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"Amazing Grace" by LeAnn (sex at a party) 8.4, 9.6, 9.4
"Amazing Grace" by LeAnn (kalika@main.provost.msu.edu). Guest review by Jubjub. Story Summary: Sexual encounter at a party This story is hot--very hot. The first couple of stories that I reviewed had some interesting ideas but poor execution. This story has an interesting idea AND some very hot descriptions. A little bit of proofreading would make this story a model of how a story should be written. First, there were some minor punctuation problems. There were also a couple of garbled sentences. But these didn't pose any readability problems. The only major problem arose from the asides. There were four of them. Two were okay, but the other two were jarring. A recommendation to this author and any other author: if you think your getting cute, you are. Don't do it. It tends to kill the flow of the story. Beyond these minor problems, I felt the story started a bit sluggishly. If I hadn't been a reviewer, I probably would not have read past the first paragraph. In fact, it occurs to me that I might have read this story earlier and DID stop reading after the first paragraph or two. But the action picks up later. There is a shift in the story that compels me not to divulge details, but suffice it to say this story really got me going once the main characters were introduced. The story shift is interesting and doesn't have anything to do with BDSM or rape or anything like that. The story is good clean sex, and I hope the writer keeps writing. Technical: 8.4 Very good, but not near perfect Characterization and Plot: 9.6 Very good characterization and plot flow Appeal: 9.4 I got hard--very hard "Kyle's Continuing Sexual Adventures - Club-F" by "Not Me" (sansidee@hotmail.com). Guest review by Kim. This is a seven-part story, that from the title, seems to suggest a longer series than what is being reviewed here. It tells, not surprisingly, of the adventures of the eponymous Kyle. From the opening dialog, it may be that Kyle is forty four years old, but it's not really clear. The general theme of the story is Kyle's joining a fitness club, the Club-F of the title. But this is no ordinary fitness club, as the "F" really stands for fucking. And that's pretty much what Kyle does for most of the story. He is aided in his adventures by the rather fortunate system of mind altering drugs that the club injects into the air conditioning. The drug makes people horny and then forgetful. Such that all the patrons of the club, on walking through the door, jump on each other like rabbits, and then conveniently forget about the rampant coupling two hours later. All except Kyle, who is immune to the forgetful bit. Still with me? By now you're probably thinking this is some kind of parody, right? Wrong! -- this is straight down the line. Soon Kyle is screwing the membership representative, Jody, then a couple of members, Shelly and Andrea, whom he charms by the somewhat unusual method of giving himself a blowjob (yep, you read that right), and finally an old friend, Chelsea, whom he introduces to the delights of the club, but later decides to settle down with and move out of state, thus leaving the club Kyleless. All in all, a pretty strange mix really. The sex is relentless, with fucking and sucking and such, on every page of the story. The plot, such as it is, seems to change direction each time a new character is introduced, and the whole thing doesn't seem to know if it's a mind control story or not. I think "odd" is a good word to describe it. Personally I found the sex desperately boring. The beginning seemed like a juvenile fantasyland, and just didn't press any of my buttons. The threeway got kinda hot at times, but the finale, with Chelsea, seemed to have wandered in from another story. All things considered, not very appealing, I'm afraid. Comments on this review to Ghost@nym.alias.net Ratings for "Kyle's Continuing Sexual Adventures - Club-F" Athena (technical quality): 7 (Technically readable but pretty lame really) Venus (plot & character): 6 (Complete mishmash of a plot) Kim (appeal to reviewer): 4 (Could see little merit in it, sorry) |