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* "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane" (ff computer show
sex) 9.27A
* "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane (GQKZ45C@prodigy.com). Guest review by M1KE Hunt. "Woman2Woman" is a fun read, zippy and straightforward, with few distractions to pull you away from the story of the seduction of one woman by another. Christine and Laura are sales reps at a computer show, and meet each other while standing on the floor for 10 hours fending off propositions from men. At one point in the shared cab ride back to the hotel, Christine, the narrator, asks ""Is getting laid the only reason these guys come here?" This is one of the few distractions, because the answer, obviously, is "yes." I've been to computer shows. The girls retreat to their hotel rooms, wherein Laura offers to give Christine a massage to relieve her stress. You'll be shocked to find out that they both end up nude, make gentle love with one another, and spend the next several days sneaking kisses in the employee lounge, squatting at the display to show each other their pussies, and generally having a lovely time. The plot is not complicated, and it's been done before, but then haven't they all? "Woman2Woman" suffers only from a half-dozen obvious editing errors, such as "positioning her bare legs on each side of my." My what? And there are words that the spell check thought were OK, but a quick proofreading would have caught, such as "spend" for "spent." OK, it's niggling, but if I didn't catch at least a couple of grammatical errors, I wouldn't be doing my job as a reviewer, right? I give "Woman2Woman" a "9.27A" rating on the open ended "Verschlumpt" scale, a logarithmic evaluation schedule I've designed based on plot, sexuality, spelling, taste, today's Dow Jones results and other logical factors such as whether it's Tuesday or not. {end of review} GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: QUOTATIONS. Several people have asked me to give some advice on the use of quotations, including quotation marks and punctuation. This is a first draft, and I would appreciate any help on getting it into better shape. DIRECT QUOTATIONS: In general, when you quote someone exactly, put the quoted words in quotation marks. {An exact quotation is often referred to as a "direct quotation."} He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and said, "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" She leaned over so that he could see her naked breasts with the nipples pressing out against the bright yellow material and whispered, "Wanna fuck?" Ordinarily, you should use a comma to separate introductory or concluding words from the direct quotation. This is true whether the words that describe the statement come before the direct quotation (as in the preceding examples) or after the direct quotation. When the quotation comes before the explanatory statement, the comma replaces a period. When she realized that he could hold back his orgasm no longer, she said to him, "Come on my tits." "Come on my tits," she said to him, when she realized that he could hold back his orgasm no longer. If the statement precedes the explanatory statement and ends in an exclamation point or question mark, keep that punctuation mark INSTEAD OF the comma. "Wanna fuck?" she asked. She purred, "Wanna fuck?" As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and suck his penis, causing him to shout, "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" he shouted, as she gently fondled his testicles, while she continued to lick and suck his penis. "How badly do you need the money?" the horny hunk asked. If you want a more formal introduction of the quoted words, use a colon instead of a comma. This more formal introduction will almost always be a full sentence. She spoke thus: "Wanna fuck?" As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and suck his penis, causing him to shout one word: "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" Also, if a quotation is extremely long, use a colon instead of a comma. "Long" means different things to different people, and authors vary in their application of this rule. In general, if the quoted statement is a single sentence, use a comma to introduce it. If it is more than a single sentence, use a colon - unless the sentences are extremely short. She said: "You look like a guy who needs a woman to understand him. By the looks of that bulge in your pants, you are happy to see me. My mother told me a hard man is good to find. I haven't had a good or hard man in a long time. Wanna fuck?" She said, "Wanna fuck? I sure hope so!" If the quotation is extremely long - that is, if it goes on for more than one paragraph, put quotation marks at the beginning of each paragraph. However, put an end quotation mark only at the end of the final paragraph of the quoted statement. The absence of quotation marks at the end of the other paragraphs signifies to the reader that the conversation continues in the next paragraph. If you have a quotation within a quotation, rotate between single and double quotation marks. {Use an apostrophe for the single quotation mark.} In the United States, the double marks go with the outermost quotation; in Europe the single marks go with the outermost quotation. Peggy Sue said, "I love it when a man comes up to me and straight out says to me, 'Wanna fuck?' I don't like men who beat around my bush." An INDIRECT QUOTATION usually does not quote the exact words, but rather paraphrases what the speaker said. An indirect quotation is usually introduced by "that" and does not employ quotation marks. Note that with indirect quotations, the verb tense and some other elements of the original statement change to give the right impression of the timing of the quoted material with regard to the explanatory material. Sometimes the word "that" is omitted from an indirect quotation. Direct quotation: He said, "I want to make love to you." Indirect quotation: He said that he wanted to make love to me. Indirect quotation: He said he wanted to make love to me. Direct quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth, "I'd like to bury my beef bayonet in your haystack tonight." Indirect quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth that he'd like to bury his beef bayonet in her haystack that night. Indirect QUESTIONS often begin with "if" or "whether." In addition, they may begin with any word that ordinarily asks a question. Indirect questions do NOT end with a question mark. Direct question. "Wanna fuck?" she asked. Indirect question: She asked me if I wanted to fuck. Indirect question: She asked me whether I wanted to fuck. Indirect question: She asked me how often I wanted to fuck. Indirect question: She asked me how desperately I wanted to fuck. Indirect question: He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and asked what a nice girl like her was doing in a place like this. Although quotation marks are generally not used with indirect quotations, sometimes it IS proper to use them in order to emphasize that the portion within the quotation marks represent the exact words of the original speaker. He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and asked what what "a nice girl like her was doing in a place like this." She asked me "how desperately" I wanted to fuck. Note that in the first of the preceding examples the writer changed the speaker's words slightly - "is" became "was." This is normally considered to be acceptable. If you are uncertain whether you have the right to alter the speakers words, use a direct quotation. OTHER WAYS TO HANDLE QUOTATIONS: In addition to using quotation marks and indirect quotations, it is possible to quote people in other ways. When you are formally quoting a long passage (say, a whole paragraph from a book or a major portion of a speech), it may be desirable to set the material off in the text by indenting it. If you do this, introduce it with a colon. Then indent all the quoted material. A format like the following is often desirable: While she waited, Peggi read the church bulletin that she always carried with her. The pastor had a sense of humor: It seems that two brothers died and went before St. Peter. The first was a politician who had voted for legislation that enriched himself at the expense of the poor and downtrodden. St. Peter sentenced him to a very hot part of hell, where his job would be to clean up excrement deposited by animals. As the man was leaving, he saw his brother, who had been an unscrupulous lawyer, but who now had a voluptuous blonde in a low-cut dress on his arm. The man was startled, because he knew that his brother had made his living largely by suing churches and poor people. The outraged man turned to St. Peter and said, "Hey! That's not fair!" St. Peter replied, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?" In the preceding example, the whole quotation from the church bulletin (beginning with "It seems that... ") is indented, so that readers know where the quoted material begins and ends. Quotation marks are not necessary: the indentation serves the same purpose. Within that lengthy quotation, other direct quotations follow the normal rules. In some cases, - for example, when you are quoting a lengthy dialogue - it is also possible to omit the quotation marks altogether by using a play/script format, as in the following example from my story "Virtuous Reality": Madonna: Well, let's see, the names of the people that I have had sex with recently... Who's the name of the guy I slept with last night, What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon... Oprah: That's what I want to find out. So tell me. Madonna: I just said Who's the name of the guy I slept with last night, What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon.... Oprah: You've had sex with these guys? Madonna: Yes. Oprah: And was it good? Madonna: It's always good. Oprah: And you talked to them before, during, or after sex? Madonna: Yes. Oprah: And you still don't know their names? Madonna: Well, I certainly do. Finally, some authors of fiction quote people directly without using quotation marks. They seem to make a distinction between quoted speech (which receives quotation marks) and quoted thoughts (which do not). WHAT ELSE GOES INSIDE QUOTATION MARKS? Titles of short writings or works of art are usually put in quotation marks. While he fucked her in the ass, she heard him humming +"Both Sides Now" by Judy Collins. Most of what she knew about sex she had learned by "Friends" on TV. The titles of longer writings and more sophisticated works of art are usually italicized (or underlined, if italics are not available). Since underling and italics are impossible in text files transmitted through e-mail, it has become common practice to use quotation marks for ALL titles. However, some writers prefer to replace underlining with techniques such as the following: The seduction was like a chapter out of _Lady Chatterly_. The seduction was like a chapter out of *Lady Chatterly*. The seduction was like a chapter out of LADY CHATTERLY. Sometimes it is proper to put in quotation marks a word or phrase that you want to define. By "oral sex" I mean either a blowjob or cunnilingus. She, on the other hand, uses the term to refer to talking about sex but not doing it. Sometimes it is proper to put a word or phrase in quotation marks to show that you are using it in an unusual or special sense or to draw attention to the word. He uses language so cleverly that sometimes I think he's a "cunning linguist." {The writer is making a pun about cunnilingus.} He expressed his "love" for her by beating her severely and humiliating her in front of her friends." {The writer is suggesting that the word "love" is being used ironically - that is, the man calls this love, but the writer doubts that this term is accurate.} Avoid the overuse of quotation marks for this purpose. WHERE TO PUT PUNCTUATION. Put inside the quotation marks any punctuation that is actually a part of the quotation. "Did you learn about sex by watching 'TV sitcoms?" he asked, as she began to choke on his cum. Put commas and periods inside the final quotation mark, even if they are not part of the quotation. While she sucked his cock, he gazed in rapture at the picture of "Dogs Playing Poker." "I learned to do this from an episode of 'Beavis and Butthead,'" she said, as she swirled her tongue gently around the tip of his cock. When they are not part of the quotation, put other quotation marks (colons, semicolons, dashes, question marks, etc.) outside the final quotation mark. She had perfected her sexual technique through many hours of watching "Days of Our Lives"; but her partner's training was limited to "Beavis and Butthead." She said, "I want you to come inside me"; but he had already shot his wad all over her tits. Such decisions as whether to use direct or indirect quotations, whether to put the explanatory comments at the beginning, at the end, or in the middle, and whether to use quotation marks are a matter of preference and style. These decisions DO make a difference in the exact nuances conveyed by the quotations, but these distinctions cannot be discussed here. Quotations should be skillfully blended into the text, so that the words of the speakers sound natural. Here's an excerpt from "Virtuous Reality" that contains quoted dialogue. See if you can understand the logic behind how I handled each direct or indirect quotation. As she thought about these problems, Sue sighed deeply and uttered a barely audible murmur: "I'll never write an erotic story again. Dear God, I wish I had never written an erotic story at all." Suddenly, Sue was aware that there was someone else in the room with her. She spun around in her chair and was alarmed to see standing just inside the locked door a beautiful dark haired woman. She was dressed in diaphanous clothing that Sue associated with statues she had seen while cavorting in the Aegean Islands. The woman exuded a sensuous sexuality that made the room come alive. "Who are you?" asked Sue. "And what are you doing here?" "I'm Celeste. We've corresponded through alt.sex.stories. And I'm here to help you." "You're Celeste?" gasped Sue. "The goddess of alt.sex.stories?" "Well," replied the beautiful apparition. "I've been called that; but I'm more like an angel." "You're as beautiful as I imagined you'd be," said Sue, as she continued to wonder what in the world was happening. "And you're almost as beautiful as you say you are in your stories," replied Celeste. After a pause, Celeste continued: "To be honest, I'm not actually a full angel yet. I've met most of the requirements, but I still have to do one more good deed. I've been sent here as sort of your guardian angel. That bit about wishing you had never written an erotic story began with 'Dear God.' That constitutes a prayer. The Boss was upset by your comment, and she sent me here to help you get over your malaise or angst or whatever you want to call it." "Your boss?" replied Sue. When Celeste responded by merely folding her arms and raising her eyes toward the heavens, Sue began to get the message. "I've always heard your Boss referred to as 'he' or 'him,'" she said. "Actually, my Boss is neither a he nor a she," answered Celeste. "I just prefer the feminine pronoun, because so many men are assholes. Men write stories on a.s.s. that degrade women and describe harm to little boys and girls. But this isn't a theological essay. It's a sex story. Can I get on with what I came here for?" |