Pausing in the apartment foyer,
Gary checked his mailbox. Today to his surprise it contained a long, stiff
cardboard box of unusual dimensions, about 3X3X10 inches, jammed among the
catalogs, addressed to him using a computer-printed paste-on. He turned
it back and forth: no return address. Prominently on one side was the legend,
STORE IN A COOL PLACE. No problem there: February is cool even in Texas.
Hefting it in hand, he guessed its weight at nearly a pound. What in the
world?
On the elevator going
up he studied it, thinking of anthrax, smallpox, explosives. A stick of dynamite
would just about fit. Then he began to chuckle, ending in a bray of laughter
as the doors opened on his floor.
Who would care to blow
him up? Hadn't his mother-in-law said just last year that he wasn't worth
the powder to do it? That relationship, his most aggravating since childhood,
had eased since the divorce. Literally he could think of no enemy. Well,
he did write stories for ASSM and occasionally join in the spats on ASSD,
but that was all Internet anonymous. Wasn't it?
Ex-submariners do not
lack courage. He found a sharp steak knife still resting in the now-unused
kitchen drawer and opened the package carefully, grinning like an idiot, half
expecting his world to vanish in a red flash.
Inside was bubble wrap
rolled around a long, chocolate-brown object. Laughing incredulously, he
wondered if one of the people at work had sent him a turd for his birthday,
now only a few days off. Popping the tape, he unwrapped the thing gingerly,
keeping fingertips away from it. His nose told him the truth first. Pre-turd!
Lying atop the open bubble wrap was an irregular but curiously familiar
cylinder of pure milk chocolate, one end swollen as if to form a base, the
other crowned with a slitted blunt helmet.
Now his incredulous laugh
took a different tone. This thing was a replica casting, in solid milk chocolate,
of an erect human penis.
"Good god!" he cried
in awe. Only in porn movies had he ever seen a larger. It contained no
inscription. Examining the packing material, he found nothing to indicate
the source. Who might have sent him this thing?
Surely not Vera!
It had to be Vera!
He thought of her as
a consolation prize for losing the wife who had learned independence during
his years at sea. Vera was loyal and willing but he had never suspected her
of such lusty depths as this. Depths? His own average cock was enough to
reach her cervix; how much depth could she want? Ah ha! He snapped his fingers.
She loved to be licked.That was the answer. She wanted him to let this
chocolate cock melt in her, then eat it back out. Giving his imagination
full rein, he grinned in anticipation. What a combination! He loved tongue
on chocolate almost as much as she loved it on clit. Okay. He would do her
up brown!
* * *
"Let me see the one on
the right."
The porn store clerk
brought out the package to the top of the glass counter.
"You mind if I open it?"
asked Gary.
The beefy young man sneered.
"If you open it, you buy it."
The directions on the
back, especially the diagrams, told Gary what he needed to know. Grinning
at the clerk, he ripped the end off the flimsy box and pulled out the dangling
article.
"Damn it!" snarled the
clerk, actually balling a fist, "I said if -"
"Relax. I've decided
to buy it, even if $44 is exorbitant for a couple of elastic belts."
"Oh." The man took a
deep breath. "Okay. How about this set of dildoes for it? They're designed
to fit on it here where -"
"No thanks. I only need
the belt."
The man looked puzzled.
"You sure your dicks will fit? This is a new design."
Gary smiled confidently.
"That's why they make electric drills."
* * *
"What in the world did
you put in me, Gary?"
"Does it feel funny,
Vera?"
"No, not exactly. It
smells funny!"
"Well, what'd you expect?
How do like it? Is it getting deep enough?"
"Oh, yes, all the way.
But, but, it feels like you're going soft!"
"That's because you are
verily a hot number, Vera!"
"Do hurry up. The odor
is making me hungry."
He laughed aloud. "Me
too! I think that's enough, don't you?"
"Gary, I don't under-
Wow! Ooo, that's . that's wonderful! Oh, Gary, you know I love it." She
laughed weakly. "But don't try to put your whole face in there!"
* * *
"Hello."
"Hi, Gary. Remember
me?"
"Julia!" He laughed.
"That's a voice I'll never forget. How've you been, honey? Oops! Excuse
me. Old habits."
"I don't mind if you
call me honey. Even to my face. We're not enemies, Gary."
"Tell your mother that."
She laughed wryly. "Mom
sends her love. Listen, I called up to wish you a happy birthday, this being
your first since our divorce."
"Thank you."
"And to make sure you
fully appreciate it."
"Appreciate? It's not
as if I'm turning 40, for Christ's sake!"
She chuckled softly.
"No, not again. But I was killing two birds with one stone. I remembered
something you said once. And of course I know what you love."
"I'm sure you do. What
was it I said?"
"I couldn't find the
words then but now you know anyway."
"What was it, Julia?"
She laughed in obvious
enjoyment. "You wondered what it felt like to have a cock in your mouth."