Rain. It was raining. After such a long dry spell, it was raining. And not the gentle patter, but the full downpour out of a dark sky, occasionally lit by the strobe of a lightning flash, the thunder being swallowed in the rain.
The world outside was weeping.
If only it would keep raining, reflecting my own state; We needed the water and I'd be glad for the excuse to cower in the house. Perhaps it would also wash away some of the pain. Perhaps I could even drown in it.
My house wasn't my home, for I had lost her, and my children, in an auto accident 6 months ago- the "gift" from a DUI who had also perished days afterwards. With the loss of my whole family, I had found lawyers to rape and pillage his estate in expiation for his negligence; His arrogance and stupidity had extinguished my future. I had buried a major piece of myself as I had sifted the dirt into the holes.
The money from insurance made it easier to hide in the house though I was still exposed to the well-wishers at work.
Fifty-One years old- I saw no way to start over. I had had enough problems finding my wife, who, after her first marriage, was quite comfortable in marrying a techie with so little romance in his soul. She couldn't live on romance and flattery and his indiscretion- but she'd been able to find solace in truth, reliability and my loyalty to her ...
... Till death do us part. We were parted now in that most permanent of ways yet I still wore my wedding band. I couldn't turn my face to the future. I could barely turn my face to today. Each breath was a burden.
Only my workplace rut provided any temporary relief; My skills were widely used and occasionally appreciated when I pulled a penguin out of my hat or built up a new server from a spares kit. So my self-perceived duties to my "customer base" kept me going.
My work also provided a means to support my denial that anything had actually changed, that Jane and Julia and Jeff were actually just away on a trip.
The pain of arriving to an empty house matched an empty heart. Being a tee-totaler and not having an interest in drugs, I sat, with no escape in sight, alone, reading heavily and even writing stories about what-ifs ...
... but those fantasies, even the dystopian ones, illuminated the very darkness in my soul I was trying to avoid.
Then I got the call from the attack dogs- uh, lawyers- that I had engaged. They needed me to meet them the next day.
It was in their office that I met HER.
Jessica MacGregor.
She was in the reception area applying for a job and she nervously started talking to me about her chances of being employed. She couldn't have been under 25 but she acted like she was still an insecure teen-ager. Since she was a young woman it was easy for me to assign her (in my mind) as a niece, which I had a few of in that age range, bringing my paternal instincts to the fore ( the first real sensation of pleasure I'd had in some time). I did my best to calm her down and told her that she should do fine. I asked her what kind of work she was looking for and she told me that she'd be their network and computer person, if she got hired. These being parts of my own technical nature, we ended up talking shop in detail and I found her quite sharp and enthusiastic; I even enjoyed this opportunity to talk shop. Her personality was such that I could feel her happiness as it tried to wash over me.
She also showed a good grasp of two of the three standard genres that techies seem to share: Monty Python and Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Her deficit in Firesign Theater was probably a side defect of her youth.
I gave her my card and told her that if the law firm didn't hire her that she should apply at my work. "After all, you've already passed my technical interview."
Their office manager popped out of the archway next to us and added "And, listening in, she's passed ours. Sorry Jack, we're not gonna let her loose so easily now."
My lawyer walked in through another door, "Jack, I'm sorry I didn't get out here earlier; I got tied up in a conference call that went on and on..."
I sighed. I know what calls like that were like. I turned to Jessie and shook hands, saying "It was very pleasant to meet you."
Her smile was dangerous; I suspect it could've melted a polar ice cap, and it was directly aimed at me. She thanked me for talking to her as she was led away. Even though he was on the periphery of her directed smile, I could see my lawyer reeling from the warmth of it. Given my age and situation the smile was still only a gentle glow on the stones weighing down my heart. When I turned to my lawyer he seemed dazed before leading me to his office.
When I went to leave I ran into Jessica in the building's lobby. She was sitting looking sad, watching the rain outside.
I couldn't help it- she looked so lonely and forlorn; She looked even more lost than I'd felt in some time. I walked over to her and asked, "What's the problem? Why so sad? Can I help?"
She looked up suddenly, startled, but I could see tears in her eyes. "I can't start for a week! I've got to wait for the background checks and I've got to find someplace cheap to live until then..."
I sat down by her, my heart opening. Suddenly, to me, she was my daughter in need. A mission. I'd been living so long with no point. I could cope with this right now. I needed to cope with this right now. I didn't know why, but the thought that I could help her suddenly crystallized a sense of mission, which lifted my spirits. I could do this. Also, there was a feeling of trust between us, of commonality, despite our various differences, defying all logic.
"Look, I know this is coming from left field and all. My house feels empty right now; so If you're willing to take over my daughter's bedroom and aren't likely to throw big parties, I'm willing to put you up until you get started here. If you think you can trust an old man like me, then I'd be comfortable for someone to talk to."
"Oh. Are you sure? All I own is in my car out there. I don't have much in the way of social skills so I don't party. If you think you can put me up for a short while I'll certainly follow you home..."
Her face crumpled again when she saw my reaction to her saying the word "home". It hurt me to see her hurting. I had to explain why I couldn't bear thinking of "home", for the person who had defined home to me was in a hole that I hid from.
I apologized. "I'm sorry, I lost my family some months ago. It hasn't felt like a home for too long at time. Perhaps you can help me. Please follow me."
We left and I made sure that she could follow my car despite the rain still pouring down. She pulled into the garage next to my car and I helped her move her stuff into Julia's room and helped her clean it. Julia's (and Jeff's) rooms hadn't been touched since I had lost them. I hadn't even done anything about Jane's stuff in my bedroom. So I worked with her to bag up Julia's clothing and stuffed animals and we moved it to the garage. That done, she started getting unpacked.
I didn't have much food to offer so I called for a Pizza delivery. When she joined me in the kitchen I oriented her to where everything was and told her about our dinner plans.
She smiled again and, after grabbing some sodas, we went into the living room to await our dinner's arrival- and started talking. I let her know the story of my family and she let me know about her history. She'd lost her parents and younger siblings while away in college; As the oldest child, she was alone. She had come here to look for work and was running out of money to do it with by the time the law firm's job was listed. I nodded. In the midst of this the Pizza arrived and we finished up orienting each other over the slices. I apologized for having no beer in the house to go with the pizza.
"No problem. I never developed a taste for beer or even wine. This", holding up a fresh can of soda, "will be fine."
I finally let her know that she seemed a conscientious and competent young woman. With that I went and popped some ant-acids to keep my stomach relaxed and headed for bed.
My dreams were confused; I even had repeated dreams of Jane pushing Jessica at me, telling me to move fast. It seemed my children visited me again tonight in my nightmares- but the fear and pain evaporated as they clasped Jessica's hands in my dream, telling me they wanted brothers and sisters. This didn't make much sense to me; What were my dreams really telling me?
The next morning I showered, shaved and dressed for work before setting foot outside my bedroom door. I smelled something pleasant so I followed my nose to the kitchen where Jessica was making some French toast. I made noises of approval and she pushed a plate to my side of the table and told me, as she threw another two slices in the frying pan, to sit down and eat.
"Jack, for my own sake, I've got to make it worth your while to have me here..." I was told, ending with another heart-warming smile. This one penetrated the surface but didn't completely dislodge the weight I was still carrying, but it felt better than anything I'd felt in far too long.
Despite my pains, I was able to smile back, at least a little bit. It must've looked pretty lame, but I was trying. I told her "Please, Just keep an old man company, make it look like you're listening to his stories and you'll do fine. I must admit that the idea of having company to talk to over a real breakfast has been missing for far too long. Thank you."
"I couldn't find any signs of coffee despite the coffee maker, but I found plenty of tea-bags and a teapot, so I made that instead. Is that alright?"
I nodded and said "Thank you. Like I said, I usually don't have the energy or enthusiasm to cope with any kind of breakfast makings in the morning. This looks good. And Jane was the coffee-drinker, not me."
"Well, I noticed that there's no margarine, so you'll have to take your chances with butter. If you could let me know what I need to know about your dietary preferences and your health, I do want to know so I can help you."
I was warmed by this and we set about breakfast and talked over simple subjects- many of which were domestic. We started making plans to go shopping for groceries and we even touched on music and movies.
I munched through the French toast and enjoyed the tea before looking up and seeing that I needed to leave for work. I also realized how much I was enjoying the company of another at breakfast. It was hard to leave, but my work called to me. It didn't win by much.
I reached on the shelf above the sink and brought out a small key ring, handing it to her. "These are the keys for the house, they were Jane's. This will allow you to get back in should you need to leave for anything. I hope you'll be comfortable today. I'm sorry, but I don't have a whole lot of time right now to put up a login for you on the network here. If you've set up your computer, though, you can be on the Internet right away since I've got a DHCP server."
She nodded, and, as I headed for the door, she pulled me to her and she hugged me. "Thank you... Daddy Jack?"
I don't know what really came over me; I'd missed the hugs of my family so much and almost felt transported as I wrapped my own arms around her, squeezing her to me, tears in my eyes, whining "Oh, honey, Daddy's missed you so much. You're a good girl you know..." and the next thing I knew I was lying down on my back with plenty of strange faces around me and listening to an almost steady "beep...beep...beep". I though I could recognize the sound of Jessica crying in the background. My chest also hurt, like I'd been stepped on by something big.
"Jack, do you know where you are?"
I looked at the face that spoke, looked around a bit, "My kitchen. I just finished breakfast. Where's Jessica?"
Suddenly I saw her most beautiful of visages (despite her red weepy eyes) above me. "Yes Jack?"
"What happened?"
She looked around and bit her lip. "You collapsed, I was so afraid, I called 911 for assistance. These are the paramedics."
I could tell they had placed an IV in my left arm. If I had only passed out they wouldn't have done that. There was also the irritation that they didn't realize I was left-handed and that the IV would be more than a little annoying.
I felt weak, even lying there on their gurney, and asked "Jessie, please hold my hand..."
She grasped my right hand almost desperately and put the back of it to her cheek; I suddenly felt much better. The paramedics let me know they were ready to take me to the hospital. I was pretty pushy to have Jessica in the ambulance with me.
During the ride I told her to grab my cell-phone and look through it's directory for my manager's number; When she dialed it she awaited his answer and put the phone to my ear. I was able to bring him up to date but had to ask which hospital we were heading for so I could let him know.
We arrived at the ER and I was wheeled into one of the treatment rooms and moved to the bed as they wired me up to the EKG monitor. Jessica was escorted out, carrying my cell-phone. I could tell she was upset. I started to miss her almost immediately.
They started another IV in my right hand (which wasn't comfortable) and used it with the biggest fucking needle I'd ever seen, telling me that it was TPA, a clot buster. I was also getting nitroglycerin in one IV and, after the TPA, a line was started there for heparin. This was no fun at all. I was starting to feel like a pin-cushion.
My medical interviews were more detailed than normal; One resident (a Cardiologist) discussed my "occurrence".
"Your heart apparently did stop for a short bit; You were lucky that Jessica knows how to do CPR. Once she had you restarted she called for help but you still apparently didn't have a normal rhythm. The EMT's were able to put a monitor on you that didn't indicate a normal heart attack; You were going at about 30 beats per minute. If your EKG hadn't stabilized before you were brought here, we'd scheduled to put a pacemaker in you. Can you tell me what you were doing just before you passed out?"
"I had a pleasant breakfast and Jessica came up to me and hugged me, and called me ..." I could feel something wrong and the EKG display, just by the doctor's head showed that my heart rate wasn't steady any more. I felt a little dizzy and slightly light-headed and went on with "... Daddy, which felt so good." I could feel myself coming back as I saw my heartbeat go steady again. It looked like I was only dropping 1 beat out of 5 or 6.
This doctor (and the others who had shown up when the EKG showed the uneven beat) listened to me while watching the monitor. My heartbeat was pretty regular except for occasionally missing a beat.
"Well, Jack, so far it sure looks like you've had a coronary spasm. For now, though, we need to run some additional tests, so you're being admitted to the CCU; We'll need an echo-cardiogram and we'll be taking some more blood over the next day to see what kind of damage your heart has suffered. Take it easy for now, it doesn't look like you'll be going to work soon."
I relaxed on the bed. "Could you let Jessie come back and sit by me?"
"Are you sure? It sure sounds like your problems started when..."
I had to interrupt him- "I'll be fine. I need to talk to her, and I think she needs to talk to me right now. Please have her sent in."
He nodded. Within 5 minutes (perhaps a new record in quick response for an E.R.) Jessica was sitting in my little room. She quickly positioned herself to hold my left hand this time and put it to her cheek. There was a part of me going "I could get to like this" in the midst of this chaos. Her face was drawn and I could tell she was still upset. I smiled at her. "It looks like I'll be a guest here for a few days; I suspect it'll be nothing major and I'll be able to get out of here soon." I pulled my hand with hers back to me and kissed the back of her hand. "I'm sorry if it looked like I was going to abandon you. As much as joining my wife and children would've sounded good to me a few days ago..."
I could see the tears welling in her eyes during my apology, but she was almost sobbing during her reply, with "Oh, I understand. When you started to collapse I was able to cushion your fall. Fortunately I've had CPR and first aid training, so I was able to check your pulse and respiration- of which you had neither. I'm glad my training kicked in or I would have spent the time crying, not giving you CPR. It was only after I got your heart going again and breathing on your own again that I was able to get to the phone. I'm glad you responded so quickly. After my dreams last night I couldn't bear to lose you. I'm sorry I was so selfish- I needed you with me right now. While pushing on your chest I was pleading with you, and praying for you not to die. I was so scared..."
I pulled her as close to me as possible and wrapped my IV encumbered arms around her and told her "I'll take care of you. Thank you for taking care of me." I couldn't resist kissing her on the forehead, as I would have my daughter, so many months before.
With that we broke it up and I had her fishing through my clothes to get my wallet and other items. I pulled out my checkbook and one of my debit cards. "Jessie, here's one of my debit cards. The PIN is 6016. You'll need this to pull money for the cab fare home and any groceries. Here's a check to you for $1500; I figure you'll need this to get your own account started up. Right now it might be best for you to head home for a bit. Oh, yes, the root login on the authentication server is i-d-a-space-k-n-zero-w, all lower case. Set up an account and home directory for yourself. I think you're smart enough to avoid doing too much as root. While I'm in here I want to make sure that you're safe and comfortable."
Her face ran a whole array of expressions- covering incredulity more than once and shock towards the end. She was obviously surprised that I'd trust her with one of my bank accounts, but seemed more astonished by my trusting her with my home network's root password.
"OK, Jack, I'll do that. Is there anything special I'll need to do?"
"Keep yourself fed, warm and dry. Consider yourself, for now, as an adult daughter who's visiting from out of town. I don't know why, but I feel like I can trust you. I feel strongly about that. Right now I don't care how stupid of foolish I might sound, I like you. So leave me my cell-phone and head on home, girl, you've got a network to discover and a house to explore."
I hadn't seen an expression like that since early in my relationship with Jane, my wife; This time I felt warm inside. As Jessica smiled I got more of the effect of it. Apparently repeated exposure was getting through to me. And my heart didn't skip a beat- but it did speed up.
It was then that I remembered- My wife used to smile a lot like that, her whole face lighting up. To my eyes, there is nothing more beautiful than a woman smiling happily.
Shortly afterwards I was moved to a more portable bed, along with the EKG monitor and- worrisome to me- a portable defibrillator. (Seeing one of those is not reassuring. I mean it.) My IV bags got moved and I was being pushed along to the CCU where I was transferred to a bed and re-wired to the monitoring equipment there. The headache from the nitroglycerin wasn't all that much fun either and my nose was already incredibly cold and dry from the oxygen coming through the nasal prongs. I swear that my arms were getting cold from the fluids going into the veins, and the lousy blanket wasn't much heavier than one of my sheets at home.
I was able to nap and awakened to a kiss on my forehead, received from Jessica. I couldn't help but smile and reached for her hand. Her smile in return felt good to me; I could almost feel the cobwebs clearing out of my head- and heart. Once I was "alert and oriented" we made some small talk. She'd gone to my credit union and joined ("if it's good enough for you, Jack, it's good enough for me") and had set up her own user id on my home systems before coming back to visit me.
"Actually, given the way these organizations work, I'm surprised they let you in to see me; I figured that they'd do the normal and restrict visitors to family members- which I've got quite a shortage of around here."
She smiled and held up her left hand, where I spied a wedding band. "I found this next to where the key-ring you gave me came from; I'm lucky it fit me at all. I can't believe how well this worked. When they started to give me a hard time I claimed I was your wife. Things straightened out quickly after that. I hope you don't mind; I grabbed the ring on the off chance and it turned out to work. I hope that I haven't embarrassed you..."
Her smile had flickered on and off with little flashes of worry and she ended with a wistful look.
The mixed feelings ran through me- Jane's ring, on someone else. That hurt. But ... Jane was gone, never to return in body, so the mate of my wedding band wasn't attached to anyone. I'd missed her enough to forgive this, just so that I wouldn't be alone. There was some humor here, though. I had to start giggling. "Embarrassed? Far from it. Flattered, yes, at my age it'd sure look like I robbed a cradle somewhere, and, on top of your intelligence, you're an exceptionally attractive young woman as well."
Things settled down after that and we talked a bit more before her time was up. It was easy for me to see that she was more attentive to me than I had ever experienced before; Even Jane never followed my eyes and face so closely.
I suddenly realized that I had reciprocated; I had noticed far more about her mood and appearance than I ever remembered doing with Jane. What was happening to me? How could I do this? What about Jane? Was her wearing the ring a talisman?
The counterpoint to this was my loss of enthusiasm once she stepped back out and reality re-asserted itself. I didn't sink back to the depths of my despair; I was buoyed up with a new mission: to protect and nurture my "daughter". I didn't realize at the time that we'd left that relationship far behind. She was already in my heart by this time. I had no way of knowing how far into her heart I'd already burrowed.
One of the nurses (a cute young woman) stopped by for a bit and asked me about my visitor- commenting that she was surprised to find me with such a young wife. I smiled. I wasn't going to clarify the situation any further; I didn't want that particular visitor blocked. On second thought, it might've been more of a smirk.
She took down my vitals and stepped away.
Cutting to the chase, 24 hours after admission I was moved to the cardiac step-down unit where visiting hours- and visitors- weren't as tightly screened. For the two days in that unit, wearing an EKG transmitter (I joked that I was radio station WEKG) Jessica was able to spend much more time with me and always made sure to kiss me on the forehead and hug. Talking to her through what the hospital referred to as meals took my mind off what I was consuming- so I wasted less time trying to identify what was on my fork.
My dreams were still being visited by Jane, Julia and Jeff, but were no longer guilt inducers, but they seemed to be talking about Jessica. Jane, in one dream, told me point-blank to take care of Jessica as my next wife. "You have some catching up to do." Again, this aspect of the dreams made little sense; Part of me felt that to listen to my dream-Jane was to be unfaithful to my real-Jane. She was dead but I'd kept her alive in my heart for a long time.
My relationship with Jessica had blossomed so quickly. My ability to sleep well had finally come back; No longer did I awake from nightmares. Jessica was fun to be around, and, with her exotic appearance, was a knock-out.
Some of my younger co-workers did come to visit me and I caught one drooling over Jessica. This shocked me- I realized that I felt protective and wanted her all to myself. What was happening to me?
Discharge was fairly quiet; I was to be out of work (disability) for 30 days. Despite being told that I'd need a Thallium stress test, I was told I could resume normal sexual activity. The smirk on the guy's face faded when Jessica came in to meet me, again wearing the wedding band. I actually felt good with her by my side. I may be impotent, but I've got someone wonderful to keep me company.
Jessica brought me back home using my car; I was quite comfortable cranking back the passenger seat and letting her drive. She initially seemed worried- I suspect she was concerned that I would disapprove of her using my car. I made sure she could tell I was happy with her choice.
Just being in the same car with her, being smiled at by her, was almost like some kind of "happy" pill. I liked this feeling. It was positively addictive.
My first meal back at home was quiet but comfortable; It was funny how relaxed I was around her. She had cooked up a nice simple meal that was well within my narrow dietary preferences (my tastes run to bland foods) and I thanked her and helped her with the dishes.
I'd just finished loading the dishwasher when I felt her arms around me; Turning to face her I wrapped my arms around her and cradled her head on my shoulder and started rocking her. From her sighs I could tell she was comfortable in my arms- as I was comfortable. I was making my own "noises of happiness" in my chest before we finally released each other. Between her sounds of happiness and my own it felt like a harmony.
When I went to bed I didn't even bother checking my e-mail. Despite all of the rest I got in the hospital it felt so good to be in my own bed with the covers pulled up, so I fell asleep almost instantly. My bladder, however, had it's own plans, awakening me in the middle of the night- so I got up to relieve it.
I'd been dreaming again; Jane had visited me again, telling me to go to Jessica, that she needed me. Remembering this, it didn't seem like a bad idea anyway. Before returning to bed, I checked the house and came past Jessie's room and heard quiet sobbing- it was certainly not snoring. It was not at all a happy sound. I tapped the door.
"Jessie, sweetheart, are you all right?"
I suddenly froze- where did that "sweetheart" come from? I shelved that thought and listened for her.
I heard the sniffling stop and heard her come to the door, which opened, and found myself in another embrace. By a very beautiful young woman in a t-shirt. She spoke into my chest "Please hold me..." I could feel my own shirt getting wet from her tears. I tightened my hold and kissed her hair.
Figuring that it couldn't hurt I led her to my bed; Shedding my robe so I was only in my underwear, I climbed in and she cuddled up to my left side, so I placed myself in my own long-missed place: I spooned her with an arm under her head and another on her hip. I think we both passed out once we had the covers on.
I was the first to awaken (I think) and I heard her snoring- a gentle buzzing, at least as pleasant and reassuring as Jane's had been. Her gentle snore helped me fall back to sleep.
The next time I faded in I was lying on my back with a beautiful set of eyes watching me- and the rest of her body snuggled up to my left side. Her own left hand was across my chest.
If there is a more pleasant way to wake up that's more reassuring I've never heard of or seen it. When she realized I was again alert she smiled. If I had been still functional I think I would've let loose in my own shorts. I smiled back and patted her on the shoulder and we got up to ready ourselves for the day. I headed for my bathroom, she headed into the hall.
I was in the shower when I was interrupted, finding a gloriously unclad- and wet- young woman in my shower with me. I was in a close hug and (instinctually?) hugged her back. There was a lot of "mmmmm" sounds between us and I realized she was crying. I kissed her forehead and asked her why she was crying, what had I done wrong?
"Oh, Jack, I've been so lonely for so long. I feel good in your arms. MMMMmmmmmm..."
I was glad I didn't rise to the occasion; That would've felt like sacrilege. In my self-centered way I'd forgotten how lonely she'd been for so much longer than I; She'd lost her family continuity when her family had died. I did my best to comfort this hurting young woman, who must have understood me so well.
I started rubbing her back with the soap I had in my hand and worked it in from her neck to her (very squeezable) butt. All of a sudden she turned around, placed my soapy hands on her breasts, and she told me to soap up her front too- and warned me not to miss any spots. So I did so. It had been a very long time since I had such a willing partner in the shower; Jane had never been particularly enamored with the idea of doing more than merely getting clean when we shared the shower; The demand heater was lost on her.
After I had also soaped up her legs and arms, she rinsed off and took the soap from me. All of a sudden I had her arms around me and her hands were soaping my back, which felt good. She then had me turn around and I continued to feel her breasts rubbing my back, just as they had rubbed my chest. Her nipples were large and hard and felt good against me.
Her cleansing of me was pretty thorough- more so than mine had been. I had been trying to maintain some distance from her. Her work on my nipples was impressive, but she worked down to my groin before I was really expecting anything. I was suddenly quite erect- Something I hadn't felt in over three years. Her slick hand worked me to a fast orgasm, sprayed on the wall. My legs got shaky and she helped me to the seat in the shower stall, where she continued on my legs and arms, then rinsed. It was a blissful time and I kept wanting to thank her, finally pulling her to me and ...
... we shared our first real kiss. I concentrated on the kiss so much that it was a surprise to feel her impaled on my renewed erection. I just barely noticed the momentary pause on the way down and her tightened arms and grunt as we reached full penetration. I was still on a bit of a hair trigger between the clinch and her tight spasming vagina, so I drained another load of semen into her. I felt bad that she hadn't had a chance to catch up with me but she suddenly pulled loose from my lips and threw her head back and screamed "Yes!" as her body went into wild spasms around my cock.
When she finally pulled free of my limpness, I noticed the pink stain on me and looked up to her "Oh! I'm sorry! Were you..."
She smiled to me with her icecap-melting smile; Despite having been drained twice in 15 minutes, one portion of my anatomy snapped to attention without going through the at-ease position.
"Jack, yes, I was. I'm sorry, but as much as being your daughter would be wonderful, I want more. When I found Jane's ring on the shelf I was fantasizing about being your wife and had to play with myself. Let's dry off and then you take me to bed. I've a lot of lost time to make up for."
I followed my new lover's advice and thought that she'd be a wonderful wife. We could help each other heal our wounds.
Jane, Julia and Jeff still visited my dreams- which were now happy occasions. I missed them, but was told that I needed to face the future, not the past.
Rain. It was raining. After another long dry spell, it was raining. And not the gentle patter, but the full downpour out of a dark sky, occasionally lit by the strobe of a lightning flash, the thunder being swallowed in the rain.
The world outside was weeping- but in joy, not sadness.
I was content. I held my wife in my arms and rubbed her brown belly where my daughter lay growing, kicking at my paler hand. Kissing Jessica's shoulder brought me her smile, helping me to enjoy the show outside, for I was warmed through and through.
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Author: Jack C Lipton Title: Beauty and the Bleak Part: Universe: Almost Reality Summary: Lost and Found Keywords: rom, MF, angst Revision: $Revision: 1.10 $ Archive: Mailing List: FAQ: RCS: $Id: BeautyAndTheBleak.x,v 1.10 2003/03/15 16:15:53 jcl Exp $