Cold days

``You're too needy,'' he told me, whenever I just wanted to be by his side or to cuddle. It was the only thing that bastard was half-right about. But the cold day outside... I've taken a stroll around the park this morning. Saturday, full of people, children with their families, lovers holding hands. Fall has just began, and the days are already cold. Now, after lunch, the Saturday lunch that I cook, in which I spend all the money I can spare for a decent meal, which has to last at least until tomorrow's dinner. It reminds me of the country, of my life with my family, the meals with real food. The city is so lonely, my God... I feel a stranger here all the time, and lonely, specially in these afternoons, after having eaten decently for a change, with that pleasant sleepiness that a good meal brings. I feel drowsy and cold. The window shows a sunny day, but you can see that it's cold. I wanted somebody to lie with on the couch, talk about silly things while watching TV movies, playing with the hands, slowly, his hands brushing against my breasts by ``accident'', the pleasant pressure of another body against mine. We could get an old blanket over ourselves, and enjoy the cover to be a little more daring, but not too much, because it's not the point. At some point we'd fall asleep, and just lay there in the warm couch, having pleasant dreams. I'd wake before him, and it would already be dusk. Nothing in the world would make me get up. I wouldn't move an inch, feeling his warm breath on my neck. When he woke up, he'd smile a cute smile, his eyes full of love, and would kiss me, lightly and then with passion, the kiss of someone who is really in love. We'd stay in the couch, making out, sweet kisses, daring hands. In my dreams, there'd be a fireplace. It must be so good to have a fireplace. We could make love, slowly, the fireplace warming the room, so we wouldn't be cold.

I wake up. It's dusk, and I have a feeling of coldness under the thin blanket -- it is warm, but I'm still cold. I am too needy, but I only want someone to love, that's not so much to ask for, is it?