I jumped as the glass smashed against the wall right behind me, the water that was inside now running down the wall. I cowered, worrying that the next thing that was thrown would hit its target. Me. "Dad! Please! Stop!" I yelled at my father, but he ignored me.
"I will not have a goddamn lesbian living in my house!" he screamed at me.
"Dad, it's not wrong, it's just –"
"Shut up!" He grabbed another thing to throw, this time it was a plate. "Get out! Get out of this house!" He threw the plate at my head, I ducked and the plate narrowly missed my head. This whole coming out to my parents thing was definitely not going as she planned. I had taken it slow, breaking the news gently, trying to have them keep their cool. Obviously I had failed.
"Roger please!" my mom pleaded from the corner of the dining room. She sobbed into the handkerchief she held. "Please don't hurt her."
"Dad, please. I can't help it! It's just who I am!" I stared into my dad's eyes, begging for him to understand.
"Bullshit!" My dad pointed his finger at my face. "You go pack you stuff. You're sleeping out on the streets until you figure out that this family does not tolerate this kind of behavior and you are ready to be a, a normal person!"
"Fine! But know that then I'll be out of this house forever!" I ran upstairs, tears rolling down my cheeks. A normal person? Those words really stung. Dad would never understand that I am normal, I love the same way everyone else does, but I just love different people than the world is used to seeing. You're the abnormal Dad. I thought. You're the homophobe. I grabbed a couple shirts, some pants, underwear, socks, and other things I'd need into my backpack. I shoved the couple of dollars that belonged to me into my bag. I was leaving. There was no doubt about that. I stormed back down the stairs, strode past the dining room where I could hear my father yelling at my mother about how they had failed at parenting, and went to the front door. I swung it open, stepped outside, and slammed the door behind me. I marched down the front walkway, expecting to go and never return. But for some reason at the end of our small path, I stopped and turned around, looking back at our house. There in the dining room window, stood my mother, watching me leave. She gave me the saddest look I had seen in a long time, and I stared back at her, suddenly second-guessing myself. But then my father appeared next to her, saw me, and pulled my mother away from the window. He gave me one last glare before closing the blinds, silently telling me to go and leave my poor mother in peace.
And so I left. I strode down the road for two maybe three blocks before realizing what I was doing. Where was I going to go? I couldn't just live out on the streets! I can't make it on my own out here. I broke down in the middle of a sidewalk, crouching on the ground, sobbing into my hands. I sat there for what seemed like forever, but was probably just a couple minutes. I only half-heard a car pull up along the curb next to me and someone get out. Soon a pair of arms was around me, and a loving voice in my ear.
"It's gonna be okay. It'll all be okay in the end. You'll see," it was my friend Brian, who I was already out to. He did what only best friends know how to do as he simply held me as I sobbed in his arms. After a minute or so my sobbing subsided, and I was left with only the remains of my tears. I pulled back from Brian and wiped my nose. We stood up and he put his hand on my back and motioned to the car. "Here, I'll give you a ride." I got in and he started driving off to his house. There was more silence for a while, Brian was obviously concerned and wanted to know what happened, but he decided to wait for me to offer the information instead of asking for it.
"I came out to my parents at dinner today." I stared out the windshield reliving the events. "My dad flipped. He kicked me out."
Brian did not look at all surprised. It was no secret that my dad was scarily homophobic. "It's ok; you can stay at my place until things smooth over. Your dad won't keep you out for long."
"I know," I said. I shook my head and sighed. "I'm just worried about how things will be when I go back. I mean, my dad completely freaked. This isn't going to be good."
If only I knew how strongly my parents would react.
After a few days of staying at Brian's I got the dreaded phone call. My cell rang with Darth Vader's theme song, the ringtone I set to my parents. It sat in the middle of the table and I just watched it the first time they called. I considered answering, but didn't have the courage. The phone rang again and Brian looked over at me.
"You going to answer that?" he asked me.
I gave him a look, and picked up the phone. Taking a deep breath I pressed the talk button and put the phone to my ear. "Hello."
"Danny?" Oh thank god, it was Mom, not Dad.
"Hey Mom."
"Honey, I think that it's time for you to come home."
I was quiet for a minute. "What about Dad?"
"He's calmed down a bit. It's safe for you to come."
I thought for a moment. I'd have to go home eventually so I agreed to go. "Okay."
"Where are you? I'll come pick you up."
"I'm at Brian's."
"Oh, thank god you found a place to stay. I was worried you were out on the streets."
"Mom, just come get me okay?"
"Okay, I'll be there in about twenty minutes."
"Alright, bye Mom." I hung up the phone before she could even reply. I looked up at Brian and shook my head.
"So everything's cool now?" he asked.
"No, but they're better. At least I hope they are." I glanced at my watch. "I better get my stuff."
Brian looked at me and ran his hand through his dark skater-hair. "I guess so." I started to head upstairs to the room I'd been staying to pack my stuff.
Mom was true to her word, I packed my stuff in a matter of minutes, and within twenty, Mom was blowing the horn out on the road. I gave Brian a hug goodbye, and walked out to her. She didn't even look at me until I was in the car and buckled in next to her. "Do you have everything?" she asked solemnly.
"Yes." She looked over at me with the eyes of someone who was going through something they never thought they'd have to. She opened her mouth to say something, then paused, and closed it again. Instead of speaking her mind, she turned the key in the ignition, and started the car. We drove silently home, and I said nothing as I got my bag and took it up to my room. I stayed up there for a bit, wondering what my parents were going to do next. I felt awful. I felt like those people in movies, the ones who stand in the dark evil forest, knowing the bad guy is somewhere in those woods, and he is just waiting to ambush them.
"Danny!" my mom's voice called up the stairs. "Will you come down here?"
"Coming!" I yelled back, getting up and heading downstairs. I went down into the living room where my mother and father were waiting. My father and mother were seated on the couch, and they had pulled up a chair so I could sit across from them. I went and stood next to the chair, but didn't sit down. I saw my father sitting there and suddenly had a sudden burst of rage toward him. I wanted to punch him in the face, but I took a deep breath and held back my anger.
Dad motioned to the chair. "Sit down, won't you Danny?"
"I'd rather stand," I replied.
"Sit down." It was a command this time, and Dad and I locked eyes, having a stare-down. I knew that I could never win against him, so I sat down in the chair.
Dad took a deep breath. "Now your mother and I have discussed your," he paused as if searching for the proper words, "abnormal situation." I cringed as he said this. Abnormal situation my ass, there were thousands of LGBT people out there. "We have come to a simple solution to your problem." I really wanted to yell at him, he made it sound like I had some sort of disease. "We did some research on the web and found a nice Christian rehabilitation center. You will go and stay there for a few months." I gaped at my dad. He was sending me to a, a rehabilitation center? I wanted to yell at him that no amount of "rehabilitating" would ever change the way I am. Instead I saw this as my opportunity to get my parents off my back, so I agreed to go. Thank god I did.
The first few days at Change for the Better, as I learned the center was called, were very embarrassing and stressful. I had to get moved into my room, I had meeting after meeting after meeting, I had one-on-one counseling sessions, I had family counseling sessions (most of which ended in Dad and I screaming our heads off at each other), but soon my folks left, and I was alone.
I was kept alone for my first couple weeks, for they didn't want me "affecting the rehabilitation" (they really liked that word) "of the other cases at the center". After that though, I was allowed to eat with the other "cases" as they called us (made us sound like animals), and eventually started attending group therapy sessions, where a bunch of us would be talked to by a therapist and we could support each other.
The first time I saw her I knew she wasn't like other people. It was during my first group therapy session. She had short-ish black hair that she spiked up in various directions. Parts of it were dyed blue, green, red, and there was a small section of purple. She wore unique clothes, as in a pair of grey plaid pants (that hugged her legs rather nicely if I may say so myself) a belt and a buckle showing the LGBT rainbow flag. On her upper body she wore a white short-sleeve blouse, with a dark grey vest over it. She also wore a variety of necklaces, but it would take way too long to describe them all. Then (of course) to top it all off she had an accent. She had the most wonderful Australian accent, and I've always been a sucker for accents. I tried hard to keep my eyes off of Erin, as I learned her name was. As I sat and listened I learned that she was funny, not funny hilarious. She was the life of the party, and she made several jokes that I still laugh about when I think about them today.
I eventually fell in with Erin, and we became great friends. I could tell you all about the adventures we had, the laughs, the tears, all the fun, but I'm not going to. I feel like telling about the personal moments between us would in some way ruin all the joy I had with her. It would be like how a secret isn't as fun once it's been told. So all the joyous experiences, the fun, will not be told to you, but I will tell you the turning point of my stay at Change for the Better.
It was a cold day in upper Minnesota, and there was snow falling gently to the ground. We had gotten the day off from therapy sessions to "enjoy the outdoors". Most people just hung out in the common areas or were hermits inside their rooms, but there were some, like Erin and I, who enjoyed a walk in the snow. So, both of us went outside, our coats, hats, and gloves on, and walked around in the field behind the center. We talked about everything. Books, movies, music. We were perfectly content to simply wander around. But soon, serious conversation came up.
"Have they broken you?" Erin asked tentatively.
"What do you mean?" I replied, confused as to what she was asking.
"You know, like how Hannah and Josh were broken. They rejected their sinful ways," she made quotes in the air as she said this last part. "They're supposedly straight now." We stopped walking and Erin turned towards me. "I want to know if they've broken you yet."
I looked at her and shook my head. "Nope. I'm the same person I was when I came here. I always will be this person. They can't change who I am."
Erin smiled. "Good. At least I'm not the only one. It seems like everyone is losing themselves these days. Almost our entire old therapy group has left now. I thought I might be the only one here who was real. Who had finally found who they are, and knew that there was no chance of changing me."
"I'll never change, I promise," I said softly. I shivered a bit and rubbed my arms.
Erin looked concerned. "Are you cold?"
"Just a little. I'm fine though." I rubbed my arms again. I actually was quite cold.
"Here, I'll warm you up." Erin wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her. My breath caught in my throat. I could feel her warm body against mine. "Better?"
I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head against her chest. "Much." We stood there for a long time, the snow gently falling down around us. I was slowly warmed by Erin's body heat transferring to me. Soon I was comfortable, but I stayed there, safe in her arms.
"D-Danny?" Erin said questioningly.
I pulled my head away from her chest and looked her in the eyes. I had never noticed how brilliant her eyes were. They were a dark blue on the outside of the iris that faded into a light blue towards the pupil. I had never seen eyes like that, and haven't seen them since.
"Danny, I'm glad you haven't changed," she said. I was confused and started to ask her what she meant, but she continued. "I love you Danny." With that she leaned down a bit and kissed me. I was shocked at first; not comprehending what was going on. But soon my brain caught up with the moment, and I melted into the kiss. Everything around me disappeared. The cold, the snow, everything vanished and there was only us. And all I knew was that I loved Erin as I had never loved anyone before, and that I never wanted this moment to end.