"I can't believe I'm doing this," I muttered.

"I'll love you forever if you please, please, please do this!"

"You already do... now how the hell do I get this on?" I fumbled with the fabric in my hand.

Melissa sighed and hopped off her bed. She took the dress out of my hands, untwisted it, turned it right side out, and held it out to me. "First of all, you had it all tangled up."

"Oh, oops. So how do I get it on?" It had layers of soft silk and gossamer. I was scared I was going to break its complicated twisted straps that crisscrossed over the back.

She rolled her eyes and we managed to get the dress on without tearing it or breaking a leg. Dresses were too confusing, too uncomfortable, not my forte. This one was a dark crimson in colour with crinkly gold tulle on the skirt.

She zipped me up. I examined myself in the mirror. "Ugh- I kinda feel like a drunken peacock."

Melissa snorted and rolled her eyes. "You look hot. This is why guys are all over you, Kaydie."

"Have you been inhaling intoxicating fumes lately?"

"You've dated plenty of guys, Kaydie. We're not getting into this argument again."

"Hate you. So how long do I have to wear this thing for?"

"Until we get home from the party from hell."

"I don't see why I need to suffer this as well," I grumbled for the millionth time in the past week.

"Because you're my best friend and it's my job to share my misery with you."

"You're a bitch of a friend."

She grinned.

I made a gagging face in the mirror as she turned away to put her own dress on. Melissa's Mom had a step-sister who happened to marry some rich guy and every winter they were invited to this massive, super formal holiday party that they hosted in their mansion. It was huge. The entire extended family was invited, mixed with the rich socialites, friends and colleagues. The town they lived in was an hour away, and it was one of the wealthiest places in the area.

This year Melissa thought it would be appropriate to guilt trip me into coming with her so she wouldn't have to endure the pain alone. Not that she hated it, because trust me, Melissa loved to jump at any chance to dress up. It was the people - stuck-up, condescending, patronising, horribly fake people with huge egos that she couldn't bear. I sat back on her bed and pretended I wasn't nervous.

"How does this look?"

I looked over to where Melissa stood. Her dress was chocolate brown that complimented her bronze eyes and long ringlets that were a few shades darker than the dress. It hung perfectly to the gentle curves of her body.

"Hot damn, girl."

She laughed. "Thanks, babe. Now I just have to get you to sit still long enough so I can do your make-up without you looking like a three year old who broke into her Mom's make-up bag."

I grimaced at her but I sat down in front of the vanity mirror without putting up too much of a fight. I already wore this thing called "dress". Might as well just do whatever I had to.

"Don't make me look like a birthday cake," I said, with my eyes closed. I didn't want to look at my reflection for fear of backing out at the last second.

"Don't you trust your best friend?"

"No- wait, I mean yes... well... I don't know. Just don't do too much," I pleaded. I never wore make-up on a regular basis. It took too much effort.

"You'll look fine. More than fine. Just shut up for five minutes and it'll be all over soon." Like she was talking about getting a cavity drilled.

I shut up and let her mess my face up. I made myself think of happy thoughts, like coming back and taking this mess off and watching anime and eating brownies; a well needed girls' night in.

"Open your eyes," Melissa commanded. "Not bad, huh?"

It actually wasn't that bad. At least it didn't look like a birthday cake; there wasn't much foundation or anything, just eye make-up, blush, and lipstick. It looked good.

"Is the lipstick to dark?" I wondered aloud. It was the same dark shade of my dress.

"Definitely not. You look gorgeous. All we have to do is hair and then we're done."

She did her hair first, pulling it up into a fancy twist while leaving little ringlets to frame her face. Then she did mine, braiding it into loose crown around my head. It looked like something Hollywood stars wore on the red carpet. Melissa was a hair goddess. She should become a stylist. She did hair and make-up better than some professionals.

After twenty minutes, we were both ready, and I was practicing walking in these high-heeled booties that Melissa forced me to borrow. It probably wasn't a bad idea either, since puberty somehow decided to ignore me, anything that made me look older than a ten-year-old was an advantage.

"Alright, let's hit it!" Melissa called out to her parents and we put on our coats. "Let's just make this as painless as possible," she said as we all backed out of her driveway, her parents in the front and two of us in the back seat.

"That might be impossible."

"Just pretend you're affluent and try not to trip over your feet."

"I'm not that clumsy," I proclaimed indignantly.

Melissa snorted.

"Okay, I have my moments."

"Uh-huh. Well there will be hot, rich boys there. That's a plus."

"Just what I need," I grumbled annoyed. "Besides, they'll eventually go back to their rich lives and we'll go back to our average buy-clothes-from-Walmart lives. And I like our shop-at-Walmart thing better."

My friend smirked. "Come on Kaydie, give yourself some credit. You don't understand how gorgeous you are and how many guys in school like you."

"Stop exaggerating." I knew I was the plain looking one. I didn't mind. I wasn't super self-conscious and I didn't have low self-esteem. I had plain strawberry blondish hair that was a little too long, and grey eyes that were a little too grey and pale skin that was a little too freckly. Nothing special. Melissa was, on the other hand, downright gorgeous. Her skin was golden and her hair was dark and curly. She won the 'most photogenic' student prize a year ago in the seventh grade. I actually won one too, much to my surprise, but that was 'most friendly' prize and it was only because I couldn't be mean if I tried. Being 'most friendly' definitely wasn't something I saw as an advantage or a good thing.

But like I said, I didn't mind. I was content with who I was.

Melissa chattered about her latest fling with a cute boy, two years her senior. I listened and laughed at the appropriate times. The boy was going to take her out tomorrow night to get pizza and watch the annual Christmas tree lighting in Town Square. I silently wished someone would take me out on a spontaneous date.

The party was held in a huge mansion. It was literally colossal and white with long windows and huge pillars and a chandelier hanging down from the tall arch over the front gate. The long driveway was packed with flashy cars made by expensive luxury brands. People were still flowing in. Men wore tuxes and tailored suits, and women wore long, beautiful gowns. Even the little children wore tiny suits and cute puffy little frocks. I felt so out of place, even with my new dress that costs almost a months' worth of paychecks, and Melissa's designer shoes.

These people put the W in wealthy.

"Jesus," I muttered to Melissa.

"Trust me, Mom and Dad hate doing this. All of our side of the family hates it but we're obligated to go."

Melissa's family wasn't horribly poor. Mine wasn't either. Well, it was just me and my Mom. She worked two shifts at the local hospital. We got by. We could pay rent and put food on the table and live comfortably. But like I said, we didn't have many luxuries, just what was needed, so I felt incredibly uncomfortable here.

I took a stiff breath as we entered the house.

People were mulling around with champagne flutes, mingling and eating hors d'oeuvres that were carried around by waiters with platters expertly balanced on their upturned palms. There was a live, eight piece orchestra, and beautiful music permeated the house.

I put myself into the right perspective so I could seem like I was used to this.

Melissa tugged my arm. "We have to go put our coats in the coatroom and then we can go find my cousins and their friends."

There was a man who actually took our coats and hung them up on long racks that were set up in the room and held dozens of coats already.

We found Melissa's twin brother, Luke, and her other cousins in a room off in some nook of the house. It was reasonably quieter except for the low music playing in the background. I was introduced to the lot of them, five painfully gorgeous girls, and seven guys. They ranged from the ages of fifteen to twenty, which made me the youngest at fourteen. They were all nice people. A few were related to Melissa and had her beautiful skin and perfect hair. Luke, her twin, gave me a relaxed grin that put me at ease. We were friends, and I was grateful he was here as well.

My friend started to converse with a few of the boys who were her cousins and I stood awkwardly, trying to pay attention to the conversation. I could tell Melissa didn't like the girls. The girls had their heads together. I noticed a few of them peeking over at me... a few shot me nasty looks. I felt heat creep up and down my neck. I turned away, smoothing out the skirt of my dress.

"I'm going to find the bathroom," I murmured to Melissa, and I slipped out of the room. No one paid me much attention.

I softly slipped down the hall, staring down at my shoes as they clicked against the shiny wooden floors, trying hard not to trip myself over. I had never felt more out of place in my life.

Suddenly, I slammed into a person and stumbled backwards. Two hands caught my wrists, keeping me from falling, and I let out a yelp of surprise.

"Shi- I mean, sorry!" I quickly looked up at the person I bumped into, slightly flustered. Familiar green eyes met mine, widening.

Recognition sparked in them, and then they twinkled.

"Kaydie?" she smiled causally. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Robin," I spoke after a second. "Long time no see." A small grin slipped on my face as I realised she hadn't loosened her grip on my hands. "Plan on returning my hands soon?"

We glanced down. Her hands were still gripping my slim wrists. She tightened them.

"Nope," she smirked.

084; 084; 084; 084;

Robin Hyland and I had a history. She was the daughter of Melissa's mother's cousin. That made them second cousins... or something. Well, I had only met her four times before. The first time was over two years ago when I was twelve.

We were at Melissa's home attending their annual family reunion. I was practically a part of Melissa's family; I was always at those sorts of events. Despite the blunt difference in my appearance and looks from Melissa's, I was sort of like a permanent fixture at their house, never being questioned as a guest. I almost never knocked, and tended to call Melissa's mother 'Mom' more often than not.

I knew most of the cousins, but there were a few I still had yet to meet....

"Kaydie, this is Annie, my second cousin, and those are the twins, Nick and Carly - "I nodded and smiled to each person as Melissa listed them off. "Oh hey, Jamie! Robin! Get your butts down here!"

I looked up and my eyes locked with a pair of deep green ones. They shone. Whoa.

"Yeah, Kaydie, that's Robin and her little brother Jamie, second cousins, or something. Maybe first?"

"Second," the smaller, boy version of his sister piped. "But close enough to be first."

"Yeah, dunno how you guys haven't met yet."

I tore my eyes away from Robin's and smiled broadly at her little brother. "I'm Kaydie," I said to him, and then looked back up to the girl. She had golden skin, captivating face and quite slender looking body for a tomboyish fifteen year old with a beat-up skateboard by her side. I tried not to gape. She was gorgeous in my virginal, preadolescent eyes. She grinned at me and stuck out her hand.

"Robin."

I stared at it for a moment.

"K- Kaydie," I said with a slight stutter as I reached for it.

I felt somewhat self-conscious in my new bikini that hid my non-existent curves, but I was having the time of my life as the day progressed, splashing in the pool with the rest of the cousins. The sun had granted me a slight golden glow, and I was laughing hard with joy.

The whole time, though, my eyes kept drawing themselves to Robin. I couldn't help but gaze at the droplets of water that glimmered on her skin. I'm pretty sure she had caught me staring at her a few times and my cheeks began to glow with a tell-tale flush.

Shameless flirting ensued after I was caught gawking at her for the fourth time. My heart fluttered like a butterfly as this gorgeous girl grinned at me and taunted me with joyous laughter. I had never had a boyfriend before - never even had a kiss, so the idea that I was falling for this teenage girl out of all people made me rather confused. But the puzzling feelings didn't last for too long before some new mysterious warmth spread through me, the way spring comes unnoticed and first rays of sun melt the snow and ice with their warmth.

The evening picked up and I got sun drunk, overloaded on too many sugary red ice-pops. Firecrackers were set off and the whole backyard was lit with sparklers being waved around. I made my way inside as the sun finished setting, in need to wash my sticky hands and dyed red lips.

When I shut the kitchen tap off, a rustling behind me startled me. I whirled around and met those sparkling green eyes. She was still in bikini and my mind swirled with newfound feelings.

"Um- so..." she said.

"So..." I echoed.

We took a step towards each other at the same time.

"Kaydie?" she whispered in the twilight.

I licked my lips and tried my hardest not to stare at hers. "Uh..."

And then those lips met mine.

At twelve, I wasn't an expert on kissing by any means, but that was probably the best first kiss a girl could have received.

I twisted my hands out of her grip, and took a step back. I only barely noticed her eye flit quickly down to my dress, my bare legs, and I tried to ignore the buzzing inside of me. Not that I didn't do a subtle mental inventory of her, mind you. Her spiky black hair was a little shorter than it was the last time I saw her, and her freckles had faded. But her smile still gave her that boyish look that only made her more attractive in my eyes. Not to mention she looked sexy in a tux and a snazzy pair of pants, with a thin black necktie adoring her white shirt.

"Kaydie, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"My lovely best friend wanted to share the torture with me."

Robin raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, don't tell me you actually enjoy these things," I said, exasperated.

"Good point," she laughed.

The second time we met, her family was over for Melissa's mother's birthday dinner, seven months later. I was somewhat surprised to see her again. I knew her mother was close to Melissa's mom, but once I was immersed into school work - stress, grades, obnoxious teachers and hormone ridden boys - I had sort of forgotten about her.

Our eyes locked instantly as she walked into the room. I opened my mouth to give her a greeting, but nothing came out. I honestly could say that I was attracted in every way possible to that girl and it confused me to no end, in a giddy way that made butterflies flutter in my tummy as if I was breaking some unspoken rule. The same thing that had happened over the summer, happened again - minus the flirting. Just silent glances that were stolen. Mysteriously met eyes, secret smiles, blushing cheeks. My mind was consumed with memories of the kiss that had flooded back.

I took notice in how her dirty jeans perfectly hugged her boyish hips, exposing a subtle amount of her underwear, and how her t-shirt clung to her chest, not tightly, but enough to leave me with the urge to see it from closer. And I noticed how her eyes squinted when she laughed and how she drummed her fingers against her thigh when she stared off into space.

Her eyes finally connected with mine, full on, after cake was served. I bit my lip and failed miserably at prying them away.

Carly and Melissa were pouring over Hollywood tabloids and teen magazines. Robin motioned me to follow her outside to the backyard with her eyes.

"Hi," I breathed.

"It's you again," she murmured, smiling.

"Yeah, me." I blushed and quickly changed the subject. "Where's your skateboard?"

"I left it at home. Why do you ask?"

"Uh... dunno- It goes well with your outfit," I stumbled.

"Is that so?

"Uh-huh."

"I'm... going to kiss you," she whispered in my ear.

"O- okay."

She did. I felt addicted to her touch. We may have gotten a little carried away behind the shed because later that night, as we got ready for bed, Melissa noticed a mark.

She pushed my hair back. "Oh my god! Kaydie?"

I cringed. "It's not what you think. I swear!"

"Did Robin give you a hickey?" she chuckled.

I groaned and pulled my hair over it. I didn't get a proper night's sleep that night, and Melissa helped me cover it up, but didn't drop the subject for the whole month.

I twirled the bracelet on my wrist; nervous habit. "So... how have you been?"

"Wonderful," she said, her eyes still exploring mine. "And you?"

"Wonderful," I echoed and berated myself for being so shy around her, as if I was still the same little kid she kissed all that time ago. I didn't want to be shy. The few times we met, we flirted, we made out, and we disappeared from each other's lives. We had never spoken outside the precious short moments we were together; we had never had time to get shy around each other.

And it wasn't as if Robin didn't have a strong impression on me; quite the opposite. She was gorgeous in her tux and her tomboyish ways. And she was a hell of a good kisser. Even for my age, I had a fair share of relationships and though most were superficial, Robin was always there, in the back of my mind. But in the past two years, one thing became clear to me - no matter how many times I kissed someone, I always ended back with Robin.

"Come on," she took my hand in that decisive way of hers and led me down the hall - the prince claiming her bride. "Let's go outside, it's too crowded in here."

My skin felt fiery under her touch. It took all my willpower to resist the urge to pull her back and kiss her.

The third time was on my thirteenth birthday. Melissa and Luke and a bunch of us went to this county fair half an hour away. Surprise, surprise, Melissa schemed against me and invited Robin along for the fun.

I smiled shyly at her when she greeted me. She gave me a grin and a birthday hug, but nothing more.

The country fair was one of my favourite places to visit. We went on all the wild and unrefined rickety rides and screamed our heads off at every hair-raising twist and turn.

"Birthday treat," Luke said, shoving a huge stick of cotton candy in my hand. I got it all over my face and Robin laughed before handing me a napkin.

"Wait, I want to go on the ferris wheel," someone had exclaimed. That was the one ride we had avoided because I was scared of heights.

"I'm going to sit out," I said, as we made our way over to the gigantic spinning wheel.

"No way, Kaydie!" Melissa cried. "You're the birthday girl, you gotta get on every ride."

By the time we got there, the group had somehow split into pairs and I hadn't noticed because I was too busy worrying myself to death.

"Ready?"

I looked behind me to see Robin standing there. Everyone else was already aboard the wheel and we were the last pair to get into our pod.

"No," I admitted, trying desperately to remain calm.

"Too bad, "she smiled and pulled me by the hand inside the cabin.

"Oh no, no, no..." I muttered as we rose up.

Robin offered me her hand, which I took without thinking and held tightly to it as if my life depended on it.

"You're going to break my hand," she said after a minute.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry."

"Scared of heights?"

"Only a little." I had my eyes closed shut.

"Well then don't open your eyes now..."

Naturally, I opened my eyes. We were at the top.

"Oh, shit," I squeaked, and grabbed her hand again, not being able to take my eyes off the ground so far below us.

She chuckled and put her arms around me. "Hey, just look at me."

Slowly I looked at her, locking my eyes with hers. She smiled warmly at me.

"Here..." Robin said in a low voice before pressing her lips to mine for a long moment before we parted. "Better?"

I nodded and blushed just in time as we started descending. I wasn't shaking any longer; I wasn't scared. This girl had some miraculous power over me.

Melissa squealed and clapped her hands when I told her later, gushing about how cute that was, but I never told her that we made out again under the fireworks later that night.

And now, Robin was here again, sitting next to me on the top step of the deserted deck that looked out over the yard. Lights were draped over hedges and trees and lined a gazebo settled amongst the foliage. It was cold, but with warmth creeping through my body, I didn't feel it at all.

The very last time I had seen Robin was nine months later at the end of our school year. Melissa's mother planned a surprise graduation party for Melissa, Luke and I, and because of how close Robin's and Melissa's mothers were, their family attended it too. That also meant Robin came along too. The party was relaxed and fun. They even made a cake for us, and I got a photo of Luke smashing a slice into Melissa's face.

Robin was reserved and I didn't exchange any words with her. But it didn't stop me from stealing a secret glance in her direction every once in a while. Things had changed over the past few months and I didn't see any making out happening at this party. She was sixteen now and out in the real world, with friends her age to experiment and fall in love with. I on the other hand, was officially still a kid, still too young to be falling head-over-heels in love with girls, let alone be caught kissing them.

So I was taken by surprise when, just before leaving, Robin came up to me and murmured 'congratulations' in my ear and kissed my cheek.

She left before I could even manage to say 'thank you'.

"How come this is only the fifth time we've ever met?" I asked tentatively, breaking the silence. "We obviously know each other more than well."

"I don't know," Robin glanced over at me. "It's kinda embarrassing when you think about it."

I suddenly realised I didn't know a thing about her. "What's your favourite colour?"

She raised an eyebrow, looking amused by the question. "Blue. Yours?"

"Um... orange or green. Or yellow... hmm it depends on the day. Your favourite animal?"

"Dogs."

"I approve." I was a dog person.

She laughed and we shot questions at each other.

"Played any sports?"

"I did track and basketball. And I swam in elementary school."

"That's sweet. I played soccer."

"I knew you were the soccer type!" I exclaimed.

"Soccer type?"

"Yeah, you look like a soccer player."

"I didn't know soccer players had a look."

"Yeah, well you do." Female soccer players were hot. I didn't say that out loud though.

"Favourite food?"

"Hmm... tie between sushi and brownies."

"Healthy," she laughed. "What's your favourite ice cream flavour?"

"Tie between chocolate and strawberry. I'm indecisive."

"Strawberry is my absolute favourite."

"What's your favourite movie?"

"Lost and Delirious, definitely."

"I think I could marry you!" Oops that wasn't supposed to come out. "I love that movie. Seriously," I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks blushing. "But I also like Disney movies."

"You have a good taste in movies," she grinned.

"Thanks," I sang. "Do you have a favourite band?"

"God, no. I can't even choose a favourite genre of music."

"See, you're indecisive, too."

She nudged me. "Indecisive minds think alike."

I laughed. "Okay, okay. Best school memory?"

"Is that even possible?" She wrinkled her nose. "That sounds like an oxymoron. Anyway, probably eight grade, being the leading scorer on the school team. Yours?"

"When Melissa and I and a bunch of us went to the beach after our last school class in the sixth grade. Best time of my life."

She paused. "Any boyfriends?"

"Um... N- no." I smiled a little and looked at the floor. "After our first kiss, I decided boys were not something I wanted to pursue." It was her turn to laugh now. "But what about you? Anyone significant in your life?"

"She was a dancer. And she was beautiful. She had the most gorgeous eyes. Her name was Tessa. And she was everything I could have ever asked for," she sighed and looked up at the dark sky, and the mood of the night changed drastically. She sounded as if the memory of the girl was still painful in her heart. "Everyone loved her. She was so sweet and funny and selfless. I fell in love with her when I was fifteen. We dated for almost a year, and I already knew that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. We would be high school sweethearts."

I couldn't help but feel my heart ache. The girl sounded amazing. Their love sounded amazing. "She sounds brilliant."

"She was."

"Why aren't you with her anymore?"

Robin looked over at me, straight in the eye. "Her parents found out, went crazy over it and finally moved away to another part of the country."

My heart dropped. "That's... horrible."

"It was. It killed me. It's taken forever... but I think I've come to terms with it."

"I'm sorry it happened to you."

She gave me this sad sort of smile that made me want to put my arms around her. I wanted to hug her... or something. I didn't know how; we never shared feelings until now. We flirted and fooled around and then parted ways, knowing that we may never talk again.

"I would have loved to meet her."

"You seem like the type of person she would have been best friends with."

Robin had loved and lost. I suppose that's better than to never have loved at all.

"Sorry to get sappy on you," she said. "I just..."

This was a whole new side of Robin I'd never seen.

"You don't have to be sorry. I understand."

"I think it's because you're the first person that I've told the story to. Everyone who knew us, knew when she left."

"Oh..." I wasn't sure what to say.

"So thank you... For listening. It felt like... closure. I've said it out loud. Tessa's gone and I moved on, but I will never forget her," she took a deep breath.

A small bit of warmth settled in my chest. I smiled at her. "I'm glad."

After a long moment of silence, she asked, "So what about your family? You're always with Melissa's."

I stiffened. My family. "It's just my Mom and me."

"What about your dad? Siblings?"

I gritted my teeth together. Memories came flooding back. "Yeah. None," I said. "Not anymore." I grimaced when I heard myself say the last part. That wasn't supposed to come out.

"Oh... sorry to pry. I mean, you don't have to say- "

"No, it's fine." She had confided in me, so it was only fair. I supposed I had to tell the long, twisted story sometime.

I took a deep breath and started. "Okay... I had an older brother and sister; they were twins. Three years older than me. I loved them to the moon and back. I was a typical little sister; I worshiped the ground they walked on," I paused. I didn't really want to say out loud what I hadn't said out loud in years. "My dad had a temper. Sometimes it scared me, when he yelled at us. Anyway.... it happened when I was in second grade, and I was home sick. My mom was working the evening shift, so she called him to tell him that he had to pick them up." The story started to spill out of me. It just came out, fast and painful.

"He put me in the front seat because I didn't want to be left home alone, and he was mad about that. When we were heading back home, Jess and Ethan were arguing about something insignificant. My dad yelled at them to shut up, and I got startled and started crying. He began to yell at me, and I cried harder. And then he got mad and just slammed down the accelerator. He drove straight through an intersection, swerved, and a truck slammed diagonally back into the driver's side of the car."

I shuddered. I remembered the sound of crunching metal and shattering glass and my sister's scream that was cut off in a second. I mainly remembered my own screams. And the blood. There was so much blood.

"They all died on impact. I miraculously survived, despite some broken ribs and head trauma. The car was contorted and I was stuck in there for what seemed like forever. When they were finally able to dig me out of the car, I was still screaming and I was covered in blood. Some was mine, but most was the blood of my father and siblings. I was in the hospital for about three weeks."

"Jesus," Robin muttered.

"I was a mess, but my mom was even more messed up by it. She'd always been resentful of me. I was an accident, and by the time they found out about the pregnancy, it was too late for abortion. She still thinks I should have died instead of the twins. She said it was my fault. And I realised that it was."

I blinked away the tears. I wasn't sure why I was telling her all of this.

"But it's okay and I'm fine."

Robin didn't speak. She only took my hand in hers and held it.

I bit my lip, thankful for her presence. Sure I wished I had a family like Melissa's. Sure I wish I had a family, period. Sure I wished that my mom didn't hate my existence. I think I'd rather her tell me straight up that she didn't want me, instead of pretending I didn't exist. Sure, I cried sometimes. But I was fine.

"Shit happens," I said meekly.

"Yeah... you got that right."

I guess I had loved and lost, as well.

"Hey... you aren't a mistake. And it wasn't your fault."

"But- "

"You can't live your life blaming yourself."

"What if I hadn't started crying?"

"Kaydie- "

I ignored her. "What if I hadn't been such a scared child... what if I hadn't been born? They'd still be alive."

"Kaydie, you can come up with a thousand 'what-ifs' and nothing will change. It happened, it's done, and they're gone. What if Tessa fought back? But she didn't. She's gone. It's the past." Robin swallowed. "And we can't bring them back."

"I know."

We sat in silence. Closure. Some sort of peace set over me. I hadn't talked about this in years. I hadn't talked about it even to Melissa, or even my Mom. I told what had happened to the police when I was in the hospital, and that was it.

After the accident, I refused to speak and eat for months. I wouldn't move from my bed and my mother was in the same state. I was a little girl, wasting away. We eventually moved out here and Mom got a job. I went back to school, gained some weight even, though I still remain like an undernourished preschooler, and became friends with Melissa. I made more friends and learned how to laugh and have fun and be happy. But I still wrestled with the aftermath, day after day, month after month, year after year. I never spoke of the sleepless nights of tossing and turning. The nightmares, some worse than others; flashbacks, the screaming echoing in my ears, the blood red flares under my eyelids.

Maybe now I could come to terms with it, like Robin. She was right. They were gone. We can't bring them back. I looked over at Robin. I wondered if she was thinking about Tessa.

"What?" she asked as I studied her beautiful face.

"I was thinking about what you said."

"What did I say?"

"Closure. You know, I never talked about the accident, either. I gave the details to the police after it happened when I was in the hospital. Melissa knows my dad and siblings died in a crash before we moved here. But no one knows the details. I mean, now you do- "

"Wait, you didn't talk about it for seven years?"

I nodded my head.

She ran her hand through her hair. "Why?" she finally asked. "That's a hell of a lot of bad memories to carry around."

"I was ashamed," I said simply.

"Of what?"

What was I ashamed of?

"I'm not sure... the fact that I had lost pretty much my whole family and came out of the thing unscathed."

"Yeah, unscathed my ass," she muttered.

"Okay, mainly unscathed."

"I'm talking about all the emotional damage."

"But... everyone died except me."

"You survived. That makes you the strongest."

"Sometimes I wish I had died, too," I murmured softly.

"Don't say that," her voice was almost inaudible. I realised she was still holding to my hand, playing with my fingers.

I bit on my lower lip. "Do you ever imagine what life would be like if Tessa was still around? Like, do you make up stories of what could had happened?"

"All the time."

"My brother and sister. I almost can't imagine what life would be like with them. But I'd give anything and everything for just one day with them."

"I know how you feel."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, our knees touching, our body heat warming each other. I looked out, up at the sky. It was beautiful. The moon shone above us with bright gold light, big and beautiful. Stars sprinkled the sky. I tried to imagine what was behind them. The lights of the sprawling backyard illuminated the darkness. The orchestra music flowed from the house and into the garden. Everything was peaceful.

"Are you cold?" Robin asked suddenly.

"Not at all. It's not even that cold anyway."

"Okay then, let's go down there," she said, pointing to the gazebo. She stood up and took my hand to help me stand. I would never get used to heels. We walked down to the gazebo, and turned to face each other. Thanks to my shoes, the top of my head almost reached her shoulders. She took my hands in hers. I felt stupid for thinking it, but it was like a fairy tale. I was almost waiting for the clock to strike midnight and for my dress and shoes to turn into rags and for myself to run away, after an evening with the prince, to my old life.

The prince. I blushed at the thought.

"You're blushing."

That only made me blush more.

She laughed. I scowled at her and my face flooded with heat.

"Thinking of something scandalous?"

"No! The opposite," I scowled.

"Like what... Disney princesses?" she smirked.

Oh God, was she a mind reader? I didn't say anything...

"You're actually thinking about Disney princesses, aren't you?"

"Along the lines..."

"Now you're obliged to tell me."

"You can't make me," I said stubbornly, pouting my lips. "I'm not going to."

She smirked and I hated how gorgeous she looked. "Wanna bet?"

I gulped. "Not real- "

She dropped my hands and slid hers down my arms. I forced myself not to shiver. She let them settle on my waist, pulling me closer to her.

"You want to tell me now?" she whispered in my ear.

"No," I said firmly. She was going to make this a game. The prince definitely did not try to seduce Cinderella.

She slipped her right hand across my back, running her fingers up my spine. I stayed rigid, trying not to shiver.

She lowered her head and kissed my neck under my chin. I inhaled sharply. She nipped gently and sucked at the spot, not hard enough to leave a mark, then moved across my neck as my body disobeyed me, shivering as she kissed me. Her hand was now resting on the nape of my neck. She pulled away, breathing hot air on my skin.

"Still not going to tell me?"

I slowly shook my head. She ran her lips against my collarbone while her fingers moved against the back of my neck. She moved back to that spot beneath my jaw and sucked on it hard, running her tongue across the spot. I felt my eyelids droop and I gave out a low moan. Robin pulled back and chuckled slightly.

"You're going to be stubborn, huh?"

I opened my eyes. "I'm not telling." I knew she would laugh at me.

"Disney princesses... I'm curious," she breathed into my skin, and then kissed the corner of my mouth. Oh God. I was going to lose it. Her lips were so close to mine. They barely brushed mine, and then she pulled back just in time.

"Tell me."

"Cinderella," I breathed. "And you're the prince." The last word was barely out before I pulled her forward and kissed her feverishly. The kiss was desperate; I could only endure so much of her torturous teasing. I rose on my toes and wrapped my arms around her neck. Hers were on the back of my head and my waist. Our lips came together; tongues dancing. I really did feel like Cinderella, in her arms, on a night like tonight.

It was perfect.

We broke apart, breathing hard. I leaned my forehead on her shoulder.

"Prince, huh?" she said hoarsely which was half teasing and half sexy.

"Mmm," I mumbled and blushed, still catching my breath.

"If I'm the prince, then that makes you the princess," she whispered.

Robin's words found a lonely child in me, and still, in the back of my mind, I knew I couldn't get attached to her. After this, we won't speak again. We may never even meet again for all we knew. I could not afford myself getting attached to someone I couldn't have. Cinderella had to leave when the clock struck midnight. Half of me was fighting the other half. My heart wanted her - it yearned for her; yet my brain wanted nothing but to pull away and save itself the pain of wanting what I could not have.

I closed my eyes and hated the torturous choice I had to make. Robin opened her heart and let me into her world of emotions, and I let her into mine.

"Robin..."

A shout pulled us apart. "Kaydie!" I looked over my shoulder. Melissa was standing up on the deck. "It's almost midnight," she called. "We have to leave!"

"Alright, I'll be there in a sec," I called back. She went back in and I turned back to Robin. I searched her eyes for a hint of what she was feeling, but in the moonlight I couldn't tell. Perhaps I could keep contact with her. Perhaps I could date her...

I could... but...

"I... have to go," I murmured.

"I know," she whispered. "Bye, Kaydie."

I had to leave quickly before I let myself fall for her. Fall hard and hit the ground with a splat. "Bye, Robin," I finally choked out, and backed away. I needed to leave before it got worse. After a second, I tore my eyes from hers and turned around. I resisted the urge to glance back; to turn back, to run into her arms and kiss her again.

Only later, after I slipped through the house, gathered my coat and headed to the car where Melissa and her parents were waiting, did I realise that my eyes were brimming with tears and my chest felt like there was a gaping hole in it.

It was too late.

084; 084; 084; 084;

Melissa knew something was up; she must have if I had spent the whole evening with a girl whom she might have recognised as her cousin. She pretended to look out the window in silence but I knew I'd get interrogated later when we were alone. I leaned my head against the cold glass of the opposite window and sighed. I knew I couldn't have someone who wasn't mine in the first place. Who knows when I'll see Robin again, if at all. Worrying myself sick about it wasn't worth it. Or was it?

We got back to Melissa's place and got undressed without much speaking. I hung my dress up and slid the shoes off, savouring the comfort of my flannel pyjama pants and a long sleeved t-shirt. After washing my face and pulling my unbraided hair into a sloppy ponytail, I crawled under the covers of Melissa's double bed.

Finally, she climbed into bed next to me, with two bottles of iced tea and a bag of chocolate chip cookies. She set the cookies on her nightstand and handed me the tea.

"Okay, Kaydie," she said. "Spill it out."

I sighed and opened the bag. After eating a cookie, I spoke. "It was Robin."

"I saw. I figured you must've run into someone since you were gone the whole night."

"Yeah. And when I ran into her... I figured, you know, that if anything, we'd kiss... do what we've done every time we've met. But we didn't... Well we did, but first we just sat outside for a long time and talked," I stuffed a cookie into my mouth and swallowed it down with a long swig of iced tea. "We asked each other random questions and then she asked me if I have a boyfriend. I told her I don't... I said I'm not into boys. Then I asked her the same."

Melissa visibly winced. "Her girlfriend was the one who moved away after her parents found out about them, right? We never heard any details, but it was common knowledge when Robin became depressed."

"Yeah. Tessa. Robin was in love with her. I could tell, when she spoke about her. She told me that after almost a year, she's sort of come to terms about it. She said I was the first person she's told personally who didn't already know. And I guess it just went on from there. She asked me about my family..."

Melissa winced again. "Oh, Jesus," she muttered, knowing where this was going.

"I told her. All of it. And I don't know why, but I did. All the gory details that I've never spoken of. It all came out, and she listened and then for some reason I felt inexplicably better. Then we went down to the gazebo, and we... and we kissed. And I realised that the past times we met, we were just two kids fooling around and making out, but now I knew something about her and what she was like on the inside... and I felt like I wanted her; to be with her. But I know that I can't because she'll go back to her life, and I'll come back to mine, and who knows when and if we'll ever meet again." My eyes pricked with first tears. "And it hurts so bad because I've never felt this way before, and I know that feeling has been destroyed."

I tried hard to squeeze my eyes shut, but the tears escaped. I chipped on a cookie in my mouth. I was in high school and I was crying over a girl who lived hours away and whom I've only met five times in my life. I think I've finally lost touch with reality.

"Kaydie," Melissa sighed, stroking my hand. "I'm not that close to Robin, but this past year, whenever I've seen her, she looked horribly depressed. Mom always talked about how Aunt Lora said that Tessa's moving away nearly killed Robin. They were so worried. But I remember the last day of our seventh grade, she looked at you, and her eyes didn't look so dead."

"I... don't get it."

"What don't you get, Kaydie? You're so sweet and selfless and comforting and people love to be around you. What's the word? Charismatic. That's what you are. You attract people. And, Kaydie, you don't realise it, but when people are around you, they feel at ease, no matter how sad or depressed or angry they are. You do that to people, and Robin obviously wasn't an exception. And that girl was really depressed. Maybe suicidal at some point. Mom said it was really bad. But that day, you pulled her out a little. Aunt Lora was so happy just to see her smile."

I swallowed my tears.

"Chase her, Kaydie. Don't let her slip away. If you're falling for her, then make sure she catches you."

I shook my head. It was hopeless. "She's hours away. We don't speak."

"Kaydie, I'm related to her. I could get you her number in three minutes flat."

"It's not just that... I just... don't know how to have a proper relationship. I've always been alone. Besides, I don't know her... I can't explain it. You're my only friend, Melissa. I feel like I'm setting myself up for heartbreak."

"Kaydie- "

"I know, I know. I have to take risks."

"What's the worst that could happen? What's worse than not trying and giving up on someone you love?"

"Pouring my heart and trust into someone and watching her throw it away. It would be easier to end my life right now than go through all that pain."

"Kaydie, you're just making excuses for yourself. I'm pretty sure if Robin is serious about you, she wouldn't do that to you no matter what."

I grabbed a pillow and hid my face in it. It was too late for me and Robin. I just knew it was too late. "I can't do this," I tried hiding my sobs.

I felt Melissa's arms around me. "Yes you can. But right now it's getting late so let's get some sleep. Leave the rest to me."

And we did just that.

084; 084; 084; 084;

A month later and life had been going in its usual way. With all the studying and homework I had to do, I had stopped reminiscing about Robin too much, but the memories never left my mind.

It was one Friday night when Mom was at work and I was alone in my room, rewriting my English assignment for the fifth time, when it happened.

I was flopped across my bed with a notebook, a pencil and a cup of strawberry ice cream placed strategically in my lap. I was perfectly content in those flannel pyjama pants and a t-shirt to spend the night working on the assignment. Me, myself, and I, trying hard to sink my troubled thoughts in the ocean of homework.

It was sometime around 8pm when the bell rang.

I looked up from the notepad in confusion, then got up and stumbled in my bare feet to get the door. I thought about fixing my hair that was falling out of its ponytail, but I was in a lazy mood. Whoever was at the door was definitely not going to see me at my best. I held the spoon between my lips, humming a familiar tune as I pulled the door open.

The spoon almost dropped, but I was quick enough to catch it. My eyes popped wide open.

"Kaydie?"

Was I dreaming? "H- hi, Robin," I managed. I felt super self-conscious all of a sudden. The flat was a mess and so was I. "Uh, come in, I guess." I stood aside and let her enter. "It's kind of a mess," I warned her.

"Don't worry... I'm here to see you."

"M- me?" I stuttered while straightening the cushions out, fixing my ponytail, and sticking the spoon back in the ice cream. "You can sit if you want."

She hesitantly sat down. I settled down next to her and picked up the ice cream. "Want some?" I wasn't going to let her make me nervous. It's only Robin.

"I'm fine, thank you."

I shrugged and shoved a spoonful into my mouth. "So, what's up?"

"I wanted to see you," she said again.

I smiled wearily. "Here I am. Although you didn't really catch me at my best."

"I didn't intend to," she smirked. "Melissa said you'd be home tonight."

Traitor. She could have warned me.

"Warned you?"

"Did I say that out aloud?"

She chuckled. "Yeah."

I flushed. Oops. "So... did you, uh, have any particular reason to visit? Not that I mind. Spontaneous interruptions are kind of fun. Besides, I'm really tired of doing my homework so intrusions are totally acceptable." I shut myself up; I was rambling. More ice cream. "Sure you don't want some? I'll be a good hostess and get you a spoon."

"Actually, why not. Thanks," she said with a smile.

I brought her a spoon and handed her the cup. "Sorry, there isn't much left. It's just a small cup."

She took a spoonful. "They're overrated."

I turned to face her, leaning against the arm rest and pulling my knees up to my chest. "So what else is up in Robin World?"

"Actually, I wanted to tell you that my parents moved to this area. I could practically walk to your place."

"You what?"

"Yeah, I guess we're sort of neighbours."

"But how? When?"

"We got down here a little over a week ago."

"How come?"

"Because... well Mom and Dad were planning on moving here because it's closer to their work. But... also, I um..." she paused. "It was also because of this girl who was driving me nuts."

"Really?" I asked, not catching on. "Who?"

"You, dummy," she laughed.

That caught me off guard and I dropped the spoon. "Me?" My heart jumped.

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Yes, Kaydie," she said heavily. "I- I couldn't- I..."

She was at loss for words and my blood was pulsing in my ears.

"You make me crazy," she finally dragged out. "You always had, ever since the first time we kissed."

"But..." Hold on. "Good crazy or bad crazy?"

She laughed again. "Both."

I stared at her with my mouth slightly open. I made her crazy? But...

"I... like you. These past months..." she did that thing with her hair again. "All I did was think about you. It drove me insane. And I didn't know what to do," she took a deep breath. "I remember when Tessa moved away, in the midst of that whole depression... there was something about you that... I don't know. You're so calm, friendly. And you are beautiful, Kaydie. Remember that after-school party?"

"Yes... you came."

"And I didn't feel so horribly depressed when I was there. Just calm. And then... I- "

"You kissed me."

"Yeah. And it was weird because I didn't even intend to. But after that, I realised that Tessa was amazing but the world wasn't going to stop. It keeps spinning, even when you're trying to stand still. I had to stop living in the past. And what I'm trying to say, in so many words, is that you're special to me and I love you and I've never felt before what I feel around you. With you, Kaydie... it's such an amazing feeling and... It feels like I'm finally home."

I swallowed noisily. My mind was going a hundred miles a second.

Robin's facial features were painted with anxiousness as I tried to process what she just said. It unsettled me when she looked so distressed. I reached over, placed my hands on her cheeks and brushed my thumbs under her eyes. She relaxed and her eyes slid close. I smiled to myself. She was beautiful.

I couldn't think straight at that moment, but I knew that whatever I felt for Robin, I hadn't felt for anyone else.

"I'm finally home, with you," she whispered again, eyes still closed.

"Robin," I started. "I'm so... so confused. I've never felt this way. After the party, I went back to Melissa's and cried because I felt something for you and I couldn't have it." I felt it now too, it was so strong. "I don't really understand love, or even deep feelings," I confessed. "I'm fourteen and I've never said 'I love you' to another person. I'm afraid to be this kid. Feeling like this for someone... it scares me."

"What does 'this' feel like?"

"For you? At the moment I feel like I really want to eat this ice cream and then I want to kiss you. I mean, wait... no," I swore under my breath. Why do I suck at explanations? "I... I don't feel that scared with you. I don't feel like a mistake. You make me hopeful that I'll grow up and discover what it's like to love and to be loved. And it feels like the bit of emptiness inside of me that really, really hurts, doesn't hurt anymore." I looked down at my hands. I probably sounded insane. What the hell, where did ice cream come into this? And then I realised I wanted her, like I wanted her last winter. Wanted her more than oxygen.

Robin gently tipped my chin up and looked into my eyes. "I wish I could give you the world."

Her lips pressed against mine.

And then the ice cream was abandoned, yet her mouth tasted sweet, and I fell into her and we kissed and kissed and kissed. Her hands were warm and her touch was light. I never wanted to let her go again as her hands slid up my back, under my shirt. It was unlike any other time we kissed. Our making out in the past always made my blood rush and my mind spin. But this... this was euphoric.

"You... taste... like... ice cream," I gasped between breaths.

She laughed and placed a teaspoon of the icy treat between my lips. The strawberry flavour melted in my mouth just in time for her lips to capture mine again in an uncontrollable kiss.

After we broke apart and our breathing slowed down, she whispered in my ear, "So do you."

And that's how the Prince had found her Cinderella.

The End