It is hard for heterosexuals to understand what it is like being lesbian and growing up with that knowledge in a society which hates and fears homosexuals. Everywhere you turn you hear something negative about homosexuality - on the television, in newspapers, from your friends, from parents, grandparents and siblings, from other kids at school, from teachers! Because of pending legislation there is currently a lot of discussion around the Age of Consent for male homosexuals. Turn on the television and you are likely to hear famous and 'respectable' politicians coming out with blatantly homophobic remarks. On Monday, 10th January 1994, BBC News at mid-day, Lady Olga Maitland, M.P., suggested that older homosexuals would pressurise young men into homosexuality and that this would "deprive them of future personal happiness, of family life and really, in a sense, being on the fringe of society." She continued, "If a girl of 16 has sexual intercourse she is carrying out, in a sense, a natural heterosexual function. But if a boy is forced into that mode he then could be forced into a sexuality for the rest of his life which would make him very troubled and very disturbed and very unhappy." On the BBC early evening news of the same day, Valerie Riches, Family & Youth Concern, said: "Heterosexual activity, even amongst 16-year-olds, is at least a normal activity. Homosexual activity is not normal, it is unnatural." Again on the same day, on BBC television, Lord Hailsham said "I think it [homosexuality] is a corrupt and corrupting vice."
We, Lesbian Information Service, are currently supporting a thirteen-year-old lesbian. Paula knew about her sexuality when she was eleven but it was two years before she spoke to anyone about it. She desperately needed support and told her school teacher whose response was to say that she was too young to make such a serious decision; the teacher now seems to avoid Paula. She told her best friend who, initially, said it was okay but has since become distant and constantly asks Paula, "When are you going to have a boyfriend?" Most recently, a boy in her class asked Paula out. When she refused he taunted her with: "Are you a lesbian, then?" Paula wanted to say, "Yes, I am, so what?" instead she told him to "Get lost."
Paula is one of the few younger lesbians who has contacted us after learning about our helpline in a magazine. We seem to be getting more and more calls from younger lesbians. Remafedi (1990) says:
"The youngest adolescents who are grappling with the possibility of homosexuality appear to be especially vulnerable to stigma and isolation because of emotional and physical immaturity, inexperience, the need to belong to a peer group, and dependence on families, schools, and communities for help during the transition to adulthood."
When Paula telephones she is often upset and cries when she tells us about the latest anti-homosexual joke or incident she has witnessed at school. She is desperate for support nearer home and, whilst it seems her parents may be supportive - one of their relatives is lesbian and her parents have gay friends - Paula is terrified to tell them. She fears they will not believe her.
We are able to give Paula limited support over the telephone and, more recently, she has felt able to receive information from us in the form of a booklet called "i think i might be a lesbian ... now what do i do?" Paula lives in a city where there is a Young Lesbian Group, which is quite rare. However, the Group meets a few miles away, in the evening, and the lower age limit is 16 years. It will be some time before Paula is able to meet other young lesbians of her own age.
To some degree Paula is fortunate to have come across our telephone number and to have had the confidence to call us; she can at least share her anger and sadness. But she is still without access to other young lesbians for friendship and without the support of those most dear to her, her parents.
Of the 20 lesbians we have interviewed, most knew they were 'different' at an early age and most had no-one to talk to for years. Without anyone to talk to young lesbians bottle up their feelings; many use drugs and alcohol to cope with their isolation.
Young lesbians do not need to become alcohol/drug dependent, depressed or suicidal, although because of isolation most are depressed during the very vulnerable early stages of coming out. Hetrick and Martin (1987) note:
"In a non-threatening supportive environment that provides accurate information and appropriate peer and adult role models, many of the concerns [of lesbian and gay youth] are alleviated and internalized negative attitudes are either modified or prevented from developing."
But Young Lesbian Groups are few and far between, often only exist in large cities and are rarely adequately staffed with specially trained workers who know how to deal with the issues (most groups are run on a part time basis). Young lesbians hold onto years of pain, anger, fear, guilt, shame, and sadness inside them. When their emotions do come out this often takes the form of self-harm. I knew I was different when I was eleven but talked to no-one for years and did not come out until I was 23 years old. At my 18th birthday party I got drunk and, because the girl I was in love with was hitting it off with a chap and I couldn't tell her about my feelings, I tried to walk under a moving car. That wasn't the first time I'd been drunk nor felt suicidal.