• Latest update: 2003-04-10
• 2003-04-10
  After a discussion with Dave the Chemist, I have managed to stay lucid enough in order to start the 'Leetle Grey Cells' working on something other than their regular control or my gripping right hand... It'll be a lot longer before it is actually finished but I wanted to illuminate the authors list and this was the easiest way to do that...
  
• 2002-10-12
  Each day seems to have blurred, one into the other. I have been off and away, not even a chance to get my typing fingers slipped in to a juicy new plot! Well, I am hoping to fix that soon. I had an idea for something which I might just get erected on this site in the near future, so look out! I think the medications are beginning to ease off their hold on my creative urges and so there's one of two possible outcomes; I'll either manage to produce more smut, or I'll start seeing my old chums from the ministry again, only time will tell.
  Fnaarrr!!
  
• 2001-03-07 So, the clinic almost managed to catch up with me, back there, in the year just gone. I had to switch identities to avoid capture. Who knows what the fuck they would've done to me if they had managed to get their greasy, crab-meaty fingers upon my body. <<Shudders>>
  For some, obscure reason, I got threatened by people who were "certain" that I was using their names and addresses and making long-distance calls on their cell phones and putting the wrong type of gas in their cars and all sorts of jolly japes.
  At first, I was going to rename the characters in the tales to my real identities but I really can't "see" the name Finbar as that of a hero.
  For all of you out there who took umbrage at my apparent use of your identities: yes, you win. I have changed the names of the characters. This way, ANOTHER group can get the chance to complain.
• 2000-12-20 Waah! Nearly Christmas, or Yule, or Chanaka, or the big Pumpkin's period, or whatever passes for your excuse for racking up the VISA/MC bill. What with all the excitement of the season (or the excitement of coming in to season) and the fact that I went and trashed all the data on my 'puter, I still have to get "Pas De Chat" re-written. BTW, it is 'not' a chat room...
  Now, let's all scrunch up our faces and hold our breath and force the server-speed fairy to give us back the asstr service like what it should be.
  So, as Finbar sits and pulls out the Yule log, he would like to take this opportunity to wish all the best of the season to Rey and all the co-ordinators and all the posters and all the readers of our dear old A.S.S.T.R !
  God bless us, every one.
• 2000-10-27 I thought I had better make it clear that I have placed external links in these pages of mine. All of them are innocuous but some of the sites will possibly carry banner ads. No pop ups or anything like that, but if you have a real phobia about banner ads, please don't click on links which route out of asstr.
  Also, please note that all images on this site were obtained from various public sources and I consider them to be in the public domain. If you have a grievance with their presence here, please email me at the address at the bottom of this page and I will gleefully rip them out of the html and rid them from their current resting place... thanks
• 2000-10-07 Jeez! I really should think ahead more -- made a couple of speelling changes and indication that there's more info on each story under the buttons to the left.
  I really hope you are trying your little 'pointy finger cursor' on these pages, I have hidden a whole bunch of other good stuff that you need to work for, to read.
• 2000-10-04 WOW! -- I had to get my brain out of cold storage and re-write the site. Somewhere, the Java fairy really fucked up.
• 2000-10-04 It lookes like there have been several updates which caused no response. So I'll have to be more specific.
• 2000-10-03 If you see a name of a person, there's a good chance I have put in some extra details about that character. So roll over the name and see if it is a link.
• 2000-10-02 Added a jump table for "Talent" to enable you to jump to a particular chapter if you so desire.
• 2000-10-02 Added a true-life explanation of why Susan is so important as a memory. Find her in 'Talent,' look for her. (wink)

Finbar Saunders has to be the daftest example of comic-book characters yet. "Finbar Saunders and his Double Entendres," a character in that mighty tome: VIZ, can be seen as a cardinal point in my reading career. There's really nothing to beat the feeling of saying something rude and then sit there snickering to your friends with shoulders heaving and hands covering your mouth.

I am apparently middle-aged, which means I will have to die at eighty. What a Comforting thought that is! That I am now on the downward rush to oblivion.
But, if Dad is anything to go by, I'll go down with Ahlziemer's by that time -- so at least I will meet someone new every day.
It is also apparent that I have reached that time of my life where all the young women I think are just right for me are thinking to themselves what an old, balding, unfit git I am.

With the entrance into this page of that mighty word; 'Git,' I am happy to announce that I am an ex-pat (Brit.) living here in Canada. If you ever find a British/N. American conversion chart, look it up. The word 'Git' has a fabulously obscure origin and I am not sure I can think of an American equivalent but it is me to a tee.
If you find the paragraphs strange, or the conversational style wierd, or the punctuation/spelling/meaning difficult to understand it probably means you are not British, you have a better grasp of grammar than I do and you shouldn't waste your time reading crap.
By the way, the word 'Talent' means something similar to 'Babes' in Britain, as in 'Cor blimey guv'nor, I'm off down the pub to see if I can pick up some talent' (and that's really how we all speak in Blighty, honest.) Also, let's face it, words with gratuitious use of the letter 'U' are much more sexy and colourful aren't they? It's a labour of love, done with candour and neighbourliness. I tell you that, on my honour.

So, here I am, like one of those lonely elephant seals on the periphery of the harem; trying to get a flipper over one of the more desperate females in the herd, an imagination only slightly less usefully employed than my libido and four hours of each day, sitting in a Volkswagen. It's a situation which makes for a lot of looking around in the traffic jam, at the driver in the next car, wondering whether she's naked from the waist down and whether she's thinking to herself how fabulously marvellous and handsome is the big, fat, balding git in the Golf alongside her.
Even if he does insist on drooling down the side window.

And here's a funny thing...