My name is Isabel, I'm 38 and a foreign language teacher. In spite of my age, I still feel like a child and people think I'm somewhere between 16 and 26.
I'm not a typical lesbian, but then again who is? Although there are some common characteristics among many lesbians, each and every one has a different personality. I'm not exclusively lesbian either. But few people have exclusively one sexual preference. I prefer girls aged 7 to 12, but I can also be attracted to adult women who look youthful and have some childish characteristics. I'm also attracted to men who have childish characteristics, but so far I've only been in love with gay men and heterosexual women, so I've never had a romantic relationship. As to the young girls that I've been attracted to, we never became friends due to circumstances or lack of interest from their part. I do artistic gymnastics at a gym club, so I'm around little girls often. I don't teach children, because I don't like them to see me as a superior, I want to be at the same level as they are. I don't lack adult friends though, I have many male gay friends. I've been active in different gay organizations in different countries and at an international level for 20 years. I eventually got disappointed by the shift from sexual liberation to politically correct homosexuality, so currently I only keep contact with the few radical gay organizations left in the world.
I became aware of my homosexuality at nine, when I fell in love with a class mate. I knew that I was different from other people already at five, but I just didn't know how. I felt that society was trying to manipulate me - like it manipulated other children - into becoming a typical woman who wears make-up, gets married and has children, and I reacted against it. So I knew that I'd never marry or have children of my own, and I told my teacher and parents, but none of them took me seriously. Nobody ever did for that matter. This is a major mistake that adults make with children. I always felt deeply offended when my opinions and knowledge about myself and my plans for the future weren't respected. Another matter that adults don't seem to grant children is their sexuality. I discovered masturbation when I was five and I've been active and fully satisfied in that respect ever since. However, I knew that adults wouldn't like it, so I said nothing about it to anyone. I thought I was the only one who did that anyway. At ten I fell in love with a male actor, so then I knew I was bisexual. However, I had no desire to have sex with men until a very late age (my late twenties). On the other hand, I was desperate for love-making with girls and women, especially when I fell in love with a female teacher (at eleven). The whole school knew pretty soon about my love for her, as I did constantly many crazy things (like washing and kissing her car every week). She never spoke to me in person and she was quite cold towards me, she just asked me on a couple of occasions to stop doing what I did (like stopping going to her apartment building). I never got pestered by any of the kids either. However, my best friend broke contact with me after her mother had found out about me and probably told her that I was a pervert.
It wasn't before I was past 30 that I realized I also liked young girls. I always thought of age as being unimportant and of homosexual pedophilia as being part of homosexuality, so I never put any borders between ages or who I fell in love with or felt attracted to. As an adult, however, I never happened to fall in love or be attracted to a little girl before I was 32. I think it's only due to the fact that I just didn't think of children as potential objects of desire. I didn't get involved in pedophile activism before that, so I didn't question myself over that area. When I finally did, I started to be attracted to little girls.
I live in a country where the hysteria against pedophiles hasn't reached very far yet. So until now I haven't been a target of pedophobia, although I'm an open about it. My being female helps too; most people can't imagine how a female can be attracted to young girls, or they think of her as harmless. I'm more of a threat to parents when they find out I'm gay. They think I'll push their daughters towards homosexuality. I hate being dishonest, so I get seldom involved with parents whose daughters I feel attracted to.
I don't want to have children for many and very different reasons, one of them being the one I mentioned before, my desire to be at the same level as children. I'm not unhappy nor depressed due to my desires, but I'm not really happy either. I'm always involved in an unrequited love, and that gets me periodically very depressed and unhappy. I would be happy if I had a successful relationship with an adult and little girls as friends. Making love with a little girl would be a wonderful experience, but it isn't a must for my existance and happiness. I'm a farely optimistic person, and that helps me get over my depressions.