|
Return To the Celestial Review (This does NOT open a new window) Return To the Index (This does NOT open a new window) Note, to make reading multi-part stories easier, story links (links with dejanews.com or www.qz.to, NOT the review or profile links) will open up a new browser window. When you are done reading the story, or section of the story simply CLOSE the story window. |
|
"Twin Trouble" by Dastardly Dave (sexual awakening)
8, 8, 7
"Twin Trouble" by Dastardly Dave (posted by abekl@ibm.net). Guest review by BillyG. The story "Twin Trouble" as posted in the current a.s.s.m. newsgroup states that it has been spell checked and reformatted. I suspect the former is true but the reformatting must apply to early portion of the story only. That latter is mostly long, unbroken paragraphs. Those of you who prefer the pacing and timing of a well-formatted story, who prefer the organization afforded by the white spaces, may stumble in the second half of this tale. That's too bad, for the story suffers from it. As well, the first chapter really constitutes an acceptable, even sweet story and it might well have ended there. The engaging plausibility and the intimacy are both diluted substantively by the introduction of two many horny young girls, all of whom are improbably hot and hungry for the young man's body. In brief, this is am initially-believable, later-unlikely story of sexual awakening of a brother and a sister, young teens and twins as it happens. The setting is a farm in the South where the siblings "discover" each other in the barn. That works reasonably well, but the remainder of the story rambles and attempts to achieve erotic appeal largely by numbers. If one girl is sexy, four more often is not, especially eleven-year-old nymphets. Actually, this looks like several stories, the first of which is worth reading while the remainder should be expurgated. As it stands, the story's 17,000 words could stand a major trimming. Ratings for "Twin Trouble" Athena (technical quality): 8 - Initially a 10, but fades rapidly Venus (plot & character): 8 - Same take BillyG(appeal to reviewer): 7 - A major trimming and reformatting recommended |