One night, at exactly 2:52am, a girl named Anika shot up from sleep, her heart pounding. Her eyes darted all around the room, as she tried to convince herself that it was just a dream, nothing to get so worked up about. But she couldn't relax. She slowly laid back down in bed, scenes from the dream running through her head.
She didn't fall back asleep for three hours.
The next day at school, Anika walked quietly through the hallway, her mind lingering on last night's event. She silently gathered her books and headed off to her first class, science.
In science, Anika and her classmates were currently working on a group experiment, and Anika was partnered up with Alliya, who she was enjoying to get to know. Anika had always been drawn to Alliya, and she wasn't really sure why. At any rate, Anika had become closer to Alliya in the past year, and that made her happy.
"Hi Anika!" said Alliya. "What's up?"
"Hm, nothing much," Anika mumbled.
Alliya frowned. "Uh, did something happen?"
Anika looked away. "Maybe." She nervously squeezed the hem of her skirt, bunching it up at the bottom.
Alliya seemed uncomfortable. "Okay... if you say so..." She looked down at the science experiment's instructions. "So, let's see... step one..." Alliya tilted her head slightly to the side, her silky dark brown hair lightly hitting the desk. Anika bit her lip. "Hey Anika, can you fill this beaker up halfway with water?"
"Huh? Oh, sure," Anika said, taking the beaker and standing up to walk to the sink.
One thing Anika found interesting about Alliya was that she was open with everyone about being a lesbian. Alliya had been out of the closet since she was only twelve, and she was sixteen now. Anika couldn't help but find it impressive for someone to come out that early on in life, to feel that sure of themselves. Anika was the exact opposite. She never felt sure of anything, always doubting herself and her decisions.
And yeah, her sexuality.
Later was P.E. Anika and Alliya also had the same P.E. class. Anika always felt awkward changing in the locker room, because she was surrounded by a bunch of girls. For some reason, she felt tempted to watch them change, but the thought made her feel angry at herself, so she mentally scolded herself every time that thought came to her mind.
Today, Alliya seemed to read Anika's mind.
"It's weird changing around all these girls," Alliya said.
Anika looked over at her friend. "Yeah?" she said.
Alliya nodded. "Probably just 'cause I'm gay."
Anika seemed a bit startled. "Oh yeah... I guess that would make it kinda weird," she laughed nervously.
"Yeah," said Alliya, also laughing.
That day, after school and after homework, Anika flopped down on her bed, her light brown hair sprawled all over, unable to think of anything but last night's dream. I can't be a lesbian! I can't be! Anika thought. She buried her face in her pillow. I'm too normal! It's impossible! Surely... surely... surely every girl feels this way! I'm just confused, that's all!
Girls are just really pretty. I can't like them like that... Don't I like boys?
"Anika!" Anika's mother's voice called from downstairs. "Alliya is here! She wants to see you!"
Alliya? Visiting me? At my house? Anika felt dizzy and confused. "O-Okay," she said. She heard footsteps going up the stairs, and then the door opened and Alliya walked into the room.
"Hey, nice place you got here," Alliya said, looking around Anika's room. She walked over to the other side of the room, and smiled at a teddy bear sitting on the floor. Then she looked in Anika's closet and through a pile of papers and such on her dresser. It occurred to Anika that Alliya was snooping through all her stuff, but she made no move to stop her. Then Alliya opened Anika's underwear drawer. "Ooh, panties," she said.
Anika's face turned bright red, and she sprang up into a sitting position. "H-Hey!"
"What?" said Alliya, who was holding a pair she'd grabbed out. She put it back in the drawer and closed it, then walked over to Anika. "Hey Anika, you were acting kind of strange today."
Anika looked away at her pillow. "I'm fine."
Alliya stared silently at Anika for a second, who was worried Alliya might be looking right into her mind. She tried to think about something else, but she couldn't. Then Alliya gave a nod of acknowledgement, and walked right back over to Anika's dresser.
"Hey!" said Anika. Alliya didn't respond. Anika realized she wasn't going to stop looking through her things until she said what was on her mind.
"I had a strange dream," Anika said suddenly.
Alliya seemed to shift her attention to Anika then. She set down the magazine she was looking at and moved to Anika's bed, sitting on the side. "A dream?" she said.
Anika nodded glumly. Suddenly, a wave of emotion washed over her, and she found herself sobbing. "A-Alliya..." she stuttered. "Do you think that, by any chance... I might be... I might be a lesbian?"
Alliya blinked suddenly, her eyes widening a little. "Well... yes, I guess you could be. What does this have to do with your dream?"
"In the dream... me and... me and another girl were..." Anika paused, then burst into tears again.
"Oh," said Alliya. "I see. But you really can't decide something like this just based on a dream you had."
"I really liked the dream though," said Anika, putting her feet up on the bed and hugging her knees. "And I've been thinking about it for a long time, too. I guess the dream just really made it hit me. A little part of me sort of knew a long time ago that my feelings my girls were beyond platonic, but I refused to acknowledge them as such. It seems so much clearer now though. I don't know how I didn't realize it sooner."
"So am I," said Alliya. "Remember that time in second grade when you said you thought it would be cool to kiss a girl?"
Anika looked surprised. "I said that?"
Alliya nodded. "You don't remember? Everyone laughed at you. But I told you I wanted to kiss a girl too."
"That... does sound kind of familiar," Anika said.
"You've had these feelings for a long time, haven't you?" said Alliya. Anika gave a tiny nod, wiping a tear from her eye. "It's okay."
"B-But, I don't want to be gay," Anika said.
"It's not that bad," Alliya said. "You can be gay and live a perfectly happy life."
"But I just want to be normal!" said Anika.
"But wouldn't that be boring?" said Alliya. "You know that you're attracted to girls and there's nothing you can do about it. Don't prevent yourself from finding happiness. Do you have any idea how many lesbians date guys, in hopes that they'll change their minds about their orientation? It's a lot. And they always end up unhappy."
"Maybe I'm just bi," Anika said.
Alliya sighed. "But are you genuinely attracted to boys, the way other girls are?" Anika shrugged. "Do you ever daydream about having a boyfriend? Or marrying a guy? Or having sex with one?"
Anika blushed. "Not... not anymore..."
"Because you're starting to realize what you really want, right?" said Alliya.
At that moment, Anika realized how close Alliya was leaning in to her face. She fumbled over her words. "I... I think I only like guys as friends. Dating one would be too weird for me."
"Is that so?" Alliya said, her face still very close to Anika's.
Anika gulped. "I... well... Guys are boring. Girls are so much more..." Her voice trailed off, staring into Alliya's dark eyes.
"More what?" said Alliya, leaning in a little closer.
"Well... just... you know... better..." said Anika, unable to think anymore.
"Hey... Anika?" Alliya said.
"Yeah?" said Anika, her eyes half closed.
"I noticed you checking me out in the locker room."
"...I don't know what you're talking about."
Alliya smiled gently, then closed her eyes and pressed her lips to Anika's. Anika jerked back a little in surprise, then relaxed and kissed the other girl back. After a while, they pulled away, and both were blushing.
"Well... I'm glad you're feeling better now," said Alliya.
Anika nodded. "Thanks." She gave Alliya a hug, and both of them blushed even more. Alliya put an arm around Anika, enjoying the warm feeling, and the sensation of Anika's strongly pounding heart pressed against her. She pulled away, lingered a second, unwilling to leave, but then stood up. She walked towards the bedroom door, put her hand on the doorknob, then suddenly pulled it back away and looked back at Anika. Anika was staring at her, with her sky blue eyes full of curiosity. Alliya quickly walked back over and kissed Anika's cheek, then went back to the door and left the room. Anika was left alone with her thoughts.
I can't believe that actually happened, Anika thought. Slowly, she stood up from her bed and walked out of her bedroom. Then she went down the staircase, where her dad was, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.
"Hi Dad," said Anika.
"Hi Anika," said Anika's dad. He looked up at her, then started laughing.
"Huh?" said Anika. "What's so funny?"
"Go look in the mirror," said Anika's dad. Anika, worried, ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror above the sink. She immediately noticed it. There was a lipstick stain on her right cheek, where Alliya had kissed her.
"Agh!" said Anika. She grabbed a washcloth and turned on the faucet, then began trying to scrub it off of her cheek.
Anika's dad laughed. "Ah, teenage years..." he said.