The July 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards
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The July 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Presentation:
"Inspire me," I told my Muse. Embarrassment forbids me to type her response. She's still pissed at me for accidently destroying last month's presentation, the one that would have made us both legends. It looks like I'm winging it again this month. <Sigh.> So I went to La Taverna. Sometimes you've got to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. A waitress approached my table. "What'll you have, Mac?" she asked. "My usual," I replied, ignoring the fact that she mistook me for Katie. (Katie is taller.) She frowned. "And what might that be?" "Never mind. Just bring me something with chocolate in it." A minute later I was staring at a Tootsie Pop® and pondering the fleeting nature of fame. So what could I do? I walked to the stage. I set on the podium the statuette and framed award, a-hemmed for attention, and announced, "The Winner of the Silver Clitorides Award for the best story of the Month of July, 2003, goes to "Callie," by Deana Johns. Congratulations, Mr. Johns, and well done to all the authors and finalists." What seems only moments later, a catfight breaks out in the bar, and La Taverna is beset with charge and countercharge, terminating when one of the patrons gathers all his belonging and departs. A small committee races over to the podium, and I'm forced to confer at some length. There's been a change in plans. "A-hem," I a-hemmed. "This is decidedly awkward. It seems the winner has removed his story and his website from contention... of any kind. After due consideration, the only reasonable thing to do, is to promote the second place story to first place. That's what all the beauty pageants do, and since all the finalists were beautiful stories... "The winners of the Silver Clitorides Award for the Best Stories of the Month of July, 2003, are A Pirate's Party by Dryad and Black Spider in B Cup, White by DrSpin. Congratulations Dryad. Congratulations, DrSpin."
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The July 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Winner:A Pirate's Party by DryadandBlack Spider in B Cup, White by DrSpin
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| Story | Author | Month | Finish |
| A Pirate's Party | Dryad | July 2003 | Winner |
| Angel of the Night | Oosh | July 2003 | Nominee |
| Black Spider in B Cup, White | DrSpin | July 2003 | Winner |
| Callie | Deana Johns | July 2003 | Withdrawn |
| Door to Door | Naive | July 2003 | Nominee |
| Independence Day | Mike Kimera | July 2003 | Nominee |
| Into the Palms | Holly Rennick | July 2003 | Nominee |
| Letters to Myself: Kissing Kathy Doyle | Mike Kimera | July 2003 | Finalist |
| My Brother, My Lover | Jessy19 | July 2003 | Nominee |
| Seven Lovers | ezwritr | July 2003 | Finalist |
| Year of the New Phone | Number 6 | July 2003 | Nominee |
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