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"Shields" by Spoonbender {Working Girls} 10, 10, 10
"Shields" by Spoonbender (Theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). Morgan is large. Morgan contains paradoxes. Everyone wonders if Morgan is male or female. Spoonbender warns us we should be wondering if Morgan is human. Maybe the Morgan we know on ASSD speaks for the Morgan collective, a race of insidious aliens with the consistency of used motor oil. The Morgans also have a military need for human females because under the right circumstances pussy juice makes a most excellent shield. And so with tongue in cheek and 'zs' on the shelf, Spoonbender gives us three excellent stories set in this strange universe where women aren't merely objects but spare parts! In the first story we are introduced to the concept of using large dildos to sexually excite women and extract pussy juice that is used to generate shields. Star Trek, by contrast, uses a dilithium matrix held in an anti- mater, graviton flux suspension to create sympathetic, modulated quantum energy wavelets on various harmonic frequencies that distort inbound hostile energy discharges. Both are perfectly valid shield generating techniques, but I believe Spoonbender's method may be more fun -- it's certainly easier to describe!. Moral of the story: autoeroticism can not only be fun but productive as well! In the second story a human has defected to the Morgans and is working for them as a mercenary on a small scout ship fitted with two, very pretty, shield generators. Well when in space with a pretty shield generator do as the Morgans do, oh wait the Morgans don't actually do anything - bad example. Anyway we get a little light bondage (quasi N/C but not squicky) before the shields are rescued by a passing human ship. Moral of the story: You can look at your shield generators but don't touch! In the third story the humans have managed to duplicate the shield technology and the male commanders are rather surprised to discover how patriotic all the women folk are by volunteering to be shields. The downside? Well if the women have sex with men then the juice just ain't no good. So the women are happy and content with the high tech dildos and them men just have to abstain. Now we come to the big climatic (for the women, anti-climatic for the men) battle where the human women are warm and fuzzy and the men haven't been getting any. Anyone wanna put a bet on the Morgans? Moral of the story: Hell hath no fury like an undersexed man. Somehow, even when Spoonbender writes a story he marks humor there's an element of horror just under the surface. The women have probably already recoiled at being strapped in a large chair with a huge impersonal dildo ready to pound at them for several hours. Well maybe not all the women, I think the girl in the first story was quite possibly modeled after one of the ASSD megastars. To let the men appreciate the full impact of this horror let's change the plot a little so that the shields work on semen. Ever see one of those automated cow milking machines boys? Imagine one of those industrial strength babies working you over. And remember this stuff is designed by the military. Let us ponder… This is the third Spoonbender story I've reviewed. I've thoroughly enjoyed every one of those stories and this one was no exception. Women as objects, as well as a little N/C sex are normally squick factors for me. Spoonbender deftly manages to dance around those buttons though. In this story he didn't even come near them. Neither of my previous reviews of Spoonbender's work got a triple ten from me. (Though really a re-review of "The Gene" would probably get that mark, I was still getting a feel for the scoring system when I reviewed that one). I __wanted__ to give this one a triple ten. But I can't. At least the version I reviewed had enough spelling errors and grammatical glitches for me to knock down Athena. I'm really easy in this category but if it's distracting to me then there are probably a dozen other things I'm not noticing. Athena aside, this is a very witty, very funny fantasy. Though it's most definitely not a trash/stroke/"gotta get some now" story, it most definitely is worth the time to read it. Ratings for "Shields" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 |