Ok well...I always felt somewhat attracted to girls, and that feeling just never seemed to go away.
I live in Florida but for the summer of 2000 I went up to visit my cousins in NY. I figured this would be the perfect time to tell some of my friends I was a lesbian. So I came out and told my friend Danielle I was gay, she didn't believe me but I finally talked her into it. She was very cool with it.
The next day I was headed back to Florida and I was really scared because I didn't want to talk to her in person or on the phone. I finally got past that and ended up telling a bunch of very close friends; they were all very supportive and cool with it. Well when I went into 8th grade I really wanted to just have everyone know. I felt like I was living my life a secret. So in the middle of the year all of the 8th graders got a form to fill out, it was an 8th grade last will and testament.
One of the questions there was "Who is your Dream Date?"
So of course I was going to put Olsen twins because, you know, they're just beautiful to me. But I was really expecting everyone to take it as a joke, even thought it wasn't really meant to be. Usually people are just trying to be funny and they'll put the principal or someone like that. So when it came time for the newspaper staff to put all this information into the computer, one of the girls stumbled upon mine and refused to put it in and brought the situation to the teacher.
So the teacher made it clear to the class that that information would not be printed, and should not be brought outside the classroom. But before you knew it, the whole school was talking about me. People I didn't even know would come up to me in the halls and ask me if I was gay, I would say yes, but then some people would ask me if I was a lesbian and for some reason it was just so hard to answer, so I would say no.
So not everyone exactly believed me, and not everyone knew I like little girls.
Well I had the biggest crush (and still do) on this 12 year old girl Katie. She is beautiful, she has this long red hair, and BIG brown eyes. This is when the ENTIRE school found out for a fact.
It was the Valentines Dance and I really wanted to dance with her, but I was really afraid to ask because I didn't want to be turned down. I had Katie's best friend Kristy ask her for me, so she did and Kristy came back to me and said that Katie would dance with me. So I waited for a slow song to play and finally one did. I went up to Katie and asked her dance, she looked me in the eyes with her puppy face and said, "Amanda I'm so sorry, but I can't."
Then she put her head on my shoulder and I felt horrible so I just walked away. I went to talk to some other friends and one of them was being a total bitch and said, "Hey Amanda, don't look behind you." So of course I looked behind me, and there was Katie dancing with this guy, and it just totally tore me up inside. I started to cry. I felt so stupid.
So that night everyone came up to me and asked me if I was really a lesbian and if I really liked Katie. I didn't mean to be rude but I broke down and said, "YES! OK? I AM A LESBIAN!" In the end everyone was really supportive and from then on, everyone knew.
Now I am in High School, and have to start all over again.