I should be writing about the fabulous few days I’ve spent with Jimmy, but I need to grab a few things before Mama claws my eyes out.  She’s some pissed at me.  I thought she’d be happy not having me around, but…  Anyway, I’m out of here.  I’ll just have Joan drop me off at the foot of Canal, so she can have my car and I’ll take the bus back to the Quarter. 

Oh, my god!  Where do I start?  These past few days have to be the weirdest ever!  The Desmonds… what perverted freaks!

When I got to Julian’s apartment, his two roommates, Ray-Ray and Connie were there.  The three had been friends since high school at Holy Cross.  The bedroom door was wide open as there was no door and the two men were shamelessly engaged in sodomy.  Julian was embarrassed, and told me to forget about them.  Forget about them!  They were in plain sight!  Julian made a call and then told me that we would be picked up in thirty minutes.  Meanwhile, I had to watch Ray-Ray and Connie take turns with each other.  Ray-Ray saw me and waved. Then Connie looked back over his shoulder and smiled at me just as Ray-Ray impaled him. 

Julian claims that he doesn’t do that sort of thing and other than getting a blowjob from some other fellow at Mardi Gras, I’ve never seen him.  But, it just seemed logical to me, but now I’m not so sure.

We went downstairs and waited on the curb.  A black limousine pulled up and we got in. Julian introduced me to Luther and Sadie Desmond. Luther gushed over me, and he and Sadie agreed that I was perfect.  Luther then offered me a thousand dollars for the week!  A thousand dollars!  That’d pay for my first semester.  Of course I agreed.

With the price settled, Luther decided that we might as well get started immediately and told Julian to just go and get his paints and supplies, and that he had an easel and good supply of stretched canvases. 

We pulled into this grand old place just off St. Charles up near Tulane.  The house was elegantly appointed in antiques, but we didn’t linger, instead, Luther and Sadie led us upstairs to the attic where they had their studio.  Other than several easels, the only other things apparent were a table, with white table cloth and flowers, four chairs and on the other side of the room was a bed and I knew what that was for.  The walls, however, where covered with drapes, all except the dormer windows and the skylight. 

“Okay, honey, why don’t you strip and let’s see that fabulous body we’ve been hearing so much about,” said Luther getting down to business without any warm up whatsoever, just a terse order to strip couched as a request. “Until we’re finished with you and you’re allowed to leave, you won’t be needing any clothes.” I had a bad feeling that this was going to be a rough week, but I had no idea. 

I pleaded that I needed some things that I’d left at Julian’s, my tooth brush and my birth control pills.  Luther laughed, said that Jax, his driver would pick them up for me.  I thought he had said Jacks and that seemed kind of odd, but Luther corrected me, his name was Jax, like the beer.  Jax was a big, light colored Negro.  Besides his imposing size and strange skin tone, his most striking feature were his eyes, light brown eyes, almost golden.  If it weren’t for his other facial features, he might have passed as a white, but there was no mistaking that he was mixed blood Negro, a Creole mulatto.

Julian looked at me kind of funny and I knew I needed to just get naked and get on with it.  As soon as I was nude, Jax came in with a tray of drinks and something for us to eat.    I could feel the three sets of eyes crawling across my body and that made my nipples harden.  At the sight of my nipples perking up, Luther smiled and said that I was indeed perfect.

I glanced over at Jax and the look he was giving me, made me shiver. Then Jax left, taking all my clothes with him.

After we ate the light meal of chicken and andouille sausage gumbo and drank the bottle of white wine, Luther was ready to get busy.  To my surprise he and Sadie stripped nude too and Julian was instructed to do the same.   Luther explained that he wanted me to be completely confortable and at ease.   Jax came back in, cleared the dishes and took away the other clothing.  We would all be nude for the entire session.

Luther had me lie on the bed with Sadie.  He and Julian moved their easels to the perspective they each wanted.   Sadie and Luther positioned me just so and then Sadie took up her pose, which was basically feeling me up and sucking my tits.  She drove me crazy!  She didn’t molest me between the legs, but my pussy was on fire!  It was sheer torture to be so aroused for hours on end and never really getting off. Even though I just lay there, I was exhausted when we finally took a break, for another light meal and another bottle of wine. 

The light meals… we never did have a real meal like I think of them, just a snack, maybe a bowl of gumbo, some Shrimp Remoulade, finger sandwiches, a Crab salad, a plate of sliced sausages that sort of thing.  It was all delicious and we ate every three to four hours.  Always with a bottle of wine unless it was morning and then we’d have gallons of cross-your-eyes black coffee.

After the break it was back to the bed with Sadie playing with my tits.  She did show some mercy that time, and fingered me to a climax.  God, I really need it too.

It was dark by the time we finished the first paintings and I got to see what Julian and Luther had created.  Julian’s was very graphic and caught the sexual nature of what Sadie was doing to me quite well.  He was always very good at that. 

Luther’s though, was rather odd… surrealistic I believe is the term.  He portrayed me as an angel… with white wings!  He made my entire body glow with a halo of light, the very image of purity.  Sadie, however… she was portrayed as some sort of she-demon, a red she-demon who was feasting on my breasts, breasts bleeding from puncture wounds made by her sharp teeth.  Gave me the creeps!

I thought they’d call it a day, but they were just getting started.  Luther now posed with me while Julian and Sadie painted.  For me this was a lot easier than with Sadie, Luther screwed me, slowly, pulling out before he came and then re-entering me.  I must admit the man had great self-control.  But it was difficult to be fucked in the same position for hours on end, but he made sure I stayed aroused and got me off every half-hour or so.

Jax came in with a pitcher of martinis and served us all a drink.  By that time, Luther had come inside me and I was forced to stand around with his stuff leaking out of me and running down my legs.  No one offered a towel or anything and when I asked for something, Luther told Julian to clean me up.  Poor Julian! He thought Luther was kidding, but Luther wasn’t kidding! Julian did it though, even though he clearly didn’t enjoy it.  He was clearly humiliated by it, especially having an audience of Luther, Sadie and Jax.

 I didn’t care for the taste, but I drank two martinis anyway… it helped.  Then it was back to posing with Luther entering me, over and over again.  He’d only take a few strokes, pull out and then re-enter. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, because I did. 

Jax made another appearance with night cap cocktails and I had a chance to see the new paintings.  Julian's was predictably lifelike and erotic, an older man engaged in intercourse with a young woman, his cock clearly visible and just penetrating between the labia.

Sadie’s was stranger than what Luther had first done.  This time I was some abstract angel being ravished by a male-demon.  My wing was broken and I didn’t glow, in fact I looked like I was dead.  His cock was studded with spikes and between my legs was a bloody mess.  I guess so!

Of course nothing like that actually happened to me, it was just the weird way Sadie portrayed it.  We had our drinks and some cheese and crackers and then the Desmonds bade us good night.  Julian and I were locked in the attic. At least we had a bathroom with a shower and could clean up before retiring for the night.    I was tired, but Julian wanted to have sex.    How do you share a bed with a nude man and deny him?

Next morning we started off again.  This time Julian was to pose with me while Sadie and Luther did their thing.  Luther had Julian on his hands and knees, straddling me while feeding me his dick.  It was pretty easy, for both of us.  With his dick hanging in my face, I could easily suckle him for a while, hard or soft.  Julian’s staying power is pretty limited and for the most part I was sucking on his limp noodle, not that either of us minded.  

Again the Desmonds showed their peculiar penchant for the satanic.  Again I was a broken angel, while Julian was portrayed as some gleefully grinning emaciated ghoul, hideously skinny, like someone from a Nazi Death Camp.  The two renderings were different, yet so similar as to be eerie.

The next pose was with Julian and Luther.  Poor Julian, the emaciated ghoul was kneeling before his master, sucking off the male-demon figure.  Sadie’s perspective was from the side with Luther looking down on Julian servicing him. 

After breaking for lunch, Julian was once again humiliated by Luther.  This time the man raped and sodomized him.  Julian was crying out for him to stop, but Luther acted like he was crazed.  Julian couldn’t get away either.  They had pulled back a curtain and it was a dungeon scene with manacles hanging from the wall.  Julian tried to resist, but Luther had Jax to help him.  Chained to the wall and bent over at the waist, Luther raped him and raped him.  I felt so bad for him!  But there wasn’t anything I could do.  While this was going on, my hands were tied behind my back and I was forced to kneel, so that Luther only had to turn and make me suck his cock, fresh from Julian’s ass!  I wanted to throw up.  This was nothing like licking Jimmy’s asshole; Jimmy was always clean when we did that sort of thing, but this… I’ll probably get sick from it.  Sadie sketched away at two canvases at once, recording the sodomy/rape and what was being done to me. The whole scene was becoming more and more depraved and Julian and I were trapped!  That night after it was all over, Julian sobbed and cried.  I tried to comfort him, but his spirit was broken. 

Next day was my turn.  First thing they did was to chain Julian to the wall again, this time facing out.  Then they brought in Jax.  He was naked and had coated his face and upper chest with what looked to be charcoal ashes.  He was scary as they come, and his dick!  It was as big as the big bastard that Vito set loose on me to teach me a lesson, but besides the size, it was intimidating because of its color.  Like I said, Jax was light colored, but his dick and nut sack sure weren’t, they were a dark brown. But what was really odd was that the head was very light colored, just like his skin.  I’ve seen a lot of men’s dicks and for the most part the head is darker than the stalk.  That was also true of the Negros who performed at The Back Stage, except those men had all black cocks.  Jax was different, very different. 

 They pulled back another curtain and there was this black altar with gargoyle heads making up the base.  There were restraints hanging menacingly from either end.  I had a pretty good idea who was going to be chained to that altar; the broken angel.  Worse still was the upside down cross that hung on the wall behind the altar. I almost lost control and peed on myself…  they weren’t just play acting, the Desmonds were Satanists!

Up to that time, I just worried about being hurt and abused.  Now, I had a genuine fear for my very life! Would they kill me on that altar to worship Lucifer?  I screamed as I was dragged over to the altar and tied face down.  Luther and Sadie got their canvases ready and the day’s work began.  First it was Jax, holding my head up by my hair, his horse cock prodding at my mouth. Mutatto or not, Jax was mostly a Negro.  I was to have sex with a Negro!  To make matters worse, I still hadn’t taken my birth control since I’d gotten there and I was nearing my peak fertility period!  They wanted to breed this brown devil with the angel… for real! 

That didn’t happen, at least not that day.  I was just forced to give Jax oral sex… as if that wasn’t bad enough.  If anyone ever finds out, I won’t be able to face anyone, especially Jimmy and Pops.  And of course, Julian had witnessed the whole thing!

Neither Julian nor I were freed for food or drink and were fed while we were restrained.  Late in the day, the scene changed.  Thankfully Jax was dismissed to get some food and drinks ready for the afternoon feed.  Luther took over for Jax and he took me anally while I was strapped to that altar and ass fucked by the devil himself.  It wasn’t too bad though.  Jimmy’s a lot bigger than Luther and he never hurts me.  Luther tried to hurt me, but he really didn’t.  Debase me, yes. Hurt me, no. 

Thankfully, Sadie finished her painting of the anal rape of the broken angel by the male-demon in rather quick order.  We were then released from our shackles as Jax, still nude like the rest of us, served us a light meal and wine.  The Desmonds acted as if absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary and they chatted about mundane things like people do when sharing a meal.  But, there was nothing mundane about what was happening.  I made a comment about the weirdness and Luther jumped all over my ass, telling me that Julian and I were bought and paid for and I was to do as I was told without complaint.  I don’t think Julian said a word the entire day.  For my impertinence, I had to suck off Jax again while Sadie and Luther heaped verbal abuse upon me.

Both Julian and my hands were tied behind our backs and we were forced to kneel.  Jax disappeared for few minutes and returned.  I was facing the satanic altar and couldn’t see what was happening behind me.  Julian was hyperventilating and keeled over.  A moment later he began to stir and Jax, now dressed in a hooded black robe, sat him back upright.  They began chanting behind us and then made a procession to the front of the Satanic altar, placing various objects upon it and lighting black candles.  The cants made no sense to me at all, but it was obvious that they were invoking the devil himself.  Is this Voodoo? I’ve heard about voodoo being practiced in New Orleans, but always thought that was a myth… besides voodoo is supposed to invoke spirits for both good and evil, and everything here seemed to be pure evil!

I was scared, but Julian was in a bad way.  Terrified is not an exaggeration. He was trembling uncontrollably and sobbing; suddenly he urinated on the floor!  The threesome turned and stared at us, their faces obscured in shadows, but from the tone of the voice, you could tell they weren’t happy with Julian.  Sadie stepped forward and walked behind him.  She hiked up her robe, straddled the back of his neck and peed on him, then Jax stepped up and whipped out his cock and pissed all over his head, getting a lot on me to!

They rejoined Luther at the altar and pulled some sort of small animal out of a sack and slit its throat, collecting the blood in a chalice.  Luther then turned to us carrying the chalice and drew a pentagram within a circle on our backs in blood.  Julian, born and raised Catholic, cried out as if he was in pain, and he was… he was convinced that they had taken his very soul and given it to the devil, leaving him with absolutely no hope of re-emption, condemning him to hell for all eternity.  He collapsed again and stayed unconscious for a long time.   

While Julian lay prostrate, Sadie and Luther grabbed me and hauled over to the altar.  I was forced to lie face down with my hands still tied behind my back.  Julian wasn’t the only one scared to death!  Don’t think for a minute that I was being brave or anything, I was terrified and crying so much that I hardly noticed that they had tied my legs to a long bar so that I couldn’t put my legs together and protect myself until it was too late.  Daddy had done that to me a few times, and I knew I was in for it!  I was to be fucked and then what?

I remember Sadie saying something about the whore becoming Satan’s bride and then felt the hands, big hands, all over my butt, rubbing oil into my skin and taking liberties with my anus.  Meanwhile, Sadie and Luther discarded their robes and took up their paints!  Jax probed into my ass at will, but for the most part he just felt me up while Sadie and Luther furiously set paint to their canvases.  I was beginning to think that maybe they wouldn’t actually let Jax violate me, but I was wrong.  After over an hour of lying on the altar, having my butt fingered, I felt the large spongy mass press between my cheeks.  He was definitely bigger than either Jimmy or Pops.   It was then that realized that I was excited.  I was still terrified, but I was excited too.  God help me, I relaxed my anal ring muscle and let the blackman’s cock enter me.  It felt like someone was shoving a baseball bat up my ass!

I was expecting a rough anal fucking, but Jax just put himself inside me and held it there.  He wasn’t all the way in either, just a few inches.  Every so often he’d move a little and I thought he would begin fucking me, but he only moved enough to keep himself erect.  How long I lay there with just a few inches of his huge cock stuck up my butt, I don’t know.  After what seemed to be an eternity, Luther spoke up, saying “You can fuck her now, Jax.”  It was weird… he didn’t sound Satanic in the least, just a casual, “go ahead and use her,” sort of statement.  Use me he did!  I don’t know if my asshole will ever be the same.  He didn’t hurt me, per se, but he sure did stretch me out back there.

After their “rites” and once Julian was up again, they made him clean up the mess on the floor.  Then they left us for the night with strict instructions that we were to leave the pentagrams on our backs or else we would be severely punished.  There really wasn’t anything worse they could do to Julian, having robbed him of his soul, but he was strangely compliant.  Me, I wanted that mess off of me!

Next day they started again.  Julian was so freaked out that he didn’t speak a word all day.  Again they had him kneeling before the black altar and again they had me on it, this time on my back with my legs tied to some hooks in the ceiling and my hands tied to the altar.  All morning I stayed like that with Jax standing between my sprayed legs while Sadie and Luther painted the scene.  His head and upper chest were once again smeared with ashes and his black cock was only inches from my cunt.  His eyes seemed to be huge and he had a knowing smirk, as he repeatedly touched my cunt with the tip of his big pecker. 

Eventually Luther gave Jax the okay to do me saying, “You can breed her now, Jax.”   Breed me? I had finished my last period about two weeks ago and it has been nearly a week that I hadn’t taken birth control.  Breed me?  Oh, god!  How will I ever explain that to anyone?  There was nothing I could do to prevent it and it will be a true miracle if I’m not now pregnant!

I noticed that the altar seemed a bit flimsy while Jax fucked me, but I was so distraught that I didn’t place any significance on it.  After I was violated, it was time for lunch.  Jax left to serve us, while Sadie and Luther excitedly talked among themselves.  Julian was unbound, but he didn’t move.  I was released also and told to go clean up before lunch like there wasn’t a thing unusual happening!

After a short lunch break, Luther had me blow him and then it was time for the “final scene”.  For this I was hoisted up and suspended from the ceiling, lying back at about a forty five degree angle.  I wasn’t just hung up by my arms, but sort of cradled in a sling.  Actually it was quite comfortable considering.  Again Jax was standing between my legs, grinning at me and waiting for permission to take me again.  When the word came, he was holding me by the hips and jammed his dick all the way into me, knocking the very breath out of me.  I guess the prolonged anticipation of fucking my white cunt did him in, because he really didn’t last that long.  Still it was long enough to impregnate me, which seemed to be the object.

Once Jax was spent, I was lowered and released.  Sadie and Luther were very excited.  Jax was thanked for his service and told to straighten up the studio.  Julian was practically comatose.  Me, I was fraught with concern.  Jax immediately went to altar, kicked out some stops and rolled it away.  Then he returned to place the cross upright and in doing so uncovering a round stained glass window that the cross was centered upon.  Then he wheeled in another altar, a proper altar, shrouded in white and with a large bible and two candlesticks!

The demeanor of Sadie and Luther completely changed, and they gushed on and on about what a great model I was for their newest series.  I was shown the last few paintings and was shocked.  I was the broken angel and Jax was portrayed as the devil himself, very large, much larger proportionally to me than he really is and he’s a lot bigger than me to begin with.  He was portrayed as a very dark figure, snarling and purely evil.  His cock had a line of saw blade ridges running down the length.   I was still portrayed as white in the sodomy scene, but was decidedly darker, as if my spirit had been drained while Satan raped me on the altar.  In the final panels, I was very dark, like Satan himself, my wings once again functional, but now batlike; flying through the air, hovering, I was impaling myself on his dick.

The entire thing had been just play acting, setting the mood for their “project”.  When I protested that I could become pregnant, they both laughed and said, not to worry, that Jax was sterile.  How they know that, I don’t know, but I’m not too sure that I believe them!    And poor Julian!  They really messed with his mind!  Sadie talked to him for a long time and reassured him that there weren’t any real satanic rituals, just play acting, like making a movie.  He sort of came around, but was still rather morose.

That night, the Desmonds went all out with champagne and a catered meal.  The food was fabulous I suppose, but I didn't have much of an appetite.  Next morning, they wanted Julian to do a painting of a threesome, Luther, Sadie and me.  After all that had happened these past few days, I wasn’t in the mood.  Luther pointed out that I was still under contract and the three of us spent the entire day in the bed while Julian painted us.  If Jax is sterile, what about Luther?! He never once pulled out.  Said it went with the territory of being a whore.  Okay, I am a whore, but I don’t want a baby!

When they had had enough fun with me, they brought Jax back in to do me one more time.  Jimmy would freak out about this and so would Pops.  “You’re now a nigger’s whore,” laughed Luther.  He said that, right in front of Jax!  I never use that word and I made sure Jimmy never used it either, at least never around me.  Pops did, but he’s incorrigible and that’s just the way he was raised. 

They dropped us off at Julian’s apartment.  Gay Ray and Connie were there along with two other homosexuals.  They immediately picked up on the fact that something was wrong with Julian; especially after Julian lashed out at them for just touching him.  The things Luther and Sadie did to him, scarred him deeply.   He was forced to do things that went against his very core beliefs.  I do hope he’ll be okay, but I’m not so sure.

I’m home now… Mama is furious at me, but I can’t do anything about that tonight.  At least I feel safe, but I can't help but imagine all the little swimmers inside me seeking out my egg.

I decided that I needed some brownie points with Mama.  Yesterday, I set about to do a top to bottom cleaning of the entire house.  Mama always liked a spotless house and lately it has been anything but spotless.  I keep up with my stuff and Pepper keeps up with hers, but Joan…  Joan doesn’t have time.  Pepper and I have both refused to do her share of the cleaning and as a result, things are getting shabby.  I’m sure Mama notices, but she never makes an issue of it.

Actually I needed a distraction.  I won’t start my period for few days and the waiting is killing me.  Did Jax knock me up like Luther wanted?    Or did Luther knock me up?    The bastard!  Come to think of it, maybe even Julian.    I’ll know in few days, but until then…

Joan and Pepper took Mama to Houston to see the specialist for her headaches and I had the entire house to myself.  Normally, I would have just called up Jimmy and had him over for some fun, but, I have hardly seen or heard from him since graduation, not that I haven’t wanted to, but how would I explain that I might be pregnant… by a Creole mulatto no less!  Now that I’m “safe” ( if I’m not already prego) we could screw up a storm like we did at Pops’ place.  Problem was… for the moment, he was working. Maybe this evening…  Meanwhile I needed to get my mind off possible mommyhood!

I started with the kitchen, cleaned out and defrosted the refrigerator, cleaned the oven and all the burners on the stove, waxed the floor and made the  kitchen sparkle like it used to when Daddy was alive.  Then I tackled the living room and the den, throwing away stacks of old magazines, cleaning under the cushions, dusting and waxing the furniture, as well as waxing the parquet floors in the living room.  My room and bath got a thorough cleaning.

Today I tackled the upstairs, starting with Pepper’s room.  That really didn’t take long as Pepper is more of a neat-freak than I am.  Joan’s room was another matter altogether.  She’s going to be pissed at me for invading her space, but she really is ridiculous.  Then I cleaned the upstairs bath that Joan and Pepper share.  Having done all that, I tackled Mama’s room.  I hadn’t been in there since before Daddy died.  None of us has.  It’s where Mama spends most of her days and all of her nights, locked away and usually in a narcotic induced stupor.  I thought Joan’s room was bad!  I took on the bathroom first as it was filthy with mold growing in the shower and the toilet…. Gross!  It took well over an hour, but by the time I finished, it looked as good as when we first moved in five years ago.

I changed her sheets.  I couldn’t believe the odors!  Ukkk!  The sheets were grey and I don’t think they’ve been washed since who knows when.  Under the bed I fished out dozens of empty vodka bottles.  I picked up dirty clothes and hauled them downstairs to wash and then went back up to dust and straighten up the clutter that had accumulated on every flat surface. 

I was doing the chest-of-drawers when I saw the family portrait that was taken just after we moved from Oklahoma.  It was a professional photograph and had shown the happy Bradford family.  I say it had shown the happy Bradford family, but no more.  Mama had taken the photograph out of the frame and with a razor blade she had cut out the faces of Daddy and me and then returned it to the frame! 

If anyone was in the house, they would have heard me wailing!  Crumpled on the floor, crying my eyes out, I came to realize just how deeply Daddy and I hurt Mama, and for the first time, I truly knew the depths of her hatred towards me. I must have cried all day.

Finally, as it was getting dark, I called Jimmy.  I really needed him.  When he answered the telephone, I felt much, much better.  I told him I really needed to see him and… he told he had a date and that he was running late.  A date! I was so stunned…. I never even considered that possibility… I needed him and he wasn’t available!  I mumbled something and hung up to resume my misery.  He wouldn’t have wanted to put up with any of that anyway. 

That left me alone, to think about what I had done and what Daddy had done. There could never be forgiveness for me.  I am a damned soul, scorned and rejected by my own mother whom I had so willingly betrayed.

Somewhere along the line, I got dressed and drove over to a bar by Jefferson Downs. It was a weekday night and there weren’t too many people there, just a handful of middle-aged guys.  This one guy bought me a few drinks and then picked me up.  I followed him to a motel and… it wasn’t very satisfying. Rick… I think his name was Rick… no matter, he blew his load within two minutes and was finished.  I thought about going back to the bar and trying my luck again, but thought better of it. 

So… here I am… sitting in the near dark, writing this all down, while Rick slowly leaks onto the chair cushion.  I am so disgusting!  I wonder how many of Mama’s pills it would take…