"Zoe, would you mind helping me with math today? I don't think I got what Mr Brown said," Nikki smiled, her head turned slightly to the left. A year of being her best friend had taught me well. I knew that look: she was so going to make me do her homework.

Nikki knew too well how much impact her smile had on me and, to be honest, I didn't quite mind her taking advantage of it. After all, doing Nikki's homework meant getting to spend more time alone with her, plus I was willing to do anything just to see her smile.

Our lives crossed one lonely autumn afternoon when she was only fourteen. I saw her walking home from school, the rain was pouring down in buckets and I offered her a ride. Her parents just moved from another city to a new apartment across the hall and though we've passed each other once or twice before, I didn't even know her name. But there was a spark and spark turned into friendship. She was a lonely girl and I was a destitute art student without a job or money. I became her guide and her babysitter, occasional math tutor and a secret confidant. In constant absence of her parents we grew closer, blunting our loneliness with soft cuddles and shy kisses. Our accidental friendship turned into love neither of us knew how to talk about, but it was ours alone and it made us feel happy and safe. Even after she moved with mom and dad to a new home we kept on seeing each other almost every day. I was never too tired or too busy for a small charity of her smile or a dewy touch of her lips.

"Would you, Zoe?" her sweet voice brought me back from a daydream. I nodded and smiled as I drunk in the vision of her delicate beauty. She leaned in closer, her lips warm and still sticky from apple she ate, now gently touching my cheek. I closed my eyes, taking in the smell of her long hair, her translucent skin. We hadn't changed much in three years since we met. Nikki still preferred kissing my left cheek rather than the right one, the scent of lavender from her golden locks never failed to intoxicate me, and my stomach had never stopped dancing every time she looked at me.

Nikki pulled away, too soon if you asked me. Then again, if her lips were on my cheek a second longer, my skin just might have burnt.

"Thanks Zoe!" she said, brightening her face and mine one more time with her smile.

"Anytime," I breathed, looking deeply into her eyes, willingly losing myself in them. Anytime, Nikki. You can have me anytime.

I shifted uncomfortably on the bed where I sat beside her. Normally, Nikki would be sketching our faces in her textbooks while I finished her Maths homework. However, it seemed strange today as she was playing with her pencil restlessly while her eyes never left me. I know what you're thinking, how did I know she was looking at me if I was looking at her homework? Well, how do you think I managed to look at Nikki all the time if it wasn't for my ability to feel her presence? Love is blind, plus all my eyes could see was Nikki. Cheesy, I know, but if you had ever been in love, you'd understand.

"What are you doing looking at me like that?" I asked, forcing myself to look up and be lost in her eyes once again.

"Uhm... No- nothing. It's just..." Nikki laughed nervously, her head turned lightly to one side as if to shake something out of her mind. Closing her eyes, Nikki inhaled deeply and finally spoke up, her voice so tiny it almost came out as a whisper.

"You're so beautiful, Zoe."

All my life, Nikki took my words away from me. This time was no exception as I felt my tongue hardened. My mouth opened but no words were formed. I felt a deep blush finding its way to my cheeks as my breathing suddenly became faster. Right then, I realised something unusual with Nikki. She would've been giggling at my inability to speak at times like this, but she wasn't now. Nikki was gazing at me, a hint of sadness flashed across her beautiful face. I tried to look into her eyes for more clues but couldn't find any. Instead, I saw myself in them.

"Do you want to get out of here? Forget the homework!" She finally tore her gaze away, now looking much more composed but less like herself. Before I could respond to the question nor voice my worry, Nikki stood up and started gathering her books, leaving me no choice but to follow her.

As soon as we got into my car, I started driving. I looked at the road intently, then at Nikki, trying to study her expression. No words were said during the long drive, until I pulled off the car at a corner of an empty park near her house where we used to play in summer months. That's when she finally broke the silence.

"Zoe, I can't be your friend anymore."

"What?"

"You heard it, I can't be your friend anymore," Nikki said coldly, her words stinging.

There's no way this can be true. She's just joking, Nikki is joking, my best friend is simply telling a bad joke. My mouth went dry. I laughed hollowly, my thoughts spinning in my head.

I uttered, to Nikki and more to myself "Stop joking, you're not funny, Nikki."

"I'M NOT JOKING! I'm not allowed to be your friend anymore!" she yelled. Whenever Nikki yelled, she would cry an instant after. And she did. One, two, three drops of tear from my beautiful Nikki's eyes...

"My mom and dad... They won't let me see you anymore..." sobbed Nikki, tears that filled the window to her souls now falling uncontrollably from her eyes. "They say you're bad person, Zoe. I hate them!" Without warning, she opened the door of the car and rushed outside.

Unconsciously, I hurried outside, too. Only when my palms instinctively wiped away the water blocking my view did I realize that I was crying. Right, I forgot no matter how contagious Nikki's smile was, her tears would always take a much shorter time to get to me. I bolted after Nikki, thinking of nothing but how to make her stop crying.

"Nikki!" I cried out her name, desperately trying to get her to look back at me. There was one thing I failed to remember: No matter how fast I ran, I would never catch her.

"Nikki, stop! Please, you know I can't do this."

She stopped, her body shaking. I let out a sigh of relief as I collapsed on the road. Nikki turned around to face me and, all of a sudden, dashed her way back. Before I could make sense of her move, Nikki had pulled me into her little arms, embracing me so tight I couldn't breathe. I never knew there was so much strength in this little girl. I clung on to her, inhaling her scent, the scent I was so addicted to, the scent I wished to smell for life.

"I don't know what I'll do without you, Zoe," she sobbed like a child, her grip on me tightened. The next thing I knew, she was fourteen again and we were holding each other for dear life, promising to never part.

After what felt like an eternity, our tears had dried and our breathing had settled; Nikki loosened her grasp. We got off the road as she took my hand and lead me to the pavement where we leaned against the wall of an old building. The wall was cold.

Nikki's face was smudged with tears that run down like autumn rain. I couldn't care any less. To me, Nikki was always the most beautiful girl in this whole world, and that fact never changed. We stood and watched each other for a while until something reminded me of why we were here in the first place. I started to speak, my mouth shaking.

"Why?"

It then dawned on me that Nikki, just like me, had temporarily forgot about the situation we were in as panic was written clearly on her face. She started trembling again, until I placed my hands on either sides of her face and kissed her forehead, what I knew could always calm her down.

Nikki took my hands in hers, giving them a gentle squeeze. She then drew in a deep breath before pulling me closer. I stepped into her arms, finding myself holding her the second time of the day. Only this time, Nikki was trailing wet kisses along my face and lips. My breath hitched.

"What... what are you doing, Nikki?" I tried to speak but my words came out as a whisper. The love of my life was kissing me just how I always imagined her to, and the way her lips were touching my skin was making it hard to breathe. I closed my eyes tight as Nikki continued to set my body on fire.

"I told them I love you," she muttered between her kisses. "They know everything."

Before I could give her response, Nikki touched the hollow my neck with her velvet tongue. Despite myself, I let out a moan, and that probably gave Nikki an answer as her mouth left my neck and her face traveled north to meet mine, our foreheads touching. The darkness closing around us.

"I don't want to leave you, Zoe. I want you. I... I love you."

Her words were so beautiful; Nikki was so beautiful that I forgot how to breathe. I caressed her soft cheeks, my fingers tracing every contour of her beautiful face, tracing everything about her that I always love. Her features were again wet with tears and so were mine. That was the moment I would remember forever: The love of my life said she loved me.

"I love you. I always have," I whispered.

We smiled. And Nikki closed her eyes, her lips tremblingly moved closer to mine. I made sure to register to my mind how she looked then before I, too, closed my eyes and let myself lost in her.

When Nikki's lips met mine, I understood the true meaning of paradise. A whole new world of sensation unfolded when our lips, our tongues, our souls met. She made me feel loved just the way I wanted to be loved, by her. Nikki tasted like raspberry mixed with red apple that we shared during lunch. After several blissful moments, Nikki was the first to pull away after giving me one last soft peck. I lazily opened my eyes and looked into hers.

"You have all of me, Nikki," I spoke softly, letting her know that I meant it.

Then I realized I must've said something wrong. Nikki immediately let go of me and took a step back, her eyes refusing to meet mine.

"What's wrong, baby? Did I do something wrong?" I desperately tried to find a way to fix the situation, to hold on to the best thing that ever happened to me.

"It's not your fault, Zoe," Nikki finally said, her voice broken. "It's all my fault. I can't fight them, I'm not strong enough," she was crying again and it hurt me for not being able to stop it.

Once again, Nikki's lips were bruising mine. She kissed me with everything she had; she kissed me forcefully with tongue, with teeth, with her mind and her soul. I kissed her back with mine. I knew fully well that this was the last kiss I'd ever have with her, that after today things were never going to be the same between us, that there might not even be anything between us at all, that Nikki will be forbidden to see me, forced into a boarding school, made to fool herself by dating boys she never cared about, that I will be barred from seeing her ever again.

I kissed her with all the frustration, the love, the life I had in me. I wanted her to remember this forever, to feel the love and happiness every single time she thinks back to us, to cherish it every moment of her life, just like how I knew I would. I kissed her to tell her that she was the love of my life, for now and forever.

Just abruptly as how she came to me, her lips left mine and she turned her back on me to walk away one more time and out of my life. I heard sobs trailing behind her as I watched her turning corner. And to this day I can still taste raspberry and apple mixed with her tears and mine, my skin still burning from her touch, my head still spinning with thoughts and feelings and images of Nikki, the first girl that I ever loved, the girl that I will always love.

The End