A short glimpse of Lawrence

I'm going to the verandah, away from the loud music inside and the dancing. I need a break, I'm drunk, and I don't need that loathsome idiot that has set his eye on me tonight. The night is clear, there are stars on the sky. I think the last time I looked up to see stars was when I was still in high school. I don't even know if you can see any stars in the city. Too many buildings and too much light. I almost lose balance looking up.

Lying over the railing is Lawrence. He is looking directly at the zenith.

``Here alone?''

``With a thousand stars.''

Lawrence always disappears at some point during party nights. We sometimes wonder if he disappears alone, or accompanied. I had heard one or two gossips that his company was of the same sex.

``So, is this what you do when you disappear?''

``When I disappear?''

``Yeah.''

He thinks for a moment, apparently not understanding. I move closer to him, putting my arm on his chest as if he was part of the railing.

``Sometimes.''

``What about the other times?''

``When you are old enough to understand, I'll tell you about.''

I grin.

``Fuck you.''

``You got it right, but that is only the tip of the iceberg.''

``Sure.''

In a split second he is sitting and has a leg and an arm around me. ``Believe it, or I'll show you.'' I tried to get rid of him, but I'm too drunk. He noticed.

``Are you so drunk you won't remember any of this tomorrow?''

``Maybe. Are you?'' I say, rolling my tongue a little.

``Drinking sobers up the dark part of my brain.''

``Sure.'' He let me go, making sure I wouldn't fall.

``So, are you gay?'' I am drunk, so drunk.

``What?''

``Are you?''

``Why?'' Maybe he could fuck me tonight.

``I don't know why you are gay, Lawrence.''

``Who said I am?''

``It's just the rumors.''

He laughs. ``I'm not gay. I just don't care.''

``About girls?'' He shrugs, ``Yes, and no.''

``So, are you a... what is the name... you don't fuck anybody?''

``I fuck, when I'm sober.''

``Are you sober?''

``Why, do you want to do it?''

``It feels good, you know. Or you don't?''

``Fuck somebody else.'' He laid down again. I was pissed, and I pushed him away. He fell down, to the beach down there. ``Ouch! Fuck!''

``Shit. Are you hurt?'' I can't see down there, it's in the shadows. The moonlight is not very bright. ``Fuck, Tammy. I could have broken a bone. It's almost three meters!'' He's up again, I can see his head. He tries to get up on the verandah, lifting himself, but after a couple tries he gives up.

``I'm going away.''

``No! Wait.'' I try to jump down, and suddenly I have sand in my mouth. He helps me to get up. I spit out the sand and start to laugh. I fall over him and take him to the ground. I try to kiss him, and start to reach for his fly.

``Why do you want it? You won't even remember it tomorrow.''

``Fuck me.''

He stands up, I can't hold him. I just know I'm sitting on the sand.

``What's wrong with you? You are gay, aren't you?'' I tried to stand up, I almost fall. He holds me. I get to kiss him this time. He doesn't kiss me back, or tries to escape, just stays there, lips not moving.

``Let's get inside, Tammy.''

``I don't want to go inside. I want to fuck.''

``You can find someone that will fuck you.''

``I want you.''

He shakes his head, practically carries me up, while I try to fight him and yet kiss him. A bit difficult, specially when drunk like I am. The party is around us again. Then Luke is with us. ``She's drunk, Luke.''

``Tell something new.''

``Way too drunk.''

Yes, way to drunk. I want to fuck. No, wait, I want to throw up. I do. Don't I? Odd, everything is so fuzzy now.