I'm not sure how to start. It was in seventh grade and I had pretty much just realized that I was bisexual. Although deep down I've known since about fourth grade, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Anyways, it was the middle of seventh grade and I was finally getting to know my new best friend. She seemed cool and I wanted someone to help me with my feelings. See, I had been questioning my sexuality for awhile and I was really scared that I was all alone. My mom had always told me that being gay was a sin and she thought it was totally disgusting. But anyways, I just finally couldn't stand having this huge secret any more. So I called up my friend and told her I had a problem. She was expecting a guy problem, and was totally shocked when I said I was bi. She was like "Well, who do you like?" Well this would have been so much easier if I had not been totally in love with her. There was nothing for me to do but say the truth, "______ I like you."
Obviously the wrong thing to say. She cried for maybe the third time in her life and she couldn't even look at me the next day at school. We stayed friends though and she kept my secret... for awhile. Almost a month later, after youth group, though, I took another step. We were all alone and I told her I wanted to kiss her. We both saw the school counselor the next day and we stayed friends again. But behind my back she was telling people my secret.
That summer she called me and said I was a horrible friend and that she hated me and that she never wanted to see me again. It was all my fault and I felt like I had ruined both our lives. I tried to commit suicide and became very depressed. Until this year. It was April and my friend said she was sorry and now we are friends again. Before I go on you have to know that to get her to be my friend the year before I had to tell her that I really wasn't bisexual. This time I knew I had to tell the truth. I sat her down and simply said "I am bi, and this is the way I am. If that means that we can't be friends, then I'm sorry." This time was different, though, she said, "If you want to still be my friend, then I want to be yours."
It's been three weeks since then and we are still friends. I still love her and I wish we could be more than friends but I will never tell her that again. Almost all of my closest friends know that I am bisexual, and my dad's side of the family knows, but I still haven't told my mom. I am too scared that she might throw me out or make me take counseling. I don't need counseling, I know exactly who I am. I'm hoping one day soon I will have enough courage to tell my mom, but at least now I can be myself around my friends.