I guess you could say I'm bisexual, but I prefer not to label myself. I'd rather just be me, and that allows for a broader horizon with no expectations and labels. But, anyway, I came out when I was 13 to a friend whom I thought I could trust. It was really more a case of my being sick of hiding and finding a window.
This friend, who I'll call Andrea has a disability, so I figured that she'd be pretty accepting. I first started noticing and accepting my feelings for girls when I fell head over heels for the goalie on my soccer team. She was talented, smart, and had a great sense of humor. I'll call her by a nickname of hers, Boo.
The assignment was to write a story about someone fictional. I wrote my story through a character named, Angela. I let Andrea read my story one afternoon after school was out. This probably wasn't the ideal time because another friend was in the room. I write a lot and my friends seem to like it, because the girl in the room wanted to read my story as well. I didn't know how she would have reacted, so I told her maybe later.
After she vacated the room and Andrea was done reading, I told her that it was true, and who the characters were. I don't think that coming out was that big of a deal for me personally because I'm already one of the more different people in our school, I'm one of the only Indians, and the only goth. But Andrea had already kind of guessed, she said.
I was happy for a time, then fell into a deep depression. Somehow her acceptance wasn't enough. I don't know why, but it just wasn't. every night I would look in the mirror and tell myself that I was ugly, worthless and that no one loved me, and how could anyone ever love a bisexual girl.
After the self beating, I would think of ways to kill myself and how much I wanted to. Boo, who by now was my closest friend, knew how depressed I was and tried to help. I was in love with her, so I was hardly sad around her.
One day we took a road trip for a day of shopping, bookfairs, and hanging around. That night we couldn't sleep because her dad, in the next bed over, was snoring louder then a chainsaw. We got a bucket of ice and went out into the hallway in our pajamas. We were bored, sleepy and rather hungry. Boo and I munched on the ice for a while, then had races down the hallway to see who could bounce the most,
I was having trouble getting up my courage, because I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I don't mean like a small infatuation, I mean like love. But I was scared because I knew she listened to Eminem and you never know how deep that scumball's influence runs. Besides, I'd heard her dissing gays and lesbians once.
So I settled for a compromise with myself. I told her I had a crush on someone. I got really nervous because the next thing Boo asked was "WHO?!" I should have expected that, but I was too scared to pay attention. I told her that I couldn't tell her. She pleaded and begged until I said I'd tell her later. Later, (or rather when we went back to bed) she asked again and I asked what she'd do if it was her. Boo said that she'd be flattered. Or something to that effect. I was jubilant. We went to sleep by drawing pictures on each other's backs, and I wanted to draw a heart with an arrow through it to give her some clue.
Again I settled for a compromise, I just drew the heart, but by then Boo was snoring (or rather playing soccer in her sleep). That night, at my house I checked my e-mail while Boo was sitting on the desk right next to the computer. I had come out to my cousin earlier, and she had been very supportive. She even asked one of her bisexual friends to e-mail me if I had any questions. Thanks cuz! But My cousin had written a letter to me, and as usual Boo wanted to read over my shoulder. I didn't want her to see the part about my being bi, so I covered it up with my hands saying that she'd hate me if she saw. After much pleading and a promise that Boo would not hate me if she saw, I removed my hands from the now sweatty screen. After reading, Boo gave me a big hug and said she'd always be my friend and love me like a sister no matter how I turned out. I was happy to say the least.
That led me to come out to my parents. That was a bit harder. I knew my mom would be fine with it because as I said before she's fine with my other differences, But my dad, I wasn't sure about. It turned out that mom had some difficulties, but said that she'd always love me no matter what, and dad was fine because he teaches many students who are gays and lesbians (they sometimes come to him for "fatherly" advice).
Life is getting better, and I'm not so depressed, but I do wish I hadn't told Andrea. Her mother found out and went ballistic. She changed Andrea's opinion and Andrea was harrassing and spreading rumors about me and my friends around school. That really hurt me because she was the first peer I trusted and she supported me quite a bit. No matter, I feel sorry for her because just because we're different in other ways, She's just as different as me. But she can burn in hell that she's creating for herself. I pity her.