Dialogue punctuation. Denny always finds issues in my rough drafts
where I've placed the comma outside the quotes. Bad scene.
"I want to lick every inch of your shimmering body," she whispered.
NOT
"Come here, baby, time for a cold shower", she breathed.
I noticed this issue in a couple of the stories reviewed this week.
Thought I'd mention it for those interested in technical
improvement.
This week, we saw Table Sharing, Flashing Shoppers, Stealing
Underwear, Pink Socks, Nylon Interviews, Summary Justice, Life
Sentences, Virgin Encounters, Easy Friendships, and Television
Stars.
- Crimson
"... sometimes I feel so good I gotta scream,
she said Gordie baby I know exactly what you mean,
she said, she said, I swear to God she said ..."
-- Tragically Hip
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the
wind.
- Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson
Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www
Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine
alone.
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Story Summary:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Inn -- Uther Pendragon
(MF cons)
[10, 8, 10, 10]
Shopping -- Robin Curious
(exhib FF implied)
[10, 10, 10, 10]
Socks -- Passing4human
(MF rom hist)
[10, 10, 10, 10]
Discovering Victoria's Secret -- Darkest Desires
(FF, MFF, reluc)
[10, 10, 9, 9]
Interview with God -- virgosun
(fsolo exhib)
[10, 10, 10, 10]
Rebel 035 - Clarissa -- Old Bill
(MF hist)
[10, 10, 10, 10]
Life Sentence -- Uther Pendragon
(mf MF)
[10, 10, 10, 10]
Our First Time -- David Lavenham
(MF Virgin)
[8, 9, 8, 9]
School Days -- John P. Fault
(M/F)
[10, 10, 10, 10]
The Private Beach -- Katzmarek
(MF,Teen, Rom,slow)
[8, 10, 10, 10]
Reviews:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Inn -- Uther Pendragon
(MF cons)
{repost}
When Gretchen arrives at the Chamber's Inn, the restaurant is very
full. Instead of heading into the bar, Gretchen wonders if Walter
might be willing to share his table with her. Walter agrees and they
sit down to dinner. And afterwards, they retire to Walter's
chambers.
While I found the sex a little over described, I did like the
characters here. They were human and fun. I especially liked the
beginning exchange between Gretchen and the waitress. Gave Gretchen
an honest face.
Sometimes one just needs to get away for a while.
Technical : 10
Eros : 8
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/story/inn.htm
Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/index.htm
Posted To ASSM: Wed, 5 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Shopping -- Robin Curious
(exhib FF implied)
Robin sits lonely in a hotel bar, watching the attractive people
wander in and out. Finally, she sighs and carries herself up to her
room. There, she realises that she needs something different. She
cleans herself up, dons a trenchcoat and a smile, and makes her way
to the mall. There, she toys with the staff, but discovers something
that perhaps she hadn't considered before.
I liked this story. The first person perspective worked very well
here. Robin, the author, not the flasher, stays on track and gives
us a glimpse into why one might want to wander into a strange store
and flash the cute guy behind the cash register. It had an honest
feel to it.
I liked where the story ended up, with exactly the right mix of
subtle Eros mixed in with a story of discovery.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47713
Author's other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=Robin+Curiou
s&index=name&submit=Search
Posted To ASSM: Wed, 5 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Socks -- Passing4human
(MF rom hist)
The pair of pink socks represents so much in their relationship; the
socks are how they met, how they lived, and how they parted.
This is a very quick flash piece that hits hard for all its brevity.
Very nicely done.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47700
Author's other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=barPbdick1%4
0airmail.net&index=email&submit=Search
Posted To ASSM: Tue, 4 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Discovering Victoria's Secret -- Darkest Desires
(FF, MFF, reluc)
Kristi likes Victoria's Secret. Perhaps a little too much, when a
girl can't really afford the merchandise. She's willing to go a long
way to get her hands on the pretty underthings. In fact, she's
willing to go a long way with Terri, the corrupt salesgirl, to score
the merchandise. However, all that changes when a security guard
discovers the girls in the changeroom together and decides to take
advantage of the situation. How far will the girls be willing to go
to avoid the long arm of the law? After all, naughty girls need to
be spanked, right?
This story was interesting. While obviously a stroke story, Darkest
Desires put some thought into the plot and the characters here.
While overall, it doesn't have the depth that many stories that I
review do, it is effective for what Desires is trying for. And I
particularly liked the ending. I was wondering how Desires was going
to wrap the story all up. Any different ending would have been ...
disappointing, at least to me.
If lesbian spanking scenes, controlled by corrupt security guards,
are your thing, I suspect you'll like this one.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 9
Crimson : 9
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47695
Author's other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=Darkest+Desi
res&index=name&submit=Search
Posted To ASSM: Tue, 4 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Interview with God -- virgosun
(fsolo exhib)
The things we'll go through to impress the interviewer. We don
uncomfortable clothes. We answer inane questions and squirm, but
after many long months on the dole, perhaps it would be worthwhile
to put our best face forward. And so, our narrator sits and smiles.
Can we blame a girl's mind for wandering when such archaic people
are pestering her?
Excellently written, executed and delivered. Thanks.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/virgosun/interview.txt
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47699
Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/virgosun/
Posted To ASSM: Tue, 4 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebel 035 - Clarissa -- Old Bill
(MF hist)
Tiny Clarissa services our narrator, who best I can figure is a
strange mix of cowboy and rogue. Clarissa is approximately sixteen,
though she is mature beyond her years. She is no stranger to
tragedy, but she seems strong despite all that life has thrown at
her. After our narrator's partner, George, is finished with
Clarissa's maid upstairs, and Clarissa's brother returns to the
homestead, our narrator is none too happy.
Normally, I don't review pieces of serialised stories. Generally it
is difficult to judge plot and character from smaller segments of an
entire work. I'd assumed by the title, "Rebel 035," that this story
depended on the first 34 "chapters." Not so. Each instalment of this
series seems to exist in its own independent frame. I've only read
the one, so there may be further themes joining the pieces, but at
least for this story, it stood reasonably well on its own. So don't
let the investment in a huge multi-chapter story dissuade you from
checking out some of the Rebel series. You might like more than just
one.
Even while this segment was short, Old Bill manages to pack a whole
lot 'o' character and plot into very few words. While I was
disturbed by Clarissa's story, Old Bill pulls the solution from
under his hat. Even while I'm not sure if I'd have written the
ending as Bill did, it doesn't matter. It's certainly true to the
time period, and it smacked of a certain simple satisfaction.
Overall, I liked the character, the atmosphere, and the plot. What
else can a Dragon ask for? Enjoy.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47734
Author's other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=oldbill2%40c
omcast.net&index=email&submit=Search
Posted To ASSM: Fri, 7 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Life Sentence -- Uther Pendragon
(mf MF)
{repost}
Life's a bitch. Then you die.
But sometimes some good stuff happens after the thread is spun, and
before the sister gets at it with her sharp shears. And sometimes
bad stuff happens. But together, it is what we call life and we all
share in it.
Uther's captured this in a powerful and subtle exposition. I can't
even tell you how many levels this piece works on, because I lost
track. And that's a wonderful thing, all in itself.
There's nothing much more to say, except you'll be missing out
bigtime, if you ignore this gem.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/story/life.htm
Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/index.htm1
Posted To ASSM: Sat, 8 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Our First Time -- David Lavenham
(MF Virgin)
Andrew's parents have left for the evening, and Lindsay shows up
wearing a tight blue dress, an overcoat, and not much more. And even
while Andrew wasn't expecting to lose his virginity this night, they
discover each other and the joys of intimacy.
David's tale is a little unusual. Many "virgin" stories concentrate
on the slutty virgin practically begging to be deflowered. In this
lies the sexual appeal. Not so with "Our First Time." David relates
a more realistic and emotionally charged account of adolescence and
discovery and new love. And, at least for me, that makes it so much
more erotic.
David needs to watch quotation punctuation, but beyond that, the
story is clean and readable. And the character and the plot flow
along wonderfully.
Technical : 8
Eros : 9
Character/Plot : 8
Crimson : 9
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47778
Author's other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=David+Lavenh
am&index=name&submit=Search
Posted To ASSM: Mon, 10 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
School Days -- John P. Fault
(M/F)
Our narrator met Sarah when they attended the same school. But it
took them a while to notice each other, and even longer to become
friends. But easy friends they do become, and after life throws our
narrators a few curve balls, he decides to take a vacation. Since
Sarah now lives in California, he calls her up to see if she'd mind
a visit.
I have to admit that I really liked this story. It's well written,
and very, very human. It's a nice change to see characters that grow
and actually fall in love. While lust-at-first-sight can have a
certain appeal, stories like this show the emotional and human side
to sex and friendship.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47773
Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Pagefault/
Posted To ASSM: Mon, 10 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Private Beach -- Katzmarek
(MF,Teen, Rom,slow)
Nineteen year old Ronnie takes a week off. He hops in his watercraft
and heads for his favourite camping spot -- a secluded beach that at
this time of year should only be accessible by sea. When he arrives,
he is startled to find trailers and bodyguards occupying his chosen
venue. But he stands his ground against the American invaders and
shares the beach with them. Turns out that the enigmatic Sheree
occupies the trailers and Ronnie learns a few things about fame and
fortune.
The strength here is the easy flowing nature of the story. If you
are expecting a quick tumble into the sack by two horny teens, you
might want to look elsewhere. Instead, Katzmarek spins us a deeper
tale of adolescence -- two teens, both uncertain, at complete
opposite ends of the social spectrum, who click. Like the Princess
who marries the Pauper.
Needless to say, I thorough enjoyed this trip to the beach, and I
suspect most readers will, too.
Technical : 8
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/katzmarek/The%20Private%20Beach
.txt
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47749
Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/katzmarek/
Posted To ASSM: Sat, 8 May 2004
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
