(Author Note: This Halloween-themed story takes place in October 1976.)

"What the hell was that??" Luke Newhart jumped out of his chair and grabbed his chest, his heart pounding from surprise and fear. Luke had been born in Philadelphia just over 12 years before, and spent most of his life there. So the youngster was used to hearing all manner of city sounds, both by day and night.

In fact when Luke was forced by family circumstances to move in with relatives living in the small town of Nazareth, Pennsylvania the previous summer, the one thing that took the most getting used to was how quiet the place was, especially at night. So when the unreal silence of a late October evening was shattered by a horrendous metallic crashing sound, it was even more shocking to the boy than it might have been had he still be living at home in the big city. Luke looked at his 13 year old cousin, Danny Frable, whose bedroom he was sharing during his stay. Danny's amused expression immediately irritated Luke. "Well?"

Danny chuckled, "It was just kids tick tacking."

"Tick tacking? What the hell is that?"

"Kids throw corn at houses, trying to make as much noise as possible."

"Corn?" said Luke incredulously, "it sounds like they were throwing whole cans of corn at the house."

"Cans?" said Danny, who laughed at the very idea. "No, they throw raw corn. Usually field corn left on the ground after the harvest is over."

"Raw corn on the cob?"

"No!" said Danny, laughing again. "The shuck the raw corn off the cob and throw hand-fulls of it at houses."

"It sure makes a lot of racket!"

"That's cause we have aluminum siding."

Luke grumbled as he sat back down to finish his homework, "It's stupid anyway. Don't kids here have anything better to do?"

"It's just a Halloween custom in this part of the country, cous," said Danny. "There usually isn't any damage."

Luke held his peace, but spent some time contemplating the stupidity of country customs before getting back to his homework.

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Halloween can be a confusing time for tweens and young teenagers. Most of them would love to go Trick or Treating and get candy. On the other hand, there eventually rises the thorny question of when exactly do kids get too old to engage in such childish behavior? Fortunately Danny's parents came down on the side of the boys being young enough to still participate in Trick or Treating.

The decision made Luke happy, of course, although his private opinion was that Uncle Moses and Aunt Fanny mainly wanted the boys out Trick or Treating so that they could escort Danny's little sister, Carmen, as she made her rounds. Ten year old Carmen was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, and the "basket of food she carried for her ailing grandmother" made a handy place to put her haul of candy.

Aunt Fanny tried to convince one of the boys to go dressed as the Big Bad Wolf to complete the effect of Carmen's outfit, but neither lad had been interested in the proposition. As it happened Danny was also dressed in red, costumed as a devil, complete with horns, forked tail, and plastic pitchfork. Luke was dressed in darker clothing, masquerading as a pirate with a plastic cutlass. So Little Red Riding Hood ended up walking the streets of Nazareth on that Halloween night flanked by a devil and a pirate, which figures were arguably more scary than any single wolf, not matter how big and bad. Or at least that's how Luke saw it.

It was a cloudy night, but not too cold and with no precipitation as the trio made their way around the neighborhood collecting goodies. Along the way they ran into some of Danny's classmates and friends who joined the group. Jim Wexler was dressed as an evil clown and Robby Ralston was dressed as the Land Shark from Saturday Night Live. Eventually the boys dropped the rapidly tiring Carmen off at home, and went back out into a gathering fog for some final Trick or Treating before calling it a night.

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As it got closer to nine o'clock it became more difficult to find homes that still had the porch lights on, and that the boys had not already visited. So they retreated to the garage behind Jim Wexler's house, where Jim showed them a large glass jar filled with corn.

"Wanna go tick tacking?" said Jim.

"Wait," said Luke, "you actually go tick tacking on Halloween?"

"Usually, yeah," said Danny. "Somebody just jumped the gun the other night when they hit our house."

"Somebody hit our house too," said Robby. "Philistines!"

Luke chuckled. Robby readily applied that phrase to anyone he didn't like. Luke wasn't even sure if Robby knew what it meant.

"So," said Jim, "is everybody up for this?"

"Luke isn't," said Danny. "He thinks tick tacking is stupid."

Jim and Robby looked at Luke doubtfully. Luke said, "Well, it's just a trick, isn't it?"

"Well yeah," admitted Jim. "What's your point?"

"Down in Philadelphia we only play tricks when people don't give us treats. We got plenty of treats tonight." Luke shook his nearly full bag of candy for emphasis.

"Not from everyone!" said Robby, who had brought a larger bag that wasn't even close to full.

"Yeah," said Danny. "Some people turned off their lights and pretended not to be home so they wouldn't have to hand out candy."

"That's right," said Jim, "we will only tick tack those people, not the ones who gave us treats."

"What if some of those people really aren't at home?" said Luke.

"Then they won't be home to hear the corn hitting their windows and siding," said Danny. "It won't affect them at all."

Luke couldn't think of any further objections to the plan, so he reluctantly agreed to go tick tacking for the first time in his life.

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"This is really stupid," said Luke. "We can't even see any reaction from the houses through all this fog." The fog had, in fact, grown quite thick during the time since they dropped Carmen off at home. Luke didn't feel the need to add that it was tough to even see the target you were aiming at, much less determine if any lights had gone on inside the house after the raw kernels of corn hit the windows and siding of the target house.

"Yeah," said Jim, "you do have a point. How about we do one more house, then call it a night?"

"Okay," said Robby. Danny and Luke both voiced their agreement with this plan. Luke was willing to agree to nearly anything that would end this silly operation quickly.

"Let's hit the Doll House," said Jim. He was referring to a small two story house that served as the home to a crazy old man named Chester and his dog. The house was - for some unknown reason - painted pink, which led the local children to refer to it as 'the Doll House'.

As the boys approached the Doll House they split up into two groups: Jim and Robby approached the front of the house while Danny and Luke approached one side of the house. The Doll House was surrounded by a five foot high chain link fence decorated with 'Beware of the Dog' signs, so they couldn't get very close to the house. Luke had quickly become accustomed to throwing hand-fulls of the dry raw corn kernels and felt certain he could hit the side of the house from outside the fence.

Things began to go wrong almost immediately as the boys moved into position. Fog or not, Chester's dog was able to detect the approach of the intruders and began barking for all he was worth. Undetered, Jim whistled, which was the signal to unleash the hail of corn at the Doll House. A tremendous clatter immediately ensued as corn hit the house from two directions. It was immediately apparent that the Doll House didn't have aluminum siding, since no loud metalic crashing sounds were heard. There was still plenty of noise as the spray of raw corn hit glass windows and wooden siding. It got even noiser when the dog began howling piteously.

Uh, oh! Luke decided that it was definitely time to get out of there. Danny had obviously come to the same conclusion. The cousins wordlessly turned and fled. They didn't get far, having taken only a few steps when strong arms reached out of the fog and grabbed both boys, stopping them in their tracks.

The boys suddenly found themselves in the strong clutches of old man Chester. He screamed, "What did you little demons do to my poor dog?"

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As Danny and Luke were frog-marched home, each being dragged by an ear grasped by one of old man Chester's amazingly strong hands, Luke ran through what little he knew about the man who had captured them. Crazy old Chester had lived alone in the Doll House as long as anyone could remember. It didn't appear that he had a driver's license, which was ususual for an adult in that time and place. Certainly nobody could remember Chester driving anything other than the beat up old 1940s-era bicycle he occasionally tooled around town on. But mostly Chester walked everywhere he went. He rarely spoke to other people, but everyone called him Chester. Luke supposed the man had a surname, but he couldn't recall anyone ever mentioning it.

As they got home, Luke began to wonder how much trouble they were actually in here. Neither Danny or Luke had gotten into serious trouble since Luke had arrived in August. He wondered if they would be grounded, and for how long? As it turned out, Luke would not be left to ponder his fate for long.

The scene was chaotic when Chester showed up at the Frable home with Danny and Luke in tow. Danny's parents were asking questions, Chester was excitedly telling his story, and the boys were telling theirs, all at the same time. The resulting cacaphony was totally incomprehensible. Eventually Uncle Moses got everyone quieted down, then he invited Chester to tell his side of the story without any interruptions. His meaningful look at the two boys convinced them to not try and tell their side of the situation until invited to do so.

Chester told the tale of how every Halloween his house is attacked by "demon children" throwing corn and stones at his siding and his windows. That evening his house was attacked by a gang of kids who even had the nerve to target his dog when good old Jack started barking to warn him of the vandal's approach. Chester wasn't sure how many of them there were, but he was able to catch these two.

Danny and Luke admitted to tick tacking Chester's house, but protected their friends by denying that anyone else had been there. They eventually convinced the adults that that was in fact the case. Of course that created another problem in that now they had to take the rap for throwing corn (or whatever) at Chester's dog and causing it to howl. Luke was certain that it was either Jim or Robby who had hit the dog, but he could hardly say that since he and Danny had just lied about their friends' presence at the Doll House.

They settled for insisting that if the dog had been hit by any corn, it was an accident. Danny successfully convinced his parents that with the thick fog out there that night, they could only hear the dog barking, and that there was simply no way that could have seen the dog to target it with anything. Luke began to relax when that point had been successfully made, at least until he noticed that Danny still seemed quite nervous and almost fearful. He wondered what Danny was worried about, but of course was in no position to ask him at that point.

Uncle Moses asked Chester about the condition of his dog and any damage to his house. Chester was forced to admit that he hadn't had time to check on all that since he was busy catching the two culprits and bringing them here. The boys insisted that they had only thrown corn, and not stones, at Chester's house. So there should be no real damage to either house or pooch. Uncle Moses promised Chester that he would come over to his house the next day and review any potential damage. He would pay for any repair bills or vet bills that resulted from the boy's actions.

Luke started wondering how much this could end up costing him when he heard the word 'punishment' thrown into the conversation. A quick glance at Danny showed that his cousin was looking positively sick. Uncle Moses was trying to reassure Chester that the boys would be "dealt with", whereas Chester kept insisting that after all the years of disrespect and vandalism, he wanted to "see justice done".

As Uncle Moses and Aunt Fanny exchanged meaningful looks, communicating wordlessly as long-married couples often do, Luke started to get a queasy feeling in his stomach. His stomach condition was not improved when Uncle Moses finished deliberating and ordered Danny to "go fetch the paddle". His cousin had a haunted look in this eyes as he left the room.

Luke had, of course, seen the wooden paddle hanging on the inside of the door to Danny's bedroom closet. It was a maple board about 12 inches long and 3 inches wide with a 3 inch tapered handle. It looked to be about 3/8 inch thick and was plain maple wood, not painted or stained. A short loop of leather cord ran through the small hole in the handle, allowing the paddle to be hung from any convenient hook. Danny had admitted to making the paddle in woodshop class the previous year, his first at Nazareth Junior High School.

Luke was taking woodshop for the first time this year, as a seventh grader at Nazareth Junior High. He had already turned down the 'opportunity' to craft both a paddle and a gun rack, neither of which items he had the slightest use for. Luke had, of course, asked his cousin several questions about the paddle in his closet. All Danny would admit to was making it in woodshop the previous school year. He flatly refused to answer any questions about the board's past, or future, use on his own backside.

As Danny trudged slowly, and obviously quite unwillingly, back into the living room holding the paddle, Luke realized that at least some of his questions on that subject were about the answered in the most dramatic way possible. Danny handed the paddle to his father, who then ordered the boys to remove their costumes.

"What?" said Luke, panicked at the idea of getting nude, or even mostly nude, in front of stranger like old man Chester.

"We don't want to damage those costumes," said Aunt Fanny. "Some of that stuff is borrowed. You need to strip to your underwear."

"We aren't gonna get it on the bare, are we?" said Danny, looking very sick as he began to remove his devil costume.

"No," said Uncle Moses. "You're gonna get it on the seat of your underpants. No need to get naked."

Uncle Moses looked at Chester, who nodded his agreement. "No need for that, I agree."

Luke took a deep breath and then began taking off his pirate costume. This whole thing seemed like a bad dream. Luke had never been paddled before - in fact his entire experience of corporal punishment had been an occasional open handed swat to the seat of his pants when his parents had grown too frustrated with his behavior. The Philadelphia Public School system that he attended back home had outlawed corporal punishment in the classroom long before Luke had been born.

The Nazareth public schools weren't nearly as civilized, at least in Luke's opinion. Corporal punishment was allowed, a fact that Aunt Fanny had warned him of when he was enrolled in the local Junior High School. Luke had been dismayed to witness his classmates being whacked on the seat of their trousers with paddles or blackboard pointers. And it always seemed to be the trousers-wearing set who got whacked. Girls misbehaved in class too, but they never seemed to get the paddle. That hardly seemed fair to Luke.

All too soon the two doomed boys had shed their costumes and stood in front of the adults in their underwear. Danny was wearing a black t-shirt while Luke was wearing a red, white and blue Bicentennial t-shirt he had picked up back in the summer when he attended one of the many ceremonies held in Philadelphia to celebrate the 200th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Both boys were clad in Fruit of the Loom tighty whiteys.

"Well," said Uncle Moses, as he slashed the paddle through the air, practicing, "no point in dragging this out. Daniel, you know the drill, get into position."

Danny gulped with fear, then stepped forward, approaching the low coffee table situated between the couch and television. He bent down over the end of the table, grabbing the sides for stability. As the boy bent over, his briefs tightened across his backside, defining the twin cheeks beneath.

Uncle Moses lightly tappeed the insides of Danny's thighs with the paddle. "Spread those legs, son." Soon the boy had spread his legs far enough apart to satisfy his father, who moved into position to wield the paddle.

Uncle Moses laid the paddle up against the tightly stretched seat of his son's briefs. When Danny felt the wood against his pants seat he stiffened, his whole body bracing against the coming pain. Uncle Moses drew the paddle back and up, nearly to the height of his shoulder. Then the wood was speeding towards it's tightly braced target. Crraacckk! The force of the paddle struck its target, causing Danny's whole body to shudder and forcing a grunt from the boy's mouth.

Then the paddle was resting against it's target again, causing Danny to once again brace himself. The paddle swung slowly back, then raced back down, Crraacckk! Another grunt, louder this time.

The cycle repeated again: rest, swing, Crraacckk! "Owww!" Danny could no longer contain his anguish and yelped in pain.

His cousin's expression of pain immediately brought two questions to Luke's mind. 1) How many whacks of the paddle would they be getting? 2) Could he take his licks anywhere near as well as his cousin was taking his?

The cycle repeated a fourth time: rest, swing, Crraacckk! "Noooooo!!" A liquid sound accompanied Danny's yelp - his cousin was apparently crying. And with good reason, since the bare skin of his lower bottom cheeks not covered by his briefs had turned from pale white to bright red. It was obvious that the rest of his bottom was similarly blazing.

At that point Uncle Moses stopped and looked questionly at Chester. Luke had been so focused on the paddling that he had completely forgotten the old man's presence. At least Chester didn't seem to be enjoying the paddling he was witnessing. In fact it was hard to read the expression on his weathered face. Chester considered the unspoken question for a few seconds, then said, "Two more licks should do the trick. Teach the little brats a good lesson."

Moses paused momentarily, exchanged a brief glance with Aunt Fanny, then nodded and said, "Two more it is."

As the man rested the paddle once again on his son's tightly stretched underpants, Danny could be seen to shake slightly. By the sound of it, his cousin was sobbing, caused no doubt by fear of the final two licks to come. For his part, the very thought of the six licks from the fearsome maple paddle that were still coming his way had Luke about ready to pee his pants.

Uncle Moses mercifully decided to get it over quickly. The paddle swung again, Crraaaccckk! "Oooowwwwwwwcchhh!!"

The cycle repeated a sixth and final time: rest, swing, Crraaaaccckkk! "Oooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!"

"Alright son," said Uncle Moses. "Get up."

The sobbing boy painfully straightened himself up and drew his legs back together. His hands immediately flew to his bottom, as he vainly tried to massage the agony out of his flaming red hindquarters.

"Stand by your cousin, Daniel." Danny immediately complied with his father's order, though he continued to rub his bottom as moved. "Alright, Luke, your turn. Get into position."

Luke would have gladly skipped his turn, and he had in fact held a small, if completely irrational, hope that the adults might forget about him altogether. As he moved into position Luke mentally set two goals for himself: 1) Try to take his licks with less fuss that Danny. 2) To not wet his pants as the paddle did its evil work on his backside.

After he was in position bending over the end of the coffee table Luke felt the paddle tapping the insides of his thighs. "Spread those legs wider, son." Once his nephew was in the required position Uncle Moses moved into position to one side, getting ready to administer the paddle to the deserving bottom of yet another naughty boy.

All too soon Luke felt the paddle pressing gently against the seat of his underpants. He found himself involuntarily bracing himself against the coming licks. The pressure from the paddle disappeared, there followed the sound of air moving and then Crraacckk! - the very first paddle whack of Luke's life connected with his cringing bottom cheeks.

The force of the blow pushed the air out of his lungs, which was handy. Because otherwise Luke would probably have started screaming bloody murder! It sure felt like someone had set his bottom on fire.

As Luke struggled to cope with the pain from the first lick things went downhill. The paddle was suddenly pressed against his briefs again, then vanished. Crraacckk! "Owwwwwww!!" He had his breath back and howled for all he was worth as the pain more than doubled. He knew this was gonna be bad, but he was quickly learning that he had really underestimated the pain involved in a good, sound paddling.

The cycle repeated again: light pressure, it disappears, then Crraacckk! "Please! No more!" Before he realized what was happening, Luke had sprang upright and was furiously rubbing his ravaged backside as he turned towards Uncle Moses and pleaded for mercy.

"I'm sorry, Luke," said Uncle Moses. "But you were a naughty boy tonight, and naughty boys must be punished."

Luke next turned his pleading gaze upon old man Chester. Maybe if the offended party was willing to stop this....? Once again it was impossible for the boy to read the expression on the old man's face. After a few moments Chester said, "I take no pleasure in this, lad. But your uncle is right. You did wrong, and you need to take your medicine like your cousin did."

"Yes sir," said Luke finally, completely deflated. He moved to get back into position.

"By the way, Luke," said Uncle Moses, "I'll overlook this outburst since it's your first time being paddled here. But if you jump up again you will start earning extra licks. Do you understand that?"

"Yes sir," said Luke, "I understand, and I'm sorry." As his uncle tapped his thighs, getting his legs spread to the desired angle once again, Luke reconsidered his goals. So much for goal number one, since he had just made a cowardly spectacle of himself. About the only way he could be more embarrassed at this point would be if he failed in goal number two as well. He simply had to hang on and avoid wetting his pants during the last half of the paddling. If he made a puddle on Aunt Fanny's living room floor in front of all these people he would die of embarrassment.

Soon the light pressure of the paddle was back, and Luke got a death grip on the edges of the table, hanging on for dear life. The pressure disappeared, then Crraacckk! "Ahhhhhhhh! Sssssss" He hissed with pain as the fourth lick registered its pain on his already blazing backside.

There is light pressure from the accursed paddle again - it goes, and swiftly comes back - Crraaaccckk! "Nooooooooocchhh!!" Luke involuntarily stamped his left foot from the pain, but managed to avoid jumping up again. The fifth lick felt a lot harder than the first four, or was it his imagination? In any event it set him to sobbing.

The pressure reappeared, and by this time his bottom was so sore that even that gentle pressure added to the pain. There it goes, and here it comes! Crraaaccckk! "Oooowwwwwwwwww!! Sssssssss!" Only through a titanic effort of will was Luke able to avoid jumping up and rubbing his bottom for all he was worth. But he realized that it might lead to extra licks, something to be avoided at all costs.

"Alright Luke," said Uncle Moses. "It's over. Get up."

As the sobbing Luke struggled to straighten himself back up he was running a mental damage control check. His bottom was totally up in flames, that much was certain. If someone told him the seat of his briefs was dripping wet with blood he wouldn't have been the least bit surprised. Speaking of dripping, he froze momentarily when he felt some actual wetness on the front of his briefs. Good lord, he hoped that he hadn't actually wet himself. There was no warm liquid running down either leg, which was a good sign.

Luke started moving again but resolutely refused to look down at his crotch. If he had squirted some pee into his briefs the very last thing he needed at this point was to draw any attention to the fact. In fact his own attention was urgently needed elsewhere, since he needed to navigate his way back to stand next to Danny. This was harder than it sounds, since every step he took brought additional pain to his bottom, which he was rubbing furiously in a futile attempt to ease the pain. Luke eventually limped his way back over to stand next Danny, who was still sniffling and gently rubbing his own wounded backside.

The two freshly paddled boys were allowed a few minutes to compose themselves while the adults had a cup of coffee and chatted in the kitchen. Luke was surprised by the fact that his throbbing bottom eventually began to feel numb, which mercifully reduced the pain. Before Chester took his leave the boys were required to apologize to the man and shake his hand. After he left the two culprits were lectured by Uncle Moses and Aunt Fanny, then sent upstairs to bathe and go to bed.

As Luke stripped for his bath he realized that there was indeed a large pee spot on the front of his briefs. Danny chuckled and said, "Don't worry about that, cous. You actually did pretty good for your first time getting paddled."

Luke eyed Danny suspiciously, "Did you ever wet yourself while being paddled?"

"I sure did, first time out."

"Have you ever done it since?"

"Nope, but I came pretty close tonight."

"Hopefully neither of will ever have an accident like that again." said Luke.

"I would settle for that," said Danny.

"One thing for sure, I'm never going tick tacking again!"

"I'm with you there, cous!"