I'm sitting here in front of my computer screen wondering where I should begin with my story. I'm actually getting a little ahead of myself because in reality my thoughts are centered around "Her" the raven haired girl who walked into my life changing it completely and forever.
Sounds kinda overdramatic doesn't it? Like a lifetime movie special. Sorry bout' that, its the pitfalls of being a writer! Well anyway, I guess I could start my story with the usual; I was born, I grew up but I prefer to start it when I feel I was truly born which was when I met "Her".
It had been an uneventful afternoon when I heard the knock at the door. My mother who was busy creating a meal from some chicken left-overs asked me to open the door. I was hesitant due to my very comfortable reclined position but I got up and made my way to the door. Once there I turned the knob and as I was opening the door my mother spoke. She asked, "who is it? To which I replied with one of my trade mark smart ass remarks, "maybe if you gave me a chance to open the door completely I might get the chance to tell you". When I returned my attention to the door and opened it completely it was then I felt it! A thousand volts of electricity going from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. All due to her eyes!
Good god! She was beautiful! Her long hair and dark eyes were darker then any night sky I had ever seen yet her smile was bright enough to light the whole room I couldn't quiet understand what I was feeling co'z I'd never felt it before so I just ignored it. At that instant my mother stepped into the room drying her hands on a washcloth. It was then she introduced me to the girl who would one day own my heart. At this moment I'd like to thank god for having come from a south American country. Coming from a south American country the custom for females is, when greeting someone male or female you are to give the person two quick pecks on the cheek along with a hand shake. Needless to say I was overjoyed at the thought of it but I still could not figure out for the life of me why the hell I was so excited at the thought of having her give me a peck on the cheek and a handshake so once again I ignored the nagging little feeling inside.
Then I felt it once more! The volt of electricity! Her lips on my cheek felt so soft and delicate and her skin smelled like lavender, her hand was also soft and supple. I felt a sudden rush of heat go to my face and I swear I could feel my face turning red which in turn made her smile even more.
After that meeting we became friends and inseparable at that, at least during the weekend that is! The thing was her mom lived across town so she could only come over on the weekends and vice versa. So days passed, weeks passed, months passed, and then years. Little by little we got to know each other's life, family friends, and habits and I found that our visits on the weekends were about the only thing I looked forward to.
Inexplicably though the nagging feeling was residing below the surface. When I met her I was 11 and she was 10. Now I was 13 and she was 12 I had slowly but surely become a permanent fixture in her life as she had become in mine, but I still felt this sense of want and need but I didn't realize for what. I remember the many nights I lay in her bed and she in mine and I would watch her sleeping I'd memorize subconsciously her breathing, her facial expressions, her peacefulness. I'd wonder how one person could be such a walking contradiction. She portrayed herself to others as a cold, selfish, and calculating yet in the same token she could be kind, supportive, sensitive. I came to admire the girl she was. A girl who was smart, beautiful, who did and said what she felt, when she felt it, with no apologies or regrets. Little did I know what I loved about her would drive the stake between us!
Another year had gone by and now I was 14 and she was 13. I had grown accustomed to our closeness yet I felt an unspoken need and unknown desire for more. Just when I had finally succeeded in silencing the nagging voice which had accompanied me all those years after our meeting it was "she" herself who gave the voice its name in a moment that changed the course of my life till this very day.
I still remember like it was just yesterday. It was a Saturday my mother was working and her mother was out on a date and she had come to spend the weekend at my house as usual. We greeted, she came in we talked for a bit while we drank a soft drink. Then it happened! She started to talk about this formal they were gonna have at her school and how she was nervous due to the fact she didn't know how to slow dance and she wanted to make a good impression on her date. I asked her why she hadn't asked one of her 2 brothers to teach her to which she replied with a smile and a cute roll of her eyes that they were even worse dancers than she was and less patient as teachers.
It was then she looked at me shyly and asked me if I could teach her which in turn made me stutter like crazy as I asked her "why me?" to which she sincerely replied "I guess its because I know your patient and won't bitch at me when I step on your toes and the fact is I'm comfortable with you". With those words spoken I felt a bit more at ease but not completely but I agreed to teach her.
I turned the radio on to an oldies station and a song was playing not really slow but I left the station on anyway thinking it would give me time to go over the basics with her until the next song. We assumed dancing position but I kept my body at a distance from hers. When she caught on she joked, "is this how they slow dance in your village" to which I replied with a laugh, "no smart ass, I'm just keeping the proper dancing distance for the lesson."
She then countered quite cleverly with a raise of her eyebrow and a comment about wanting the lesson to be on dancing not on distance, then proceeded to pull my body against hers until not even the oxygen in the room, (or lack there of) could get between us!
A song then started to play and I recognized it as that song "these arms of mine" from Otis Redding and the only reason I remember that is because I remember watching that movie "dirty dancing " with her and hearing it. But, anyway. At first as the song began I was stiff and nervous. As the song progressed she placed one hand on the back of my neck, one on the side of my waist, and her head was on my shoulder facing away from me.
Mid way through the song I felt overwhelmed and I abruptly backed away from her but she grabbed my hand and looked in my eyes and for a second I felt trapped but I managed to give her some bogus excuse about being a little tired from not having eaten any breakfast which was not a complete lie but I failed to mention that it was our bodies touching that was making the pit of my stomach tingle and my body warm. So she let go of my hand hesitantly and I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes and tried to block the remnants of light hitting my eyes with my arm.
It was then I felt something on top of me. When I opened my eyes there she was sitting in a straddling position on me while looking into my eyes with a look I could not decipher. I asked her what she was doing but she did not answer. She just proceed to lean into me and kiss me tenderly at first then eagerly and as her kiss ended the cross I would bear made itself known for the nagging voice was the one in my heart and its spoke to me in plain and simple words I could now clearly understand. It said, "This is what I've been trying to tell you for years! You're in love with her!"
Then in the blink of an eye I began to recall the times I'd been in her presence and it was then I realized that every look, every word, every touch, every laugh, every thought, and every tear, would eventually lead to this moment but the only person who failed to see it was me. There were countless other moments I could relate to you but that would on serve to further open the gaping wound left behind when we had came to an end and now that she has a boyfriend and a child I feel the distance growing even further. She made it quiet clear and painful when she said I was just a moment, a moment that had passed, but a moment she had enjoyed while it lasted.
She will never know how much I truly did and still do love her but it was my own fault I was lead astray by my heart when I saw that she was a free spirit and as much as a part of me wishes she hadn't been so cold, I knew already that was a part of her and when you love someone you love them for their virtues and their faults and one must also know when to let go. I have come to the point I have let go but I know in my heart I will never forget because she helped me find myself even if it meant I had to lose her to do it!
One day very soon I will find the courage to let my friends and family find me but as of the moment I just wanna revel in the joy of having found myself after years of searching.