Looncalls on a Cliff at Midnight

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                    Looncalls on a Cliff at Midnight
                          (FF, rom, outdoors)
========================================================================
                     (c) Copyright - September 2002
                          All Rights Reserved
                            Crimson Dragon 
                          (dcrimson@yahoo.com)
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I'd been driving all day, or so it seemed. My eyes were heavy, and
my limbs ached as I shifted my weight in the threadbare chair,
trying to gain some semblance of comfort. I wasn't really paying
attention to the television, only marginally aware of its quiet
disturbance in the periphery of my battered attention.
Behind me, a stone fireplace built from living rock dominated the
western wall. A crackling fire held back the autumn chill, and
battled the night that threatened to encroach through the uncovered
windows of the small cottage. Around me, three other girls sprawled,
probably equally tired by the long drive to get here. In front of
the television, Heather lay on her front, her stocking feet idly
swinging back and forth through the air. Anne sat easily on the
carpet, her back against one of the large overstuffed sofas. And
Michelle lay, her head cradled in the crook of her elbow, her hair
spilling to the floor, as she mindlessly watched the flickering
screen and its equally mindless images, eyes flipping back and forth
over the screen. I sat near the fireplace in the old battered easy
chair, my feet tucked under me to avoid the residual chill of the
floor.
"Ewwwwwwww!"
I looked up sharply, cringing at the sudden pain in my neck as I did
so. Michelle had cried out from where she lounged on the sofa across
the room, her finger pointing towards the flickering television
screen. My eyes followed her finger; I was dimly aware of the other
girls shifting their eyes towards the scene played out. We'd already
laughed about Ms. Stone's exhibitionism in the police station, her
pussy exposing antics. My eyes widened as I watched the actress kiss
her female lover deeply before staring down Michael Douglas.
"How can she do that?"
A flush rose into my cheeks, and I hoped that I'd been quick enough
to force it back down. The girls were concentrating on the
television anyway, Heather sipping at a glass of red wine.
"Do what?" I asked, my voice small, already knowing and dreading the
answer.
Without even looking at me, Michelle answered, her voice dripping
with disgust.
"Kiss a girl. I mean, ewww. Now, if she'd kissed Michael Douglas
..."
"... it wouldn't have been any prettier," Heather said easily from
the floor. The girls, save for me, erupted in laughter. Suddenly,
the room closed in on me, and I needed air. I swallowed heavily, my
heart hammering in my chest.
I pushed myself to my feet, and stumbled to the door. Clean, fresh,
northern air waited for me on the other side, the scent of pine,
perhaps the call of a lonely loon. I bent quickly and slipped on my
runners.
My name, called almost gently, stopped me.
"Sharon?"
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, then turned, my hand gripping
the doorknob, knuckles white.
"Are you all right?" Michelle asked. The other two girls continued
to laugh, watching Ms. Stone and the movie, ignoring me and my
flight.
I felt flushed and pale at the same time, my arms jittery. Michelle
gazed at me, a puzzled look upon her face.
"It was a long drive," I mumbled. "I just need some air."
Michelle nodded, and stared at me for another minute. Her gaze
seemed to rush through me like x-ray vision, dissecting me, and
seeing my deepest, darkest secrets.
When she finally turned her attention back to Heather and Anne, her
mouth forming a quick smile again, I fled. Their voices rose as the
narrowing beam of light behind the door faded.
"... lesbo ... dyke ..."
My chest constricted and for a moment, tears threatened. My stomach
flipped and then settled again, but I remained bent, one arm
clutched across my abdomen. I stood in the darkness for a few
minutes, gathering my bearings. My other hand rested against the
rough cedar of the siding. After a few minutes, the three quarter
moon shed enough light for me to see as my eyes adapted, and I
straightened, closing my eyes for a moment and listening to the
nightsong of the insects.
I inhaled deeply, the scent of pine and still water entering my
lungs. Sweetness. I pushed the intruding thoughts and laughter from
my mind, and stepped purposely away from the cabin, even as another
round of laughter filtered through the thin walls. Beneath my feet,
faintly seen gravel crunched, and crickets faded as I silently
passed, a ghost in the night.
                           <---===***===--->
I knew the paths of the forest, even in the dark. I'd been here
enough -- Michelle and I had practically grown up here. Heather and
Anne were friends of Michelle, though where she'd met them, I didn't
know -- probably in classes that Michelle and I didn't share.
The sounds of the night ceased as I passed, only to begin again as
my presence left the woods in peace. I slowly and carefully picked
my way in the darkness. I could no longer hear the laughter of the
girls back in the cabin, and if I pretended, it wouldn't be
difficult to believe that I was the only girl on the face of the
planet. Moonbeams lit my way through the forest until I stepped from
the trees onto an outcropping of rock devoid of trees. The remains
of a campfire, years abandoned, lay in the centre of the
outcropping. Beyond, there was only a cliff and water perhaps
fifteen metres below.
I stopped near the abandoned campfire, the charcoal of ancient trees
melding with the shadows of the night. Beyond, somewhere, hidden,
the edge of the cliff lurked, tempting and beckoning.
Taking each step with extreme care, I moved towards the edge. Out
of the mists of darkness, the edge appeared, a knife of steel
against my throat. Cautiously, I stepped forward until my toes stood
touching the razor sharp edge, like a dart player about to toss a
very dangerous dart.
I gathered my breath, staring out. Moonlight glinted off ripples
below me, so far below me. In the daylight, I could probably dive
from here, terror grasping at my heart as I plunged downward into
cold, clear water. In the darkness of night, I would certainly
plunge into unseen crags of sandstone, breaking and drowning in a
lake of anonymity.
Inhaling sharply, I fought the desire to remove my clothing, tossing
each article into the water so far below. Blouse. Jeans. Bra.
Panties. Shoes. Socks. Even my meagre jewelry. I held up my left
hand, twisting it slowly in front of my eyes. I stared at the the
second finger from the left, my ring finger. Stifling a laugh, I
bit at my lower lip. Ring finger? I would never wear a ring there.
No, such were not for the likes of me.
I shivered again, wrapping my arms under my breasts, hugging myself.
I couldn't stop shivering, and it wasn't completely due to the sharp
autumn air.
It would be so easy. One step. Or simply lean forward. Without a run
to give me momentum to hit the lake clear of the rocks, there would
be no chance. So easy.
My body swayed, the breeze lifting from the lake into my face,
almost begging me to reconsider. I couldn't count the times that I'd
stood here, at least in my own mind.
Different. Alone.
Tears flooded into my eyes, and I couldn't stop them from falling.
I made no attempt at wiping them, simply letting them drop down my
cheeks to fall downward, towards the darkened lake somewhere below
my feet.
After what seemed like a very long time, I felt my feet move, almost
as if I were not in control of them.
So damn easy.
But I stepped back, away from the edge, tears still flooding down my
cheeks.
                           <---===***===--->
The tears abated, though they did not stop completely. The crickets
accompanied each other, and an irrational envy rose in my mind. I
sat easily now, leaning back on my palms, sharp and rough sandstone
pressing into my soft skin. I didn't care.
My feet dangled over the edge, though I was safe enough in this
position. The wind ruffled my hair, wrapping the occasional piece
across my eyes. I absently pushed it away each time the wind toyed
with my bangs, staring out across the water.
                           <---===***===--->
Somewhere, the lonely call of a loon echoed across the water,
carrying with it a mournful emotion. I sighed, my eyes searching in
vain for the shadow of the night bird. Again it called, searching
for its mate, its call haunting and serene.
I didn't know if the male or the female of the species called, but I
suppose it didn't really matter. I wondered if its mate would still
answer the call, whether that mate was male or female.
Somewhere below, in the moonlight, I saw gentle movement. A large
bird surfaced. For a moment, I nearly cried out, the shape of it
reminding me of a monster, or a dragon. Its feathers glistened in
the moonlight, water droplets reflecting the light like drops of
rain. It seemed to look upwards, fixing me in its shiny eyes. It
cocked its head, almost in a human fashion, as if to ask me why I
was there.
"I don't know," I whispered. "I don't really know."
But I couldn't go back there. Of that, I was certain. Not until
they'd all gone to bed, weary and perhaps drunk. Or at least not
until that movie was over. Their voices and laughter floated through
my memory, and I involuntarily cringed.
The loon called again, and its voice washed over me. Tears welled
and spilled again, my fingers digging into the cool stone under my
palms.
"I'm not for you," I whispered.
The loon glanced at me, dismissing me as if my whisper confirmed
what it already knew. Then it ducked, only ripples remaining where
it had been. Later, I heard its call again, from a distance, and
even though I didn't think I had any tears left, I did.
                           <---===***===--->
Her voice rode the breeze, filtering through the pines and the oaks
like a tune carried from a far off stage.
"Sharon! Sharon!"
I bit at my lip, and kept silent, hoping that she wouldn't know
where I was. Worse, I hoped that she didn't know why I'd come here.
Truthfully, I'm not sure I knew either. I swung my legs over the
lake far below, and debated pushing myself up.
In the end, she found me. I heard her voice change from a searching
cadence to one of mild confusion.
"Sharon?"
I didn't say anything.
"Are you mad at us?"
I tried to keep my voice light.
"Mad at you? Why? I wasn't feeling well, and I needed some air."
The loon called again, and I had to fight down the tears. I'd have a
hell of a time explaining them to Michelle.
I felt her approach, carefully, as I had earlier. No sense in
falling off a cliff unless one intends to. Her fingers lightly
touched my shoulder.
"You're cold."
I realised that I was shivering a little, and my teeth were
clattering together. So consumed was I in my own misery that I had
forgotten to bring a coat, and my blouse was light for the drive up
here. I wrapped my arms around me, hugging.
"Here," Michelle said. I felt a windbreaker drape over my shoulders.
"You'll be cold," I said quietly, shrugging my shoulders. The jacket
slipped off and over my hands. She picked it back up and wrapped it
around me again. It wasn't much, but it seemed to reduce my
shivering for a while.
Michelle settled beside me, her thigh warm against mine.
"We were worried about you." She wasn't looking at me, but out over
the ripples on the lake.
"I'm sorry. I needed some air."
Michelle nodded. She sat up straighter, her hands twisting in her
lap.
"Why did you come here?" Michelle asked quietly.
I shrugged, though I knew the answer. I could feel the tug of the
tears again.
"To be alone," I said slowly. As if I'd ever been anything but.
Michelle pushed herself, as if to rise. I reached out and touched
her shoulder. Her shoulder was warm and soft under her sweatshirt. I
couldn't feel the indent of a brastrap.
"Stay with me," I whispered.
Michelle settled, and her fingers entwined with mine, easily, the
touch of a friend.
We sat for a while like that, staring out and listening to the
loons. If she noticed me weeping, she didn't say.
                           <---===***===--->
Except near the brightness of the moon, the stars glittered across
the sky in bands of pinpoints. In the city, one cannot ever see the
majesty of the night sky, cannot appreciate the call of the loon, or
the chirps of elated crickets.
We are small, the universe impossibly large and complex. As I lay
beside Michelle in the darkness, our hands barely touching, I
understood that. Small and insignificant. And yet. And yet. I
didn't feel insignificant.
"There's another one," Michelle breathed.
I made my silent wish, and swallowed.
"You're supposed to wish on shooting stars," I whispered.
I felt her nod, and whisper something that I couldn't hear, though I
thought that I could hear my name upon her lips. While Michelle had
never understood me, perhaps she was wishing that she did.
We lay there, perhaps an hour, until the roughness of the stone
beneath my hair began to ache. After the last shooting star
appeared, Michelle pushed herself up, wrapping her arms about
herself, shivering.
"It's past midnight," she said.
I didn't want to leave, but I, too, pushed myself up into a sitting
position, crosslegged on the outcropping of rock. I offered the
jacket back to Michelle. She sat like I did, a silhouette of
femininity beside the remnants of the fire. Something inside me
tugged, and I forced it back down. Had to.
She shook her head and rose to her feet in one fluid motion, like an
ancient tiger. Extending her hand, I grasped it and pulled myself
up, limbs aching worse than they had before.
I stumbled, and she steadied me with one light hand upon my upper
arm. Her fingers were cool through my blouse, but warm at the same
time.
Before I knew what was happening, her fingers had grasped my cheeks
lightly, tilting my head. I thought for a moment that she was going
to kiss me, and I nearly backed away, but then her lips slipped to
the side, and she pecked me on the cheek. I let my breath out in
one great whoosh.
"Everything okay, now?" she asked. I'd never admitted that I was
here with purpose, or that something was bothering me. I'm not even
sure that I had admitted such to myself.
Dumbly, my cheek burning where she'd kissed me, I nodded.
"Everything is fine."
She smiled, and held out her hand. Without thinking, I grasped her
fingers lightly, and we began to move through the midnight air back
towards the cabin.
                           <---===***===--->
Heather and Anne had retired into separate bedrooms somewhere in the
cabin. One empty glass of wine stood sentinel on the floor beside
the chair. The television and its glimpses into other realms stood
silently dark on its stand.
I slipped off my runners, and my feet sighed. I followed Michelle
into the left wing of the cottage where the sunlight wouldn't wake
us until noon. My toes struck something hidden in the dark and I
stifled a groan.
I reached my door, and paused, hand resting easily on the brass
knob. I turned to follow Michelle's form as she padded to the room
situated at the end of the hall.
She paused, turning to face me. For a moment, I was sure that she
was going to say something, but it was only the set of her body. I
couldn't see her face in the darkness.
"Well," she said slowly. "Good-night, Sharon."
I licked my lips, wanting to say something more, but there was no
way. Michelle couldn't understand.
"Good-night, Michelle."
Michelle turned and slipped into her room.
"Sleep well," I whispered.
                           <---===***===--->
A sharp noise pulled me from a dream of bare skin and loon calls.
Disoriented, I glanced around the room, blinking, pressing my lips
together to prevent a scream.
There is dimness, and there is darkness. Dimness is what one
experiences in the average city room, streetlamps and moonlight
filtering through drawn drapes. Dimness, human eyes can adjust to.
Darkness, here, isn't like that, but rather encompasses one like a
lover, deep and complete.
I was cold. At some point in the night, I had thrown off the sheets,
only my thin nightgown protecting me from the autumn chill. If I
could have seen, my breath was probably pluming in steam clouds from
between my lips, my lungs fighting the surge of adrenaline. I
swallowed, and tried to breathe through my nose, ears straining at
the darkness.
The noise reappeared, and suddenly, I remembered where I was,
despite the darkness. I reached down, fumbling for the coverlet that
served as my protection from the night chill, drawing it up and over
myself. Inexplicably, I wished that I had worn my clothes to bed
instead of changing into sleeping attire. My toes felt numb.
"Who is it?" I whispered, completely unsure if my voice would travel
through the door. I envisioned some crazed sex offender finding four
college girls in the middle of nowhere. Two problems with that. It
was a city thought and even with my sleep-numbed mind I realised
that a guy intent on raping me wasn't likely to knock and announce
his plans. So it wasn't really a surprise when Michelle answered,
her voice low and barely audible.
"It's Michelle, are you awake?"
I sighed. "I am now," I said a little louder. "Come in."
I heard the door open, and then close, then a presence walking
across the floorboards to settle beside me, the bed creaking with
her weight. As she stumbled in the darkness, she reached down,
probably to determine where the bed was before walking into it. Her
fingers brushed across my breast, pulling away quickly, though I
doubt if Michelle knew where her fingers had fallen. I didn't
mention it, only shifted to give her room.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
I listened to her breathing for a moment. She wasn't crying, and
didn't seem overly upset.
"I couldn't sleep," she finally said. Her weight shifted as she
twisted.
My heart began to speed up.
"You want to sleep here? Share our heat?"
For a moment, I wasn't sure what she'd say, or if she'd assume
something that I honestly hadn't meant. She was silent for a few
more minutes, and my head ached, silently cursing myself.
"Do you want to warm up in the Jacuzzi?" she said, a voice almost
disembodied from the world.
"Michelle, it's probably three in the morning." My eyes felt as if
sand had been rubbed under the lids.
"Three-thirty actually," she said. She pushed herself to her feet. I
sensed her shivering beside the bed. "Nevermind. Stupid idea. Go
back to sleep."
I heard her move towards the door, my heart still hammering in my
chest. Hot tub? At three-thirty in the morning?
My door opened somewhere about a million miles from where I lay,
pausing as a feminine shape briefly silhouetted in darkness more
complete than dimness. I rubbed at my eyes, sleep dust scratching.
Freezing cold air kissed me as I threw back the comforter.
"Michelle, wait," I called softly.
                           <---===***===--->
Steam rose like tendrils of fog above an ocean, rising into the
night air without thought or substance. My breath plumed from
between my lips, my feet shivering against the rough boards of the
decking. I wrapped my arms about me, hugging myself, trying to ward
off sleepiness and the frigid atmosphere.
Michelle stood in flannel pyjamas, her feet as bare as mine, tucking
the brown insulated covering into its holder. In a few hours, this
deck would be bathed in sunlight instead of the moonlight that
reflected in ghostly bands from her shining brunette hair. I gasped,
and forced my eyes from her, shivering again, not only from the
cold.
I spoke towards the trees.
"I didn't bring a swimsuit. October isn't normally swimming weather
up here," I murmured.
"Do you have something that I've never seen?" Michelle asked, the
faint hint of teasing in her voice. "A penis, for instance?"
Slowly, I turned back towards the Jacuzzi. Michelle must have
triggered some unseen switch. Jets swirled around, and bubbles
joined the steam like an angry sea.
"I don't have a swimsuit here, either," Michelle whispered.
I lifted my eyes to catch her pulling her pyjamas over her head in
one fluid motion. Without pausing, she pushed the bottoms over her
smooth legs to pool around her ankles. I looked away quickly, my
heart pounding blood through my being. I could hear my pulse beating
in my ears.
When I looked back at her, she had neatly folded her clothing and
stood nude, her head tilted to the side. She set her pyjamas onto a
chair, and stepped towards me. I couldn't speak. Her skin shone in
the moonlight.
Suddenly, she was in front of me, her fingers grasping my satin
gown. I shifted uncomfortably.
"Shy?" she said, tugging gently.
I shook my head. "Michelle, this isn't a good idea. Not for me. You
don't understand."
She shrugged easily. "I might know more than you think," she said.
"Sometimes wishes come true."
I swallowed and closed my eyes and raised my arms.
The whisper of the satin lifting over my head and kissing me sent
more shivers down my spine than any autumn night could have done
alone. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart, insistent and
close, merging with the faint hum of water quietly splashing.
                           <---===***===--->
I stood and watched as Michelle lowered herself into the tub, her
nudity disappearing beneath the surface, only hints of her bare skin
rising up in refractive teases. Only barely aware of my now
uncontrollable shivering, I watched as she turned and grinned at me
with a sigh of comfort. She raised her eyebrows.
I glanced down, flushed, following the direction of her gaze,
knowing that she was staring at my bare breasts. With a start of
surprise, I pulled my hands from where they covered my nipples,
unaware that they'd risen in a false or perhaps automatic gesture of
modesty.
Michelle laughed.
"See," she said, "you don't have anything that I don't have." She
paused for a minute. The blood beat a steady timpani in my ears.
"Aren't you cold?"
Dumbly, I nodded. It was a bad idea. That much I knew for certain,
but the water looked warm and inviting. So did Michelle. I shook the
thoughts from my mind with an internal savagery.
I swallowed, and quickly stepped towards the edge of the tub.
Michelle lay back under the jets, watching me approach.
                           <---===***===--->
It's strange really. We feel not so much the water itself, but the
difference in temperature between air and water. I hissed as I
stepped into the hot tub across from Michelle, the water engulfing
my skin like a million warm feathers. I gasped again as my groin
passed that temperature threshold, and then quickly lowered myself
into the sloping seat, extending my legs.
My toes touched Michelle's calf, and I pulled away. As far as I
could tell, she didn't notice, or care. She sat, as I, across from
me, her head tilted back, her brunette hair gathered about her
shoulders, the ends wet, her eyes closed.
I mimicked her, closing my eyes, and tilting my head back. I didn't
want to fall asleep, as much as the rest of my body was demanding
it. I think I might have failed in that.
The water lulled me, gathering me and caressing my skin like a
million soft fingers. I was warm, and comfortable. I sighed, and
watched helplessly as darkness, not dimness, descended.
                           <---===***===--->
Her fingers woke me, but I didn't open my eyes at first. Light as a
breath of spring breeze, her fingertips trailed over my breasts,
touching exploring. Lightly, she grasped my nipples, not twisting,
not tugging, only flitting over them like kisses. My heart began to
beat faster, the familiar pulse of arousal thumping in my ears.
Only a dream. It had to be a dream.
Her touches trailed down my body, bumping over my belly button, lazy
circles.
Between my legs, touching, exploring, parting me. Beneath the waves,
thrusting into me, cupping me.
Only a dream. It had to be a dream. So real.
I moaned, my own voice surprising me, low and feminine and guttural.
My hips rocked forward, pushing towards the maddeningly teasing
fingers. At the motion of my body, the fingers receded, and I
groaned, disappointment and relief mixing together in a strange
swirl of emotion.
After a moment, I opened my eyes. Stars twinkled above me.
Insignificant. Small. But I wasn't. The pounding in my ears attested
to that.
I began to lower my eyes from the black sky, raising my head, fully
expecting to see Michelle, as I, enjoying the night, perhaps lightly
dozing on the other side of the tub.
                           <---===***===--->
Her face hovered in front of me, impossibly beautiful, radiant in
moonlight. I gasped, and she lifted one finger, perhaps the same one
that had touched me so intimately, to my lips, shushing me.
I swallowed, wanting to ask a million questions, the water swirling
about my skin, replacing the dreamy fingers of moments before.
"Shhhhh," Michelle whispered.
I closed my eyes again.
When she kissed me, I thought I was going to faint. Her lips, soft
and yielding and close and real, her tongue flicking across my lips,
wanting more, demanding more.
I parted my lips slowly under her mouth, and moaned.
                           <---===***===--->
Somewhere, a loon cried, its voice echoing across the lake, and
filling my senses. Had the night bird found its mate? I didn't know.
It called once more as Michelle's fingers found me again, even while
we kissed, thrusting into me, teasing me, driving me perfectly
towards a release that I didn't even know that I had needed.
                           <---===***===--->
Blue light rose up inside my mind, filling me as Michelle's fingers
filled me, relentlessly driving me towards the edge of a cliff, one
that was safe, one that wouldn't smash my body against rocks as I
tumbled over.
I cried out, my voice muffled by her mouth, my back arching away
from the hard plastic of the tub, clenching, aching, clenching
again.
And again, somewhere, the loon cried out my name across the
emptiness. Looncalls.
                           <---===***===--->
Michelle lay back against the opposite side of the tub, head tilted
back, arms askance, like a dove lightly gripping the edge of the
enclosure. Her bare chest rose and fell rapidly, a radiant flush
gracing her cheeks and the tops of her breasts. She whispered
something towards the night sky, something that I couldn't quite
hear, like a prayer.
Beneath the surface of the turbulent water, my fingers moved, the
moonlight refracting through the waves so that my flesh seemed
broken and jagged. My fingers: inside of her, intimate and warm,
beneath the waves of a thousand oceans, primal. Gently, I raised my
hands, gazing at them in wonder, drops of water falling like rain
back into the ocean. I touched my lips. I'd kissed her. Michelle.
Perhaps it was illusion, my fingers could not have maintained any of
her essence beneath the water, but I fancied that I might have
detected her still upon me. I closed my eyes, seeing her, naked,
touching me, touching her, senses reeling.
I leaned back myself, extending my legs. Under the surface of the
water, my toes touched her calf. This time, I didn't withdraw, and
Michelle made no movement suggesting that the touch was unwelcome. I
lay back my head, sighing into the night sky. The tips of my hair
floated easily by my submerged shoulders. The loons were silent,
now, and the soft rasping of Michelle's breathing and the constant
hum of the water were the only sounds in the silence.
                           <---===***===--->
I blinked, completely disoriented. Warmth, like a lover's breath,
tickled my bare body up and down from my toes to my shoulders. I
became aware of a presence across from me, and the night came
flooding back. Cold air caressed my face.
Over the tops of the trees, the faint light of dawn broke,
illuminating Michelle sleeping peacefully across from me like a
spotlight on an angel. Her breathing had returned to normal, her
hands dropped under the warmth of the water that surrounded us. I
blinked again, and pushed myself up. I fumbled along the edge of the
tub until I found the indent that marked the pump switch. Pressing
it lightly, the turbulence ceased in a flash of silence. Michelle
stirred but didn't wake.
I floated across the rapidly stilling water, until I rested
comfortably beside the naked girl. I touched her shoulder, and she
mumbled something incoherent.
"It's dawn, Michelle. We have to go in."
Or at least I did. Much as I didn't mind being naked, for some
reason, I didn't want Heather and Anne to discover the two of us
unclothed in the hot tub at dawn. My body ached, and even if we
might have been able to explain it, I didn't think the other two
girls would have bought it.
Michelle murmured something again, turning away from me.
Gently, I shook her shoulder, shivering as I touched her bare skin
under the water.
She shifted, and her eyes opened. For a moment, I thought she was
going to scream, but perhaps it was only my fear. Instead, she
smiled warmly upon seeing my face as she woke.
"Good morning," she whispered.
                           <---===***===--->
I watched her as she disappeared before me into the cabin, damp
footprints dotting the deck in the early morning sunlight. The door
closed with a bang, leaving me alone and shivering, my arms wrapped
under my breasts, my fingers grasping damp white satin that tickled
my ribs. My breath plumed from between my lips, rising like the
steam from the hot tub.
Through the trees, I watched the twinkling waves where the cool
waters of the lake met the shore.
A dark shape surfaced. The loon seemed to glance towards the cabin
with an expression of divine curiosity upon its beak. For a moment,
I was sure that it would call to me once more before I retreated
into the cabin. But it didn't. The loon glanced at me, cocked its
avian head to the side, then ducked beneath the surface of the lake
without so much as a splash.
I smiled, and turned, my bare feet leaving new wet prints as I
pushed open the door.
                           <---===***===--->
I followed Michelle's footprints through the cottage. They led me to
the small bathroom. I knocked, and slipped through the door when no
answering whisper was forthcoming.
The bathroom was empty, except for me. I wondered where Michelle had
gone. Probably back to bed.
I stood in front of the mirror, still shivering nearly
uncontrollably. Holding up my hands, I smiled. My fingers were
indented with pruned ridges as deep and long as the Appalachians.
Without conscious thought, I grabbed a dry towel and passed it over
my skin until the worst of the moisture was gone.
Then I stared at myself in the mirror. What the hell had happened
last night? How? Why?
I didn't know the answers, but suddenly I was aware that my
shivering wasn't only due to the cold.
I closed my eyes and wrapped my nudity in the towel, tucking the end
between my breasts. I didn't feel like wearing the nightgown any
longer.
Sleep. That's what I needed. Sleep.
I slipped out into the hallway.
                           <---===***===--->
I paused at my door, hand resting lightly on the knob. I stared down
the hall, at Michelle's closed doorway. It seemed like the door to a
vault, one I didn't know the combination to.
With a sigh, I turned the knob, and stepped into my room.
Something moved near the dresser, and my earlier fears of rapists in
the night flooded into me. I screamed before I could stop myself, my
hands lifting to my lips and clamping my teeth together.
"It's only me. I'm sorry," Michelle whispered.
I lowered my hands, shaking again, adrenaline flooding into my
bloodstream.
"Christ," I murmured. "You scared me."
Michelle pushed herself out of the chair, her eyes downcast.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I should go anyway. I need sleep."
I gathered in my breath as I settled onto the bed, pressing my legs
together under the inadequate covering of the towel.
I closed my eyes.
"Stay? Please?"
I heard her pause in her flight for the door. After what seemed like
years, she returned to the chair and I heard it creaking as she
lowered herself back in.
                           <---===***===--->
She watched me with a bemused expression as I carefully dropped the
towel to the floor. The covers tucked under my chin, and I squirmed
against the cold sheets.
"What?" I asked.
"You're naked under there."
I wasn't sure what to make of that, so I pressed my lips together
and nodded. Yes, I was naked, and she'd seen me like this earlier --
it wasn't as if I had anything to hide. Nevertheless, I was suddenly
glad of the covers. My hair trembled in my peripheral vision.
Michelle sat in the chair, her hands lightly in her lap. She was
dressed in her flannel pyjamas, and her brunette locks were still
damp as they kissed her shoulders. Her feet were tucked under her,
probably in an effort to avoid the cold floor.
I closed my eyes, the graininess of the demand for more sleep
heavily upon me.
"Michelle?" I murmured into the darkness.
"Hmmmmm."
I wasn't sure that I wanted to know. In fact, I was pretty sure that
I didn't. But I asked anyway.
"Why?"
                           <---===***===--->
Michelle didn't try to pretend that she didn't understand the
question. She steepled her fingers under her chin, and watched the
floor. Even in the darkness, I could see her tremble, though if it
was the cold or something more, I wasn't sure.
"I don't know," she whispered. "I really don't."
I licked my lips, though with her eyes watching the floor, she
wouldn't have seen it.
"But the movie ..." I said.
Michelle looked up then, and sighed.
"The one you ran out on?"
I flushed. I shouldn't have done that -- run out like that. It was
like branding me, and running away from myself at the same time.
I swallowed, and closed my eyes. Even to my own ears, my voice
sounded bitter with an uncanny echo of Michelle's own voice.
"Ewwwww. Two girls? Kissing?"
My stomach felt like it was going to turn into itself. Michelle
remained silent, and when I opened my eyes, she was staring at the
floor again.
"You know who I am, don't you?" I said slowly, my voice swallowed by
the room. "Or you do, now."
Michelle nodded in the darkness. I thought I heard a soft sob, and I
suddenly wanted to ease out of the bed and hold her. But that was
dangerous, wasn't it? I remained tucked under the sheets.
Her voice was softer now, barely reaching across the short distance
between us.
"I really don't know, Sharon. I don't know why I said that, and I
don't know why this happened. I. I think. I think that I might be
falling in love."
That hit me like a hammer, right where my ribs join over my heart.
I stayed silent, stunned.
"Why?" Michelle asked, lifting her eyes again. I could see dampness
near her eyelids, perhaps leaking down her cheeks.
"Why do I like girls?" I asked, my heart hammering in my ears.
Michelle shook her head. After last night, the hot tub, maybe she'd
come to her own conclusions about that, but I doubted that she'd be
right. Didn't matter.
"Why did you run out?" she asked.
                           <---===***===--->
It was a long time before I answered her. Thoughts of the moonlit
cliff, the lonely loons, and standing at the precipice of the world
deciding my own fate filtered through my tired head.
Michelle sat shivering in that chair watching me, but never once
cleared her throat, or shifted her weight. She watched me, patiently
waiting.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and I fervently wished that I
stood on that cliff listening to the loons, naked and stepping off
into the black void, uncaring and serene. Perhaps I was there, even
while I lay naked and warm beneath the covers.
"Alone," I whispered. "I'm destined to be alone, like the loons."
As if to confirm my statement, the faint cry of the night bird edged
through the thin cabin walls.
I sensed her presence in the darkness, and then her weight settling
to the bed beside me. This time, her fingers didn't touch me.
"You're not alone, now," she said.
                           <---===***===--->
The second time was easier than the first, more gentle, less rushed.
Her fingers slid over my bare skin like feathers, teasing and light.
Nipples. Thighs.
Her tongue, touching me where I'd never even hoped to be touched,
sent electric shivers through me. She knew me, even as she couldn't.
Her body beneath the covers with me smelled clean and soft, her skin
like velvet when I touched her.
The blue light welled up again, though this time it was like a
gentle wave under a spring rain, not insistent and bone crushing
like the tsunami earlier. Her fingers worked as mine did, in her, in
me.
She climaxed with me, her voice sounding lost and lonely as she
cried out.
And somewhere, the looncall floated amongst us, exhausted, confused,
but happy and satiated at last.
                           <---===***===--->
I awakened disoriented. An arm lay across my chest, a hand that was
not my own cupping my right breast gently. The girl beside me snored
softly, her face turned towards mine, eyes closed in peaceful
exhaustion. Light footsteps, probably the other girls, reverberated
through the cabin.
The night flooded back into me, and I smiled.
I turned my head, careful not to wake Michelle. The clock told me
that it was far later than I expected, closing in on noon.
Carefully, I eased out from under Michelle, and tucked the blankets
back around her. She shifted in her sleep, but didn't wake.
I pulled on a pair of blue jeans, and a sweatshirt, not bothering
with underwear. Socks followed, and I slipped out with only a quick
glance at the girl that still graced my bed. My heart ached at the
sight of her peacefully sleeping. I didn't want to leave her, but I
knew I had to.
Heather and Anne sat quietly talking at the kitchen table, Anne
reading a newspaper section. Where she got it, I have no idea.
"Good morning sleepy-head," Heather called out.
I grunted, and rummaged in the refrigerator for something to eat.
We'd brought muffins, and I palmed one as I straightened.
"Sleep well?"
I yawned and turned towards the girls. Both of them were looking at
me curiously. I glanced down, wondering if I'd forgotten to dress. I
touched my cheek. Their eyes accused me, but of what I had no idea.
"Not enough sleep," I said. "Unfamiliar bed, I guess."
Heather made some comment in agreement, but she looked far more
rested than I felt.
"I'm going to the cliff," I announced. I bent to pull on my shoes.
Anne smiled, and for a moment, I thought that she might know. But
she didn't.
"Have fun."
I slipped out, leaving the warmer cabin for the cooler paths. My
breath plumed in the autumn air, the sky blue and clear above me.
Leaves crackled under my feet as I walked.
                           <---===***===--->
In the distance, an island jutted from the calm surface of the lake,
a submarine or a whale lifting itself from the gentle mists that
rose from the warmer waters. A lone tree, wind blown but proud
struggled against the elements, demanding life, reaching towards a
sky that seemed so far away.
Between my knees, I could see similar, though less lonely, trees
growing from the living rock of the shield. Beyond, sharp rocks
peppered the shoreline, waiting to grasp and pound human fragility.
I sat quietly, watching the world below, my feet gently swinging
through the cold air.
I hesitated before biting into my muffin, another taste, sweet and
musky -- Michelle -- still coating my lips. I didn't want to lose
that sensation, but in the end, hunger won, and the soft sweetness
of the muffin flooded my mouth, replacing the gentle taste of the
previous night.
The island didn't move off shore, but the tree that demanded life
upon its rocky surface seemed to smile and wave to me. Despite
myself, I smiled back.
                           <---===***===--->
I heard her footsteps rustling dry leaves and pine needles as she
approached. I didn't turn, not sure if I could, at least without
crying.
I knew why she was here -- I was expecting her.
I fought back tears. Crying wouldn't make her change her mind, only
make things more awkward. Even while I understood why she was going
to leave me, at least she was kind enough to tell me. She'd come,
after all.
Truthfully, she'd given me more than I'd ever hoped, though why she
had would forever be beyond my ability to comprehend. Her voice:
"Ewwwww. Two girls?" would echo through my mind, even while I would
have preferred to remember the soft touch of her skin, and the
gentle pressure of her lips against mine, her whispers in my ears.
I heard her footsteps stop a few metres behind me.
Still I didn't turn. I didn't want to. This way, at least only the
island and the loons would see the tears.
                           <---===***===--->
"You didn't jump," she said quietly and lightly behind me, her voice
nearly inaudible. "I'm glad."
I bit my lip, and passed one hand easily over my cheek wiping away
the one tear that I couldn't stop. I shook my head.
"I didn't, no."
"The water's awful cold this time of year anyway," she murmured.
"Unless you're in a hot tub."
I didn't reply. My vision was blurred as I tossed a pebble over into
the void. It arced down and splashed harmlessly into the calm,
apparently cold, water far below.
"Can I sit with you?"
I didn't answer her.
"Please?"
My shoulders hunched, and without waiting for an answer, Michelle
settled beside me. Her thigh touched mine, warmth through denim.
Suddenly, I was acutely aware that I wasn't wearing a bra or
panties, but Michelle couldn't know that. I shivered.
"Do you hate me?" Michelle whispered.
Her fingers brushed at my shoulder. I wanted to scream at her, tell
her to finish it, stop teasing me. Instead, I gently shook my head.
No, I didn't hate her. I didn't hate her for her derision of Ms.
Stone, and I didn't hate her for leaving me now. And I certainly
didn't hate her for the previous night.
Her fingers touched me again, this time my cheek. If she noticed the
moisture there, she tactfully ignored it.
I turned to look at her with the urging of her fingertips. Her
fingers were warm and soft against my damp cheek. Her happy
expression fell as she absorbed my melancholy.
"You regret last night," she said slowly.
I shook my head. In that, I could be fully truthful. I definitely
didn't regret last night, never would, never could.
She looked confused for a moment, her hair dancing about her face
and shoulders in the breeze.
My ribs ached, and each breath was harder than the last. I wanted to
look away, towards the tree upon the island, but her eyes held me.
"Sharon?" She paused, as if afraid of what she was about to say. I
was more afraid, I suspect, even while I thought I knew what she was
about to say. She looked up from the ground, her fingers still
touching my cheek. One of my silent tears rolled over her fingertip.
"I know why you didn't jump."
I knew as well.
"Why?" I whispered.
Below, in a break in the mists, a loon surfaced, watching us high
above, on the top of a cliff. I brushed a lock of hair from my eyes.
Michelle fell into focus even through the blur of tears.
Michelle leaned in and kissed me, her lips as soft as I remembered
them, igniting things in me that shouldn't have been, not now, not
as she was about to leave me.
After an eternity, she pulled away from my lips. I was no longer
crying, only resigned.
"Because you aren't alone any more," she said. "And neither am I."
I watched her for a moment, stunned, unsure, and happy all in one
integrated package. Michelle smiled, and flashed me an
uncharacteristic look of apprehension.
"Would you like to warm up in the hot tub again tonight?" she
whispered.
Numbly, I nodded, and Michelle grinned, relief washing over her
visage.
The loon below cried out once more, but this time its mournful call
seemed happy and serene. With a laugh, Michelle leaned in and
embraced me, her lips finding mine again. She didn't pull away for a
long, long time.