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The April 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Presentation:

My Muse and I have always been proud to make The Silver Clitorides Awards presentations from interesting locations. Not for us the formal ballroom or auditorium (at least, not often) - we prefer variety. That's why we were so pleased to be invited to Stevey Austin State U for commencement ceremonies.

Of course, that was before we were told that SFA had recently instituted "The Program." You know the one. Think Karen Wagner, Carl and Beth, Dee and Adhara. That's right, the "Nekkid in School" program. Being an institute of higher learning, they went "all out." *Everyone* participates, students, faculty and staff. The Powers That Be in Nacogdoches had supported the school by decriminalizing public nudity for all ages.

Yes, there was a "clothing optional" visitor's section in the William R. Johnson Coliseum, but it was in the "cheap seats." Nobody who wouldn't shed would be in a good position to ogle the student body. Bodies. Whatever.

The procession began approximately 20 minutes prior to the stated start time of the ceremony. It was certainly fun to ogle the students as they entered, and my Muse must have enjoyed it, too, as she began to softly hum "Elephant Walk." She'd traded notes with Sailor Jim's Muse, I could tell. A grinning French Professor (Not at all Moody) whispered "Boingy, boingy boingy," to her and they both cracked up behind their hands.

Once the procession was over, the various bigwigs made their speeches and introduced the guest speaker. He didn't get very far, as commencement addresses go. He said, "When I first received the invitation to speak at your commencement ceremony, I thought back to my own graduation many, many years ago and you know what? I can remember neither the speaker nor what he or she said. The only thing I remember is that we all wanted it to be short." There was much tittering and giggling. With a confused expression, he continued, "So I will try to keep my message short, recalling from my own days at UNC that the person who lectures is sometimes the one who talks in other people's sleep.

"What I'd like to do this morning is say a few words about leadership. Here's why. Each one of you, by choosing to come..." The tittering and giggling resumed. "Oh, stop. By choosing to *attend* college and sticking it out..." Snorting and laughter. "Come on, people, grow *up*. I mean, show some maturity. Where was I? By attending college, staying the course and earning a degree, you're saying something important to society. You are saying that you want to lead.

"You want to be leaders in the workforce, in your profession, and in your communities.

"An admirable goal. But how does one learn to lead? The Greek philosopher Aristotle told us that we learn to lead by leading, by practicing the skills that are required to move men and women in concert toward a common goal." Several graduates in the front section began practicing, some of them Greek style. "Hey, it isn't funny anymore. Just let me finish the speech, please. Ah, screw it. Go get a job! I'm outa here. Thank you, and good day."

Several other speakers managed to grin through speeches fraught with double meanings, before Souvie was introduced. As part of the introduction, Souvie received her own sheepskin, a special honorary degree, a Bachelor of Arts in Pornography. (This was conferred in addition the regular degree she was to receive with her classmates in her private persona.) Taking the scroll, and shaking hands, she then moved her tassel to the other side and approached the podium.

Have I mentioned the podium? It was a transparent acrylic, slightly convex toward the audience. As such, it tended to act as a magnifying glass... Anyway, Souvie began to speak.

"Mr. President, Distinguished members of the faculty, fellow graduates, friends and family... My Favorite English Instructor, Dr. Leeds, tells us that if we feel nervous, we should picture the audience naked." She paused while an appreciative laugh swept the auditorium. "Well, I must be completely relaxed.

"I could give a wonderful speech full of inspirational messages and encouragement, but I'm really standing before you in my internet persona only to use a first line given to me by a friend while I flash." She paused until the laughter subsided. "That first line is:

"The winner of the Silver Clitorides Award for the best story of the month of April, 2003, is 'Playing to Win: Playing the Game II,' by Reverand Cotton Mather.

"Congratulations, Rev! And congratulations to all the authors, Finalists, and Nominees!"

As I clapped I thought, "I couldn't have said it better myself."

The April 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Winner:

Playing To Win: Playing The Game, Book II by Reverend Cotton Mather

The April 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Finalists.

Lap Dancer by KatieMcN

Molly's Fortune by Ann Douglas

Newton's Laws of Emotion by Mike Kimera

Playing To Win: Playing The Game, Book II by Reverend Cotton Mather

Taboo Diary by Brad Johnson

The Tutor by Dorsai

The April 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Nominees.

A slight change of plans... by Souvie

Aftermath by Number 6

Afraid by Dryad

Crush by Uther Pendragon

Double Dealing by Vulgar Argot

Evilena: Sweating in the Doctor's Office by Mistress Evilena's Servant

Female Plumbing Problems by Vulgar Argot

Lap Dancer by KatieMcN

Letters to Myself by Mike Kimera

Molly's Fortune by Ann Douglas

Newton's Laws of Emotion by Mike Kimera

Only A Make Believe Girl by Hartford

Playing To Win: Playing The Game, Book II by Reverend Cotton Mather

Taboo Diary by Brad Johnson

The Repairman by BlackJackDavy

The Tutor by Dorsai

Two Grand Orgasm by Alexis Siefert

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