What is a Limerick?

A Limerick is a 5-line poem with a particular rhyme scheme and meter. What follows are Alvo's three rules for Limericks. These rules are used for Alvo's Poetry Contest, but like the Code of the Pirates, these rules aren't 100% enforced. I break them often.

Rule 1: Lines 1, 2 and 5 must rhyme. Lines 3 and 4 must rhyme.

Rule 2: The five lines should have 9 beats, 9 beats, 9 beats, 6 beats, 6 beats and 9 beats, with emphasis on every third beat. Like this:

da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM

da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM

dee dee DAY dee dee DAY

dee dee DAY dee dee DAY

da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM

It is acceptable to have 10 beats in lines 1, 2 and 5 (as long as they all have the same length and meter) and/or 7 beats in lines 3 and 4 (as long as they are the same). See the example below. Every now and then you'll run across a Limerick where the beat stress is off by one beat, like this (and see example below):

da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM

da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM

dee DAY dee dee DAY dee

dee DAY dee dee DAY dee

da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM

Rule 3: A Limerick should be funny or dirty - perferably both. Otherwise what's the point?

Example (standard):

There was ONCE a young MAN who got SICK,

Every TIME that he LOOKED at his PRICK!

It was TI-ny and THIN

And it MADE the girls GRIN.

When he USED it he AL-ways came QUICK.

Example (with longer first, second and fifth lines):

I once KNEW a young GIRL down in PHILL-y

Who was STU-pid and VA-pid and SILL-y.

She was JUST so na-IVE

That I MADE her be-LIEVE

She'd lose WEIGHT if she SUCKED on my WILL-y.

Example (with off beats in lines 3 and 4):

Every TIME I walk BY the school YARD

There's a GIRL there who DRAWS my re-GARD!

That CUTE little LOOK-er

Would MAKE such a HOOK-er:

When I SEE her she MAKES my dick HARD!

And here's a random limerick from my collection: