Larry and Joan walked arm in arm into the hotel lobby, following Jim (from accounts) and Jim’s wife Maddie. Larry nervously looked around for his boss, Bob, who he felt sure would take a very dim view of the shortness of Joan’s dress. Larry had tried very hard to persuade Joan to wear something longer, but she had been adamant about wanting to wear a dress that did not cover her buttocks. In the end they compromised, and now she was wearing a dress which only just covered her bottom. Unfortunately, at the front it kept riding up over her enormous belly, and this dragged it upwards at the back, thus revealing her shiny white panties for all to see.
This was the company’s Christmas dinner, and it was attended by most of the employees and their partners. Some of the younger wives and girlfriends were wearing short dresses, but none was nearly as short as Joan’s. Larry kept tugging her dress down at the front; he wished she would do it herself.
Their baby was four days away, if the obstetrician’s estimate was accurate. Their wedding was the day after tomorrow. It was going to be close. Yvonne’s estimated delivery date was only two days after Joan’s, but her belly somehow looked less huge – perhaps because she was carrying a little more weight to begin with.
They met up with Yvonne and Graham, and took their places at their assigned table. Yvonne’s dress was a little longer than Joan’s, but when she caught Larry looking at her legs, she subtly lifted her hem to reveal a mass of clingfilm-wrapped poo bulging out from her pussy. Larry’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, but Yvonne put a finger to her lips. Larry could not help wondering whether Graham knew what she had done. He doubted it.
The meal was delicious, and then, after a couple of short speeches, there was dancing. Graham and Yvonne were among the first up, but although Larry watched her hemline with curious eyes, her poo never dipped into view.
Joan nudged him peevishly. “Hey, what do I have to do to get your attention?” she asked.
Larry turned around, and gasped as he saw that she was sitting facing him with her legs spread wide and her dress pulled tight across her abdomen. Her white panties shone brilliantly in stark contrast to her dark dress. Glancing around nervously, he saw Bob not far away, and Bob was clearly looking at Joan’s panties.
“That’s a lovely sight,” Larry said in a low voice, “but perhaps you could close your legs a little? My boss is staring at your panties.”
Joan closed her legs. “Dance with me,” she said.
“Are you sure you’re up to it?” he asked.
“I’m pregnant, not crippled,” she said. “I’ll let you know when I get tired.”
As they went on to the dance floor, Yvonne and Graham were just leaving it. Since the current song had a dance beat rather than a Latin rhythm, Joan eschewed her newfound skills and reverted to a sexy wiggle while toying with her hemline. Larry watched her appreciatively as she danced, but his enjoyment was tempered by his anxiety over what his colleagues and bosses would think about his choice of fiancée.
At about half past nine, Graham and Yvonne decided to leave. Just as Larry was wondering if Yvonne was going to want to come to his flat to clean up, however, she said to him, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Larry.”
“Okay,” said Larry. “You just have a half-day, right?”
She nodded. “Lots to do!” she said.
*******************************************
The next morning at work, when Larry checked under Yvonne’s short maternity dress, he found she was still wearing her clingfilm ‘panties’. “Wow!” he exclaimed. “Graham let you spend the night like that?”
“Shh,” she said, looking around nervously. “I had to sleep in Joan’s room. I just wanted to have the feeling of lying in it and waking up with all that poo surrounding my nether regions. Graham was very good about it, but he didn’t want it anywhere near him.”
Larry chuckled. “So do you need to use my flat to clean up later?”
She nodded. “At lunch – can you come back there with me?”
“Of course,” he replied with a smile.
*******************************************
Joan was on holiday by this time, and they found her on Larry’s couch, masturbating with a vibrator Larry had bought her. She grinned as she saw them enter, but did not stop what she was doing. “Are you two going to have sex?” she asked. “Can I join in again?”
“Of course you can, darling,” said Yvonne. “But I’m going to clean up first.”
It was not long before Larry was fucking both women, alternating between all four lower orifices. He ended up climaxing in Joan’s rectum. Then he peed into Yvonne’s vagina, cleaned himself hurriedly, and went back to work.
*******************************************
Joan spent that night at her parents’ house, while Larry slept alone in his flat. A few of his friends had taken him out for a low-key stag night, which was really just a few drinks at the local pub and a stripper that his best man Ron had arranged. The stripper was moderately attractive, but not in Joan’s or Yvonne’s league, and her breasts were not nearly as impressive. Still, the chocolate sauce he was forced to lick off her nipples tasted nice.
Ron came over the next morning with the wedding rings and what he described as a “brutal hangover”. Larry, who had not drunk so heavily, was feeling fine. He got dressed in the brand new suit that his mother had made him buy for the wedding, and then called Joan to let her know that he and Ron were going out to lunch at the pub. Having exchanged a few sweet nothings with his soon-to-be-wife, he hung up, and headed out with Ron.
Taking separate cars for convenience later, they drove to the pub where they would be having lunch, and played pool while they downed a couple of beers. Then, at almost noon, an agitated-looking teenaged girl in a beautiful, though very short, shiny blue dress came hurrying into the pub. She was moderately pretty, with short blonde hair and a slim physique. She looked around, and her eyes lit on Larry. “Larry!” she said.
Larry suddenly recognised her as Angie, one of Joan’s bridesmaids. “Angie!” he said. “What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”
“You could say that! Joan’s left her engagement ring at your flat.”
“Oh!” said Larry. “Why did she take…” Then he stopped, remembering that Joan often removed her engagement ring before playing with poo, since it was a tricky job cleaning poo out of the setting for the diamond. “Does she remember where she left it?”
“She thinks she put it in a little box in the bathroom,” said Angie. “Do you know the one she means?”
Larry nodded. “I think so.” He turned to Ron. “You might as well stay here while I pop back to the flat.” He looked at his watch. “I should be back in forty-five minutes – if you could make sure our lunch is ready at that time, it’ll help. I’ll have a haddock and chips.”
“Righto,” said Ron.
Larry got to his feet and followed Angie outside. “How are you getting back?” he asked.
“Bus,” said Angie.
“Couldn’t someone have driven you?” asked Larry in surprise.
She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “Joan didn’t want to tell anyone else.”
“Well I might as well drop you back at the house myself,” said Larry, “since I’ll be going there anyway. Come on – I’ll give you a ride.”
“Thanks,” said Angie.
She chose to accompany him up to his flat rather than wait in the car, since she had not actually seen it yet. She wrinkled her nose, but politely did not say anything about the slight lingering smell of poo.
“Wait here,” said Larry, and he went into the bathroom, switching on the light and closing the door behind him. Looking around, he soon found the box containing Joan’s spare toiletries, and in it, there was her ring. He pocketed it, flicked the light switch, and was about to leave the room when he noticed that the light had not gone off.
He immediately realised that he had hit the fan switch instead. But strangely, the fan was not starting. Frowning, he stood on top of one of the poo-filled bins so that he could reach the fan’s metal cover, but he found that it was screwed on and he could not remove it. Never mind, he thought; he would fix it later.
Suddenly the lid of the bin buckled, and inverted at one side, and Larry found his leg rapidly sinking into the poo as the lid turned on its side. “Argh!” yelled Larry, and scrambled free, hauling his leg out as quickly as possible. But his trouser leg was now covered with poo up to the knee. “Damn it!” he swore.
“You all right in there?” asked Angie from outside the door.
“Yes!” said Larry. “Um … I’ll just be a minute.”
He took his trousers off, then tossed them into the bath. He would have to wear another suit – there was no way he could wear this one now. He also threw into the bath the bin’s inverted lid – it would need to be rinsed off before he could put it back on the bin, and also he would have to un-invert it, which might be a messy business if he did not clean it first. In the meantime, his clothes would be absorbing all the noxious odour that the poo in the bin was giving off, which would not do at all. He hurriedly rinsed off his leg under the shower head, accidentally spraying water on the bathroom floor in the process, then he dried off his leg and stripped off the rest of his clothes. Hurrying to the door, he opened it a crack and tossed them out into the living room before closing the door again.
“What’s going on?” asked Angie.
“I … um, had a bit of an accident with my clothes,” said Larry. “Got some gunk on them. I’ll be out in just a minute.”
“Did you find the ring?”
“Yes, yes, I got the ring,” said Larry, hopping naked into the bath to rinse off the dustbin lid. When he had got it pretty clean, he pressed hard on its underside to pop it back into its former shape. This accomplished, he jumped out of the bath, slipped on the wet floor, spun around with his arms flailing, and sat down hard on top of the poo-filled bin.
“Fuck!” he yelled, aghast, as he sank a foot or so into the poo. It squelched up around his middle and flowed over his crotch and abdomen. “Jesus Christ!”
“What now?” came Angie’s exasperated voice.
“Nothing!” replied Larry, as he spread his elbows out to catch the sides and stop himself from sinking further. He tried pulling himself out, but the sides were digging most uncomfortably into his arms and the backs of his knees. He drew his arms back so that he was pushing down with his hands, but he found he simply could not push hard enough to propel himself upwards. He was stuck, as if in very thick, glutinous mud.
“Fucking fuck!” he muttered, struggling to free himself. But despite his efforts, he was slowly sinking, not rising. “God!” he yelled in frustration.
“What’s the matter?” demanded Angie. “What’s going on?”
Larry sighed. He was going to regret this, he was sure, but… “I’m stuck!” he said. “Could you please help me out?”
“Oh!” said Angie. “Uh … are you decent?”
“Not exactly,” said Larry, “but … there’s something you should know about this room. Um … you know that Joan likes to, um…”
“Shit in her panties?” said Angie. “Yeah – everyone knows that.”
“Did you know she’s been collecting her poo for the last few months?”
“She’s been what??”
“She’s been putting it in dustbins, which I’ve been keeping here in this bathroom,” said Larry.
“Oh my God! That’s disgusting!”
“Well, disgusting or not, I’m afraid I just … um … fell into one of them.”
The door opened, and Angie’s head popped in. “Oh my God!” she exclaimed again. She put a hand to her mouth, apparently not sure whether to laugh or throw up. Then she screwed up her face. “Ugh, it stinks in here!”
“Normally I have a powerful extractor fan going in here,” said Larry. “But it seems to have packed up. Sorry. Anyway could you please get me out of here?”
She looked at him doubtfully. “How?” she asked.
“Just grab my arms and pull!” said Larry.
She wrinkled her nose. “There’s poo all over the floor,” she said. “My shoes…”
“Then take your shoes off,” said Larry. “Actually you’d better take your dress off too – there’s very little chance of it staying completely clean otherwise.”
“I’m not taking my dress off in front of you!” she said hotly.
Larry sighed. “I’ll keep my eyes closed,” he said. “But do you have a better idea?”
“Yes! How about I throw you one end of a towel, and I’ll pull on the other end?”
“That could work,” Larry admitted.
Angie came in and pulled Joan’s towel from the rail beneath the window. She threw one end to Larry, who caught it. Then she pulled hard, and promptly slipped on the wet floor, landing hard on her bottom. “Ow!” she said. “The floor’s wet!” She scrambled to her feet and wiped the backs of her legs.
“Sorry,” said Larry. “Perhaps if you stand on the bath mat?”
She did, but she was unable to pull Larry hard enough – he simply found his knees becoming pressed to his collar-bones as he became bent double. In this position, he actually started to sink faster.
“Stop, stop!” he said. “This isn’t working – I’m just going deeper. I need you to pull me upwards, not forwards.”
“Can we rock it forward, do you think?” she asked. “So that it tips over?”
Larry shook his head. “This thing weighs a quarter of a ton,” he said. “I can’t budge it when it’s full, not without Joan’s help.”
Angie shivered in disgust. “This is totally fucked up,” she said. “How the hell did you get in there?”
“I slipped!” said Larry. “Ugh, it was an unfortunate combination of factors. First I stood on the top so I could reach the fan, but then the side of the lid slipped inside, so my leg sank in, so then I had to take off my trousers and wash my leg off, and then I took off the rest of my clothes because I didn’t want them absorbing the smell … which you should think about, incidentally. The smell will cling to your dress if you stay in here with it on.”
“Then I should probably leave,” she said, walking to the door.
“You’re going to leave me in here?” inquired Larry.
“Yes,” she said. “I’m a bridesmaid! Pulling the groom out of a vat of poo isn’t part of the job description!” And with that she walked out.
Larry once again struggled to get out, but with no luck. He could hear Angie talking on the phone in the living room. A couple of minutes later, she returned.
“I just talked with Joan,” she said. “I told her what had happened.”
“Oh,” said Larry. “What did she say?”
Angie pulled a disgusted face. “Well, after she had stopped laughing, she asked me very nicely if I would please help you get out – and quickly.”
“Thank you,” said Larry.
She sighed. “So what’s the plan?”
“Well,” said Larry, “I’ve been thinking about this. I think what we need is a step stool and a couple of hand towels.”
Angie looked puzzled. “And what would I be doing with those?”
“Just put the step stool right in front of the bin,” said Larry. “Put a folded hand towel either side of me, laid over the bin’s rim. They’re to protect your hands. You’ll be kneeling on the top of the step stool, which is taller than this bin by, oh, six inches I’d say. I’ll reach up and put my arms around your neck, and all you need to do is heave upwards by straightening your arms. I think that should do the trick.”
“You think so?” said Angie doubtfully.
“Well the alternative is to rig up a system of ropes and pulleys,” said Larry a little impatiently, “but I don’t think we have the time or the resources for that.”
“All right all right,” said Angie. “Where’s your step stool then?”
“It’s in the kitchen cupboard,” said Larry. “Next to the Hoover.”
She fetched the stool, along with a couple of towels. “All right,” she said, “I’m going to take off my dress, so no peeking when I come back in, okay?”
“Okay,” said Larry. “I’ll keep my eyes closed.”
“Promise? It’s very important that you promise, because I’m not wearing a bra under this.”
“I promise,” said Larry. “Why aren’t you wearing a bra?” Then, as her cheeks turned crimson, he said, “Sorry, sorry – none of my business.”
She went out of the room, and, after a minute, said, “Okay, close your eyes.”
Larry closed them.
“Are they closed?”
“Yes, they’re closed,” said Larry.
He heard her come back in, and then the creaking of the stool as she climbed it. Then she said, “All right – put your arms up. I need to put the towels over the edges of the bin. Okay. Ugh, Larry, your arms have poo all over them.”
“Sorry,” said Larry. “Look, we’ll both have to have a quick shower afterwards, I’m sure.”
“But I can’t afford to get my hair wet this close to the wedding!” said Angie. “Put your arms around my back instead of my neck.”
Larry reached up, but misjudged.
“Larry!” Angie squealed.
“Sorry!” Larry apologised instantly, pulling his hand away from her breast. Having determined where exactly she was, he put his arms around her back, but his hands could not grasp each other. “Lean lower,” he said.
“I don’t want to get too near the poo!” she said. But she lowered herself a little, and Larry eventually managed to clasp his hands together.
“Okay, now straighten your arms, and push yourself up,” said Larry, still with his eyes closed.
She grunted with effort as she heaved upwards, and, slowly but surely, Larry began to arise out of the poo. “Well done!” said Larry. “Keep going – this is really working.”
Unfortunately neither he nor Angie realized that the step stool was tipping forward. Just as Larry’s crotch was nearing the top of the bin, the front feet of the stool slipped backwards, tipping the top of the stool and causing Angie to fall knees-first into the bin. She shrieked as her breasts collided with Larry’s face and her knees sank into the poo either side of Larry’s waist. Larry, having been so close to the surface, now sank back down into the bin under Angie’s weight.
“Quick, get yourself out!” said Larry. “Before we sink any further!”
“I’m trying!” snapped Angie crossly, pushing hard against the rim of the bin. But it was no use – the bin tapered towards its base, and the two of them had sunk to a point where they were now tightly wedged in place. At least they had stopped sinking, however.
“I can’t move!” said Angie.
“Can’t you straighten your legs and just stand up?”
“No! My feet are stuck behind me! I can’t get them down.”
Larry tried to push upwards, but he could not move himself. “Oh terrific,” he said. “How am I supposed to get to my wedding now? I’m getting married in a couple of hours!”
Angie was crying. “I can’t believe I’m stuck in a bin full of poo!” she wailed miserably. “Nearly naked! With my best friend’s naked fiancé!”
Larry felt his groin stir. “Never mind,” he said soothingly. “We’ll get out of here. Can you reach the step stool?”
Angie reached back, but the stool had collapsed and was lying flat on the floor. “No,” she reported mournfully.
Larry sighed. “Angie, I’m going to need to open my eyes. I need to look for a solution to our problem.”
Angie folded her arms over her breasts. “Okay,” she said.
Larry opened his eyes and smiled sympathetically at her tear-stained face. “Don’t worry,” he said. “One day this is going to seem really funny.” He looked over the side of the bin. “Damn,” he said. “If only you had your bra, we could snag the corner of the stool and maybe pull it within reach.”
“And what good would that do?” inquired Angie.
“If I can erect the stool behind me, maybe I can push against it and use it to lever us out. It’s not a great plan, but it’s all I can think of at the moment. Of course, it’s worthless if we can’t get our hands on the stool.”
Angie thought for a minute. “I suppose…” she began, but then she stopped.
“What?” asked Larry.
“No, never mind,” said Angie.
“No, go on,” said Larry. “If you have an idea let’s hear it. I’m open to anything right now.”
She hesitated, then said, “Maybe I could snag it with my knickers…”
Larry shook his head. “You’ll never get them off. Not without ripping them apart, and then what use would they be?”
“Actually they tie up at the sides,” said Angie. “I just need to untie them, and then I’ll be able to pull them out.”
“Oh!” said Larry. “Well, that’s certainly worth a try. But are you sure? I mean, you’ll be naked…”
“Of course I’m not sure!” she said. “You think I want to remove my last piece of clothing separating my nakedness from yours?”
“No, I’m sure you don’t,” said Larry. “I’m sorry – stupid thing to say.”
Angie grimaced in distaste as she reached down into the poo with one hand. She fiddled for a moment on one side, then slowly, and with some difficulty, moved her hand around to her other side. When she withdrew it, she was holding a little thong which had once been white, but was now coated brown with poo, and still had lumps of poo clinging to it. “Ugh!” she said, shuddering with revulsion. Then she stiffened. “Larry, stop that!”
“Stop what?” said Larry.
“I can feel your dick moving between my legs!”
Larry sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m trying not to be aroused by this, but it’s difficult.”
She handed him her thong. “Here,” she said. “Just do whatever you need to do, and hurry up about it.”
Larry re-tied the thong, then, holding on to one loop, he cast the other end towards the step stool. It was way too far away. “You’ll need to do this,” he said. “You’re closer. Just try to snag it, then pull it up and grab hold of it.”
Angie leaned back as far as she could, and cast the thong towards the step stool. It failed to catch on anything. “Larry, please stop that!” she said, feeling his hardening penis pressing between her labia.
But although Larry was trying to think of something else, the sensation of Angie’s pussy against the head of his penis was all too arousing, and as he became fully erect, he found himself nudging slowly into her vaginal opening. “Oh God!” he said.
Her shoulder aching from having been stretched uncomfortably backwards for the last two minutes, Angie turned to face Larry again. Suddenly she slipped downwards a couple of inches, and she squealed as she felt Larry slide up into her vagina. “Ow! Oh my God! Larry!” she exclaimed in horror.
“Shit! I’m sorry!” cried Larry.
“This can’t be happening!” wailed Angie.
“God, I’m so sorry!” said Larry.
Angie plunged her hand down into the poo, trying to find Larry’s penis so she could pull it out of herself, but she discovered that her mons was pressed tightly against Larry’s pelvis, and she could not get her fingers between the two. Going around the back was not an option, as her bottom was pressed hard against the side of the bin. In a panic, she struggled violently to free herself, but her movements only served to drive Larry’s penis deeper inside her in a series of rapid thrusts.
“Stop stop stop!” cried Larry, gasping at the intensely pleasurable sensations emanating from his groin. “Are you trying to make me come?”
She froze. “Don’t come!” she said. “For fuck’s sake, don’t come!”
Larry tried to focus his mind, to will himself further away from orgasm. “Let me guess,” he said. “You’re not on the pill?”
“No, I’m not,” she said. “Why would I be? I’ve never had sex with anyone.”
“You’re a virgin?” asked Larry in surprise.
“Just because I’m Joan’s friend doesn’t mean I act like her,” said Angie huffily.
“I’m sorry,” said Larry. “I didn’t mean to imply…” He sighed. “Do you think you might be ovulating?”
“No,” she said.
Larry heaved a sigh of relief.
“I’m a couple of days away from that, I think,” she added.
Larry’s heart sank. “Okay,” he said, “then I really mustn’t come inside you.”
“You mustn’t anyway!” she said. “Just think of … of icicles or something.”
“Icicles?” said Larry.
“Well, they’re cold. I was trying to think of the mental equivalent of a cold shower.”
Larry thought about icicles. A minute passed. He was still thinking about icicles. Slowly, he began to soften. “Hey, it’s working!” he said.
“Good!” said Angie.
Then her vagina clenched as she turned to reach behind her again, and instantly Larry’s penis sprang back to life. “Oh bugger,” he said.
“I’ve got it!” cried Angie excitedly.
“You have?” asked Larry in surprise.
“Yes! Just a minute…”
Larry watched as the near end of the step stool slowly rose from the floor. “Good job!” he said. “Try to catch hold of it with your other hand.” With something else on his mind, his erection began to shrink.
Angie continued to pull, and reached around with her other hand in an attempt to grab the stool. Her right nipple briefly became uncovered, and Larry’s erection hardened once more. Then there was a clattering sound, and a cry of anguish from Angie.
“The thong broke!” she said. “Oh no!”
“It broke?”
“Or came untied – I’m not sure.”
“Well let’s just re-tie it and try again,” said Larry.
“I dropped it!” she wailed.
Larry could not help noticing Angie’s exposed nipples. He shook himself. “You dropped it? How?”
“It was the part that was in my hand that broke! The stool just whipped it out of my fingers as it fell!”
“Crap!” said Larry. “And you can’t reach it?”
“No!”
Larry sighed. “Then we have nothing. How long do you suppose it will be before they come looking for us?”
“Don’t give up!” said Angie. “There must be another way!”
The phone rang. Larry and Angie listened to it, but were powerless to answer it. Then it stopped ringing. “Great!” said Larry. “Now they’ll think we’re not here.”
“We have to try to tip this thing over!” said Angie. “If we both rock the same way at once, maybe we can shift it.”
“Unlikely,” said Larry, “but we’ll try it if you want.”
Angie started rocking back and forth, and Larry matched her rhythm. The only immediate effect of this was that his penis started sliding rhythmically back and forth, deep in Angie’s vagina.
“Woah! Woah!” he said. “Much more of that and I’ll come.”
Angie stopped rocking. “Can’t you control yourself?” she asked in exasperation.
“It’s not a matter of controlling myself!” said Larry. “It’s a small matter of involuntary physiological responses!”
“Let’s try it sideways,” said Angie. “Maybe that won’t affect you as much.”
Larry sighed. “All right,” he said.
They tried swaying from side to side, in perfect unison, but even this caused Larry’s erection to bump rhythmically up against Angie’s cervix. However, if was also having another effect.
“It’s working!” said Angie.
The bin had indeed, albeit briefly, shifted on the floor. Renewing their efforts, Larry and Angie swayed back and forth more and more forcefully, while Larry’s penis thrust still harder inside Angie’s cunt.
“Stop!” he gasped.
But Angie, feeling sure that the bin was about to tip, continued jerking herself from side to side. Larry groaned as he climaxed, and felt his semen rush up his shaft and pour out deep inside Angie’s vagina.
“Oh my God, did you come?” said Angie, shocked, as she ceased her swaying.
“Yes!” said Larry miserably. “Didn’t you hear me say stop?”
“I didn’t realise you were that close!”
“Well … I was.”
Angie’s shoulders slumped morosely. “I suppose I’m not a virgin any more then.”
“I’m so, so sorry,” said Larry.
Angie shrugged, and wiped a couple of tears from her cheeks. “It felt sort of nice,” she said. “But I hoped for so much more. I didn’t imagine it would happen while I was sitting in a dustbin with poo up to my chest. And with my best friend’s fiancé.” Then she gasped. “How on Earth am I going to explain this to Joan?”
Larry sighed. “Yes, I imagine she’ll be upset. I do hope she doesn’t call off the wedding.”
“You don’t think she’ll have to anyway? It’s looking like we won’t even be there!”
“Perhaps we can try this rocking thing again,” said Larry.
They tried, but although they managed a couple of times to make the dustbin shift slightly, they could not tip it. Half an hour later, after the phone had rung a couple more times, they heard a voice saying, “Angie? Larry?”
“Help! We’re in here!” cried Angie. “In the bathroom.”
“Who’s that?” whispered Larry.
“Denise,” said Angie.
A blonde head appeared in the doorway. “Yuck!” she said. “What a smell!”
“Get us out of here!” said Angie desperately.
“How the hell did you end up in there?” demanded Denise, coming into the room and folding her arms. “Have you two been having sex?”
“No!” said Angie. “Well, yes, but it was an accident! The step stool fell over and tipped me in here! I got stuck, and … and … our bits were unfortunately just in the wrong positions…” She began to cry.
Denise turned her frown on Larry. “Larry, I’m disgusted with you! Taking advantage of poor Angie like that.”
“I didn’t mean to!” said Larry. “It’s very hard not to get an erection when a beautiful naked girl gets dropped in your lap!”
“Hmph,” said Denise. “Angie, you still need your hair done. There’s just time, if we hurry. But we need to get you cleaned up. How do you propose I should get you out of there?”
“Just grab hold of Angie under her arms and pull upwards,” said Larry. “That should work. But you’ll want to take off your dress first, so it doesn’t get messy.”
“All right,” said Denise. She left the room, and came back a moment later wearing just a black bra and panties. She grimaced as she stepped into a pile of poo that had spilled on to the floor, and grabbed hold of Angie beneath her armpits. She heaved upwards, and Angie rose an inch or so, but Larry’s penis, which was hard again, stayed inside her.
Denise broke off, panting, and Angie settled back into place. Larry’s erection was once again buried to the hilt. “Jeez,” said Denise, “you two really are stuck!” She tried again, and this time Angie rose, and rose. Larry’s erection popped out of her. Then she was free, and the two girls fell backwards on to the floor, with Angie on top of Denise.
“Ugh!” said Denise. “Get off me – you’re filthy! Oh look, you’ve got poo on my bra – and my knickers!”
With much of the poo that had been weighing Larry down now piled on the floor around the bin, Larry managed to struggle out. As he stood ankle-deep in poo, wiping himself down, both bridesmaids squealed and averted their eyes. Then Angie climbed into the bath.
“Me first!” she said as she tossed the dustbin lid out, along with Larry’s trousers. “I have to go back to Joan’s house to get my hair done.” She drew the plastic curtain across, and turned on the shower.
“I’d better get this poo put away,” said Larry, and he used the bin lid to start gathering up the poo that had fallen on the floor.
“I can’t believe Joan’s keeping it all so she can have a bath in it,” said Denise. “Even for her, that’s pretty gross.”
Larry chuckled. “Yes, well, she’s certainly one of a kind. But I love her very much, so be nice.”
“Oh don’t get me wrong,” said Denise. “Joan’s a sweet girl, and a good friend. That doesn’t mean I have to approve of everything she does.”
“Like marrying Larry,” said Angie, from the other side of the shower curtain.
Larry stopped shovelling. “You’re being a bridesmaid at a wedding you don’t approve of?”
“Certainly,” said Denise with a shrug. “Joan knows how I feel about you two, but since she won’t change her mind, I’m prepared to accept her decision and be happy for her.”
“Well, thank you,” said Larry, and he went back to his shovelling. By the time Angie stepped out of the shower, all clean and covering herself with her hands, he was done. Denise had removed her bra and panties, and was about to step into the bath, but Larry stopped her. “Wait,” he said. “Let me clean this lid so I can put it back on the bin.”
But Denise pushed past him. “Sorry Larry, my cleanliness comes first.”
Angie tiptoed gingerly across the room, carefully avoiding all the brown streaks. She fetched a towel from the cupboard and took it out of the bathroom with her. Larry fidgeted while he waited for Denise to finish showering. He was not sure what the time was, but he was sure he had only about an hour left until the wedding.
Ten minutes later Angie, fully dressed, stuck her head into the bathroom. “I’m off,” she said. “My dad’s come to pick me up. I’ll see you two later!”
“Bye,” said Larry. “And sorry about…”
Angie shuddered. “I don’t want to think about it,” she said.
“Bye Angie!” said Denise from behind the curtain.
Once Angie had left, Larry paced nervously as Denise finished showering. Eventually she pulled back the curtain. “Towel please?”
“My hands are filthy,” said Larry. “You may want to get it yourself. In the cupboard over there.”
Denise stepped out of the bath, then promptly slipped on the wet floor. As she fell backwards, Larry caught her, though in doing so he accidentally grasped both of her breasts with his hands. Denise shrieked at the sight and feel of Larry’s poo-covered hands grabbing hold of her breasts, and as soon as she got to her feet, she turned around and shoved him away from her.
“Pervert!” she yelled.
Larry staggered backwards, slipped, and once again landed bottom-first in the lidless poo bin. “Hell’s bells!” he cried in alarm, as he sank immediately up to his chest, with his knees touching his shoulders. “What’s the matter with you, woman?” he demanded.
“You groped me!” exclaimed Denise, covering her breasts and pussy with her hands.
“I didn’t intend to!” Larry replied. “You fell! I tried to catch you! I didn’t have much time to plan where my hands would end up!”
“Bullshit!” said Denise angrily. “I bet you planned it!”
“Planned it?” echoed Larry incredulously. “I planned for you to slip on the floor and fall backwards towards me?”
Denise was momentarily lost for words. “Maybe!” she said. “I don’t know. It just seems like you’re getting awfully intimate with the bridesmaids today!”
“Not my fault!” insisted Larry. “Look, for God’s sake help me out before I sink any further.”
“I’ll get messy again!” said Denise. “Get yourself out.”
“Damn it Denise, I have to get to my wedding! There’s a lovely young woman out there, who is pregnant with my baby, and we’re very much in love, and the last thing I want to do is leave her standing at the altar! I’ve been looking forward to this day for a long time. I’ve written my own vows and everything – this has been planned to the last detail by Yvonne, and I’m damned if I’m going to miss it all because you’re pissed off that I accidentally touched your breasts!”
Denise looked somewhat abashed. “All right Larry, no need to go off the deep end. Maybe I overreacted. But you grabbed my breasts! I think I’m justified in taking offence at that.”
“Just please, please get me out of here,” said Larry.
“How?” asked Denise. “I don’t want to make the same mistake as Angie and end up in there with you.”
“Angie fell in because she had the step stool too far away from the bin,” said Larry. “It overbalanced and tipped her in. To avoid the same fate, you just need to push the stool all the way up to the bin. Simple.”
“All right,” said Denise. “But I’m wearing a towel for this.”
“Fine,” said Larry.
Denise fetched a towel from the cupboard, and wrapped it around herself. Then she grabbed the stool and put it up against the bin. “What now?” she said.
“Kneel on top of the step stool,” said Larry. “Then put those two hand towels either side of me, draped over the edges of the bin. Then put your hands on them, lower yourself so that I can put my arms around your neck … or perhaps your back, if you don’t want to get your hair messy.”
“Back, then,” said Denise. She fetched the hand towels and placed them in the positions Larry had suggested. Then she put her hands on them, knelt on the wooden platform at the top of the stool, and lowered herself towards Larry.
He put his arms around her upper back, as he had done with Angie. “Now pull upwards,” said Larry. “This worked perfectly with Angie, until the stool slipped.”
“All right,” said Denise, and she pushed to straighten her arms.
“That’s it!” said Larry, slowly rising through the poo. “Keep going … a little more … nearly there!”
Then the sides of the bin buckled suddenly. Denise lurched forward, and the step stool toppled forwards. Unfortunately, although its base was touching the bin, it was tall enough for its top to clear the top of the bin, and wide enough for its vertical pieces to pass either side, at least until they got caught on the bin’s widest part. At this point the floor, still slick with smeared poo, provided insufficient friction for the stool’s feet to remain in place, and it shot backwards, sending a shrieking Denise plummeting knees-first into the poo.
“Oops!” said Larry. “That’s pretty much exactly what happened to Angie.”
“I don’t believe it!” exclaimed Denise. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you!” She started hitting Larry about the face with her hands.
“Hey hey hey!” said Larry, fending her off. “I did nothing of the kind! I thought we had a good solution there. Obviously I was wrong, for which I am very sorry.”
Denise stopped hitting him, and instead fought to get herself out. Then she gasped as she felt Larry’s erect penis sliding up inside her vagina. “No way!” she shouted. “Get your fucking penis out of me right now, Larry!”
Larry did try, but he was immobilised from the waist down, sandwiched as he was between Denise’s thighs. Denise’s vigorous movements did not help, as each one served only to drive him deeper and deeper inside her. Too late she tried to reach down and pull him out with her hand – they were already pressed together too tightly.
Larry sighed. “Please tell me you’re on the pill,” he said. “Or that you’re not ovulating, or about to.”
“I came off the pill back in February,” said Denise. “On my doctor’s recommendation. And I could well be ovulating. I’m not sure – I don’t tend to know when it’s happening, and I don’t particularly keep track. But it’s all academic, because you’re not going to climax inside me, okay? You hear me Larry?”
Larry nodded. “I’ll try not to,” he said. “Just try to avoid any rhythmic motions.”
“Can we rock this thing over?” Denise wondered aloud.
“Angie and I tried that,” said Larry. “That’s what made me come inside her.”
“You came inside Angie?” gasped Denise.
“She wouldn’t stop when I told her to stop!” said Larry. “I couldn’t help it!”
Denise sighed. “How long do you think we have?”
“I don’t know – forty-five minutes maybe? Forty? Could be as little as half an hour.”
“Shit,” said Denise. “Joan’s going to kill me. I’m sorry I pushed you back into the bin, Larry.”
Larry was very surprised to hear her apologise. “Um, don’t mention it,” he said. “Let’s just figure out how we’re going to get out.”
They were saved the trouble, however, by the arrival of Graham and Ron. “Larry!” came Graham’s voice.
Larry’s stomach knotted. “In here, Graham!” he said. “Be prepared for a bit of a shock, though.”
Graham slapped a hand to his nose as he entered. “For God’s sake, Larry!” he said. “What kind of sick game is this to play on your wedding day?”
Ron entered behind Graham, and stared with disgust at the poo on the floor and in the dustbin in which Larry and Denise were trapped.
“It’s not what it looks like!” said Larry. “This is no game – it’s just a very unfortunate accident. I would be much obliged if you would help us get out of here.”
Graham stared at the two of them. “Larry,” he said, “I say this to you in all seriousness. I’m not going to lift a damn finger to help you out of this particular mess. I’m going back home right now, and I’m going to tell Yvonne and Joan what I’ve seen. If Joan still wants to marry you, and I’ll do my damnedest to ensure that she doesn’t, then you’d better make sure you’re at the church in twenty minutes. Because if you’re not, I’m officially calling the wedding off. Goodbye Larry.” And with that, he turned on his heel and walked out.
Ron shrugged helplessly. “Larry, this is way too weird for me. Sorry man – you’re on your own.” He turned and followed after Graham.
Stunned, Denise and Larry stared at each other as they heard the front door close. Then Larry started futilely heaving his body upwards. “We have to get out of here! I can’t lose Joan! I have to get to the church!”
Denise looked at him with sympathy. “All right Larry,” she said, “we’re going to tip this thing over if it’s the last thing we do. Are you with me? Are you ready to rock?”
Larry, despite himself, chuckled. “Yes,” he said. “Ready when you are.”
They began to rock backwards and forwards, their movements enhanced by their great sense of urgency. Larry’s erection slid smoothly back and forth inside Denise, and although he tried to ignore the sensations, he felt his excitement building. Then, with a mighty lurch towards the fallen step ladder, they succeeded in getting the bin to tip over. It landed with a mighty thud, rolled off the ladder towards the door, performed one complete revolution, and then came to rest with Larry on top of Denise.
“I didn’t come!” said Larry excitedly. “I didn’t come!”
“Good!” said Denise. “I was prepared for the worst, but good! Now let’s get out of this thing.”
This was easier said than done, however. They were still stuck. A small amount of poo had spilled out, but their problem was not the weight of poo on top of them, but unwedging themselves from the depths of the bin.
“Can you get your legs down?” asked Larry.
“No,” she replied. “Can you lever us out?”
“No,” said Larry. “Maybe if we try shifting at the same time?”
“All right,” said Denise. “One, two, three, go!”
They both jerked their bodies forwards at once. This accomplished little except for a hard thrust of Larry’s erection inside Denise’s cunt. They tried again, a couple of times, and managed to propel themselves forward a bit.
“All right,” said Larry, “This time, let’s just keep jerking ourselves forwards until we’re free.”
They did so, and little by little, they slid forwards towards the top of the bin. Larry’s erection pounded into Denise’s vagina with each jerk, until suddenly he climaxed, and in time to the next few jerks he pumped his semen deep inside her.
As soon as Denise could straighten her legs, she pushed against the bottom of the bin, and the two of them, still entwined in each other, slid out of the top and on to the bathroom floor.
“I’m sorry,” said Larry, panting. “I came inside you – I’m sorry.”
She looked at him oddly, then she wrapped her legs around his back and kissed him on the lips.
Larry, shocked, pushed himself away from her and jumped to his feet, covering his wilting penis with his hands. “Don’t do that Denise!” he said. “Why would you do that?”
She nodded, satisfied, then got to her feet. “Just testing,” she said. “Now hurry up and jump in the shower. You don’t have much time.”
Larry hopped into the bath, pulled the curtain across, and started the shower. He cleaned himself from head to toe in record time, and when he pulled the curtain back, Denise was waiting for him with a towel. As he climbed out, she dropped her own towel and climbed in.
Larry hastily dried himself, then pulled out a suit from his wardrobe. It was not nearly as nice as his new one, but it would have to do. As he brushed his wet hair, put on a tie, and looked at his watch. His heart sank – it was already five past three. He had missed the deadline. Disheartened, he sat down on the edge of his couch.
Denise emerged naked from the bathroom and put on her bridesmaid’s dress. Her elegantly styled hair was now wet and bedraggled, but somehow she looked even prettier that way.
“Come on!” she said. “What are you sitting there for?”
“It’s past three o’clock,” said Larry morosely.
“So? You won’t be the first groom to be late for his wedding. Move your arse, Larry!”
She chivvied him out of the door, and they hurried together to the car park. As he drove off down the road, Larry said, “Graham said he would call off the wedding if I wasn’t there in twenty minutes. It’s been half an hour.”
“And it’s Graham’s decision, is it?” inquired Denise.
Larry’s spirits rose, then sank again. Would even Yvonne stick up for him, once she had heard Graham’s story?
They arrived at the church, where they were met by Yvonne, who looked very relieved. “Hurry up inside,” she said. “Joan’s still going to marry you, Larry, so don’t look so frightened. Not you, dear – you stay here and wait for Joan. She’s running a little late.”
Larry went inside and walked up the aisle to the front of the church, amid whispered conversation to either side. He was very surprised to see Ron waiting there for him.
“Didn’t expect to see you here,” he said.
“That Yvonne’s very persuasive,” said Ron. “She has some faith in you, that woman. Besides, I couldn’t exactly run off with these rings, could I?”
“Thanks,” said Larry gratefully.
Two minutes later, the organ struck up with “Here Comes the Bride”, and Larry turned to look down the aisle at the back of the church. He smiled at Denise and Angie, who were first in line, then he smiled at Yvonne, who as matron of honour was walking behind the bridesmaids. Behind Yvonne was Graham, with Joan on his arm. Graham’s expression was stony, but he nodded curtly to Larry as if to say “We’ll talk later”.
As the bridesmaids passed the foremost pews, they split off and went to their seats, as did Yvonne. Larry grinned broadly as he took in his first look at Joan’s complete outfit. She was wearing a scandalously short white wedding dress, very low cut, with her breasts as fully displayed as possible without her nipples showing. The dress was stretched tightly around her pregnant belly, and her panties, which were showing beneath her hemline, appeared to be practically transparent. Larry gasped as he realised this, and Joan, seeing his reaction, giggled. Then she took her place next to him, and the ceremony began.
The vicar, an elderly gentleman, was thoroughly distracted throughout the service, and kept fluffing his lines. But he managed “You may now kiss the bride” with no trouble, and Larry lost no time in enfolding Joan in a passionate embrace. With his left leg pressed against her right, her pussy was shielded from the congregation’s view, and he took the opportunity as he kissed her of stroking her clitoris through her panties. She gasped with pleasure, and smiled at him. Then her face took on a look of concentration, and a moment later, just as the sound of the congregation’s applause suddenly died, Larry caught a whiff of poo. His eyes widened.
“You planned to do this all along?” he whispered to her.
She nodded, her eyes shining. “You’d better get me out of here,” she whispered back, “before all my family disowns me.”
“But we have the signing of the registry to do,” said Larry.
Her face went white. “Oh shit!” she said. “I’d forgotten about that.”
“You’d better stop doing your poo until after we’ve done that,” said Larry. He turned to the vicar. “Um, we have a bit of an emergency here. Can we sign the registry as quickly as possible?”
The witnesses were gathered together and shepherded hurriedly into the registry office, where Joan and Larry signed their marriage certificate. Despite Larry’s words of caution, Joan had continued to fill her panties, and now they were sagging under the weight of a huge pass of poo, which was entirely visible as a lumpy brown mass through the gauzy, see-through material.
“Joan, how could you?” said Yvonne, dabbing at her eyes, as they walked back out into the main body of the church. “All my friends, and family!”
“Shh,” said Joan. “I know you’ve done it too.”
Yvonne’s cheeks reddened. “But I’m not flaunting it!” she hissed.
It was a rather silent and shocked congregation that they passed through on their way to the main church doors. Some confetti was thrown, and photos were taken, but there was little to no applause.
And then of course they had to pose for photographs. Fortunately there was a fresh breeze blowing, so the smell from Joan’s panties was carried quickly away. Larry went up to the photographer, who was looking rather shell-shocked after having just seen Joan’s full panties, and said, “May I have a word?”
The photographer, a short, balding gentleman in his fifties, nodded wordlessly.
“The bride has, as you can see, had a bit of an accident. And clearly she is wearing an unusually short dress. Also, she is heavily pregnant. I realise this makes for an unusual photo shoot, from your point of view, but I just want you to know…”
“It’s … it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!” said the photographer. “Very … um … erotic.”
Larry was startled, but quickly recovered. “I’m glad you think so,” he said. “With that in mind, I don’t want you to shy away from photographing Joan’s underwear. No waist-up shots, please. And feel free to photograph her from the back. In fact, I’d like you to get as many shots of her panties, from all angles, as possible.”
The middle-aged man nodded. “It’ll be a pleasure,” he said.
Larry smiled, then went back to re-join Joan, who was looking a little embarrassed. Nobody was coming very close to her. Larry put his arm around her and squeezed her shoulder. Then he spotted his parents, and went over to say hello.
“Why’s she dressed like that?” demanded his mother.
“And why did she mess herself?” asked his father.
“Hush,” said Larry. “She’s young, and something of an exhibitionist … but the accident was a result of her bowel incontinence, which is something that she’s developed late in her pregnancy. Please don’t embarrass her by mentioning it to her. I’ll take her home and get her cleaned up before the reception.”
And this was essentially the line he took with several other guests who were looking upset. In the end he managed to persuade everyone to take part in the photos, and the photographer snapped away, taking plenty of candid shots as well as the posed group photos. Larry spent much of this time with his arm around Joan, but sometimes he would reach down to her bottom, cup her poo-bulge, and rub it around so that she uttered little gasps of excitement.
After the photo session, Larry and Joan climbed into his car, and drove away from the waving friends and relatives. Larry smiled and put his hand on Joan’s thigh.
“Well Mrs Murphy,” he said, “was that everything you hoped it would be?”
“Yes,” she said, and she giggled. “Mum and Dad are going to be upset with me for a while, but it was definitely worth it.”
“I’m very surprised your mum let you wear such a short dress. And with those panties!”
She chuckled. “She didn’t exactly ‘let’ me. After we bought the dress, I asked her to shorten it for me, and she did, but it was still too long for my liking, so I shortened it a bit more. When she saw it, she totally flipped, but I begged her to let me wear it all the same. Eventually I wore her down, but she said she would only let me wear it if I would wear little white hotpants underneath. I said okay, and so she hemmed it properly for me.”
“But you didn’t wear the hotpants,” said Larry.
“Right,” said Joan. “I wore these panties underneath the hotpants, then just as we were about to get out of the car, I took the hotpants off. Mum and Dad didn’t realise what I’d done until we were actually inside the church. Mum almost dragged me out, but I begged her not to ruin my wedding day, and she gave in. Dad wasn’t too happy either, but he usually follows Mum’s lead.”
“You rascal,” said Larry, smiling. “I can’t believe you did a poo, though – right at the altar! That must have taken some nerve.”
Joan nodded. “It did. Do you suppose Mike got it on video?”
“Knowing Mike, the video camera probably hardly ever left your bottom,” said Larry. “But I’m not sure how he would have reacted to your doing a shit in your panties. He may have panned away as soon as he realised what you were doing. I’ll ask him at the reception.”
Having cleaned Joan up, and replaced her panties with a lacy pink pair (also rather see-through), they headed off to the hotel where the reception was being held. They circulated for a while, deftly fending off questions about Joan’s outfit and accident, then went through to the large room where dinner was to be served. They ate, and speeches were made by Larry, Graham and Ron. Graham’s was the highlight – he had a rare gift for humorous public-speaking. By the time the speeches were over, the assembled guests were in high spirits (the wine helped), and had apparently forgiven Joan her immodesty at the ceremony.
After the cutting (and eating) of the cake, Larry and Joan took to the dance floor, where they slowly swayed together. Joan’s nipples soon worked themselves free, but neither she nor Larry made any effort to tuck them away. While they were cuddling together, near to Joan’s parents, there came a sudden gasp from Yvonne. Larry and Joan stopped dancing, and looked in concern at Yvonne, who was clutching her belly. “Contraction!” said Yvonne.
“Wow, the baby’s coming?” asked Joan excitedly.
“It’s thinking about it!” said Yvonne.
“Right,” said Graham. “Come on – let’s get you home.”
“Can we come?” asked Joan.
“Later,” said Graham. “Spend some time with your guests first.” He turned to Larry. “You know, it’ll probably be a few hours. Could be a couple of days. But just in case it’s sooner, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you. Which is simply that this is biologically your baby, and I think you should be there.”
“You want me to be present at the birth?” asked Larry in surprise.
Graham nodded. “If you’re serious when you say you want to be a part of her life.”
“I do,” said Larry. “But only if that’s all right with you. I don’t want to take anything away from your role as parent.”
“I realise that, Larry, and I appreciate it. But she’ll still be yours, biologically, and I wouldn’t feel right about keeping you away from the birth.”
“Thanks Graham! I’ll be there.”
Graham nodded, then escorted Yvonne out of the room. Larry resumed dancing with Joan, who rested her head against his shoulder. Moments later, however, she stiffened.
“Oh gosh, Larry!” she said. “I think I’m having a contraction too!”
Larry stepped back, and held her at arm’s length. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I can’t think what else it would be.”
“Okay,” said Larry, and he smiled. “Wow – I’m going to be a dad!”
She giggled. “You’d better get me home too.”
Larry hurried over to the D.J. and asked him to turn the music off. Then he spoke into the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, “thank you all for being here. We’d love to stay longer with you, but it seems that my beautiful bride is about to follow her mother’s example. Yes, she’s gone into labour, ladies and gentlemen, and I should probably get her home so we can be prepared for when it’s time to go to the hospital. Wish us luck!”
Cheers and applause met this announcement. Larry and Joan carefully hurried to the exit, and climbed into Larry’s car. Minutes later, they were pulling into the Colemans’ driveway, where they caught up with Graham and Yvonne.
“What are you doing here?” asked Graham. “I thought…”
“I’ve gone into labour too!” beamed Joan. “I’m having a baby, Mum!”
“Congratulations, dear,” said Yvonne. “You won’t be quite so excited very soon, I’m sure. But trust me, it’s worth it.”
They went inside and had a cup of tea, and Larry and Graham made their respective wives comfortable, and made a fuss over them. As evening became night, Graham and Yvonne generously gave up their queen-sized bed for the newlyweds. Yvonne climbed into Joan’s single bed, and Graham settled himself down on the couch in the living room.
Larry was a little nervous about having vaginal sex with the baby so close to coming, so he vigorously fucked Joan’s rectum a couple of times before they went to sleep. Halfway through the night, he was awoken by Joan’s contractions. Having discovered that his penis was still buried in her anus, and moreover was getting quite hard again, he fucked her again until he squirted yet more semen into her bowels.
The next morning, Joan’s contractions were down to six and a half minutes apart, and Yvonne’s were at five. They decided all to go to the hospital together, and on their way there, Yvonne’s water broke. Both she and Joan were admitted immediately, and installed in separate rooms.
Larry would have liked to have been present at both births, but he did not feel that he could pop back and forth between delivery rooms. So he remained with Joan, until she suddenly said, “Larry, can you film the birth?”
Larry raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you want me to?”
“Yes,” she said. “And I want to give birth naked – do you think they’d let me do that?”
“They might,” he replied. “I don’t know – it’s not something I’ve ever thought to inquire about. When the midwife comes back in, we’ll ask.”
“But go and get the camcorder first,” she said urgently. “We might have plenty of time, but we might not.”
Larry nodded. They had recently bought themselves a camcorder so that they could film some of Joan’s adventures with poo. Larry could not help feeling that filming Joan giving birth would make for a strange viewing experience later on: partly erotic, partly gruesome, partly magical. But it would certainly be an experience.
He hurried home to his flat, picked up the camcorder, and returned to the hospital at great speed, fearful he would miss the birth. But he need not have worried – her contractions were still only four minutes apart.
Then her water broke, and the next three hours became almost a surreal experience for Larry. They did indeed allow Joan to be naked for the birth, although for most of the time leading up to the event she was covered with a blanket so that she did not get cold. One of her contractions caused her bowels to empty out on to the bed, forming a huge pile at which the doctor and the midwife both marvelled with no apparent trace of disgust. Larry smiled as he recorded the expulsion on the camcorder.
The mess necessitated a change of sheets, of course, after which things progressed fairly quickly. When the baby began to come, Joan threw off her blanket, and Larry filmed his naked sixteen-year-old wife as she gave birth, in great screaming pain, to a rather wizened-looking purple-faced little baby. The cord was cut, the placenta slithered out (an alarming event which caught Larry by surprise, even though he had been instructed that this would happen), and Joan nursed her baby. No milk came, which worried Joan, but the midwife explained that it could take a couple of days for the flow to begin, and that this was quite normal.
With everything under control, Larry raced out of the room to find Graham and Yvonne. He burst into their room, and found Yvonne in the throes of a strong contraction. Graham looked up. Then, seeing Larry’s face, he stood up.
“Has Joan…” he began.
“You’re a grandfather!” exclaimed Larry.
“Oh wonderful!” said Yvonne. “Everything went all right?”
“Perfectly!” said Larry. “You’d have been proud of her – she was so brave!”
“That’s my girl,” said Graham, grinning from ear to ear. He turned to Yvonne. “Will you be okay if I go and see Joan?”
“Yes – but hurry back … I think it’s very close!”
They spent a few minutes with Joan, and then both men returned to Yvonne. Larry was thus present at the birth of his second daughter, Catherine Helena Coleman, after which he excused himself so that he could go and be with Joan and his first daughter, Sophie Rachel Murphy.
*******************************************
“Well, what do you think?”
“It’s beautiful!” said Joan, clapping her hands happily. “But she won’t be using it for a while. You know it’s important that she sleeps in our room at first.”
“Yes, I know,” said Larry, looking around at the room he had been decorating for the past week. “But I think she’ll enjoy this room.”
“I’m sure she will,” agreed Joan. “I especially like the mural. I didn’t know you were such a talented artist!”
Larry chuckled. “I’m not, really. But it was fun to do. Anyway, come and see our room.”
She followed him into their new bedroom. “You bought a new bed!” she exclaimed. “And it’s huge!”
Larry nodded. “Well, the other one was a little small for the two of us. And this one’s big enough for three! Just in case.”
Joan grinned. “Just in case Mum wants to sleep here with us? Fat chance – I don’t think she’d spend a night away from Dad.”
Larry shrugged. “Well, who knows what might happen in the future. At any rate, it’s a nice bed.”
Joan took off her dress and climbed on to the bedspread. “Perhaps we should christen it,” she suggested.
“We’re not supposed to have sex until six weeks after the baby was born,” said Larry.
“Four to six,” said Joan. “And it’s been three. I’m sure it’ll be okay. But if you don’t want to take any chances with my pussy, there’s always my arse.”
“True,” said Larry with a smile.
Two minutes later, she was sighing happily as he slid his erection in and out of her rectum. Then, as the pace of his thrusting increased, she said, “Larry, I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”
“What’s that?” he asked breathlessly as he pounded his hips against her buttocks.
“You know Angie?” she said.
“Yup, of course. Rather better than I intended to.”
“Did you know she turned sixteen last week?”
Larry stopped thrusting, the blood draining from his cheeks. “What?” he said.
“So, you know,” Joan went on, “it’s probably best if you don’t mention to anyone that you and she had sex three weeks ago, when she was still fifteen.”
“But I thought she was your age!”
Joan shook her head. “She’s eleven months younger than me. She skipped a year because she’s so clever.”
“Jesus!” said Larry. “Well I haven’t told anyone about that. Let’s hope she hasn’t either. Perhaps she’ll be able to forget about it – pretend it never happened.”
“That’s not very likely,” said Joan. “She’s pretty sure she’s pregnant.”
“What??”
“She’s late for her period. So’s Denise, for that matter.”
“Oh my God!” exclaimed Larry.
“You’ll be glad to know that Denise is sixteen and a half, though.”
“Do you think they’ll both keep their babies?” Larry asked.
“Oh, I’m sure of it,” said Joan cheerfully. “We were all chatting yesterday about babysitting each other’s children and letting them play with each other and stuff.”
Larry groaned and slumped his head against Joan’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Joan,” he said. “What a mess I’ve made of things.”
“Oh hush,” said Joan. “Just keep fucking me. You’re getting soft back there.”
“You don’t mind that I may have just fathered two more children with your two best friends?”
Joan shrugged. “I believed your explanation,” she said. “It was very like you. But you still have to let me have an affair.”
He started thrusting inside her again. “I suppose that’s fair,” he said grudgingly. “But please, discuss it with me beforehand.”
“Like you did with me?” she inquired. “Well, I’ll try. Oh, where’s all my poo?”
“In the bathroom. I had a heck of a job moving it, but it’s all in there.”
“Good,” she said. “I think perhaps tonight I’ll have my long-awaited bath.”
Larry smiled. “There should be enough to fill the tub,” he said. “Even without you in it.”
After he had come in her rectum, Joan put on a pair of panties, and then promptly filled them with poo. While she changed baby Sophie, who had just begun crying, Larry went through to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for them both.
He part-filled the kettle, switched it on, and hummed a little tune to himself as he pulled a couple of mugs out of a cupboard, and dropped tea bags into them. This flat had been a good find – not a great neighbourhood, but with two bedrooms and a good-sized bathroom, it perfectly suited their needs, and the price was right.
He opened the cupboard containing the sugar, and was astonished when a small black object dropped out of it. As it landed on the floor and scuttled beneath the refrigerator, Larry realised with a sense of unease that it must be a cockroach.