Being gay in a world filled with ignorance and hate is difficult. For some it is more difficult than others. Everyone who embraces his gay identity goes experiences the struggle of gaining the acceptance of others. Sometimes acceptance is received; many times it is not. As a teenager, I face the typical worries of my peers, such as grades, family issues and college. However, I am also faced with condemnation, ostracism and isolation. Why? Because I am a lesbian.
It's a hard road. It takes a lot of courage and self-exploration to "come out" to yourself and ultimately, to others. The challenges of coming out as a teenager today are different from those of our parents' generation. Homosexuality has become more of an open topic; we are less afraid to fight for what is right and to show pride in who we are.
However, young people are still faced with incredible hurdles. Besides the challenge of coming out to friends and relatives, we must develop relationships with people who can understand us and support us. For most teens, the people to turn to for that support and understanding are our wizened, respectful gay elders.
I lived in a very homophobic city during the time I was first coming out. I discovered the internet as a welcome means of "meeting" other gays and lesbians. The reaction I received from those I contacted was not what I expected. Older lesbians in their twenties and thirties would respond to my calls for help and understanding with "How do you know you're a lesbian if you haven't had sex with a woman? You can't be a lesbian if you are still a virgin."
I was shocked at the blunt ignorance of these women. I responded angrily, "You of all people should know that it doesn't take the physical act of sex to know who or what you are attracted to! I don't need to have sex with a woman to know I am gay. Nor do I need to have sex with a man to know that I am straight." It was infuriating that even my "own kind" was blind to the truths, even their own truths of sexuality.
It is not uncommon for gay youth to grow up way too fast. I am sure I am not alone in saying that I already feel ancient. My own therapist says I think and feel on the level of someone in their mid-thirties. I don't relate to my peers at all. I have few friends; I am always alone. The people I feel closest to are older, generally out of their teens.
This brings up another issue: relationships. I will meet a fascinating woman online or in a coffee shop. However, when she learns that I am only sixteen, she turns away, frightened of being labeled a pedophile. My question is: How does being friends with someone under eighteen make you a pedophile?
Age is just a number? It's more than that: it's a barrier that comes between the generations. We are the future. Why condemn us to isolation? Why turn your backs on your own children? We wait for someone to reach out and give us permission to enter our own community. We want so desperately to belong. We want to learn from your wisdom. We want the responsibility of helping to make our world a better place for your own sake, for our sake, and for our children's sake.
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Melissa Morgenstein is a senior at the Dreyfoos High of the Arts in West Palm Beach where she majors in vocal music. She is currently working to start a Gay Straight Alliance at her school.