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"Oneness2" by Patrick Donovan (romantic stroke story). MichaelD: 7, 3, 5
"Oneness2" by Patrick Donovan (drwho@world.std.com). Guest review by MichaelD. Patrick is an erotic story writer. Louise is one of his fans. As the story opens, they finally get together after having corresponded for months by e- mail. They meet as he gets off of work; they go back to his place; he makes her dinner; they have sex. Although this piece tries to present itself as romance, it is essentially a stroke story. The characters have scarcely had a chance to interact before they're tearing each other's clothes off. As a stroke story, though, it is not a bad one. The sex is hot, heavy, and sustained, though perhaps a bit conventional. They break in the midst of their first encounter to finish dinner, then take a shower together. They have repeated bouts of oral sex before finally having intercourse. I would have liked to know more about the characters before the sex began. The author makes references to certain things like their months of correspondence, Louise's ex-boyfriend, and Patrick's first love without bothering to expand on them at all. A few more pages of characterization would have improved this immensely. The author tries, at the end of the story, to make much of their emotional connection (the "Oneness" of the title), but without having a better feel for who the characters were, it didn't work for me. I did not find much technically wrong with the story, but neither does the author exert himself. The dialogue, particularly, is very uninspired. To wit: "Louise, God, God, you're so beautiful." I moaned as my mouth moved down over her breasts, tugging at her nipples. "Ohhh...Patrick. Ohhh." And it doesn't get much better. As a stroke story, this works. But it doesn't go much beyond that. Ratings for "Oneness" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 3 MichaelD (appeal to reviewer): 5 |