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* "Brenda's Conquest" by Tom Bombadil (emerging
adolescence & romance) 10, 10, 10
* "Brenda's Conquest" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This is a story about a man who falls in love with a 13-year-old girl with whom he has been familiar since she was nine. In addition, the girl's 11-year- old sister develops a sexual relationship with his own 17-year-old sister. There's a lot more to the story than this, but I am not going to go into the details here. All I'll say here is that it's a rich, well-developed story that presents a reasonable perspective on the problems as well as of the joys of such a relationship. The author himself refers to this as a "pedophile love story." Interestingly, my on-line dictionary does not define pedophile or pedophilia. It goes straight from pedometer to peduncle. Go figure. However, my on-line encyclopedia does have an article on the topic, which says this: "Pedophilia is a psychosexual disorder characterized by a sexual desire for and sexual acts with prepubescent children. Onset of the disorder can occur from adolescence through old age, and it occurs predominantly in males. About two-thirds of pedophiliacs are attracted to children of the opposite sex. Based on evidence from criminal court records, pedophiles usually know the children that they abuse. Most pedophiles resort to deception rather than force. Although much is known about pedophilia, pedophiles themselves are difficult to treat and recidivism rates are high." In the present story, the "pedophile" doesn't actually do what my encyclopedia says pedophiles do; he simply develops a consensual relationship with a thirteen-year-old whom he has known for several years. You will note that although the author himself describes this as a pedophile love story, I myself have referred to it as a story of emerging adolescence and romance. Nonetheless, it is important to realize that this story deals with a topic that sets of alarms in the minds of people who are concerned about children being harmed by pornography on the Internet. As a teacher in an American public school, I am supposed to call to the attention of the legal authorities behavior that is typically labeled pedophilia, if I become aware of it. That's the rules, folks; and I could get into trouble for not following them. I hasten to add that I am NOT a member of the Thought Police. I work with a large number of troubled adolescents, and I HAVE worked with the authorities in cases that they refer to as pedophilia. In no case that I have witnessed has the relationship been like that described in this story. Every case I have ever seen has revealed children who had their lives screwed up by an exploitive adult. The notion of falling in love with an innocent and precocious young person is intuitively appealing. This story idealizes that intuitive appeal. It seems reasonable that society can differentiate between exploitive sex with children (which is vividly described in Michael K. Smith's "Remembering") and emotionally sensitive relationships like those described in this story. It is my own belief that most children are best advised to reach a reasonable level of maturity before becoming sexually active and that many adults who become sexually active with children are likely to be satisfying their own (perhaps unconscious) needs rather than being helpful to the children. In addition, a very large number of psychologists seem to agree with my belief, and the laws of most countries in Western society support my position. On the other hand, stories like this one are realistic presentations of emotions and feelings. My hope is that reasonable people can set aside their biases, read this as the good story it is, and perhaps let the insights they get from this story influence their thinking about the issues involved. Many people will read this story to get some good ideas on how to seduce little kids or will reject it out of hand because it is about something that is immoral. Both groups will waste a perfectly good story. This story raises a simple question: is it possible to write a story in which an adult has sexual relations with a young adolescent in a way that would be approved by reasonable, socially responsible people? I think this story (along with several others, including Randu's "Double Trouble" and Santo Romeo's "Martha Jane") demonstrate that the answer is yes. The related (and more volatile) question is can this happen in real life? The answer certainly must be yes, it CAN happen. The crucial question is DOES it happen? Or are all adults who do this sexual perverts, as most laws seem to suggest? As I have said earlier, literally all the young children whom I have known to have experienced sex with an adult were severely exploited. It may not always be accurate to call their partners perverts; "sick" or "dysfunctional" may be better words for some of them. But - and this is an important BUT - kids who have had perfectly adaptive - even wonderful - relationships like those described in this story would have no incentive to come forth and talk to me about it. In fact, if they did so, the adults whom they loved would possibly suffer dire consequences. I seriously doubt that all adult-child sexual relationships are as destructive as some child advocacy people would have us believe; but I also think that most real-life adult-child sexual relationships are exploitive. I cannot conclude without mentioning one important issue. I think we need to let kids be kids. In recent years movies and TV shows (especially the soaps) have combined with peer pressure to urge kids to rush into adulthood way too fast. An important part of the mother's logic in this story was that if Brenda didn't have sexual relations with Richard, she'd be having sex with someone else real soon. To the extent that her insight is accurate, her decision to permit sex with Richard may be valid. But might it not be better to find a way to encourage kids to grow up before they have sexual relations? As I understand it, something like 25-40% of kids in the Western world don't have sex until they are at least 18 years old. Granted, a bunch of these people have major hang-ups; but statistically they're OK people. If I may use myself as a case study, I think I really do all right sexually, even though I had a full childhood before I began my active sex life; and I THINK the same can be said of my daughters. Sexuality isn't the only area in which we tend to push kids too fast; I constantly see parents trying to push preschoolers into academic programs when they should be playing games or reading Little Red Riding Hood. Ooops! {For an explanation of this Ooops, see the review of "The Better To...." later in this issue.} Let's let kids be kids! I like stories that raise thought-provoking questions in interesting contexts. This story does exactly that. Ratings for "Brenda's Conquest" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 |