Princess Andrea sat at one end of the long table in her family's gigantic dining room. She was pushing her green beans around on her plate, ignoring everything her mother was saying.
"Andrea!" her mother scolded. "Pay attention! Have you heard a single thing I've been saying?"
"Nope," said Andrea. "No, wait... something about jousting?"
"That's right," her mother said. "We're going to put up flyers around the kingdom about a jousting competition. Whoever wins will have your hand in marriage."
Andrea spit out her green beans. "We're gonna what?!"
"Well, you have to get married eventually," Andrea's mother said. "And now is as good as any time, isn't it sweetheart?"
Andrea's father looked up. "Huh? Sorry, I didn't hear anything you were saying."
Andrea's mother sighed, standing up. "Look, I've already made the flyers. We'll nail them to trees. And we'll see who comes."
"B-But Mother!" Andrea stammered. "I don't get to choose on my own?"
"You've taken too long," her mother said. "Now don't talk with your mouth full." Andrea swallowed. "Once you finish eating you can look at the flyers, then tomorrow we can hang them up."
"Yes Mother," Andrea mumbled.
The next day, a girl and boy were walking through the woods. Their clothes were ragged and their hands were dirty. They had no family except each other, and they lived on their own. They ate when they could and slept in the dirt. The girl, who was walking slightly ahead, noticed a flyer nailed to a tree. "Hey Michael!" she said. "Check this out!"
Michael read the flyer aloud. "'The queen has invited all the men in the kingdom to attend a joust. The winner will receive a special reward.' I don't know about this, Kathy."
Kathy smiled. "That's right. I want to compete."
"You'll get yourself killed!" Michael cried. "And you're not a man! They wouldn't let you in!"
"Oh, they won't notice with my armor on," said Kathy. "It would be such a cool experience!"
"But Kathy! If they found out you were a girl you'd be hanged!"
"Nuh-uh, I'm gonna be in that joust whether you like it or not," said Kathy. "And I bet the prize is, like, a million dollars. The queen is totally rich you know. We won't have to live this way anymore. We'll live a life of luxury once I win!" Kathy pumped her fist up in the air. "Come on, let's keep walking." Kathy stuffed the flyer in her pocket.
Michael sighed. "Oh, whatever. There's no way you'll actually go through with it. You'll freak out."
"No I won't!"
"Uh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
At the joust, Andrea was slumped down in her seat, playing with her long blonde hair. Her mother gave her a look, and Andrea quickly sat up straight and smoothed out her hair.
The queen stood up and walked to the balcony. "Ladies and gentlemen!" she said to the small crowd that had showed up. "Boys and girls! Everyone of all ages, welcome to the joust! We have four contestants! Their names are..." The queen looked at a paper. "Ernest Levin, Fredrick Watson, Neal Handy, and Kaleb Johnson."
Kaleb Johnson was the disguise name Kathy had picked.
The queen blabbered on for a while, and almost nobody was paying attention to what she was saying. Kathy adjusted her helmet, peeking through. Hopefully no one would find out she was a girl. She really didn't like the idea of being hanged. Really, who did?
The joust began. Two people at a time came out at a time into the center ring and just plain charged at each other on their horses. Kathy winced every time someone flew off their horse. She began to feel sorta shaky.
"This time it's Fredrick Watson versus Kaleb Johnson!" the queen announced. Kathy swallowed her fear the best she could and came out slowly. She raised her lance, and then sped toward Fredrick Watson. She closed her eyes and hoped for the best.
Thud.
Kathy opened her eyes and rubbed her sore side. She had fallen on the ground. She thought she'd lost, but then she saw Fredrick Watson being carried away on a stretcher. Victory!
Kathy wasn't sure if she had a talent for jousting or was just having amazing luck, but it didn't really matter. She was doing great! Once Kathy had beaten all the other contestants, the queen walked out into the ring and over to her. The queen smiled, grabbing Kathy's hand and raising it into the air. "The winner!" she announced. Everyone started clapping. Kathy was filled with pride. She spotted Michael in the crowd, who had just a tiny smile on his face. Kathy waved, and he waved back.
"And this lucky man, Kaleb Johnson, wins my daughter's hand in marriage!" the queen continued. The crowd clapped.
Say what now?
Michael was giggling.
Kathy was taken into the castle and invited to join the royal family for dinner. Kathy was amazed by all the food. She hadn't ever eaten a meal this grand! What a feast! Kathy drooled, staring at it. If only Michael could enjoy it with her...
And if only she weren't here to discuss the marriage she had just found out she would be having!
"You don't talk much, do you?" the queen said, as she carefully cut her steak. Kathy nodded. She was still wearing her helmet, which clanked as she bobbed her head up and down. If only she could tell them she was a girl and get out of this. But talking would allow them to hear her voice, and them knowing she was a girl could and would get her hanged. Was there any way out of this?!
"Well, I don't like the talkative type anyway," said Andrea.
The queen smiled. "That's good, dear."
The meal dragged on. Kathy nodded and shook her head to answer questions. Dessert was a huge chocolate cake. Kathy had to eat through the small opening in her helmet.
"Are you ever gonna take off that helmet?" Andrea asked. Kathy shook her head. "Why? Is it stuck?" Kathy nodded. "Oh, I can help you get it off." Kathy shook her head. Andrea tried to pull it off, but Kathy pulled on it tightly. She was much stronger than Andrea.
Andrea was getting annoyed. "So I'm never gonna get to see your face?! How are we supposed to kiss at the wedding then?! What kind of a man are you?!"
"Maybe he doesn't want you to see his face because he's not very attractive, dear. Don't worry about it, it's what's inside that counts."
Andrea sighed. "Yes, Mother. I lost myself."
After dinner, Andrea took Kathy to her room and showed her things. "I have a bunch of dresses," she said opening her huge walk-in closet. "Whaddya think?"
Kathy stared at the dresses in amazement. She took off her hand armor and felt the soft fabric of a purple dress. She had never worn a dress this fancy before!
"Nice, isn't it?" said Andrea. Kathy nodded. "You know, I really wish you would talk. I want to get to know you before I have to marry you." She crossed her arms. "Well, you seem nice anyway."
There was a scratching at the door. Andrea opened it, and a huge dog came into the room. "This is my dog, Prince."
When Kathy saw the dog, she freaked out. She just so happened to be horrified of dogs. She fell backwards, banging her head hard on the metal edge of the bed, and was knocked unconscious.
When Kathy woke up, she was lying on Andrea's bed and had a blanket over her. She sat up and stretched. She itched her side.
Then she noticed her armor was missing. Uh-oh.
She heard footsteps in the hallway and panicked. The door opened, and it was Andrea, carrying a tray with tea and cookies. "Oh, you're awake." Andrea said. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were afraid of dogs."
Kathy didn't know what to say. Suddenly, she blurted out, "Please don't tell anyone I'm a girl, Andrea!"
Andrea gave a tiny smile. "I understand now," she said. "You wanted to hide your voice and your face, didn't you? When you fell and your visor flipped up, it all made sense."
"You won't tell, will you?! I don't wanna be hanged!"
"Why'd you enter the joust anyway?"
"Please don't tell!"
"I won't, I won't." Andrea laughed. Then her expression got more serious. "But there's no way I'm gonna marry you."
"Why?!"
Andrea looked confused. "Um, did you really want to marry me?"
Kathy blushed. "Not exactly... but you know, I really wouldn't mind being royalty. Getting to live this kinda life... I've never eaten chocolate cake before today."
Andrea bit her lip. "So... you wanna go through with the marriage then?"
"In a way, yes..."
Andrea sighed, lowering her head. "I... won't tell anyone."
Kathy smiled. "Thanks Andrea."
That night, Andrea's mother asked Andrea if it would be okay for 'Kaleb' to sleep with Andrea. Andrea's face turned a little red. "Yes, that would be fine..." she said slowly.
"It's just because the guest room is kinda messy from the last guest we had over and there's not much time to clean it. I thought it would be okay if he slept with you," said the queen.
"Yeah, I don't mind," said Andrea. It wasn't that weird at all... right? Though actually, when her mother had first said 'sleep with' another thought had popped into her head that had made her twitch. Obviously her mom just meant sleep in her bed. Duh.
"Looks like you're sleeping in here," Andrea said as she walked into her room. "I hope you don't mind."
Kathy was reading a book she had pulled off of Andrea's dresser. She gave a tiny nod, distracted by the story. Andrea just smiled, and then tossed a blanket over the bed. Andrea looked up from the book and at the blanket. "Don't we have enough blankets?" she said.
"It's supposed to be cold tonight," said Andrea. "Are you just gonna sleep in your clothes or do you want to borrow a nightgown from me?"
Kathy's eyes widened. If Andrea's nightgowns were even half as nice as her dresses, she absolutely wanted to wear one!
Kathy was going to go to the bathroom to change, but then she realized Andrea's mom or dad might see her walking through the hall in the nightgown. Even if she wore the armor into the hallway, she would be able to wear it back because of the way it was fit. The nightgown wouldn't fit properly.
Apparently Andrea realized the same thing. "Oh, I won't look." She turned around to face the wall, then covered her eyes. Kathy very quickly changed into Andrea's nightgown and Andrea didn't peek.
"Okay, I'm done," said Kathy.
Andrea turned around and looked at the nightgown. "Like it?" she asked. "It's made from the very finest silk."
"Yes, it's wonderful!" Kathy said. She spun around. "As your dresses are!"
Andrea laughed. "You really did seem to like my dresses," she said. "Would you... like to try some on?"
Long story short, Andrea and Kathy spent the next hour or so modeling dresses. They smiled and laughed and struck poses. Finally Kathy yawned.
Andrea looked at the clock. "It's almost midnight," she said. "Maybe we should be getting to sleep."
"Yeah," said Kathy. "Let's put back on our nightgowns. I'm sure tomorrow will be a busy day."
"Yeah," said Andrea. "With us getting married and all."
Kathy gave a tiny embarrassed smile. "Yeah..."
There was an awkward silence. Luckily, it didn't last long. Andrea said, "You're really nice. I won't mind marrying you."
Kathy looked surprised. "You... really?" She smiled. "That's good. I felt kinda bad for you."
"Huh? Why?"
"Well, I felt like you were only going through with the marriage for me."
Andrea bit her lip. "Well... that is the only reason. I mean... what other reason would there be?"
Kathy frowned. "Oh... I thought..." She coughed. "Um... yeah, let's get to bed now."
That night, Andrea and Kathy tried very hard to sleep as far away from each other with possible. They almost fell off the bed.
No wait, cut that. Andrea actually did fall out of the bed.
Andrea got up and climbed back into bed. Kathy was asleep. Andrea could tell because she was snoring softly. Andrea stared at her. She didn't realize it, but she was. She noticed Kathy was hugging the book she had been reading earlier. Andrea tried to read the cover. She kneeled next to Kathy and saw that it was called The History Of Jousting. That wasn't all that surprising.
Little did Andrea know what Kathy was dreaming...
Andrea was sitting at a picnic table, wearing one of her beautiful dresses, her hair pulled back with a silk ribbon. She was eating a sandwich. The fancy kind. Just then, out of nowhere, a dragon swooped out of the sky and scooped her up. Andrea screamed.
Then, Kathy appeared on a horse. She was holding her lance. She charged at the dragon (for her horse could fly) and stabbed it in the heart. The dragon wailed, dropping Andrea. Andrea fell out of the sky and Kathy flew by and caught her.
"My heroine!" Andrea cheered. "You've saved me! How could I ever repay you?"
"Well," said Kathy. "I wouldn't mind a kiss..." She blushed a little.
In the real world, Andrea was still staring at Kathy's cute sleeping face. Suddenly, she got this odd feeling... like... she wanted to kiss her... Having no idea why she wanted to do this, she slowly leaned down...
"Well, I'd be happy to kiss you!" said Andrea. "My dear Princess Charming..." Their lips met.
And in the real world, Andrea kissed Kathy.
The next morning, when Kathy woke up, she remembered the dream she'd had. She put her fingers to her lips. There was some odd tingly feeling there... as if the kiss had happened in real life. Kathy looked over at Andrea's side of the bed. Her bride-to-be wasn't there. She got dressed, put on her armor, and walked out into the hall. She walked to the dining room, where a huge breakfast was prepared. Andrea and her parents were sitting at the table.
"Good morning, Sir Kaleb!" the queen greeted. "Breakfast is ready!"
That was another amazing meal. When I marry Andrea, Kathy thought, this meal will be ordinary to me!
As they were finishing up their food, the doorbell rang. The queen stood up and walked to the door.
It was Michael!
"Good morning Queen," said Michael. "I'm Kaleb's brother, Michael."
"Oh!" said the queen, smiling. "Do come in!"
"I'd just like to talk with my brother in private for a sec," said Michael.
Kathy followed Michael outside. "Don't worry Kathy," said Michael. "I'll just tell them that you're not interested in marrying the princess and we can get you out of this situation."
"No way!" said Kathy. "Once I marry her, we'll live a life of plenty! No more days without food, no more dirty clothes!"
"But do you really want to get married just for that?"
"Well... yeah?"
Michael sighed. "You're crazy, Kathy..."
"But it'll work!" Kathy said. "Come on, Michael!"
"Okay, okay. Whatever you want. If you really want to marry her, then, well... go ahead and do it," said Michael. "But you know what? I think you really love her."
Kathy was shaking a bit. "So... so what if I do?"
"Well, there's no way she actually loves you. She definitely just pities you," said Michael.
"It's none of your business, Michael," Kathy said, feeling terrible.
The wedding was held outside. Chairs were set up in rows, and there was a walkway through the middle that led to a platform. There was an arch of flowers over it. Guests soon arrived, one of them Michael. He waved to Kathy, who cheerfully waved back. It was kind of weird to be getting married wearing a suit of armor...
The wedding went way too slow, in Kathy's opinion. She began to feel impatient. She rocked back and forth. Halfway through, she noticed Michael was twitching a whole bunch, as if something was just trying to burst out of him. Kathy was panicking. Was Michael going to...?
Michael jumped out of his seat and yelled, "Kaleb is actually a girl!"
Kathy practically died right there. Actually, she fainted.
When Kathy woke up, she was in a prison cell. She saw Michael and Andrea standing outside the cell. Both of them were crying.
"I'm so sorry, Kathy," said Michael. "I don't know what I was doing... I just... lost myself. And now, because of me... they're gonna hang you."
Andrea just stood there crying, not sure what to say. Kathy didn't know what to say either.
Finally, Kathy said, "I'm breaking out of here."
"Say what now?" said Andrea.
"I'm gonna break out of this prison!"
"What?! How?!"
"Well... I dunno," said Kathy. "But I'm gonna do it!"
"I think these bars are spaced enough that you can get squeeze in between them," said Andrea. "But what about the guards?"
"Oh, don't worry," said Kathy. "We'll work together."
Michael distracted the guards by telling them a funny story while Andrea and Kathy ran past. It wasn't hard at all! Once Michael finished telling the story, he ran after the girls.
They escaped from the jail and ran as fast as they could away from the jail. They didn't know where they were going, they just knew they were running towards a new life.
The group sat in the woods, discussing their plans.
"I'm going to get a job and try to earn some money," said Michael. "You two can do whatever you want."
"Well," said Kathy. "We'll..." she smiled mischievously. "Elope."
"Huh?" said Andrea. "If we're really running away from our lives here, we don't have much reason to get married. I don't think I'll exactly be living a life of luxury anymore..." she sighed sadly.
"It's not about that," said Kathy. "I just want to marry you."
Andrea gasped. "Oh..."
"So, how 'bout it?" said Kathy.
Andrea smiled. "Of course!"
And nobody ever had to be hanged.