of the moment and at Crash’s dead-on Worf impression. "I remember it."

"OK. So, when Warren asked me what I thought of Sophia, I went into Worf mode, and intoned, "Nice girl……Great tits."

Jessie exploded. "What did Warren do?"

"Warren can keep up, you know. He just said, ‘That will be all, Lieutenant,’ in his best Picard voice."

"Priceless."

"We haven’t really gotten going today, but when we get going, it’s something to watch."

"What, you and Warren?"

"Oh, yeah. One-liners, sarcasm, impressions, the whole bit. Sophie said that on that first night she met me, she laughed so hard she rebroke her ribs."

"I’d like to see that."

"I haven’t felt in the mood. But now I suddenly do, moreso."

"Is Warren trying to drag you to the party on his street tomorrow night?"

"Yeah. Sophie getting on you?"

"Yeah. Listen, I know it’ll be tough for you, if Ally is there, but…..I’ll go if you go."

"You got yourself a deal."

"Really? Great." Jessie realized something. She really liked this guy. She could tease him, and he gave as good as he got. But he wasn’t just a jokemeister—their conversation about the problems with Warren and Sophia proved that. She wondered how far she could take the teasing.

"So," Jessie asked. "What do you think of mine?"

"What?"

"These," she pointed to her chest. "Since you notice everybody’s tits, I thought you might have formed an opinion about mine."

Crash put on a face, pretending to contemplate the issue. He had realized the same thing Jessie had—he liked her, a lot. It hadn’t taken long, had it, he thought. So he looked at her, and said, "Well, purely from a visual inspection, I’d say your tits were perfectly acceptable. But, for a true reading, I’d need a more hands-on approach, y’see."

"But can you handle the claws?"

They just looked at each other and cracked up.

Sophia and Warren came back up the beach from the water, laughing. They looked up, and didn’t see Jessie or Crash, and looked at each other. But the umbrella was up. They looked closer, under the umbrella, and found Jessie and Crash

He was sitting with his legs spread out, and so was she, in between his legs. She was resting her back slightly against his chest. He had a hand around her waist, and was pointing with the other one. And they were laughing.

Crash was saying, "No, no, the other one. Grey swim trunks. I meant the moustache."

"Oh," Jesse said, "the one that looks like Hitler with that moustache."

"Yeah. ‘I am Adolf Hitler and der Nazi Party is taking offa der beach. Ve vill launch der Third Reichhhhhh right here on der beach. Der Shtormtroopers vill round up all den pretty girls vit den large Volksvagens on der chest. Zince I am der impotent shtrudeldink, ve vill giff all den pretty girls to Herr Crash." Jessie was convulsed with laughter. "Den ve vill march vit der panzers and invade New Hampshire."

Jessie played along. "Oh, Mein Fuhrer, noone can argue vit your military cheenyuss, but vy vould ve vant New Hampshire?"

"Becaussss, dey have den cheap booze, und I can haff much Jaegermeister, zo I can get der shtinking drunk, zo I can forget that Russia kicked my ass!" They were laughing so hard that Jessie fell back into Crash, practically knocking him over. He steadied, and she ended up with her head on his shoulder, both of his arms around her waist, and both of them still laughing.

Sophia and Warren had been standing beside them, unseen, when Sophia finally spoke up. "What is going on?" she asked with a smile.

Jessie just looked up, and, with a gleam in her eye, pointing at Sophia, said, "Mein fuhrer, vhat do you tink about den fine egzample of den Deutschen Fraulien vich ve haff profided for you?"

Crash looked up, and, changing into Worf mode, said, "Nice girl……great tits." Leading to more convulsive laughter. Even Sophia and Warren laughed at that.

Crash scrambled out from behind Jesse, and, still in Worf mode, turned to Warren and said, "Permission to leave the bridge to go take a piss, sir."

"Permission granted, lieutenant," Warren-as-Picard said with a smile. "Save my spot, meine weinerschnitzel," Crash called back to Jessie.

Sophia and Warren shook their heads in amazement, and sat down on the blanket. Jessie, who was still trying to stop laughing, shimmied up and out from under the umbrella, so she could see Warren and Sophia. She sputtered, still giggling.

"What, on earth, has gotten into you, She-Devil?" asked Warren.

"Oh my God. I’m laughing so hard my chest hurts."

"You certainly seem to have hit it off."

"My God, he’s fantastic!" Jessie surprised herself with the vehemence of that. "We even had a very nice serious talk, and then he just went off again."

"You two seemed awfully cozy underneath that umbrella," Warren commented.

"Oh, yeah," Jessie regained her usual bite, "and this wasn’t a set-up, Prep Boy. Yeah, surrrrre it wasn’t."

"Jess, it wasn’t. Really."

"Well, then, dammit, it should have been!" They all laughed at that one. "My oh my, where have you been hiding this guy?"

"Jess, I’m just glad you got the old Crash to come out. He’s been in such a funk over this whole Alison thing. It’s nice to see my best friend back."

"Yeah, he told me all about that. Dumping him for a neighbor of yours? That’s rough."

"Yeah, it has been. I see them all the time, and I try to be nice, but it’s hard. Matt and Ally are my friends, but Crash is my best friend. The whole thing sucked. And, since Matt is a neighborhood cat, they’re at all the neighborhood parties, which means Crash won’t come, which sucks. I miss him at them."

Jessie smiled slightly, and said, quietly, "He’s going tomorrow night."

"WHAT? He is?"

Jessie’s smile got a little wider. "And so am I."

"WHAT? You are?" That was Sophia.

"Yeah. We made a deal. I’ll go if you go. So, we’re going."

"Unbelieveable," said Warren.