| Note: This story was spawned by Lubrican's (a/k/a "Beating Off Bob") story Last Wish Blues . It is NOT authorized. Yet. |
I paused to look at my wife in the passenger seat before making a left onto the two lane blacktop fronting the ranch, feeling lost. She didn't appear to look as upset as I was and I wondered how she could look so calm, if not comfortable.
Like the two previous times I had left the ranch and pulled out onto this highway-- somber, once, angry, the next-- there was no traffic to be seen in either direction.
There was nothing, here.
The road was empty.
Almost as empty as...
Linda, my wife, smiled at me, an expression that looked alien on her face. "Hon, this is all for the best. I am fairly certain that she will be happy enough, here, and I can tell he wants her to be happy. I don't think he'll have to work very hard at it, though."
I snorted, and, rather more suddenly than is reasonable, pulled out onto the highway. I then found that I I could not work up enough strength in my right foot to push on the accelerator to carry through my quick departure. We were only doing 30 MPH on a road with the 55 MPH speed limit as I tried to sort out my feelings.
Some things can't be sorted easily when you need to pay some attention to the process of driving a car on even this arrow straight road. This particular cloud of confusion needed more of my attention span than I wanted to deal with so I knew I was not the right person to be at the steering wheel. Sorting this out, at the moment in my head, had to come first. I found a solid section of shoulder to pull off onto and told my wife "Hon... I need you to drive". I then undid my seat belt and slid out of the car.
It was still hard for me to sort out my feelings even after we swapped seats. My wife seemed to be handling the whole situation without being lost within the maelstrom of mixed emotions I found myself dealing with. I sat there as my eyes started to tear up despite my efforts to stem the flow.
"Dave," Linda spoke up, getting my attention, "Think about this the way I do. First off, we didn't end up having to bury her. That's not just good news, that's great news, and I don't think you need to be this upset. I was dreading her funeral... And the fear is gone. Yes, she's not with us, now, she is with someone who loves her enough to risk the age of consent law's wrath and he is desperate to keep her happy. And... we can see her again. And again."
All right, so she was alive, the cancer miraculously having gone into remission. I wasn't sure I was happy with how my baby girl went into remission. I was not quite ready to become a grandfather, either. I guessed this was in conflict with the emotional preparations I had to make so I could handle the grief of having to bury my baby girl.
Oh, yes, I had gotten as ready as I could for my daughter to die. I had gotten myself hardened enough to take it like a man, inured to the pain of loss, and, now, all of that effort, all of that preparation I had made to cope was blown away like so much dust.
My baby was going to live making all of my efforts moot.
Now what?
My wife spoke again, softly, saying "Now, hon, we have an empty house... and no mourners... and no mourning... and a chance for us to catch our breaths."
I'd spoken aloud? "I... don't know what we're supposed to do. I can't get..."
My wife cooed back to me "I'm sure you can find something to do with me when I get you home, again. I'm not over the hill quite yet, mister, and, I believe, neither are you. We need to get our own lives in order, now, you know. And... once we're back to being man and wife, we can start thinking about our next visit to Brenda."
There's only so macho a man can be. I sniffled. I also realized that it would not be a kindness to let her know that I was conflicted over the surprise of our daughter's unexpected survival.
"Remember, hon... we didn't lose our daughter. We kept her. Heck, now we even have a son in the bargain, along with a grand-child. While it was a wild ride to get here, I feel, well, maybe not so much happy with the how, but certainly not sad for the what."
I sighed. "I'm sorry, the whole situation has me all bent out of shape."
"Why? Because he did something for her we couldn't?"
Ouch, I thought. That sure cut to the bone, didn't it? The conflict of being a man with a nubile girl-child, perhaps? I suddenly felt that little bit of me that was uncivilized saying I should have been the one to make the little girl pregnant. The civilized Dave, though, beat down the cave-man, reminding him that incest wasn't necessarily "best". I sighed.
Linda laughed, the first time I'd heard it so care-free in years. When was the last time I had been able to laugh like that? "Oh, Dave, I know about daddies and daughters."
What? "Ummmmm..."
My wife's eyes swiveled to look at me, sweeping up and down, before returning to the straight-- and empty-- road in front of us. "Don't tell me... Oh, I know, there's that little tiny bit of you that feels he stole one of your women from you, right?"
Why would I want to answer her, positive or negative? The trouble was that cave-man Dave grunted. I didn't know, myself, whether it was in affirmation or not. I don't think my cave-man wanted to discourage this thinking.
Linda laughed. "I'm your woman, dammit... and, while I do not want you to hit me over the head with a club, there are other things I want you to do to lay claim to me."
Again, I grunted, unsure of where she was going.
Suddenly, surprisingly, for the first time in years, her voice hardened as she shot me with "Dave, if you don't fuck me real hard tonight, I am going to find someone who can. I don't care if we have to get you a prescription for viagra, but you damn well better figure out what to do with me, because, tonight, you have to make me your woman all over again."
I sniffled. "You'd leave me?"
She growled back "Yes, dammit! You haven't even tried to touch me sexually in over a year. Right now I could use a whole lot of loving, and, hon... my panties are soaked!"
I sighed. "I can try, tonight, all right?"
She sighed, softening her words, agreeing, "I'll hold you to that. And you'd better figure out how to hold me again, too."
I'm sure my voice whined when I asked "Why now?"
"It's simple, Dave. Hon, our daughter, despite medical science throwing in the towel, is not going to die. She is going to live... and bear a son. Yes, she's young, but we also taught her to think for herself and stand by her guns, too, or she wouldn't have cornered that poor man when he was weak. It was funny to see how much more life he suddently had when he saw our girl, wasn't it? Sure, she's pregnant, but... I don't think we failed as parents. I think we did pretty good, actually. Oh, sure, we'll be grand parents quite a bit sooner than I ever expected... but I'd had to give that up for a few years, and now its back."
My wife might think we brought up Brenda to be strong-willed but, looking at my wife as she got her breath back, I smiled with the thought that Brenda got the gene from her mother.
My wife saw that and smiled at me before she continued. "I do not want to feel old enough to be a grandmother, so, on top of all of that, I want you on top of me to remind me that I am not over the hill. And, now that we don't have to think of Brenda, Cancer and Funerals... I want us to be an us, again. I may be your wife but you damn well better start thinking about me as your wife and a woman and like a husband."
I shrugged. "I'll try, Hon."
She patted my thigh, adding "Just try thinking with your dick, again. Sometimes I like that."
-
Hours later, curled up in spoon position with my wife, my arms wrapped around her, I felt good to know I was still a man.
Just before we drifted off to sleep, Linda pulled my left hand off her right breast and placed it on her belly, quietly saying "I was due to ovulate tonight, hon. If you did good, Our grand-son will have an aunt or uncle, too."
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Author: Jack C Lipton Title: Next Wish Part: Universe: Last Wish Blues Summary: Suffering from luctus interruptus, perhaps? Keywords: angst MF Revision: $Revision: 1.9 $ Archive: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/CupaSoup/www/ Mailing List: FAQ: RCS: $Id: nextWish.x,v 1.9 2008/01/23 03:09:44 jcl Exp $