THE SKATE BABE CHAT HAREM (Chapter 21)

"Ah, Jesus, Warren, he’s starting D-Lew again!"

"Hmm. Must be a lefty on the mound for the Blue Jays."

"Yeah. Wells."

"Who we got?"

"Arrojo. At least Offy is playing. Lewis is batting ninth."

They were sitting in the Kelleher’s living room—Peg, Jim, and Ellen, with Warren and Sophia. Warren’s younger brother and sister had stayed outside. Sophia and Warren had turned on the Red Sox.

"You’re a Sox fan, Sophia?" asked Jim.

"Big time," confirmed Sophia with a smile.

"She’s the Fabulous Baseball Babe," quipped Warren, drawing laughter from the room.

"Yeah, they went to a game about a month ago," Peg smiled. "All I know is Warren spent all his money and was begging me for lunch money by Wednesday," she said with a wry smile.

"War," asked Sophia, "does your Mom know what you spent all your money on?"

"Ah, well—no."

"Oops."

"OK, now you’ve got me curious," said Peg. "What, exactly, did you spend all your money on?"

"Red Sox jacket."

"I’m confused. You have one. It’s hanging up, it’s the same one you had since last year."

Sophia grinned a little. "Actually, he bought me a Red Sox jacket. I was admiring it—I was not hinting, I really wasn’t."

Peg laughed. "Suuuure you weren’t."

"Actually, Mom, she wasn’t," interjected Warren. "She just said that she would make sure she brought enough money to get one the next time. I had the cash, so I bought it."

"Ah, yes, young love, I remember it well," mused Jim. "How sweet, how precious, how……expensive!" Everyone laughed at that.

"Actually, I thought you had bought that yourself," said Ellen. "That’s kind of an extravagant gift, Warren. Those things aren’t cheap."

"Ah, heck," said Warren. "Sometimes, you’ve just got to say, what the heck. That’s the only extravagant gift I’ve ever gotten her. I don’t have the money to do that every day." They all laughed at that. "Well, except for the pendant. But that was different—it was a birthday gift."

"Pendant?" Peg asked.

Sophia smiled. "The one I’m wearing. I never take it off." She got up and walked over to Peg, so she could see.

"Sophia, that’s lovely!" Peg smiled. "Warren, you’ve got good taste."

"In women and jewelry." Warren quipped.

"Yeah, but not in baseball teams," Sophia grumbled. "Delgado just took Arrojo deep, with a man on."

Peg just laughed. "Well, it’s a lovely pendant, in any case."

"Yeah, I got all misty when he gave it to me," Sophia laughed. "He said I was the ruler of his heart, so I had to wear it around my neck."

"Remember that mushy romantic stuff that I said they only do sometimes?" asked Ellen. "Well, here it comes."

"Warren, I just realized—I’ve never bought you anything like this." Sophia said.

"Yeah, well my birthday isn’t until January."

"I know, but you didn’t get me the jacket for your birthday."

"Sophia, it doesn’t matter. I did the jacket on the spur of the moment. This isn’t a competition." Sophia relaxed. "However," Warren added with a gleam in his eye, "there is a twelve-string Rickenbacker down at Guitar Center I’ve had my eye on."

"That’s a type of guitar, I take it?" Sophia asked. Warren nodded assent. "How much they cost?"

"Oh, thirteen hundred dollars."

"Well, then, dear heart, you just keep your eye on it. Because that’s all you’re gonna have on it."

Warren made mock pain noises. "Fine. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to repair to my recording studio—otherwise known as my bedroom—and write myself a new Country Western hit song entitled, ‘I Gave My Love my Heart to Wear Around Her Neck, and She Won’t Even Buy Me a New Gee-tar."

Sophia hit him with a couch pillow, and then mock-intoned, "So, thus endeth the gooey romantic mush portion of our program."

The parents were in stitches by now. Sophia sat up, and said, "That reminds me. I’ve never seen your bedroom."

"Thought you wanted to watch the Sox."

"Ah, they suck if Pedro ain’t pitching."

"OK. Let’s go." They got up off the couch.

"Uh, Warren," Peg said seriously. "You’re taking her up to your room?"

"C’mon, Mom. She just wants to see it."

"Uh-huh."

"Really," Sophia smiled, as the disappeared around the corner and up the stairs.

"C’mon, Peg," Ellen smiled. "They’re not going to do anything with all of us down here. Don’t you trust them?"

Peg smiled at that. "Yeah, you’re right. However, I do find it hard to trust anything involving a fourteen year old boy’s hormones, a bed, and a girl as pretty as Sophia."

The three parents chatted for a while, getting to know one another. Time passed, and Peg looked at her watch.

"Uh, I’m trying to be trusting, I really am—but they’ve been up there for over an hour. I’m trying to accept that they’re----uh, doing it—but not here, not with Ryan and Kristin around."

"I’d agree—Sophia knows not to risk Eric and Tara seeing any of that—and I do trust them. But maybe we’d better go check.."

They got up, and went up the stairs. The door to Warren’s bedroom was closed—not a good sign, although they didn’t hear anything coming out of the room. Peg knocked.

"’sopen. Come on in," they heard Warren say.

They walked in, and found Warren sitting on his computer chair, typing into the keyboard. Sophia had pulled up a chair and was gazing at something on the screen. Beatles music was playing on Warren’s stereo. And, much to the relief of Peg and Ellen, they were fully clothed.

"Yo," Warren said without looking up. "And this is the official Bourne and Kraatz website," he said to Sophia. "You can get to all of this stuff from the SkateWeb page."

"Cool," said Sophia. "And that mailing list?"

"Yeah, see, you can subscribe from right here. What’s your e-mail address?"

"SexKitten23 at aol." They both laughed. "What’s yours, by the way?"

"I have two. Preppy99 at hotmail, and BeatleMusic at prodigy."

"That figures," Sophia said. "Both of them."

Warren laughed. "Anyhow, there you go. You are now subscribed to the skatefans list, and the participant skaters list. Check your computer every day, you will be bombarded by emails. Especially when skating season starts."

"Great."

Peg and Ellen had gathered around behind them. Sophia looked up, and smiled. "Warren is showing me some of the neat stuff on the web."

"Porn, mostly," Warren quipped.

Sophia laughed. "He’s joking. Really." Peg and Ellen laughed. "No, he showed me lots of music stuff, and now he’s showing me some skating stuff."

"Oh," Peg looked chagrined. "You guys were up here so long….and we were worried….."

Warren looked up, bemused. "You were afraid we were up here rutting like rabbits." Peg and Ellen looked at each other, embarrassed. "Don’t worry, Mom. There ain’t no lock on that door, and all I’d need is to get walked in on by Kristin and I’d have to explain sex to my nine year old sister. I’d rather have a piano fall on my head."

They all laughed. "I’m sorry, Warren," Peg said. "We should have trusted you."

"As long as the house ain’t empty, you can trust us," Warren quipped.

"Although," Sophia smiled, "if you had walked in about 45 minutes ago, you would have found us making out a little bit. But all articles of clothing were in their proper place."

"Yeah," smiled Warren, "all except for her bra, because she’s not wearing one."

Sophia blushed. "It’s too hot to wear a bra."

"Surrrrre.."

"Sex maniac."

"Oh, really? Which one of us, again, is the one with Sex Kitten in their email address?"

"Touche."

Peg and Ellen looked at each other, bemused. "Uh, huh.,"said Peg. "Well, please keep the rest of your clothes on, OK?"

"Sure thing, Mom," Warren chuckled. Peg and Ellen left.

The speaker on Warren’s computer made a noise. "What’s that?" Sophia asked..

"IM. Instant message." Warren looked at the screen. "Christine!" He typed, the words displaying on the screen where Sophia could see them. "Christine Sixteen! Wassup, Skate Babe?"

"Not much, Hunk. Spending the Fourth cooped up on the computer?"

Warren turned to Sophia. "Christine’s a singles skater, lives in Colorado. She really is sixteen. We chat all the time."

"No," he typed, "just a little bit. Figured I’d come up here to the computer and gaze at that gorgeous ass of yours for a while."

"LOL," she typed back. "And I’ve got your finest qualities right here in front of me, too."

Warren clicked another window. A picture came up. "That’s Christine," he said. The picture was of a very pretty blonde girl, on the ice, doing a spiral.

Warren clicked the IM window up again, and typed, "You just keep squeezing that monitor and pretend it’s my ass, and you’ll feel a whole lot better."

"Ooh baby ooh baby," came the reply.

Unbeknownst to Warren, Sophia was taken aback a bit; in fact, she was worried. Warren was not a flirt, not that she’d ever seen. And now he was flirting, shamelessly. They had even exchanged pictures! She wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure she should. After all, she trusted Warren. Didn’t she?

Warren, for his part, had almost forgotten he had an audience. He was typing again, "So, Skate Babe, how is that triple flutz of yours coming?"

"For your information, I do not flutz! And it’s coming along fine. At least I can jump, and didn’t have to go into Ice Dance, thank God!"

"Ah, yes, but since I get to Ice Dance, I don’t have to worry about those silly little jumps, and can concentrate on just shaking my booty, so you can admire such."

"LOL! Well, you certainly are shaking something in this picture you sent me, but I think it’s your partner, not your booty, there, Hunk."

Sophia blinked. Warren hadn’t sent this girl a picture of him, he had sent her a picture of them. Skating.

And she was typing again, "Speaking of that partner of yours, how is the Faaaaabulous Sophia?"

"The Faaaaaabulous Sophia is just faaaaaaaabulous, as always."

"She didn’t dump your ice dancing ass yet so you can move to Colorado and make me happy?"

"LOL. You just keep dreaming of my ice dancing ass, and Sophia will just keep grabbing it."

Even Sophia had to laugh at that one.

"You tell her to keep doing that, or I’m gonna take over, you hear me?"

"Oh baby oh baby."

"Hey, Ice Hunk, I gotta run. Kiss kiss. Now that I got you all worked up, go find Sophia, eh?"

"LOL. Keep working on that flutz, Skate Babe, I wanna check out that ass on TV at Nationals next year, you hear me?"

"I’ll flip my skirt up in the air just for you, Yummy. Ciao." And Christine broke the connection.

Warren smiled at Sophia. "That’s Christine." The computer went PING again. "Oh, look, all my SkateWomen are on the net tonight." He typed, "Andrea, sweetie! How’s my favorite pairs skater today?"

"Hi, there, dreamboat. How’s my favorite ice dancer?"

Warren clicked another time, and a picture of a small brunette being lifted by a guy came up. "That’s Andrea, and her partner, Brett. They train out with John Nicks in California," he said to Sophia.

Sophia was watching in increasing amazement.

Warren went back to typing: "I’m just dancing on the ice, as usual. What’s your beautiful self up to today?"

"Well, Warren, you can give me a wet one, today. We landed the throw triple sal. Four times!"

"Big Wet Sloppy Kiss! Andrea, that’s fantastic! Brett must’ve been thrilled that he didn’t throw you into the boards like last week."

"LOL! And how."

"So how is that partner of yours, anyhow?"

"Aaah. The usual. You know Brett. You are very lucky to be in love with your partner, instead of wanting to throttle her half the time."

"Don’t I know it, beautiful."

"And how is the love of your life today?"

"Sitting right beside me." That made Sophia smile.

"Really? HI SOPHIA!!!!!!! I’m Andrea Wallach, I skate pairs. You taking good care of that gorgeous boyfriend of yours?"

"She says Hi, and Yes."

"Good for her. Gotta run, o love of my life, Ice Dance Division. Check your sweet self later on, ‘K?"

"Right-o, beautiful."

"GO HAVE SEX! Sophia is, no doubt, horny. If I had your sweet self in your bedroom, I wouldn’t be on no computer! <G>"

"LOL! Good advice, as always. Big Kiss, Andrea."

"Kiss you right back, War. Bye." And she signed off.

Warren looked over at Sophia, smiling. And noticed something a little amiss in her own smile back.

"Everything alright?"

Sophia sighed in response. "Everything’s fine, dear heart. I’m just a bit surprised, is all. I do believe I’ve just seen a side of you I’ve never seen before. I suppose it took me aback some."

"Really?"

"Warren, I have never known you to be a flirt. And here you are, practically having cybersex. I was really worried until Christine mentioned that I was also in the picture you sent her."

"Oh. I suppose I should have warned you. I’m much more of an enthusiastic flirter on-line, especially with my Skate Girlfriends. Although I do flirt in person, some."

"I don’t remember ever seeing it. It just seemed a bit out of character."

"Sophie, I flirt with Jessie all the time."

Sophia had to smile at that. "You’re right, you do. It just never bothered me, because it’s Jessie."

"I also flirt with Siobhan Bates, every time I see her."

"Yeah, but that doesn’t bother me because you’ve known Siobhan for years and you’re good friends."

Warren smiled, but then turned serious. "If this bothers you, then I’ll stop doing it."

Sophia smiled at him. "No, dear heart, I should know by now that I can trust you. In fact, when Christine started talking about ‘the faaaaaabulous Sophia’, I felt so guilty for doubting you, even for a second."

"Aah, ‘sokay, Soph. I should have warned you about Christine, we can get pretty down and dirty when we’re chatting. But, trust me, ruler of my heart, they all know about you." He clicked another button. "In fact, the ones that I’ve exchanged pictures with, this is the picture that I’ve sent."

Sophia looked. It was a picture of them practicing, in a close dance hold, smiling, and looking in one another’s eyes with undisguised adoration as they glided along the ice. It was a positively charming picture, and one that made no mistake about how the two people in it felt about each other. Sophia felt a little sheepish.

"In fact, when I sent it to Christine, she said, and I quote, ‘Jesus! How the hell did the ice survive all that heat? They must have called for an emergency Zamboni!’"

"Warren, I’m sorry. My insecurity bugs the shit out of me, sometimes."

"Ehh. I love you, that’s all that matters." Sophia reached over and gave him a big hug. "You want me to shut this thing down?"

"No. Not at all. I’m actually having fun, now that I’ve beaten my insecurities back into the dark hole where they belong." They both laughed. "You need to show me how to set this up on my machine when you’re over my house, though."

"Deal," Warren said. The computer went PING again. "Oh, look, it’s Melanie! She skates singles, too. She’s my age, fourteen, and she skates in Detroit." Sophia just put her arm around Warren, smiling, and watched him as he typed.