The March 2002 Silver Clitorides Awards Presentation

"Is he still in there counting votes?" Gary's Muse's Sockpuppet has never been know for his patience.

"Yes," Gary's Muse replies. "You must admit, a four-way tie would be a most unusual occurrence."

Sockpuppet snorts. "I doubt he can count past twenty-one, anyway. Twenty-two if he uses his nose."

"Sockpuppet!" Muse laughs despite herself. "He's just trying to be thorough. He tried a form-mail voting system for the first time, and it had... bugs."

"What kind of bugs?" Sockpuppet looks around anxiously for silverfish and moths.

Muse just rolls her eyes. "Not those kind! The kind where you have to tell the CGI script the correct address to send the votes to. Besides, you're not afraid of a few insects, are you?"

"Never say 'frayed' to a sockpuppet," Sockpuppet shudders.

The door to the secret vote-counting room opens, making the sound of a flushing toilet more audible. Gary emerges, bleary eyed.

"Is it still a four-way tie?" Muse and her Sockpuppet ask together.

He shakes his weary head. "No. Once the votes sent by the form to my main screen name - let's call them 'absentee ballots' - were added in, it came down to just two."

"Just two?"

"Yeah. Giggling by Nicholas Urfé and A Garden Called You by Jamie Joy Gatto." He yawns. "Anyway, here's what we'll do this month - we'll invite all the authors and fans to a cheese and wine tasting."

"The Ripple or the Boones Farm?" asks Sockpuppet.

"That's not important. Anyway, we'll pick up some Zinfandel or a nice Mogen David. Where was I? Oh yeah, wine and cheese. After we get everybody's cheeks all rosy, I'll make a toast to the winners..."

"To Brie or not to Brie..."

"Enough with the cheesey remarks," Muse cuts in. "Gary, do you realize..."

"I'll say something really swave about their style and class," Gary continues.

"...that you've already..."

"I'll mention what a wonderful crop of stories they competed against."

"...announced them?" Muse finally finishes.

"I'll thank them for their... I what?" Gary looks puzzled.

"Read back to the twelfth paragraph. You already announced the winners."

Gary reads. His face turns its favorite shade.

Muse pats his dejected back. "You can still congratulate the winners, you know."

Sigh. "Congratulations, Nick. Congratulations, Jamie Joy."