I'm 16 and I am still confused about whether I'm straight, les or bi. I come from an all-girls convent school where relationships between two girls are not exactly rare. I know my own clique of friends have much experiences (including sexual ones) with girls.
When I was 13 I idolised/fancied certain seniors but I thought this would be a passing phase like mere hero worship and nothing else. But the girls I liked just seemed to get younger.
I found myself absolutely infatuated with a girl two years my junior by the time I was Secondary 4. She was not at all close to me but would often tell me that she loved me and that she thought I was real cute with my short hair. I was dense enough not to realize her implication till much later. Before that, it was difficult to imagine myself as an "active". I loved to change my hairstyles and dress in different ways from complete tomboyish to girlish. If you asked me about my crooked sexual orientations I would also be confused. I like girls by their styles and personalities but tend to have a preference towards the 'passive' types.
As mentioned, much of my friends are in same-sex relationships and could understand my predicament. It was difficult to bring up the topic to my more innocent and conservative friends. One of my good friends told me directly, "Yee Hin, that's really disgusting," and that bit a little. My sister is also not too pleased about recent developments and though sometimes willing to talk about it, most of the time I feel that she thinks it's just weird. Some of my straight friends are completely cool with it and I really thank them for it. It is hard to get really close to someone who doesn't share the secret that is such a big part of your life.
About the girl I liked, the day I told her I was going to tie up my hair, she started ignoring me completely. Ironically I still love her, whether or not it is possible that we will be together. I graduated from the school last year and don't see or contact her now. One of my friends define me now as PL (pure les) instead of the common category of A or P.